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Jakob: Alright, everyone. It's time to pick your brains up off the floor, dust them off,
and start using them again, because this is the Watchtower Hour. I'm Jakob Axion. We're
actually minus the Abacus today, as he's still at the Dustshore dig site, but today I'm joined
by a mutual friend of ours: Shianu Sabaton of the Heartland Rangers.
Shianu: Hello, Europe. Jakob: And while everyone else over here is
making furry fools of themselves, we're talking about the real issues being dealt with in
modern Europe. Shianu: That means no foolish pranks, no gratuitous
nudity, no celebrity guests, and especially no "special reports" on no Bremen couples.
Jakob: Amen. So let's get down to business. Out of all the threats to Europe, probably
the greatest one is the ever-present specter of invasion by the Anubians. Their recent
attempt to take over Heartwood Tower serves as a prime example. But what made them be
like this? Shianu: As if ushering in the Age of Man wasn't
enough, the Dog Soldiers followed their god Anubis in pledging themselves to Djall, and
have ever since become a scourge upon the land and sea. You know all about that, don't
you Jakob? Jakob: Don't you start too. While the Curse
of the Forbidden Fire has held them by and large at bay, you can bet your ears they'll
be back in full force when that blows over. You'll all need to steel yourselves when you
come out of the Groves, people. The war will come, and it will be long and hard.
Clockzo: [off in the distance] Just like my dipstick!
Jakob: What'd you say? Shianu: That wasn't me. Who's that coming
up the ramp? Clockzo: Cu-cu-cu-what's up, Heartwood Tower?
Besides the sky, of course. I'm Dr. Clockzo, the Clockwork Clown. I do propane! Ooh, a
glow- Jakob: Don't say it! We're not allowed to
say that anymore after the first Grimfrost incident.
Clockzo: I heard someone was having a part-ay. I do propane!
Shianu: The party was over a week ago! (quietly, to Jakob) What's this "propane" he's talking
about? Jakob: Just get him away from me! He smells
awful! Clockzo: Aw, is someone having a bad spring?
I would have brought all my Clockwork clown friends over in our Clockwork clown car, but
we haven't reinvented cars yet. Though there's plenty of rubber on the roads already... rubber-BANDing!
Ha ha! Shianu: Jakob, I don't know who this guy is,
but we need to get rid of him! We have a show to do!
Clockzo: Seriously, man. LOTS of propane. Jakob: Did he just call me "Man?"
Shianu: That's not very nice. Clockzo: It's a MAN, baby! A SON of Man!
Jakob: Son of Man? Wait a minute. Why does that sound familiar?
Shianu: That's what Abacus always refers to the Clockworks as. Sounds like he's made a
disciple. Clockzo: Okay, this glowing thing is really
tripping Dr. Clockzo out. We gotta do something about it.
Jakob: Hey, leave the crystal alone! They just got the fork out of it.
Clockzo: Dr. Clockzo don't care about no fork-in-crystal, baby!
Jakob: Well, I got the fork right here. Here y'go. Now you can get the fork out of here
and go find your own fork-in-crystal not to care about.
Clockzo: Wait a minute. I wasn't trippin' on the crystal. I was trippin' on... Shrooms!
Jakob: He's got my Shroomie hat! Get him! Clockzo: Cu-cu-cu-catch me if you can, furbags!
YOINK! (voice fades out as he runs away) Shianu: Sorry, Jakob, but we have to finish
the show before you can go after him. I just still can't believe he'd be so rude as to
call you "Man." Jakob: Well, he's a Clockwork. They wouldn't
be around if it wasn't for Man. So I guess they see it as a nice thing.
Shianu: They owe their lives to the gods, not Man. The good that Men do is oft interred
with their bones, but the evil that Men do lives on.
Jakob: I'm not so sure their bones are "oft interred." I was just patrolling over in the
Anglorum Moors, and when I stopped to check on Nerilix and his hat, it dawned on me that
he doesn't have the skull of any Beast race. Shianu: So that's where you were hiding when
the Anubians took the tower. Jakob: Hiding, nothing! They were WAITING
for me to step out. Everyone always stages their attacks when I'm not around to stop
them. Grimfrost, the Anubians, the Pink Ponies, even Lord Darkbark. I must be just too awesome
for them to handle, but it really grinds my gears that I don't get to fight them.
Shianu: "Grinds your gears?" Now you're starting to sound like Abacus.
Jakob: Speaking of which, that guy had better get back here soon. He'll probably know what
to do about a Clockwork clown who does propane. And speaking of THAT, I'm'a go get my hat
back now. Shianu: He could be miles away by now. How
will you track him? Clockzo: (from way far away) I do propane!
Shianu: Nevermind.