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[MUSIC PLAYING]
NIALL ROWNTREE: We see the animal's motionless.
There's no life signs.
But just to be sure, you touch the eye.
The animal's completely dead.
OK?
No suffering, nice clean kill.
ALEX MILLER: Where's the bullet hole?
NIALL ROWNTREE: The bullet hole is exactly where you were
told to put it.
The bullet hole's there.
So it was where you were practicing this morning.
NIALL ROWNTREE: The tragic thing with this is we couldn't
get the [INAUDIBLE]
in white.
ALEX MILLER: Yeah.
It's dead now.
NIALL ROWNTREE: Yeah.
ALEX MILLER: Cutting it's just like slicing a steak.
NIALL ROWNTREE: Exactly.
The first thing we're gonna do is we're
gonna bleed the animal.
So we do that with [INAUDIBLE] top of the breastbone with the
knife there [INAUDIBLE], OK?
Did you see that?
And if you remove your hat, my friend, this is the
bit you came for.
You put that on your head [INAUDIBLE], and you can shake
my hand if you wish.
And you've joined the elite club.
ALEX MILLER: *** club.
NIALL ROWNTREE: OK, make an incision and cut all the way
up to the [INAUDIBLE].
We start the breastbone.
Turn her sideways.
And what you can do here is put your hand on the top of it
and give it a push down like that [INAUDIBLE].
And what you'll do here is you'll do a quick check on the
health of the animal.
What you're looking at that there, the stomach of the
animal is quite healthy.
So that's your first indication that this animal,
having killed it, is perfectly OK for the human food chain.
ALEX MILLER: Death buggy.
1, 2, 3.
NIALL ROWNTREE: We're off.
Ready?
ALEX MILLER: Yeah.
Right, now we're bringing my kill back to the base, where
we're gonna slit it up and turn it into real, genuine
chunks of meat.
I can really smell deer blood on my face.
This seems a lot kinder than battery farming or
something like that.
They just throw chickens into tiny, little fences and let
them eat each other and *** on each other and live and die
in equal amounts of abject horror.
[LAUGHTER]
NIALL ROWNTREE: Well, what we'll do is we'll process the
animal, clean it out.
We'll take out its [INAUDIBLE]
its heart, liver, and lungs.
We take its head clean off, and then
we'll skin the animal.
[INAUDIBLE].
On three.
1, 2, 3.
You're looking right into the womb.
ALEX MILLER: Is that the womb?
NIALL ROWNTREE: That's the womb there you're looking at.
ALEX MILLER: Whoa.
NIALL ROWNTREE: She'd have been mated in early October.
ALEX MILLER: OK, so when would she give birth?
NIALL ROWNTREE: She'll give birth probably around about
36th of June would have been when the calf was born.
ALEX MILLER: Oh, god.
Oh, my god.
NIALL ROWNTREE: That's [INAUDIBLE]
the sack there, OK?
And there's the fetus.
So you can see it is a whole little deer.
ALEX MILLER: Right, can I--
NIALL ROWNTREE: And if you look at it carefully, you can
see it's a little female.
Hopefully it's [INAUDIBLE].
NIALL ROWNTREE: Has it?
Has it?
OK.
ALEX MILLER: Yeah.
It's like a deer.
I can feel the bones inside it.
NIALL ROWNTREE: Yeah.
Oh, it is like a deer.
Well, it is a deer.
ALEX MILLER: Yes, it is a deer.
NIALL ROWNTREE: [INAUDIBLE].
And there you go.
It's comes out.
[INAUDIBLE].
That's the head off.
ALEX MILLER: It's like a Giger drawing.
NIALL ROWNTREE: See, that's coming off.
ALEX MILLER: Yeah.
What's interesting about this is that every step further we
get into the kind of grotesque dismemberment, it actually
becomes a lot easier to handle.
NIALL ROWNTREE: There you go.
[INAUDIBLE].
ALEX MILLER: I feel like such a psycho.
NIALL ROWNTREE: Are you glad--
ALEX MILLER: I finally-- yeah, like I finally justified 25
years of eating lots and lots of meat.
NIALL ROWNTREE: We had a group of ladies here a couple years
ago, and they asked if we could arrange testosterone
courses for London [INAUDIBLE].
ALEX MILLER: I'm kind of interested.
I mean, I'm a little bit disturbed that I'm not more
disturbed by the whole process.
I thought I was gonna be feeling really squeamish.
But it all seems quite natural.
It seems, I don't know, just like a trade.
You know what I mean?
It just seems like dealing with a physical issue in a
physical manner.
It's all very competent, all very serious.
It all makes sense, you know?
NIALL ROWNTREE: Uh-huh.
[BAGPIPES PLAYING]
ALEX MILLER: That night was Burns' night, a night in honor
of Scottish people's favorite poet.
We'd been invited along, but we weren't the guest of honor.
That privilege is always reserved for locally produced
venison haggis.
-[SINGING]
[INAUDIBLE].
ALEX MILLER: Everyone was getting pretty smashed, and so
was I. Perhaps that's why I agreed to wear a Scottish bow
tie and read a poem I'd never read full of words I didn't
understand.
[APPLAUSE]
ALEX MILLER: I've got a couple of disabilities.
The first is that I'm reading a Robert Burns poem in an
English accent, and the second is that I'm quite drunk.
So--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
[LAUGHTER]
ALEX MILLER: I think you'll find they're my
special power, my friend.
You'll all be wearing them in six months.
Don't worry about that.
-[INAUDIBLE].
ALEX MILLER: [INAUDIBLE] the poem I'm gonna read is called
"The Trogger."
"As I come down by Annan side, intending for the border,
amang the Scroggie banks and braes,
what met I but a trogger.
He laid me down upon my back, I thought he was but joking,
till he was in me to the hilts, O the
deevil tak sic troggin!
What could I say, what could I do, I bann'd and sair misca'd
him, but whiltie-whaltie ***'d his eye the mair that I
forbade him.
He stell'd his foot against a stane, and doubl'd ilka stroke
in, till I gaed daft amang his hands, O the
deevil tak sic troggin!
Then up we raise, and took the road, and in by Ecclefechan,
where the brandy-stoup we gart it clink, and the strang-beer
ream the quench in.
Bedown the bents o' Bonshaw braes, we took the partin'
yokin'; but I've claw'd a sairy cut systine, O the
deevil tak
sic troggin!" [APPLAUSE]
ALEX MILLER: Peace out.
[MUSIC PLAYING]