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How many of you know this person?
Look at my new product. If you take it you'll be skinny, more happy, more spiritual
concious. A better person in general. More people will want you. You'll definitely be rich.
Look at my car, and my private jet.
And in the same sentence...
Make sure that you can find happiness in the simple things in life
Because if you can't find happiness in the mundane, you'll never find happiness
Hi, my name's Amber Hawken and this is Stay Real with Amber.
Today I'm shedding some very much needed light on where
our depth of the need to be seen, the need to be special, the need to be important comes from
and how it makes us lonely and sick
And at the end, I'm going to give you a one liner that you can insert deep into your heart and soul
That will really help you work through that anxiety and the need to be seen, so you can just be you!
So let's talk about where this comparison comes from
Whether or not we like it, that keeping up with the Jones' anxiety about always having to be at everyone's level
is deep within us in this Western society. We're born into it, so a lot of the time we don't even realise that
we subconsciously just take it on
We feel like we have seen what this perfect version of happiness looks like
And what you need to do, what you need to say, what you need to wear, what job you have to go into.
And that all equals and just spits out happiness like a calculator. It's ingrained into us
Now if we look at people talking about, "those in third world countries are just so happy because they don't have things"
And look, it's not entirely true.
They don't have the one major thing which the internet has both blessed and cursed us with
Which is choice and opportunity
The more choice we have, the more anxious and stressed we get.
For example. Who goes out to breakfast and they look at a menu, and once there's more than 5 choices you're like f*ck this I can't do it
For me, it's overhwhelming. Like, choices.
We used to have three flavours of ice cream: Strawberry, Chocolate, Vanilla
Now we have like 27 thousand
and this decision making process freaks us out because we have the fear of missing out like FOMO. It's a real thing.
Right, it's like GOD, should've got the pancakes and I got the eggs bene
You Know? We're freaking out.
So it's not that the people in third world countries are happier, it's that they don't have as much choice
and they also don't have the internet to compare
So take the concept of keeping up with the Jones'
That used to be literally looking over the fence at the person next door
And when you're looking at the Jones' next door with their fancy car, and their perfect family and their well poised posture.
Their white teeth, and their beautiful wife or husband, or whatever it is. Their family's all together.
You know people used to get anxious just looking at their neighbour
Introduce the internet and we've got a couple billion people who we can compare ourselves to now
So that need to be special and need to be seen is proliferated, literally, in today's society
It's like you wake up in the morning and you see someone post saying
Oh today I got up, and I ran 10km, and then I went to crossfit, then I meditated, then I made my shake
And I rescued someone and did something so awesome. And by the way my 5 year old child speaks seven languages
What have you done today? What have you done?
Oh I'm sorry, did you scroll through facebook and get jealous about my life?
Now, I want to tell you a secret...
It's really important and you need to listen closely
Those people, who have the best relationships, the most money, the healthiest life, the happiest most freeing
holidays and friendships that are awesome and their having awesome times going out.
99% of those people are the most miserable. The most broke. The most unhealthy, anxious and stressed
There are exceptions to the rule, yes. But most of them are the rule, and that rule is: The louder you are
The more miserable, sick and lonely you really feel
Stop comparing your life to peoples version of a falsified attempt to live up to the Jones'
Because your need to stand out, to be special, to do something good with your life
Is actually going to create more misery than you know how to deal with
And i'm not bagging out multilevel marketing
What Im bagging out is the intention in which people go into something like that, a business like that
Where there perception is that if they get this money, or this freedom or this online lifestyle or this body
or whatever it is that they perceive they're getting that's going to make them happy
Because these online with the perfect lives, they're the Jones' that we see. They're the Jones' that we compare ourselves to
So we're like "well the Jones' have it and they seem to be happy, so that's what I need to be happy"
The ticker is, that when you go for something like that because someone else has promised or appeared to gain happiness or fulfillment
in that way is that not only are you going to bust your butt
you're going to come from a place of fear, which means you'll overwork, you'll be stressed, you'll be wondering about money, you'll be wondering about your worth
You'll make yourself sick doing it
and you'll be totally miserable when you get to the goal because it wasn't really what you wanted. It didn't really make you happy.
And that's even if you get there...
Do you think that Harvey Spector, when he got his name on the door. Do you think he was happy?
Do you think he's a happy man? He's hella sexy but do you think he's happy?
(Call me Harvey, i'll make you happy)
No, he's not!
You have to realise that misery comes from within yourself because of the comparison
and that's something that happens unconsciously, so you have to consciously fight it
with this one liner that I'm going to give you right now
So here's the solution. This is what I want you to repeat to yourself again, and again and again....
I have nothing to prove to the world, including myself
again, and again, and again.
Nothing to prove
Because the need to be special is going to make you lonely and sick
Now just recently I've been giving away a free 30 minute complimentary coaching session
and I've had a bloody ball meeting people
So from now on, every time I do a video I'm going to choose someone at random that shares it
and make sure you comment because I can't necessarily see the person who shares it due to privacy
So comment below, 'I shared'
I'm going to choose someone every single week who shares my videos
and i'll reach out to someone, send you a message give you a complimentary coaching session. So much fun!
Other than that, have an incredible day.
Stay real with Amber is changing to the Unf*ckwithable life as well as the name of the podcast
So I'm only going to be doing a couple more episodes of this as we come to the end of the year
I hope you enjoyed this video, and please, pay this forward. People need to understand
That that need to be seen is killing us deep down inside
Lots of love, I'm checking out. Talk soon, love Amber