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FROM TODAY'S INTERNET HEADLINES,
IT'S RAPID REFRESH!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Chris: I JUST WANT TO SAY
THANK YOU GUYS FOR SUPPORTING
@MIDNIGHT.
THE SHOW IS DOING VERY WELL, AND
THAT IS THANKS TO YOU GUYS.
WE APPRECIATE IT.
AND WHEN A NETWORK DOES REALLY
WELL...
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
...AND WHEN A SHOW DOES REALLY
WELL, IT CAN LEAD TO A SPINOFF.
AND TONIGHT I AM VERY EXCITED TO
ANNOUNCE-- THIS IS BIG NEWS--
THAT @MIDNIGHT WILL NOW HAVE A
SPINOFF OF ITS OWN.
WE FEEL LIKE WE'VE BEEN KIND OF
OWNING LATE NIGHT, SO WE
DECIDED, WHY NOT BRANCH OFF INTO
DAYTIME?
SO THIS IS A DAYTIME SHOW THAT
WILL BE PREMIERING NEXT MONDAY
AT NOON ON THE OWN NETWORK
CALLED @MIDDAY.
AND I AM EXTREMELY PROUD TO
INTRODUCE ITS HOST, CHAD
SOFTWICK!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
CHAD, HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU, CHAD.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
NICE TO SEE YOU.
I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT @MIDDAY.
I MEAN, THE STAFF, WE'VE BEEN
TALKING ABOUT IT.
>> YES.
>> Chris: BUT JUST TO LET
EVERYONE KNOW, CAN YOU TELL US A
LITTLE BIT ABOUT WHAT WE CAN
EXPECT?
>> @MIDDA WILL BE A LOT LIKE
@MIDNIGHT, BUT WITH A TWIST.
WE DON'T WANT TO OFFEND ANYONE,
AND EVERYTHING WE DO WILL HAVE
AN INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGE.
>> Chris: OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
>> I LIKE THAT.
>> Chris: ON THAT NOTE, CAN I
SAY THAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN
HERE IS A HERO?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> JUST FOR GETTING OUT OF BED
AND TAKING THE DAY ON!
>> Chris: GOOD.
GOOD, THAT IS... THIS IS VERY...
I FEEL GOOD.
THIS IS VERY SWEET, CHAD.
WOULD YOU MIND GIVING US A
LITTLE PREVIEW GAME?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> I CAN'T WAIT TO PLAY THIS
GAME.
>> AND I LIKE HEARING THAT.
>> Chris: SAYS THE GUY WHO'S
NEVER UP AT MIDDAY.
>> THERE'S ALWAYS A FRESH START
FOR EVERYONE.
>> Chris: YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S
GOOD.
>> BEFORE THAT, THOUGH, I JUST
WANT TO SAY TO THE COMEDIANS, I
DON'T KNOW WHO ANY OF YOU ARE.
(LAUGHTER)
BUT I CONSIDER YOU DEAR, DEAR
FRIENDS.
I LOVE YOU.
OKAY.
IT IS TIME FOR A GAME CALLED
CUTE OR TOO CUTE.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU A
PICTURE, AND THE COMEDIANS WILL
HAVE TO TELL ME IF THE PICTURE
IS CUTE OR TOO CUTE.
AND REMEMBER, THERE ARE NO WRONG
ANSWERS.
>> Chris: WELL, I DON'T... IF
THERE AREN'T ANY... I DON'T KNOW
IF THE GAME REALLY WORKS, THEN,
IF THERE'S NOT WRONG ANSWERS.
>> I GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO
AGREE TO DISAGREE ABOUT THAT.
>> Chris: OKAY.
>> OKAY, HERE'S A PUP IN A CUP!
(LAUGHTER)
CUTE OR TOO CUTE?
>> Chris: I THINK THAT WAS DOUG.
>> TOO CUTE!
>> HOINTS!
HOINTS!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Chris: WHAT ARE YOU... WHAT
IS... WHAT ARE HOINTS?
>> WE THOUGHT THE WORD POINTS
WAS A LITTLE NEGATIVE, BECAUSE
IT'S RUDE TO POINT AT PEOPLE.
SO WE CAME UP WITH HOINTS, WHICH
COMBINES THE WORD HUG WITH THE
WORD POINTS.
(LAUGHTER)
CHRIS, YOU DESERVE SOME HOINTS.
>> Chris: OH, WELL, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU FOR MY HOINTS.
>> NEXT PICTURE.
HOW ABOUT A KITTEN IN THIS
LITTLE MITTEN?
>> Chris: ROB?
>> ACTUALLY, PASS.
I DON'T...
(LAUGHTER)
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT, MICHAELA?
>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH TOO
CUTE.
TOO... BUT NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
>> HOINTS!
>> CHRIS: HOINTS FOR MICHAELA.
>> HOINTS.
NEXT PICTURE, HOW ABOUT SEVEN
PUPPIES ON A PINK BRIDGE?
>> Chris: DOUG?
>> CUTE.
>> I WAS GOING TO SAY THE
OPPOSITE, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
HOINTS!
AND THAT'S THE END OF THE GAME.
EVERYONE GETS AN EXTRA 1,000
HOINTS, AND THREE HUGS EACH!
>> OH, GOOD!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
WONDERFUL.
GO ON.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HUG EACH OTHER.
GO AHEAD.
>> YES!
>> Chris: OH, THAT'S NICE.
I MEAN, LOOK.
THIS IS FUN.
THE SHOW LOOKS GREAT.
I'M EXCITED ABOUT IT.
IT IS... IT'S INTERESTING.
IT'S A DIFFERENT TAKE ON THIS.
I'M NOT QUITE SURE IT'S FOR OUR
AUDIENCE.
>> OH, IT'S FOR EVERYONE, YEAH.
>> Chris: WELL, NO.
I'M JUST SAYING I THINK... YOU
KNOW, I THINK OUR AUDIENCE HAS A
LITTLE BIT MORE OF AN EDGE TO
IT.
>> HOW DARE YOU?
(LAUGHTER)
I'LL SHOW YOU AN EDGE-- OF MY
BELT!
I'M GOING TO WHOOP YOU, BOY!
>> Chris: OH, I'M SORRY.
>> THAT'S HOW I REALLY TALK!
>> Chris: THAT'S FRIGHTENING.
>> BECAUSE I WORKED TOO ***
*** THIS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
WORKING FOR OWN, THE OWN
NETWORK?
>> Chris: NO.
>> OPRAH'S ONE TOUGH SON OF A
***, OKAY?
JUST GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME.
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.
>> WON'T LET SOME NERD HIPSTER
TELL ME WHAT'S WHAT.
I FOUGHT IN 'NAM.
>> Chris: YOU LOOK WAY TOO
YOUNG.
>> I WAS, I WAS WAY TOO YOUNG.
(LAUGHTER)
I WAS 11.
>> Chris: THAT'S NOT CUTE.
>> FIFTH GRADE.
SAW SOME (BLEEP) THERE I
WOULDN'T WISH ON MY GREATEST
ENEMY.
ANYWAY, CHECK OUT @MIDDAY,
MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY AT NOON ON
THE OWN NETWORK.
>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.
>> AND NOW A WORD FROM YOUR
SPONSORS.
>> Chris: WELL, WE DON'T DO THAT
PART NOW.
>> OKAY, WELL, WHATEVER.
>> Chris: OH, OKAY.
>> I'M OUT OF HERE.
>> Chris: THANK YOU.
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
>> Chris: CHAD SOFTWICK.