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♪♪♪
(man) YO.
(all speaking indistinctly)
IT'S LIKE THE EUROPEAN VERSION OF--OF BANGKOK.
THERE'S A VERY HIGH THRESHOLD FOR BAD BEHAVIOR.
IT WAS A KARAOKE AMBUSH.
(singing indistinctly)
IT'S REALLY TERRIFYING.
A GUY IN A GIANT PANDA SUIT,
AND THE PANDA WAS COMING AT THE OTHER PANDA FROM BEHIND.
FORTUNATELY I WASN'T HIGH, ‘CAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY FREAKED ME RIGHT THE (bleep) OUT.
♪♪♪
♪ 24 HOURS TO GET BACK TO YOU ♪
Closed Captions provided by Scripps Networks, LLC.
Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc.
THE USE OF ANY CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE
BY ME OR ANY MEMBER OF THIS, UH, OF THIS CREW
WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN ACCORDING TO NETWORK STANDARDS
AND ALL RULES OF HUMAN DECENCY.
REMEMBER, KIDS, DON'T DO DRUGS. WE DON'T.
(Anthony) WHEN YOU MENTION YOU'LL BE MAKING A STOPOVER
IN AMSTERDAM,
YOU GET A REACTION I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS SEMI-COLLEGIATE,
A KNOWING LOOK,
AS IF THERE CAN REALLY ONLY BE TWO REASONS
YOU GO TO THIS LOVELY LITTLE CITY OF CANALS.
THIS “VENICE OF THE NORTH,” AS SOMEBODY CALLED IT,
ATTRACTS OVER 3 MILLION VISITORS A YEAR,
A LARGE NUMBER OF THEM, LET'S FACE IT,
ATTRACTED BY THE FREEDOM
TO SMOKE HIGH TEST WEED AS ONE PLEASES
AND THE FAMOUS RED LIGHT DISTRICT
WHERE YOU CAN (bleep) AN EASTERN EUROPEAN ***
IN THE POOPER AT COMPETITIVE PRICES.
OH, YEAH, THERE'S MUSEUMS AND STUFF, TOO.
BEST WAY INTO AMSTERDAM FROM SCHIPHOL AIRPORT
IS THE TRAIN TO CENTRAL STATION.
IT TAKES 20 MINUTES AND COSTS ONLY A FEW EUROS.
SINCE FOREVER, THIS IS HOW MOST VISITORS ARRIVE.
WHEN I WAS 14 YEARS OLD,
I WAS WORKING IN THE LUGGAGE DEPARTMENT,
AND THEN I WAS TAKING THE BIG BACKPACKS FROM THE HIPPIES
COMING FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD,
AND THEN EVERYBODY CAME TO THE VONDELPARK
TO SLEEP THERE AND HANG OUT
AND SMOKE ALL THE NICE DELIGHTS FROM THOSE DAYS. (laughs)
AMSTERDAM.
LAST TIME I WAS HERE I SLEPT IN, UH, THE PARK,
SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON HASH AND HOOKERS.
WELL, TIME TO START THE LAYOVER.
I CAME HERE BRIEFLY IN MY MISSPENT YOUTH,
SO I'M CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT THE CITY'S REALLY LIKE
NOW THAT MY PRIORITIES HAVE CHANGED SOMEWHAT.
SO I DUMP MY BAG AT THE HOTEL...
(sighs)
AND HEAD STRAIGHT TO THE AEP NEAR THE STATION.
I'VE GOT 36 HOURS,
WHICH IS A PRETTY REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME TO WORK WITH.
OOH, THAT'S GOOD COFFEE.
POSSIBLY THE OLDEST BAR IN THE CITY,
FAMOUSLY A WATERING HOLE AND INN FOR SAILORS
BACK IN THE 1500s,
THEY CALLED IT THE AEP
BECAUSE THE OWNER WOULD OFTEN ACCEPT MONKEYS, APES,
OR OTHER EXOTIC ANIMALS AS PAYMENT.
WAIT TILL THEY SEE THE INCONTINENT
AND POSSIBLY RABID MINK I HAVE IN MY BAG.
HE'S JUST DARLING.
YOU KNOW, ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT TRAVEL
IS ALL THE ANTICIPATION OF GOOD TIMES.
I CAME HERE FIRST IN 1970
WITH A EURAIL PASS AND 100 BUCKS IN MY POCKET,
AND I SLEPT IN VONDELPARK.
OH, THEY WERE DIFFERENT TIMES.
IT WAS LIKE A LITTLE MINI WOODSTOCK.
WHAT DO KNOW ABOUT AMSTERDAM?
NOTHING.
AZIZ BADRANE IS A NATIVE AMSTERDAMMER
WHO OWNS A GROUP OF SKATEBOARD SHOPS.
ALSO, HE LIKES PANCAKES.
I LIKE PANCAKES.
(Aziz) SO IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME IN AMSTERDAM?
NO, I WAS HERE ALMOST 40 YEARS AGO.
SO DO YOU KIND OF FEEL THAT IT'S CHANGED A LOT?
I'VE SEEN THE TRAIN STATION, MY HOTEL,
AND IT LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME.
THIS STREET BECAME THE JUNKIE STREET OF AMSTERDAM.
WHEN I STARTED GOING OUT IT WAS MAYBE 1979 OR SOMETHING
WHEN I WAS 13, 14.
THIS STREET WAS JUST LIKE A ZOMBIE PARADE.
IT WAS PRETTY CRAZY.
SO WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM ALL? WHERE'D THEY ALL GO?
PUT THEM ON A PROGRAM.
RIGHT. LIKE METHADONE OR--OR...
YEAH. YEAH.
YEAH, I WAS ON THE METHADONE PROGRAM FOR, UH, EIGHT YEARS.
OH, SERIOUSLY?
YEAH.
HOLY (bleep).
NOT FUN. (laughs)
ALL RIGHT, AFTER YOU, SIR.
THANK YOU.
THIS PLACE SUPPOSEDLY IS WHERE THE BEASTIE BOYS
WERE INSPIRED TO WRITE THEIR FAMOUS LINE
“WHEN I'M IN HOLLAND, I EAT THE PANNEKOEKEN,”
A LYRIC I'VE HAD TATTOOED ON MY INNER THIGH
SINCE THE RELEASE OF “SUPER DISCO BREAKIN'.”
I DON'T KNOW. WHAT'S-- WHAT'S THE MOST TRADITIONAL?
(man) BACON AND APPLE-- THAT'S VERY, VERY DUTCH.
SPECIAL TODAY IS LIKE RHUBARB MIXED WITH, UH, APRICOTS...
MM-HMM.
WITH OUR HOMEMADE CREAM.
OH, THAT'S A TOUGH CALL. LET'S GET ONE OF EACH.
DID I MENTION YET THAT PEOPLE TALK ENGLISH HERE? YEP.
UNLIKE OUR COUNTRY, THE DUTCH GENERALLY SPEAK
TWO OR THREE OR EVEN FOUR LANGUAGES FLUENTLY,
SO IT'S EASY TO COMMUNICATE.
(Anthony) I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER MET
ANYONE FROM THIS COUNTRY WHOSE ENGLISH IS NOT FLAWLESS.
YEAH.
HOW MANY LANGUAGES DO YOU SPEAK?
I SPEAK DUTCH, ENGLISH, GERMAN, FRENCH,
AND THAT'S-- THAT'S ABOUT IT.
RIGHT.
IT'S SICKENING, I HAVE TO SAY.
IT MAKES US FEEL--IT MAKES ME FEEL COMPLETELY ILLITERATE.
IF PANCAKES DON'T DO IT FOR YOU,
THERE'S A RESTAURANT CALLED THE HARTERING BROTHERS
RUN BY, YOU GUESSED IT, BROTHERS PAUL AND NIEK
IN THE RAPENBURG WHICH IS WELL WORTH A VISIT.
SIMPLE AND FLAVORFUL AND SEASONAL
AND THEY DO A KILLER HEAD CHEESE,
SO DON'T MISS IT.
BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU.
(speaking indistinctly)
HOW'S THAT TREATING YOU?
THIS IS GOOD.
SAVE ME A SLICE OF THAT, WILL YOU?
I'M GONNA TRY THAT AFTER YOU'RE DONE.
SO WHAT ARE THE SORT OF ICONIC FOODS OF AMSTERDAM?
THE SNACKS THAT YOU HAVE HERE
ARE NOT FOUND ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD,
LIKE THE FRIKANDEL...
MM-HMM.
KROKETTEN, UH, BITTERBALLEN,
ALL KINDS OF TERRIBLE, GREASY,
BAD-FOR-YOUR-HEALTH FOOD.
THAT SOUNDS PROMISING.
ALL THE TOURISTS THAT COME INTO AMSTERDAM...
MM-HMM.
WHAT DO YOU THINK THE MAJORITY OF THEM DO?
THEY GO TO RED LIGHT DISTRICT AND SMOKE POT.
YEP.
THEY GO TO THE VAN GOGH MUSEUM.
RIGHT.
AND THEN THEY TAKE OFF.
TIME IS ALREADY SLIPPING AWAY,
SO I SAY GOOD-BYE BEFORE HE MAKES ME EAT MORE SWEET STUFF.
THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
THANK YOU. THAT WAS REALLY TERRIFIC.
(man) OH, THANK YOU FOR COMING.
I'LL BE TAKING THE TRAM TO MY NEXT STOP,
THOUGH YOU COULD TAKE A BIKE.
IN AMSTERDAM THE BIKE, CRAPPY OLD BIKES ACTUALLY,
ARE THE KINGS OF THE ROAD.
EVEN CARS FEAR THEM.
YOU BETTER LOOK BOTH WAYS.
YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING ON A BIKE. (laughs)
I'VE SEEN PEOPLE DOING MANY THINGS ON BIKES, I CAN TELL YOU.
IF YOU WANT A BIKE, YOU CAN GO TO SEE FRéDéRIC AND HIS DOG.
MY DOG IS CALLED ROCCO, ROCCO BAMBOOLA.
(laughs)
HE CAN SET YOU UP
WITH AN APPROPRIATELY UNDESIRABLE-LOOKING
2-WHEELED MEANS OF TRANSPORT--
LOCAL-LOOKING SO IT WON'T GET STOLEN, PRESUMABLY.
ALL OUR BIKES ARE INCOGNITO,
SO WITHOUT ADVERTISEMENT.
YOU CANNOT SEE THEY'RE TOURISTS...
(horn honks)
AND THEY JUST GO AROUND LIKE A LOCAL.
♪♪♪
THE TRAMS ARE PROBABLY THE SECOND-BEST WAY
OF GETTING AROUND.
CARS ARE NEAR IMPOSSIBLE ON THESE STREETS.
YOU DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO DRIVE THEM.
A SHORT DISTANCE AWAY IS THE DAM SQUARE
IN THE CENTER OF THE CITY.
IF YOU WANT TO STOP, PUSH THE BUTTON.
YOU KNOW... (clears throat) TAKING THE TROLLEY,
WHILE AFFORDABLE AND CONVENIENT,
IS ACTUALLY, MOST IMPORTANTLY, IT'S FUN.
IT'S KIND OF COOL THE WAY IT SNAKES THROUGH THE CITY,
ESPECIALLY IF IT'S GOT UP A GOOD HEAD OF STEAM
AND YOU'RE MOVING.
I'D RECOMMEND IT.
THE DAM SQUARE
IS THE HISTORICAL CENTER OF AMSTERDAM,
HOME TO THE ROYAL PALACE, TOURISTS,
AND VERY STRANGE PEOPLE.
I AM A FAN OF LOCAL INDIGENOUS BEVERAGES.
YOU KNOW THIS.
MY INTEREST IS, OF COURSE, ANTHROPOLOGICAL.
TO THAT END, I'M INVESTIGATING JENEVER,
A PERFECTLY FINE VENUE FOR THE STUFF
BEING THIS PLACE-- THE THREE LITTLE BOTTLES
NEAR THE DAM SQUARE.
LOOK, IT'S PAUL FROM THE HARTERING BROTHERS
WHERE HE DOES BRILLIANT THINGS TO PORK,
SO I TRUST HIM ON THE ALCOHOL.
(Anthony) HOW DO I PRONOUNCE IT? JENEVER?
YEAH, I THINK I'LL HAVE ONE OF THOSE...
AND MAYBE A BEER ALSO.
HAVING ONE?
AND THERE WAS AN APPROPRIATE WAY OF DRINKING IT.
OOH, THAT'S--OOH. OH, THAT'S STRONG.
(laughs)
THAT'LL WORK.
BASICALLY IT'S KIND OF LIKE GIN,
MEANING NEUTRAL SPIRITS FLAVORED WITH JUNIPER,
BUT THIS IS DUTCH.
IF IT AIN'T MADE IN HOLLAND, IT AIN'T JENEVER.
OH. FIRST BUZZ OF THE DAY. WHOO.
ANOTHER OPTION FOR GETTING SWACKED
IS THE PILSENER CLUB OFF THE KALVERSTRAAT,
A PUBLIC HOUSE THAT'S BEEN OPEN FOR 125 YEARS--
SAND ON THE FLOOR AND AN ABSENCE OF MUSIC
AND JOKER POKER MACHINES.
BACK AT THE TASTING ROOM,
I'M HAPPY TO LEARN YOU CAN GET MEAT ON THE SIDE.
OH, NICE.
HERE YOU GO.
SEE, NOW THAT'S A GOOD TIME.
MMM.
LISTEN, EVERY BAR NEEDS THIS.
YOU REALIZE I'VE HAD MAYBE A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK,
TIME FOR A MEATBALL.
HERE YOU GO. (clicks tongue)
NO? HOW HUMILIATING.
♪♪♪
ONE OF THE THINGS THAT I REALLY ENJOYED
WHEN I CAME HERE IN ‘84 THE FIRST TIME
WAS JUST SITTING IN ONE SPOT
AND JUST WATCHING THE PEOPLE GO BY FOR, LIKE, A HALF AN HOUR.
IT'S AMAZING.
IT'S ALL WALKS OF LIFE, MAN. WOW, WOW, WOW.
IT'S LIKE EVERY VARIETY OF HIPSTER ***
FROM THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS ALLOWED HERE.
IT'S LIKE THE EUROPEAN VERSION OF--OF BANGKOK.
THERE'S A VERY HIGH THRESHOLD FOR BAD BEHAVIOR.
COME TO AMSTERDAM,
AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY GONNA BE CURIOUS, SHALL WE SAY,
ABOUT THE COFFEE SHOPS, RIGHT?
YOU CAN BUY AND SMOKE WEED HERE, TO PUT IT BLUNTLY.
I HAVE, IN THE INTERESTS OF MY AUDIENCE,
COME TO A CAFé CALLED THE DAMPKRING TO INVESTIGATE.
IT'S RIGHT IN THE CENTER OF TOWN ON HANDBOOGSTRAAT.
(man) EVENING.
(Anthony) HI. ARE YOU RON?
I'M RON. NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. BOURDAIN.
HI. HOW ARE YOU?
MY HOST IS THE AMIABLE RON, MANAGER AND EXPERT,
GUIDE AND CURATOR TO YOUR OWN MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR.
HOW DOES IT WORK?
IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL TO SMOKE WEED HERE.
IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL TO POSSESS WEED HERE.
BUT IT HAS TO--TECHNICALLY IT SHOULD MAGICALLY APPEAR,
BECAUSE YOU'RE...
YEAH.
YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO PRODUCE IT.
WELL, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SELL IT.
THERE IS A RULE THAT YOU CAN HAVE 500 GRAMS IN THE SHOP...
RIGHT.
AND YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SELL 5 GRAMS TO EACH PERSON.
OH.
BUT YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO GROW IT. IT'S TOTALLY ILLEGAL.
BUT LET'S FACE IT.
WHAT PERCENTAGE OF TOURISTS WHO COME TO AMSTERDAM
COME HERE TO SMOKE WEED?
OFFICIALLY IT'S ABOUT 7% OR 8%,
WHAT THEY SAY STATISTICALLY...
NO WAY.
IT'S NO WAY, NO.
THAT'S WHY WE--WE THINK IT'S MORE LIKE 25%, 30% OF PEOPLE.
I WOULD--JUST LOOKING AROUND, I WOULD SAY THAT'S TRUE.
YEAH.
THE WEED INDUSTRY BRINGS A LOT OF DOUGH INTO THIS CITY,
AND LIKE I SAID, IT'S LEGAL,
AND I AM NOT, SHALL WE SAY, UNFAMILIAR
WITH THE CHARMS OF THE PRODUCT AROUND HERE.
BUT NETWORK POLICY SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITS ME
FROM USING MIND-ALTERING SUBSTANCES
WHICH MIGHT BE ILLEGAL IN PARTS OF THE U.S.A.
AND IF YOU KNOW ME AT ALL,
YOU KNOW FOR A FACT THAT I AM, AS IS APPROPRIATE,
SLAVISHLY ADHERENT TO NETWORK POLICY,
SO SADLY I WILL NOT BE SMOKING
ANY OF THE INCREDIBLY RARE AND POWERFUL VARIETIES
OF HYDRO HERE.
THIS IS THE DAMPKRING MENU.
WOW.
THIS IS THE MARIJUANA LIST.
“TASTES SMOOTH AND SPICY.”
UH, OH, “EFFECT.”
IT MAKES IT A BIT EASIER.
SOMETIMES PEOPLE COME IN, AND THEY GET REALLY CONFUSED,
YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY LOOK AT THE MENU.
WE GUIDE THEM A LITTLE BIT.
NOW IF I WERE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING,
IF I WERE PICKING SOMETHING, WHICH, OF COURSE, I'M NOT,
BECAUSE THAT WOULD VIOLATE NETWORK POLICY,
I'D BE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING WITH AN AROMA
OF SOMETHING LIKE CAT ***.
YEAH. YEAH.
YEAH, THAT'S-- THAT'S THE SATIVA.
IT--IT TASTES VERY DEEP, DEEP, DEEP CAT *** SMELLING.
RIGHT.
I'VE HEARD THAT'S GOOD. (laughs)
YEAH. (laughs)
YOU HEARD WELL. (laughs)
(laughs)
(clock ticking)
DO YOU LIKE FOOTBALL, SOCCER? YOU GO TO AMSTERDAM.
DO YOU LIKE DRINKING? YOU GO TO AMSTERDAM.
DO YOU LIKE SMOKING? YOU GO TO AMSTERDAM.
THIS IS THE CITY OF LIBERTY.
YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT.
YOU CAN--YOU CAN EVEN (bleep) ON--ON MY SHOULDERS.
NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
“ALMOST CUT MY HAIR” HAPPENED JUST THE OTHER DAY.
WHAT? HUH? OH, YEAH, AMSTERDAM, CITY OF TOLERANCE.
THOUGH CHANCES ARE YOUR LOUDER DRINKERS HERE
ARE FROM ELSEWHERE,
AND NOT ALL AMSTERDAMMERS BY ANY MEANS ARE SMOKING ENDO.
MANY, IF NOT MOST, OF THE PEOPLE
TAKING A PLASTIC FANTASTIC JOY RIDE
TO THE CENTER OF YOUR MIND
ON THE BARSTOOLS OF COFFEE SHOPS ARE TOURISTS.
IT'S A LEGAL NOVELTY
AND ONE WAY TO KICK BACK ON A LAYOVER.
(sighs)
NOT THAT I WOULD EVER, EVER DO SUCH A THING.
WHAT I'D LIKE YOU TO DO,
YOU WITH YOUR-- YOUR COOKING EXPERIENCE
AND YOUR--YOUR SENSE OF SMELL AND TASTE,
IS I'D LIKE YOU TO SMELL
THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE WEEDS.
THE 65 ACTUALLY SMELL LIKE THIS.
IT'S VERY LEMONY.
GIVE IT A GOOD SQUEEZE,
AND THEN THE WHOLE SMELL COMES THROUGH.
YEAH, IT IS VERY CITRIC.
THE 85 MIX IS MORE THE ONE THAT SMELLS LIKE CAT ***.
OH, SEE, NOW THAT'S...
(laughs)
THIS REMINDS ME OF WHAT I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE--YEAH.
YEAH, SEE THAT SMELLS LOVELY.
OH, WOW. CONTACT HIGH.
DID ANYONE REALLY EVER GET A CONTACT HIGH?
NO, NOT IN MY EXPERIENCE.
YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO PUT THE JOINT IN YOUR MOUTH
TO GET HIGH.
UNFORTUNATELY BECAUSE I RESPECT THE POLICIES
AND LIABILITY ISSUES OF THE TELEVISION INDUSTRY
I WILL NOT, REPEAT NOT, BE SMOKING WEED NOW
ON CAMERA OR EVER.
NOT ME, I AM ON A NATURAL HIGH.
MORE OF A CHEESY, UH...
(speaking indistinctly)
LIKE A FLOWER.
I'M HIGH ON THE SATISFACTION
OF MAKING FINE DRUG-FREE TELEVISION ENTERTAINMENT.
(speaking indistinctly)
IF INSPIRED BY YOUR COFFEE SHOP EXPERIENCE
TO SEE SOME, LIKE, ART,
YOU CAN GO TO THE RIJKSMUSEUM,
BUT ELECTRIC LADYLAND IN THE JORDAAN AREA
MIGHT BE MORE APPROPRIATE TO WHERE YOUR HEAD'S AT, MAN.
IT'S A DAY-GLO FLUORESCENT WONDERLAND
NAMED AFTER JIMI HENDRIX'S LAST GOOD ALBUM.
IT'S A CAVE BUILT INTO THE DOWNSTAIRS BASEMENT
WITH, LIKE, ROCKS AND COLORS AND WHOA.
THE WORK OF ARTIST NICK PADALINO.
A LOT OF THIS IS BASED ON SCIENCE,
BUT IT'S MOSTLY LIKE A COLOR TRIP INSIDE HERE.
THIS PART OVER HERE IS CALLED THE REACTOR.
THERE'S 19 DIFFERENT LENSES INSIDE HERE
WITH TELESCOPES AND BINOCULARS.
WHEN YOU LOOK THROUGH ALL OF THESE LENSES,
THERE'S ALSO A NATURAL PIECE IN THE CENTER
THAT'S A BLUE CRYSTAL FROM ENGLAND THAT'S CALLED FLUORITE.
(laughs)
I HAVEN'T MOVED.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT MY HAND, AND IT LOOKS, LIKE, DIFFERENT.
DOES IT LOOK ANY DIFFERENT TO YOU?
I'M PRETTY SURE I CAN SEE VEINS AND (bleep),
LIKE, RIGHT THROUGH THE SKIN.
DID YOU NOTICE, LIKE, HOW THE CAT IS LOOKING AT ME?
I THINK HE'S ***, MAN. THAT IS SO AWESOME.
THE CAT IS, LIKE, ***.
SUDDENLY I'M HUNGRY.
RON LURES ME OUTSIDE TO REASSESS REALITY
AND GET A GRIP...
♪♪♪
PROMISING TO BRING ME TO A BROWN CAFé.
AFTER SOME INITIAL CONCERN
THAT THIS WAS SOME KIND OF UNDERGROUND THING
FOR GERMAN FETISHISTS,
I WAS INFORMED THAT THEY'RE ACTUALLY BARS...
CHEERS.
THE DUTCH EQUIVALENT OF THE OLD-SCHOOL BRITISH PUB.
OH.
OH, THAT'S GOOD. DRY MOUTH BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY.
THAT'S REALLY GOOD.
NOW THIS IS WHAT THEY CALL A REAL AMSTERDAM BROWN CAFé.
AND THERE IS--
WELL, MAYBE THERE'S 20 LEFT IN TOWN...
REALLY?
REAL--REAL NEIGHBORHOOD CAFéS.
THE TWO SWANS IS AN AREA CALLED JORDAAN,
ONCE A WORKING CLASS DISTRICT, NOW GENTRIFIED,
THOUGH SOME CUSTOMS REMAIN.
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO A NICE, QUIET REFUGE
WHERE I COULD KICK BACK, RELAX, DE-TWEAK,
GET THAT, LIKE, CAT OUT OF MY HEAD.
I THINK EVERY WEEK HERE THEY HAVE LIVE MUSIC,
PEOPLE SINGING, ALL DANCING TO SONGS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
REALLY TRADITIONAL...
EVERYBODY SEEMS TO KNOW EACH OTHER.
YEAH, IT'S A NEIGHBORHOOD...
AFTER THREE BEERS, YOU FEEL LIKE, “OH, NICE”"
(all singing in Dutch)
WOW.
WELL, HERE WE GO.
(woman singing in Dutch)
WHO KNEW?
SUDDENLY, THIS HAPPENS,
AND I NEARLY JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN.
(singing in Dutch)
(bleep) HELL, I FEEL LIKE I CRAWLED INTO A QUIET HOLE
LOOKING TO CHILL OUT, GET AWAY FROM THE WORLD,
AND FOUND MYSELF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BROADWAY PRODUCTION
OF “SOUTH PACIFIC.”
JESUS (bleep).
I AM SO UNHAPPY NOW
I AM SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING FEIGNING A SEIZURE
OR CUTTING MY OWN THROAT.
THIS IS THE VERY DEFINITION OF HELL.
(singing in Dutch)
(speaking indistinctly)
(singing in Dutch)
OH, (bleep). NOW RON'S OFF, TOO.
THIS IS LIKE YOU'RE SITTING WITH NEIL YOUNG,
AND HE SUDDENLY AND UNEXPECTEDLY
STARTS BELTING OUT A MEDLEY FROM “ANNIE.”
M.G., MAN, M.G.
(singing indistinctly)
(speaking indistinctly)
IF MORE EAR-SHATTERING,
LESS SHOW TUNE-Y IS WHERE YOU WANT TO BE,
MAYBE MALOE MELO CLUB, BETTER...
♪♪♪
(man singing indistinctly)
LATE-NIGHT DIVE BAR WITH BLUES, PUNK, JAZZ.
THIS IS WHERE YOU MIGHT GO WHEN EVERYTHING ELSE IS CLOSED.
(singing indistinctly)
MEANWHILE, I'M BACK AT THE TWO SWANS
LOOKING DESPERATELY FOR A WAY OUT...
(speaking indistinctly)
(singing indistinctly)
TRYING, TRYING TO DRINK MY WAY THROUGH IT.
SINGING BARS ARE APPARENTLY VERY COMMON HERE.
UNFORTUNATELY I DON'T SHARE
THE NATION'S LOVE OF SINGING.
WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE? IT WAS A KARAOKE AMBUSH.
TO BE SURPRISED WITH SHOW TUNES,
YOU--YOU LIKE A LITTLE WARNING.
I FOUND THAT DEEPLY TERRIFYING.
IT'S REALLY TERRIFYING.
THANK GOD I'M NOT ***.
♪♪♪
WE HEAD FROM THE JORDAAN TO THE LEIDSEPLEIN AREA,
A HUNTING GROUND FOR LATE-NIGHT FOOD.
AMSTERDAM IS IN MANY WAYS THE LAST GREAT CHAMPION
OF FOOD FROM A WALL-- AUTOMAT-STYLE DINING.
AND THAT'S THE FRIKANDEL, OUR FAMOUS FRIKANDEL.
FOR MERE POCKET CHANGE
YOU CAN ENJOY ALL SORTS OF FRIED, BREADED GOODIES
WITHOUT HAVING TO INTERACT WITH ANOTHER HUMAN BEING,
PERFECT FOR MY CURRENT STATE OF MIND.
IT'S A SAUSAGE.
(Ron) AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MENTION...
I THOUGHT I'D GET A BIG CHUNK OF EYEBALL.
NOTHING BAD ABOUT THIS DISH.
MEAT OF SORTS IN TUBE FORM--
THIS IS MY SAFE PLACE.
I NEED ONE OF THESE IN MY APARTMENT.
BUT THIS IS BASICALLY, LIKE, EVERYBODY'S WHO'S GOING OUT
TO DISCOS OR WHATEVER,
ON THEIR WAY HOME 80% STOPS HERE,
HAVE A FEW SNACKS, AND GO TO BED.
AT THIS HOUR OF THE NIGHT,
YOU KNOW, OFTEN MY FEELING
IS IF THERE'S NOT A 50% CHANCE OF DIARRHEA,
IT'S REALLY NOT WORTH EATING.
(laughs)
(clock ticking)
I GO TAKE A COFFEE
AND GO SIT THERE AND DRINK THE COFFEE, YOU KNOW.
AND DRINK DUTCH COFFEE, THAT'S NICE.
IT'S NOT LIKE THE AMERICAN COFFEE. IT'S GOOD COFFEE.
WHERE AM I? WHAT HAPPENED?
I'M NOT COVERED IN BLOOD, SO THAT'S GOOD.
DIDN'T PEE IN SOCK DRAWER, EXCELLENT.
FEELING FUNKY FRESH? NOT EXACTLY.
I GOT A COUPLE HOURS TO KILL.
I COULD PROBABLY, I DON'T KNOW, HAVE A COFFEE
OR MAYBE LIBERATE AN UNDERAGE UKRAINIAN ***
FROM HER LIFE OF SLAVERY AND OPPRESSION.
I'M THINKING COFFEE.
DE PRINS CAFE IN THE JORDAAN IS PERFECT FOR COFFEE
AND GUIDEBOOK CONSULTATION.
I LOVE THAT “PUBLIC URINATION IS EXTREMELY LOOKED DOWN UPON.”
WHERE--WHERE EXACTLY IS PUBLIC URINATION ENCOURAGED?
WELL, MAYBE ENGLAND.
THEY DO HAVE CONVENIENT PUBLIC URINALS HERE.
“IF YOU'RE TRYING TO FIND A FRIENDLY FACE,
“YOU'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO LOOK UP.
“THE DUTCH PEOPLE ARE THE TALLEST IN THE WORLD,
“THE AVERAGE MAN OVER 6 FEET TALL
AND THE AVERAGE WOMAN OVER 5'7".”
SO, TOM CRUISE, STAY HOME, LITTLE FELLA.
SOMEBODY'LL END UP PUTTING AN ASHTRAY ON YOUR HEAD.
WHEN THE URGE TO VOMIT SUBSIDES AND MY MEMORY RETURNS
AND I REALIZE I'VE DONE NOTHING SHAMEFUL,
IT'S TIME FOR A HEALTHY BREAKFAST.
I MEET BACK UP WITH AZIZ
WHO'S PROMISED ME A TYPICALLY DUTCH SWEET SNACK,
A HEALTHY ONE, TO BOOT.
(Anthony) SO THIS--THIS IS A POPULAR TRADITION HERE,
THE HERRING STAND?
YEAH.
IN THE CITY CENTER THEY'RE ON EVERY MAIN STREET.
TRADITIONAL WAY TO EAT IT IS TO GRAB IT BY THE TAIL,
DIP IT IN CHOPPED UP ONIONS, RAW ONIONS...
AND THEN... (chomps)
AND THEN YOU EAT IT, YEAH.
BONES AND ALL?
THERE'S NO BONES.
NO BONES.
HERRING CURED IN SALT,
THEN PICKLED IN VINEGAR.
THERE'S ALSO EELS, MACKEREL, AND SALMON AVAILABLE.
DELIVERY TO MOUTH METHODS
INCLUDE IN A SANDWICH OR STRAIGHT DOWN THE HATCH.
DIP IT.
MMM.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
DO YOU LIKE IT?
IT'S GOOD.
PICKLED FISH TOO MUCH?
HOW ABOUT STROOPWAFEL
IN AMSTERDAM'S LEGENDARY FOOD MARKET?
A WARM, THIN COOKIE OUTSIDE
AND BUTTERY, STICKY SWEET INSIDE.
EVERYONE LOVES STROOPWAFEL.
ONE MORE BITE.
TIME TICKING AWAY.
OH, NO, SO LITTLE TIME, WHAT TO DO?
HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF MY REMAINING TIME?
HOW ABOUT A FERRY RIDE
TO A DESERTED WAREHOUSE DISTRICT SOMEWHERE, AZIZ?
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
UH, WE'RE GOING TO AMSTERDAM NORTH.
DO WE HAVE TICKETS?
OH, IT'S FREE.
IT'S FREE.
YEAH, FERRIES ARE FREE.
REALLY.
YEAH.
♪♪♪
WE'RE GOING TO WHERE NO TOURIST HAS EVER SET FOOT.
I GUESS THE 15-MINUTE FERRY RIDE
IS A DECENT WAY TO GET A FEEL
FOR JUST HOW WATERLOGGED THIS CITY IS.
AND THIS ISN'T A SPOT YOU COULD GET TO BY TRAM OR METRO.
AND THE NORTH ITSELF HAS SOME INTERESTING HISTORY.
THEY USED TO SAY THAT AMSTERDAM NORTH,
PEOPLE ARE A LITTLE BIT CRAZY,
‘CAUSE THEY USED TO SHIP ALL THE CRAZY PEOPLE HERE
AND ALL THE CRIMINALS AND STUFF.
IT MUST HAVE BEEN HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO.
I THINK THERE WAS, LIKE...
OH, SO THEY PUSHED THEM OUT...
YEAH.
TO LIVE ON THIS ISLAND.
HI.
HI.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA HAVE?
YOU--YOU GO FIRST.
BLOODY MARY, GOOD?
REALLY? YEAH.
A BLOODY MARY.
I'M STILL HURTING A LITTLE.
DID YOU GO OUT IN AMSTERDAM LAST NIGHT?
HAD A COUPLE OF THINGS, INTERESTING THINGS,
HAPPEN TO ME LAST NIGHT.
WENT TO A, UH, COFFEE BAR.
IN SPITE OF THE FACT THAT I DID NOT PARTAKE
OF THE INCREDIBLY STRONG AND GOOD-LOOKING MARIJUANA THERE
I FOUND MYSELF STRANGELY HUNGRY SHORTLY AFTERWARDS.
I STOPPED OFF AT A SORT OF FRIENDLY, LOCAL BAR.
SUDDENLY OUT OF THE BLUE EVERYBODY STARTS SINGING
IN PERFECT HARMONY.
IT WAS TERRIFYING.
FORTUNATELY I WASN'T HIGH, ‘CAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY FREAKED ME RIGHT THE (bleep) UP.
SO WHAT ARE OUR OPTIONS?
THEY HAVE A SANDWICH WITH TAHINI, WITH HONEY...
NO, NO, NO.
OR TAHINI WITH MISO SAUCE.
NO, DEFINITELY NOT, NO.
UH, SANDWICH WITH PEANUT BUTTER, JAM.
MM.
AND, UH, A SANDWICH
WITH BROCCOLI SPREAD
AND FETA.
A SANDWICH WITH, UH, FARMER CHEESE.
HAVE I FOUND MYSELF AMONGST--
IS THIS, LIKE, SOME SORT OF HIPPIE ENCLAVE?
ARE THESE PEOPLE--IS THIS A VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT?
(laughs) I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST--I REALLY NEED SOMETHING STEADY.
(laughs)
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
THAT'LL WORK.
I WOULD MUCH RATHER HAVE GONE TO SPANG MAKANDRA,
A SURINAMESE SPOT IN THE OLD SOUTH OF AMSTERDAM.
ROTI, KEBABS, SOUPS,
AND HOT SANDWICHES THAT ARE ACTUALLY GOOD
FLY OUT OF HERE AT TOP SPEED.
OR I COULD HAVE STOPPED BY A COFFEE SHOP, DIALED 420,
AND GRABBED SOME TAKEOUT, HUNG OUT IN VONDELPARK.
AND THERE'S, UH, THINLY SLICED VEAL.
YES?
VEAL WITH HOMEMADE, UH,
SMOKED MACKEREL MAYONNAISE.
THERE'S BASICALLY NOTHING ON THIS (bleep) MENU,
AND A HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICH
IS THE MOST VISUALLY ARRESTING THING I COULD THINK OF.
LET'S GO WITH THE TOASTIE, HAM AND CHEESE. THAT'LL DO ME.
HAM AND CHEESE TOASTIE?
YEAH.
JESUS, TAHINI. (sighs)
I FEEL LIKE I'VE BEEN EXILED TO HIPSTER ISLAND,
AND THEN THERE'S PROOF.
YEAH, THE GUY WITH THE SOCK ON HIS HEAD OVER THERE
AND THE RAY-BANS, LAYING BACK ON THE COUCH
IS THE VANGUARD OF HIGHER REAL ESTATE PRICES.
SEE A FEW OF THOSE, YOU KNOW THAT RENTS ARE ABOUT TO DOUBLE.
(laughs)
AS I SIT AMONGST THE SOCK-HEADED AND THE GOATEED
I COMFORT MYSELF WITH THE THOUGHT
OF A NICE HAM AND CHEESE,
AND THEN I GET WHEAT BREAD
INSTEAD OF THE WHITE BREAD I ASKED FOR.
PERFECT.
DAMN HIPPIES.
(clock ticking)
ACTUALLY, I'M WASTING MY TIME AT THIS MOMENT
FOR ALL OF YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE SITTING AT HOME,
AND I'M HERE IN AMSTERDAM,
AND YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME, AND I'M DOING THAT AS WELL,
SO WHY AM I HERE?
YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING. COME ON. COME TO AMSTERDAM.
OKAY?
HELLO?
HELLO?
♪♪♪
I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S ENDEMIC AROUND HERE,
THESE (bleep) FURRIES.
(clears throat)
THE GUY I SAW WAS IN A FULL PANDA OUTFIT.
MANY VISITORS COME TO AMSTERDAM
WITH A CHECKLIST OF THINGS TO DO WHILE HERE--
GET HIGH, MOTORBOAT A ***, THAT SORT OF THING.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,
I WILL NOT BE VISITING THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT.
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.
AND HUMAN TRAFFICKING, WHILE GOOD FOR (bleep) JOKES,
IS A QUESTIONABLE PRACTICE ON EVERY OTHER LEVEL.
THERE'S CANNABIS COLLEGE,
BUT EVEN FOR THE SERIOUS POTHEAD,
IT'S A BIG TOO NERDLY.
I MEAN, I LIKE BEER.
DO I WANT TO GO TO THE UNIVERSITY OF BEER?
NO.
I WANT TO DRINK BEER.
ANNE FRANK MUSEUM?
WHOA, YOU SHOULD SEE THE LINES.
FRANKLY--DOWNER.
IF YOU WANT TO SPEND SOME MONEY,
RENT YOUR OWN LITTLE CLASSIC SALOON BOAT
AND HAVE A GORGEOUS TOUR THROUGH THE CITY
WITH A NICE BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE AND SOME NICE SHELLFISH.
THAT'S A NICE ONE, OF COURSE.
CHAMPAGNE? SHELLFISH?
NOT QUITE.
WITH ME IS RON'S FRIEND CASE GALE,
NOTABLE DUTCH ACTOR.
RON'S APPARENTLY OTHERWISE ENGAGED,
SO WON'T BE JOINING US.
YEAH, HERE WE GO.
THESE CANALS WERE MADE TO CONTROL
THE LEVEL OF THE WATER-- THAT WAS ONE THING.
TRANSPORT, OBVIOUSLY--
ALSO MADE FOR GETTING AROUND, YOU KNOW?
SO YOU DO THIS ALL THE TIME?
A COUPLE FRIENDS OF MINE HAVE BOATS.
YEAH.
THIS IS A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE.
WHEN YOU COME TO AMSTERDAM,
YOU'RE ONLY STAYING FOR A WEEK OR SOMETHING,
RENT A HOUSEBOAT.
YOU RENT A HOUSEBOAT AND A BOAT.
THERE YOU GO.
YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.
THIS IS NICE. I USUALLY HATE BOAT TOURS.
(speaks indistinctly)
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU GET IN A BOAT,
YOU CAN ACTUALLY GO SOMEWHERE.
CHEERS.
FLOATING A CANAL NOT TO YOUR LIKING?
TRY A SENSORY DEPRIVATION TANK
AT KOAN FLOAT IN THE CENTRUM DISTRICT--
RON'S FAVORITE TO, LIKE, CLEAR YOUR HEAD,
FIND YOUR CENTER.
THIS IS NICE.
THIS IS THE PERFECT WAY TO RELAX YOURSELF
AFTER A HARD DAY'S NIGHT WORKING.
(sighs)
♪♪♪
WHAT I--WHAT I LOVE
ABOUT AMSTERDAM, ABOUT ALL EUROPEAN CITIES IN GENERAL--
THAT YOU GET--YOU GET A FEEL OF HISTORY.
YOU GET A FEEL THAT EVERYTHING IS UNIVERSAL--
ALL THE FEELINGS, THE EMOTIONS, THE AMBITIONS OF PEOPLE.
OUR EXCITING BOAT RIDE IS AT AN END.
THE CLOCK IS TICKING.
SO LITTLE TIME.
SO... LITTLE... TIME!
HERE WE GO.
ONE OF THE MANY CAFéS AROUND HERE
THAT YOU CAN REACH BY BOAT, SOUND GARDEN,
IS LOCATED ON MARNIXSTRAAT RIGHT ON THE CANAL.
PEOPLE COME HERE, PARK THEIR BOATS,
AND GRAB A DRINK.
DESPITE THE *** ROCK FEEL,
IT'S DEFINITELY A PRETTY RELAXING SPOT.
TWO OF YOUR COLDEST, PLEASE.
AND ARE THOSE NACHOS? (laughs)
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
(speaking Dutch)
HERE WE GO.
(glasses clink)
I HAVE TO SAY, I, UH-- COMPLIMENTS ON YOUR, UH,
YOUR NAUTICAL SKILLS.
YOU GOT US HERE.
YES, ESPECIALLY FOR A FIRST TIME.
YEAH. (laughs)
AND I WANT TO--I WANT TO, UH, COMPLIMENT YOU
WITH, UH, YOUR STAY IN AMSTERDAM
AND NOT BEING HIGH AND NOT BEING DRUNK YET.
UH, THANK YOU.
THERE YOU GO.
CHEERS TO THAT.
WE'RE WORKIN' ON IT, THOUGH.
AH, I HOPE SO.
I COULD VIOLATE EVERY DEEPLY HELD BELIEF
AND PRINCIPLE I LIVE BY
AND UNCHARACTERISTICALLY TORPEDO MY CAREER
AND THIS SHOW'S ITINERARY
BY STEPPING INTO A QUAINT LITTLE COFFEE SHOP
CALLED PARADOX IN THE JORDAAN
AND GETTING THE TOP OF MY HEAD RIPPED OFF
BUT SOME SERIOUSLY STRONG STICKY ICKY.
AND BECAUSE PEOPLE
LOOKING CLOSELY RIGHT AT YOU WHEN ***
IS WHAT EVERYBODY LIKES,
I COULD THEN GET MY PORTRAIT DONE BY THIS GUY STANLEY.
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT
IT'S A NICE MEMENTO OF YOUR TIME IN AMSTERDAM.
WHERE THE (bleep) IS RON, ANYWAY?
(Ron) SOME PEOPLE SAY, LIKE, YOU'RE BACK IN MOMMY'S BELLY,
BECAUSE YOU GET TOTALLY ISOLATED
FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD.
♪♪♪
SO WHAT'S LEFT
FOR ME TO DO
THAT'S ABSOLUTELY
QUINTESSENTIALLY AMSTERDAM TO EAT?
WHAT A LOT OF DUTCH PEOPLE LOVE
IS THE INDONESIAN AND THE SURINAME FOOD...
RIGHT.
BECAUSE I THINK AMSTERDAM IS ONE OF THE BEST--
OUTSIDE OF INDONESIA,
ONE OF THE BEST INDONESIAN RESTAURANTS IN THE WORLD.
WELL, I DO LIKE INDONESIAN FOOD.
I'M INTO IT.
♪♪♪
IF YOU CAN'T GO TO INDONESIA FOR ITS FOOD,
GO TO AMSTERDAM.
WE HEAD BACK TO MEET RON
AS THE DAMN CLOCK IS STILL TICKING
ON THIS LAYOVER.
(clock ticking)
WHEN I--WHEN I MEET PEOPLE OF MY AGE
WHO WERE THERE WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG,
AND THEY'RE COMING BACK NOW TO AMSTERDAM,
THEY STILL RECOGNIZE THE SAME VIBE
AND THE SAME ATMOSPHERE AS THEN.
IT--IT SURVIVES.
♪♪♪
CASE AND I HEAD OVER TO THE WILDEMAN CAFé
IN THE CENTRUM AREA IN A FORMER DISTILLERY.
IT'S A BAR FOR BEER LOVERS.
(sighs)
RON'S MANAGED TO GET OUT OF HIS FLOTATION TANK,
REFRESHED AND IN GOOD ORDER
AND, AS USUAL, IS FULL OF GOOD IDEAS.
WE GOT THIS SORT OF BEEF SAUSAGE
SMOKED.
YES, I WANT THAT.
YEAH, I WANT THAT.
IT'S AMSTERDAM'S.
AND THEY GOT SOME GOOD CHEESE THINGS.
CHEESE?
YEAH.
YOU LIKE CHEESE?
I WANT THAT, TOO. I LIKE CHEESE.
SO WHAT NEIGHBORHOOD IS THIS?
THIS IS AS MUCH IN THE CENTER AS YOU CAN GET.
REALLY?
THIS IS THE OLDEST PART OF AMSTERDAM.
THIS WAS FORMED IN THE 12th CENTURY
AROUND 11--1137 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
CHEERS.
(glasses clink)
SAUSAGE AND CHEESE ON THE WAY,
BUT IF WE'D BEEN HERE TUESDAY,
WE WOULD HAVE BEEN HERE FOR THE EEL MAN.
HE CATCHES THEM FRESH IN THE COUNTRYSIDE,
SMOKES THEM, AND BRINGS THEM AROUND PUBS
TO SELL.
NICE EEL MAN.
LOOK AT THOSE BABIES.
WE'VE GOT BEER
AND THINGS ON COCKTAIL STICKS,
SO ALL IS WELL
AT THE WILDEMAN.
YOU LIKE THE SAUSAGE?
MMM. IT'S GOOD. IT'S GREAT.
THAT'S LIVERWURST.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW IT UNDER THAT NAME.
OF COURSE.
WE HAVE A LOT OF DUTCH AND GERMANS IN THE STATES--
A LOT.
NEW YORK WAS DUTCH.
NEW AMSTERDAM.
IN NEW YORK, THEY HAD TO VOTE ABOUT THE LANGUAGE...
YEAH.
BECAUSE IT WAS ALL MULTILINGUAL
AND MULTICULTURAL.
OTHERWISE, THE UNITED STATES...
WOULD HAVE TALKED DUTCH.
WOULD HAVE TALKED DUTCH.
THIS IS A LOVELY PLACE, MAN.
IT'S LIKE, IT'S NICE TO SIT OUT HERE
AND JUST WATCH THE PEOPLE PASSING BY.
BUT INSIDE IS BEAUTIFUL AS WELL.
IT'S A NICE OLD PLACE,
AND THEY HAVE SUCH A KNOW-HOW ABOUT BEERS.
THE THING I LIKE ABOUT THE WILD--THE WILDEMAN
IS LIKE--IS LIKE IT'S ALMOST GOING BACK A COUPLE CENTURIES.
A LATE AFTERNOON...
WITH THE SUN COMING AROUND THE CORNER
AND A BEER IN MY HAND--
A REALLY MAGICAL SORT OF GOLDEN MOMENT.
GOOD THINK I'M NOT BAKED.
WHEW! GLAD I MISSED THAT BOAT.
♪♪♪
(clock ticking)
♪♪♪
(bell tolling)
DUE TO OUR SHAMEFUL COLONIAL HISTORY,
THERE ARE LOTS OF INDONESIAN RESTAURANTS,
BUT IF YOU WANT TO EAT AT A REAL GOOD RICE TABLE
IN AMSTERDAM, THEN YOU GO TO THE TEMPO DOELOE.
ONE THING LEFT TO DO--
THE FAMOUS DUTCH/INDONESIAN FOOD.
IT'S USEFUL TO REMEMBER
THAT HOLLAND USED TO BE A WORLD POWER.
CASE AND RON TAKE ME TO TEMPO DOELOE,
WHICH MEANS, IF I RECALL CORRECTLY, "THE OLD DAYS."
INDONESIA WAS UNDER DUTCH CONTROL
UNTIL 1945
AND RETURNEES AND IMMIGRANTS FROM THE OVERSEAS POSSESSION
BROUGHT THE DELICIOUS FOOD OF THE AREA BACK TO HOLLAND.
HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE IT, RIJSTTAFEL?
RIJSTTAFEL.
RIJSTTAFEL.
SO WE HAVE TO DO THAT.
IN INDONESIA, THE DUTCH CAME UP WITH A METHOD OF SAMPLING
A LOT OF SMALL DISHES AT ONCE,
MAINLY TO SHOW OFF THE RANGE OF FLAVORS
TO FOREIGN VISITORS.
THAT SMELL IS DRIVING ME OUT OF MY MIND WITH HUNGER.
WE WOULD LIKE TO HAVE RIJSTTAFEL ISTEMEWA.
OF COURSE.
YES?
YOU LIKE THE MILD, MEDIUM, OR SPICY?
SPICY.
SPICY?
YEAH, SPICY, PLEASE.
SPICY THREE TIMES.
THREE TIMES.
HERE WE GO.
CHEERS, GUYS.
TOO SPICY FOR YOU?
CHECK OUT BLAUW aan de WAL.
YOU GET HERE BY NAVIGATING YOUR WAY
THROUGH THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT AND UP AN ALLEY.
THE APPROACH SEEMS DODGY, BUT ONCE INSIDE,
YOU FIND YOURSELF IN A TASTY OASIS
AMIDST THE BROTHELS AND THE SEX SHOWS.
THE KITCHEN SERVES UP MEDITERRANEAN DISHES
USING FRESH, LOCAL INGREDIENTS.
BACK AT TEMPO DOELOE,
I'M WAITING ON CHICKEN WITH COCONUT AND TOMATOES,
PORK WITH SWEET SOY SAUCE,
SPICY BEEF RENDANG,
AND ABOUT 20 OTHER SMALL AND DELICIOUS DISHES.
THAT'S THE PORK, AND WITH THE SWEET SOY SAUCE,
IT'S SPICY-- IT'S THE DUMPLINGS.
THIS IS COMPLETELY MILD.
YEAH, SO IN THE MIDDLE, IT WILL BE SPICY,
AND THEN THE THIRD ONE WITH THE RED PEPPERS ON TOP,
THAT'S HOT.
AND WITH THE YELLOW PEPPERS-- EXTREMELY HOT.
THE TRAYS OF 25 DISHES ARE PLACED ON THE TABLE,
STARTING WITH MILD
AND ENDING WITH "BURN YOUR FACE OFF."
SO THIS IS HOW IT WORKS--
JUST A WHOLE BUNCH OF (bleep) WITH SOME GOOD RICE.
EXACTLY.
THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
YEAH, THIS IS GONNA BE A FEAST.
WOW.
DEFINITELY.
OH, THAT BURNS.
THE HABANERO, THAT'S--
OOPS.
THERE YOU GO.
I'M GOOD.
(laughs)
THAT'LL HURT YOU.
REALLY HOT.
(sighs)
(laughs)
I MADE IT.
(laughs) I MADE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE.
I WAS REALLY IN DOUBT FOR A WHILE.
THIS IS REALLY ONE OF THOSE
DELICIOUSLY, PAINFULLY,
WONDERFUL MEALS.
I HURT SO GOOD RIGHT NOW.
I'M STILL RECOVERING FROM THAT.
(laughs)
A NICE WAY
TO END ANY LAYOVER--
HOT, SPICY, AND VERY, VERY TASTY.
(groans)
THANK YOU, AMSTERDAM, FOR KICKING MY ***
ON THE WAY OUT.