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My girlfriend just farted in front of me. What should I do?
You could be a gentleman and take credit for it.
That is like the opposite of being a gentleman.
Taking credit for cutting the cheese makes your girlfriend feel less embarrassed. And
it doesn’t hurt your reputation as a man.
What should I say? Wow, did I just let that out?
No, you don’t have to make a big deal of it. Just excuse yourself.
And what if I fart?
Then excuse yourself again.
Now it isn’t like this happens in public all the time. Sometimes it is just in private
but really, really awkward.
Do you remember those toddler books about how everyone poops? Well, guess what, everyone
farts, too.
That doesn’t make it lady-like.
I don’t think you’re always smelling like a spring rose, either. And how you judge it
really depends on the context.
When we’re alone, it really breaks up the mood.
And how often have you burped loudly during a romantic scene in the movie theater, spilled
a drink, or farted when you were about to speak?
That would be pretty funny.
If she farts and tries to hide it, she’s being lady-like, but if she blames you, you
have to wonder what else she blames you for. If she farts and laughs about it, maybe you
could be as casual as she is.
I don’t want to live like Shrek and Fiona, farting away in the mud bath.
At least they were happily married, and the series ended with them having three little
ogres.
Ugly green triplets would be a nightmare. Living in a home that smelled like we did
would be a disaster.
If she farts a lot, stop going out for burritos and beer so often. Or get her some Gas-X as
a gift.
That’s almost as bad as giving a girl PMS pills.
At least it’s not as embarrassing as going to the store to get tampons.