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Is your complicated life complicated?
Do you have trouble integrating yourself into the Liberty City community?
Are Newton's laws a pain in your filthy ***?
Then we have got a product that will change your *** life ...
... forever!
Hi, DasMatze here with a fantastic product:
The Dos and Dont's of Liberty City!
It's a guide made for those pathetic people like you to help you mastering the easy things of life.
It comes on four DVDs and offers more than 16 hours of selfexplanatory videos, ...
... covering every aspect of life.
Let's have a look at some examples!
We'll sure teach you everything you need to know about ...
You've got a cold! We have to amputate your legs, arms, balls and your head.
Everything else looks just fine!
Your insurance rejected your last payment. ... Denied!
Wolfgang, pass auf! ("Wolfgang, watch out!", German insider joke)
Doesn't this looks promising? Sure it does!
And if you're still doubtful, let's see what some paid people have to say!
No no no no no no! Obviously it's a Wasteland Survival Guide ripoff from Fallout 3!
I'll never support this product, but I'll take the money anyway!
And now excuse me, someone's calling me on my iphone.
Man, all this mud reminds me of my friend Keith. Yeah, he was goin' to build a shack once, ...
... to live in and all, and I know most people here, they build houses and they become shacks.
... but Keith, he was about jumpin' right to the shack stage. But he had no wood.
So he got some mud and was makin' what we were all thinkin' was gonna be these adobe bricks, ...
... you know, like when them people out west made bricks and ***? Well, ...
That's some tight ***, bro! I mean, look man: ...
Yesterday I still was the police president of Liberty City, today I'm a regular cop.
Maybe one day I will be free thanks to this guide.
So, what are you waiting for? If you order now, you'll get a second video, absolutely free!
Watch and enjoy those social cripples that you no longer belong to.
Order it! Right now! And get on the disc!
And if you're nerdy enough, you can get the whole collection on a Blu-Ray-disc.
Call "1-800-555-***-You" to order now. Just 99 dollars!
Also available: The i-edition with an "i" in front of the title for only 599 dollars!
"1-800-555-***-You"!
If you *** manage to survive five more days, you'll even recieve the product!
No discount for the medical industry!