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Welcome to Let's Get Real. The show that tells the truth about love, sex
and relationships. This program is for mature adults only. Watch at your own
risk as the truth can have life-changing consequences.
This show does not give advice. The information provided is accurate to the
best of our knowledge. The opinion stated are those of the person speaking. And the
truth, well, the only truth that matters is your own.
For more information visit www.gettingreal.tv. Viewer discretion
is advised. Now here's your hosts, David and Darlene Steele from Relationship
Coaching Institute.
Welcome to Let's Get Real!
Today's episode is about what to do when he's texting another woman.
Carol from Sarasota writes:
My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past year.
I just discovered that he's been texting another woman.
I'm so upset and don't really understand why he's doing this.
I really love him and have invested a lot our relationship.
Should I ignore it and hope it's nothing?
Should I confront him?
Should I email her?
I'm so confused!
Well Carol,
we could answer those three questions for you but really the important thing
is
your answers to those questions, so
let us see if we can help you
get clear on that.
Actually, I want to answer the questions.
Okay.
Okay! Carol,
in our opinion, or at least, my opinion,
should you ignore it and hope it's nothing? No.
Should you confront him? Yes!
Should you email her?
No!
Well, Carol the reasons we come up with those answers is because
you don't want to just ignore this,
you don't know what it is,
and if you
just ignore it, you're gonna constantly have that at the back of your mind that something's going on, so
really you need to get to the bottom
of what's going on with him.
You don't know what's going on. This could be a family friend.
This could be a business partner,
a trusted confidante,
a sponsor,
or it could be your worst nightmare, it could be an emotional or physical affair
Right, but you just need to find out.
So, what to do?
Some strategies to consider are, first,
get the facts rather than being reactive.
Or,
what you really need to do is sit down and have a truth-telling talk.
So find out from him
exactly what's going on.
And whenever you have a serious talk with somebody including him,
pay attention to his reactions,
his body language, his facial expressions,
not just his words,
because non-verbal reactions will give you all the information you know,
all the information you need.
Is he receptive to your needs?
Does he appear concerned or is he defensive or dismissive? But you got to be
careful about this too, Carol, because
if you
if he feel likes you're attacking him when you're asking him these questions
he's gonna be,
you know, maybe naturally just kind of be a little defensive even if nothing is going
on.
Right so it's very important to be non-judgmental
when you have a truth-telling talk.
Certainly, share your truth but deal it without judgment because
you don't have the facts yet,
and you need the fax first before you can decide what they mean and then create
judgments about that. So,
third in our strategies to consider is
discuss and negotiate boundaries.
So assuming that you got the facts,
you had a truth-telling talk with him about the facts,
then discuss and negotiate boundaries of what's okay and what's not okay in your
relationship or texting.
You know, you might have
some
agreement that
he can have female friends as long as they are both of your friends,
but it's a red flag and it makes you uncomfortable if they are just his
friends and you don't know who they are, you don't have any interaction with them.
So,
discuss and negotiate boundaries in your relationship.
So that is really important because to him maybe nothing's going on and he
feels,
you know, like you're overreacting. Like, "What's your problem?!" but,
that's the point of making boundaries or sharing boundaries with
somebody is that they don't know what you're gonna be uncomfortable with, unless you let him
know.
So if you're watching this video and you have an idea, a suggestion or a comment for
Carol,
please enter it in the comment box below. ,
and let's help her to deal with her boyfriend
texting another woman.
And please do remember that
telling the truth has consequences.
It really is the only way to have a fulfilling relationship but not all
relationships can handle the truth.
So if this is your situation,
please do get the support you need from a qualified therapist, counselor, or coach.
No one is successful alone
and just a little bit of support can go a long way in helping you live
happily
ever after.
So thanks for watching
and bye for now.
You've been watching Let's Get Real.
The show that tells the truth about love, sex and relationships. For more
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May you live the life you love with the love of your life.