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Hey you were wanking!
Yep, I saw you wanking!
Hello people of the Interweb! It's time for a new story.
Today's tale is a little less complicated than the last, but it is equally dark...
Start the flashback already!
In 1987 Maniac is forced to leave Mayhem to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital
after attempting suicide.
Euronymous decided to replace him with Dead, the front-man of the Swedish band Morbid.
They had met through Metallion, the creator of the cult Swedish fanzine: Slayer!
To demonstrate his motivation, Dead had sent Mayhem a demo of his band
along with a little mouse, crucified on a little cross, adapted to its little size.
It's one way to stand out of the crowd. The whole point was to get noticed...
Okay, so why do you deserve to be part of our band?
Because this one time, I wrote 666 on my desk at school.
One time, I don't pull of my cap in a church...
KEVIIIIN, DINNER IS READY!!!
Dead brought a lot to the band, both through his singing and his attitude,
like a cold and morbid wave adding to the dark and unhealthy atmosphere
that constitutes Norwegian black metal.
Nowadays the black metal jet-set parades around with their corpse paint,
featuring on the covers of mainstream magazines, but back in the day things were
a little more serious.
I like to self-mutilate on stage,
and I like to breathe in air from a plastic bag with a dead crow in it before gigs,
and I like to bury my stage clothes in a cemetery,
and I like to sleep with dead birds,
and I like to stick my *** in newborn babies' eye sockets.
Erm, maybe not the last part. But the rest is true.
Behind his sweet ways and strange sense of humour
Ha, look, here he is in this Candlemass video!
Dead, whose real name was Per Yngve Ohlin, had a real problem.
Yeah, well, Mayhem isn't really the same on stage...
According to Dead's brother, this story is a mere myth.
Dead had in fact been declared clinically dead for several minutes
and claimed to have seen the light at the end of the tunnel...
Following an attack by bullies at his school when he was only a child.
On the 8th of April 1991, Dead is found, ironically, dead,
in the house he shared with Euronymous and Hellhammer from Mayhem.
He took a shotgun to his own head.
Certain members of the scene at the time were so into all things evil
that the death of their friend didn't even affect them... At least, not on the outside.
-Hello?
-Yeah?
-We can't go home any more.
-Why?
-Dead's gone...
-Did he go back to Sweden?
-Nope, he swallowed a bullet.
-Oh. It was well overdue.
-Yep!
-So...
-Kiss!
-Byyye!
When our dear old Euronymous found his friend's body,
he had the bright idea to take photos before he called the police.
One of these photos ended up on the cover of the bootleg "Dawn of the Black Hearts"
released on the 17th of February 1995 of a live gig recorded in 1990 in Sarpsborg.
Incidentally it was Hellhammer, the drummer, who is still very active in the black metal scene,
who had the photos developed.
I can't remember if it was a Polaroid...
Fantastic photos Sir, you really have an eye for photography!
Ah no wait, it was a disposable camera.
For several years, Dead's family tried to have the photo removed from the Internet, unsuccessfully.
For the sake of the anecdote, our champion Varg Vikernes
apparently supplied Dead with shotgun pellets months before his suicide... Mph...
Oh silly old Varg, always getting into trouble!
According to various sources from the metal scene, Euronymous ate part of Dead's brain,
with ham, vegetables and paprika. A nice little stew.
Don't forget the pieces of skull he used to make necklaces...
Ahem...
Sir, I don't understand, half of it is missing...!
The causes of his suicide are unclear:
Euronymous used to say that Dead committed suicide
because of all the posers in the metal scene.
But according to all the musicians who knew him, Dead was not a mere character.
Whilst he was a relatively calm young man, he was fascinated by all things morbid,
and he was known to be quite temperamental. But he always had a sense of humour,
as we can tell from his parting note:-"Excuse all the blood..."
Anyway, this tragic tale and the reaction of those who partook in this strange series
of events only go to prove that these legendary young musicians
were nothing more than a group of weirdos who must have been bored shitless,
despite their fame...
But Norwegian black metal wouldn't be what it is without all the *** and suicide
and even kidnapping...
And that's a story for another day...!