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JUSTIN: You're probably wondering how we got here.
ALDEN: Get famous.
Streamy awards begin in five hours.
Road trip!
And now you're all caught up.
JUSTIN: Well, we still don't know why G Dubbs is here.
ALDEN: It's your fault.
You put gum on the car engine.
JUSTIN: Well at least I didn't get pulled out
of the car by vampires.
ALDEN: Well, at least I'm not dumb enough to put "Shma" in
front of words and act like they're original ideas.
JUSTIN: I "shmate" you.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Gentlemen.
JUSTIN: How does he hear our thoughts?
ALDEN: Who cares?
GEORGE WASHINGTON: You must cease your discord.
There is nothing so likely to produce peace than to be well
prepared to meet an enemy.
ALDEN: Screw you, George Washington.
JUSTIN: Yeah, how did you even get here anyway, dude?
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Oh, it is a mighty tale.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Well, you have 10 seconds.
MALE SPEAKER: You look ravishing tonight.
Enjoy the show.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Red coat!
My arm!
Sadly, I never got the chance to apprehend the Brit.
FELICIA DAY: Hey, guys.
JUSTIN: Hey, Felicia.
ALDEN: Wuss.
That's surprisingly painful.
JUSTIN: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: Nobody messes with the Streamys, OK?
This is my night.
ALDEN: I'm sorry.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
Thank you, Sebastian.
You know what?
Make me a latte?
SEBASTIAN: Sure thing, Felicia.
FELICIA DAY: Thanks.
ALDEN: That's a really nice sword, Felicia.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, it is.
ALDEN: Compliments your--
Wait!
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Felicia Day.
It's me, George Washington.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, awkward.
ALDEN: What?
You know each other?
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Oh, yeah.
FELICIA DAY: No we don't.
Look at this guy.
He's, he's got a, knee socks.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: How could you forget
our glorious courtship?
JUSTIN: You guys dated?
FELICIA DAY: Fine.
We dated.
A few times.
It was a revolution.
It was like, crazyville.
ALDEN: You're a time traveler, too?
Did you use classic '80s movie time travel rules, or did you
use like, current popular TV show time travel rules?
FELICIA DAY: I'm a highlighter.
ALDEN: Oh, right, right.
FELICIA DAY: So I'm immortal.
Uh, don't tell anyone.
Oh, but you won't be able to tell anyone because you won't
have a mouth.
Because you won't have a head.
I'm about to behead you.
ALDEN: Wait wait wait!
JUSTIN: No no no!
ROBIN THORSEN: Felicia!
Jeez, we've been looking everywhere for you.
We totally lost Best Ensemble Cast.
FELICIA DAY: What?
ROBIN THORSEN: Yeah, I know.
And the winners are backstage now.
FELICIA DAY: Fine.
ROBIN THORSEN: Let's go beat up some actors.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah!
ROBIN THORSEN: OK.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
Ninjas?
JUSTIN: You have ninjas?
FELICIA DAY: I'm Felicia Day.
Of course I have ninjas.
JUSTIN: Good point.
Whoa, hey.
ALDEN: Hey hey hey!
Ninjas!
JUSTIN: Who are you guys?
ALDEN: We're you.
JUSTIN: From the future.
ALDEN: What?
We went back in time and spent decades training to be ninjas
for Felicia Day so we could come here and
save the two of you.
JUSTIN: We also founded Shmepic Fu for you.
I'm awesome.
Yup.
ALDEN: I really do have soft features.
Yes.
JUSTIN: Can we co-exist?
ALDEN: We can.
As long as we make sure not to touch each other.
Freeze frame high five!
What did I just say?
JUSTIN: Dude.
You killed me.
ALDEN: What?
Not cool, man.
JUSTIN: Fair is fair.
ALDEN: No, come on.
JUSTIN: You know what?
You're not friends with a dude that kills you.
ALDEN: No, you killed me.
Wait, we're not friends anymore?
Come back.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Guys?
A little help here?
Little--
There is a destiny that has control of our actions.
And the actions that are controlled by the des--
ALDEN: I guess we're never going to get famous.
JUSTIN: We should have gotten someone from a
really popular TV show.
ALDEN: Yeah, and where are we going to find
one of those people?
JUSTIN: We need a real hero, you know?
MILO VENTIMIGLIA: Rumor has it I might be available.
JUSTIN: Even the homeless people out
here are good looking.
ALDEN: Yeah, we don't have any money for you, sir.
JUSTIN: No dinero, compadre.
MILO VENTIMIGLIA: I speak English.
JUSTIN: Yeah, sure.
ALDEN: Real cocky attitude.
We're trying to have a private conversation here, OK?
JUSTIN: How are we even gonna afford all
those special effects?
ALDEN: Oh, I don't know, man.
How about you tell me?
You wrote them.
MILO VENTIMIGLIA: I actually do have superpowers, so, if
you guys need them, I'm your guy.
JUSTIN: Oh, jeez.
ALDEN: Turn that off.
Can't you see we're trying to talk here?
JUSTIN: Yeah, man.
If you have superpowers, why don't you just disappear?
ALDEN: Yeah.
MILO VENTIMIGLIA: OK.
JUSTIN: Thank you.
Now where were we?
Oh, yeah.
You're an idiot.
You wouldn't know the solution to our problem if it were
sitting right between us.
ALDEN: I hope you die.
Ironically.
JUSTIN: Yeah?
Well I hope you die regularly.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: That can be arranged!
Your death, I mean.
ALDEN: Hey, George Washington.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Shut your word hole.
How dare you leave me chained to the "ra-die-ater?" Stripped
of my dignity.
Robbed of the opportunity to hook up with Felicia Day, and
completely blowing my concept of space and time.
ALDEN: What?
GEORGE WASHINGTON: I've lost everything.
And now you'll lose everything, too.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Wait!
Don't kill him, kill me.
JUSTIN: What?
ALDEN: You saved my life in that vampire lair, buddy.
I owe you one.
JUSTIN: No, but it was my idea to go on this adventure in the
first place.
Kill me, George Washington.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: So we're clear, I'm going to run
through you both.
OFFICER BRATELLI: I'm not going to let two best friends
go out like that in my town.
ALDEN: Officer Bratelli!
OFFICER BRATELLI: Bromance secured.
It's a 1099.
Bromance secure--
Bromance secured.
ALDEN: 1099?
Like, tax form?
OFFICER BRATELLI: It's very similar, but
it's for a cop thing.
ALDEN: No.
No, no.
JUSTIN: Aren't you going to handcuff him or something?
OFFICER BRATELLI: No.
He's probably going to evaporate or something, right?
ALDEN: I don't think that happens.
JUSTIN: I don't think that's how it works.
OFFICER BRATELLI: I don't believe you.
Be good.
I love you.
ALDEN: Can't believe he just walked away.
You know what?
That cop is right.
We didn't need to get famous.
JUSTIN: We just need to keep our "manlationship" intact.
ALDEN: Your breath smells.
JUSTIN: So does yours.
One piece left.
You know what?
Let's split it.
Cheers.
SHANNEN DOHERTY: I love this.
JUSTIN: Really?
ALDEN: What?
SHANNEN DOHERTY: Yes.
I want to be in this show.
ALDEN: Holy crap.
Dude, we didn't need Felicia Day after all.
All we needed was each other.
JUSTIN: And Shannen Doherty.
ALDEN: And Shannen Doherty.
JUSTIN: I "shmlove" you, man.
ALDEN: I "shmlove" you, too.
JUSTIN: Our relationship has so many layers.
SHANNEN DOHERTY: Dr. Awesome's Dancing Twitter.
It's a great title.
Walk with me, though.
I do have some notes.
JUSTIN: You know, Shannen?
I think this is going to be the start of a wonderful
relationship.
SHANNEN DOHERTY: Don't touch me.
JUSTIN: OK.
You make some good points.
We're off to a great start.
SHANNEN DOHERTY: All right.
MILO VENTIMIGLIA: Always scares everyone away.
MALE SPEAKER: Hope you find work soon, buddy.
MILO VENTIMIGLIA: That Felicia Day.
She was a good first president.