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[ALARM BEEPING]
[CLICK]
J.D.: SINCE I WAS A KID, I'VE BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP THROUGH ANYTHING.
STORMS, SIRENS, YOU NAME IT.
LAST NIGHT I DIDN'T SLEEP.
I GUESS I GET A LITTLE GOOFY WHEN I'M NERVOUS.
GRRR!
YOU SEE, TODAY ISN'T JUST ANY OTHER DAY.
IT'S MY FIRST DAY.
I'M THE MAN.
♪ HOW SOMETIMES LIFE CAN BE SO UNPREDICTABLE ♪
♪ AND IF THEY HAD TO DO IT ALL AGAIN... ♪
AND 4 YEARS OF PRE-MED, 4 YEARS OF MED SCHOOL,
AND TONS OF UNPAID LOANS HAVE MADE ME REALIZE ONE THING...
GOOD. COULD YOU GO DROP AN N.G. TUBE ON THE PATIENT IN 234
AND CALL THE ATTENDING IF THE LAVAGE IS POSITIVE?
I DON'T KNOW JACK.
♪I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN ♪
♪ NO, I KNOW I'M NO SUPERMAN ♪
♪I'M NO SUPERMAN ♪
J.D.: SO THIS IS MY STORY...
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE UP IN INTENSIVE CARE.
GOOD. WE JUST TURFED HIM THERE.
LOOK, I BECAME A DOCTOR BECAUSE I WANTED TO HELP PEOPLE.
BUT ORIENTATION YESTERDAY?
IT DIDN'T REALLY FOCUS ON PATIENT CARE.
THE HOSPITAL DOESN'T WANT TO BE SUED.
BEING SUED IS NOT A GOOD THING.
S'UP?
YOU KNOW HOW I'M TOTALLY DOWN WITH THE RAP MUSIC?
DUDE, BE WHITER.
CHRIS TURK'S MY BEST FRIEND.
WE ROOMED TOGETHER IN COLLEGE.
WE ROOMED TOGETHER IN MED SCHOOL.
HELL, WE EVEN GOT ACCEPTED BY THE SAME HOSPITAL.
HERE'S THE THING, TUPAC, DMX, DR. DRE...
IN MOST OF THEIR SONGS,
THESE ARTISTS USE AN EXTREMELY VOLATILE RACIAL SLUR--
THE "N" WORD--
RIGHT.
MY QUESTION IS THIS-- IF WE'RE BOTH SINGING ALONG,
AND KNOWING THAT OTHERWISE I WOULD NEVER USE THE WORD,
NO.
SEE, THAT'S GOOD FOR ME TO KNOW.
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
FINALLY, DOCTORS, IF THERE IS A MISTAKE,
DON'T ADMIT IT TO THE PATIENT.
OF COURSE, IF THE PATIENT IS DECEASED,
AND YOU'RE SURE,
YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO TELL HIM OR HER ANYTHING.
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
HEY, LISTEN, I FOUND US AN APARTMENT.
OK, GANG... I'M DR. BOB KELSO,
AND I'M YOUR CHIEF OF MEDICINE.
SO I JUST WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO THINK OF ME AS YOUR SAFETY NET.
BECAUSE I PROMISE YOU WE'RE A FAMILY HERE.
NOW, THEN, GO GET 'EM, DOCTORS.
THE SURGICAL INTERNS ARE GONNA GO GRAB A BEER.
THE MEDICAL INTERNS ARE HAVING A PAC-MAN TOURNAMENT.
APPARENTLY, WE'RE ALL 12.
I LOVE PAC-MAN.
ME, TOO. I LOVE WATCHING IT. I LOVE PLAYING IT.
I LOVE ALL OF IT.
I'M ELLIOT.
[E.T. VOICE] ELLIOT...
YEAH. DON'T DO THAT.
I'M J.D. THIS IS TURK.
ELLIOT, YOU MEDICAL OR SURGICAL?
MEDICAL.
HA HA. HELLO.
SO EVERY MALE IN MY FAMILY'S A DOCTOR.
MY DAD, MY GRANDDAD, MY BROTHER.
GUESS THAT'S WHY MY DAD GAVE ME A GUY'S NAME,
MADE ME PLAY SPORTS, DATE GIRLS--I'M JOKING.
I KNOW. I WOULD HAVE LAUGHED IF YOU'D PAUSED.
ANYWAY, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.
YOUR BUTT LOOKS LIKE 2 PRINGLES HUGGING.
NO, YOU DON'T.
I'M PROBABLY "MISS HYPERCOMPETITIVE."
I MEAN, IT USED TO BE A BIG PROBLEM FOR ME.
"USED TO." PAST TENSE.
HEY!
ARE WE, LIKE, RACING?
YES.
PLEASE. I'M NOT THAT DESPERATE.
♪ I WANT YOU TO WANT ME ♪
NOOOO!
♪ I NEED YOU TO NEED ME ♪
♪ I'D LOVE YOU TO LOVE ME ♪
[CHEERING]
♪ I'M BEGGING YOU TO BEG ME ♪
♪ I WANT YOU TO WANT ME ♪
[GASPING]
SO DO YOU DO A LOT OF CARDIO OR...?
OH, YEAH.
ELLIOT REID, JOHN DORIAN? GREAT.
ONE--I AM YOUR RESIDENT, DR. JEFFREY STEADMAN. NOT JEFF.
TWO--HERE ARE YOUR MANUALS.
YOU EVER NOTICE HOW QUICKLY SOME PEOPLE MAKE AN IMPRESSION?
I'M A TOOL. I'M A TOOL.
I'M A TOOL, TOOL, TOOL.
AN UNBELIEVABLY ANNOYING TOOL.
YEAH.
YEAH. FINALLY, THESE ARE YOUR BEEPERS.
FROM NOW ON, THEY CONTROL YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.
OK? THANKS. MOVE IT.
J.D.: BACK TO TODAY...
UH, I WAS PAGED.
AWW, FIRST DAY, BAMBI? CARLA WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU.
DON'T LOOK AT ME WHEN WE'RE MOVING SOMEONE!
WHY? [CLANG]
WE'RE WAITING FOR DR. ***.
J.D.: HI, DOCTOR. I'M--
PLACE AN I.V. FOR ME.
WE'LL TALK LATER.
CARLA, CAN I ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?
DO YOU SPRAY THE PERFUME ON
OR JUST FILL THE BATHTUB UP AND SPLASH AROUND IN IT?
I SMELL NICE.
COME ON, YOU'VE DONE THIS TO CADAVERS BEFORE.
SO THIS GUY'S ALIVE, JUST POKE IT THROUGH HIS SKIN.
POKE IT THROUGH! NOW!
[WHISTLES] TIME'S UP.
CARLA, WOULD YOU DO IT FOR HIM, PLEASE?
I ALSO NEED AN A.B.G.
WHY ARE YOU TELLING HER?
SHUT UP AND WATCH.
BE NICE TO BAMBI.
WHY DOES THIS GOMER GOT TO TRY AND DIE
EVERY DAY DURING MY LUNCH?
THAT'S A LITTLE INSENSITIVE.
[THUNDER]
MISTAKE.
MAN'S 92 YEARS OLD, HE HAS FULL DEMENTIA.
HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WE'RE HERE.
HE'S INCHES FROM CARLA'S RACK AND HE HASN'T EVEN FLINCHED.
AWW, THAT IS SO SWEET.
YEAH, IT IS.
WHAT ABOUT HIS SUBCONSCIOUS?
[SNORTS]
EISENHOWER WAS A SISSY.
I THINK, BY THE GRACE OF GOD, WE'RE GONNA BE OK.
OH, AND FROM NOW ON, WHENEVER I'M IN THE ROOM,
YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT ALLOWED TO TALK.
NOW, DR. DORIAN, CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT AILMENT...
I THINK I'M GONNA LOVE ROUNDS.
IT'S LIKE BEING ON A GAME SHOW.
[DING] WHAT IS UREMIA?
THAT'S MY BOY.
HEY, NICE CLEAN JOB ON THE FOLEY CATHETER.
I HAD A NURSE DO IT.
UNFORTUNATELY, I'M STILL AFRAID TO TOUCH ANYBODY.
I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT ELLIOT.
A WHOLE LOT.
DR. REID, YOU'RE LATE.
I GOT PUKED ON.
YOU'RE OFF THE HOOK IF YOU CAN TELL ME
WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A UREMIC PATIENT.
ANYWAY, I'M GOING FOR IT.
Infection.
INFECTION?
THAT'S MY GIRL.
HMM.
MOVING ON.
I KNEW THE ANSWER.
I'M SURE YOU DID.
I WAS JUST FRAZZLED.
HOW COULD YOU NOT BE? I KNOW.
GOOD. BUT THANKS. IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN EVER DO FOR YOU--
YOU COULD LET ME TAKE YOU TO DINNER TOMORROW NIGHT.
AROUND 7:00? OR 8:00?
WHY NOT?
NICE.
"WHY NOT?" THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.
"WHY NOT?"
DADDY, WHY DID YOU MARRY MOMMY?
WELL, TIGER, I GAVE HER AN ANSWER DURING ROUNDS
AND SHE SCREWED MY BRAINS OUT.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
YOU'RE THE MAN.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
[AUDIENCE WHOOPING]
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
[RECORD SCRATCHES]
DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST PAGE ME
TO FIND OUT HOW MUCH TYLENOL TO GIVE TO MRS. LENZER?
I WAS WORRIED IT COULD EXACERBATE THE PATIENT'S--
IT'S REGULAR STRENGTH TYLENOL.
HERE'S WHAT YOU DO-- GET HER TO OPEN HER MOUTH,
TAKE A HANDFUL AND THROW IT AT HER.
WHATEVER STICKS, THAT'S THE CORRECT DOSAGE.
BUT I--
AND UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES
ARE YOU TO COMPROMISE OUR NO-TALKING AGREEMENT.
DR. KELSO'S ALWAYS TELLING ME, "STAY POSITIVE--"
I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND SAY THIS JUST AS CAREFULLY AS POSSIBLE
SO I DON'T OVERSTATE IT--
DR. KELSO IS THE MOST EVIL HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET
AND MAY IN FACT BE SATAN HIMSELF.
IT'S JUST THAT THIS ISN'T REALLY WHAT I EXPECTED.
MOST OF MY PATIENTS ARE...OLDER
AND SORT OF CHECKED OUT MENTALLY.
PUMPKIN... THAT'S MODERN MEDICINE.
ADVANCES THAT KEEP PEOPLE ALIVE
WHO SHOULD HAVE DIED A LONG TIME AGO,
BACK WHEN THEY LOST WHAT MADE THEM PEOPLE.
NOW, YOUR JOB IS TO STAY SANE ENOUGH
SO THAT WHEN SOMEONE DOES COME IN THAT YOU ACTUALLY CAN HELP,
YOU'RE NOT SO BRAIN-DEAD THAT YOU CAN'T FUNCTION.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT?!
DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD BE TALKING IN FRONT OF--
HER? SHE'S DEAD.
WRITE THIS DOWN, NEWBIE-- IF YOU PUSH AROUND A STIFF,
NOBODY'LL ASK YOU TO DO ANYTHING.
YOU'VE BEEN LIKE A FATHER TO ME.
FAIR ENOUGH. YOU WANT SOME REAL ADVICE?
IF THEY FIND OUT THE NURSES ARE DOING YOUR PROCEDURES FOR YOU,
YOUR ***'LL BE OUTTA HERE SO QUICK IT'LL MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN.
AND THERE IT IS.
HAVE A TERRIFIC DAY.
I'M NOT REALLY DEAD.
OK, BAMBI, HERE'S MRS. LENZER'S TOX SCREENING.
I WONDER IF TURK'S HAVING THE SAME EXPERIENCE I AM?
I AM SUCH A STUD.
PROBABLY NOT.
THIS MORNING I HAD MY HANDS INSIDE OF A GUY'S CHEST.
I COULDN'T EVEN SEE THEM.
I SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO DO STUFF LIKE THAT.
WHAT'S UP?
AND YOU WEREN'T SCARED?
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, EVERYONE STOPS BLEEDING.
THAT IS SO DEEP.
NO, IT ISN'T.
IT'S A LITTLE DEEP.
WE NEVER GOT TO TALK ABOUT THE APARTMENT.
T-MAN! AAAHHH! [LAUGHING]
HA HA! WHAT UP, BOY? HOW YOU DOIN'?
TODD, J.D.
J.D., THIS IS MY MAN TODD.
HOW'S IT GOING? OW.
AND LIKE THAT, I WAS BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU SEE, SURGICAL INTERNS ARE ALL SLICE 'EM AND DICE 'EM.
THEY'RE THE JOCKS.
MEDICAL INTERNS, WE'RE TRAINED TO THINK ABOUT THE BODY--
DIAGNOSE, TEST...
THE MEDICAL INTERNS, WELL...
YOU GOT A STAIN.
AH, HA HA!
WE'RE THE CHESS CLUB.
[LITE JAZZ PLAYING]
I JUST HAVE BAD GAS. WHAT ARE YOU TESTING ME FOR?
WE NEED TO KNOW IF YOUR GAS COULD BE HARMFUL TO OTHERS.
[DING]
HE'S JUST SCARED. TALK TO HIM.
LOOK, MR. BURSKI,
I HEARD A SYSTOLIC MURMUR IN YOUR HEART,
WHICH IS MOST LIKELY NOTHING,
BUT IF YOU DON'T LET ME CHECK YOU OUT,
I'M GONNA WORRY ABOUT YOU ALL DAY.
THEN I'LL DO IT. FOR YOU.
YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.
I'M--I'M WAITING FOR SOMEONE.
THE DOOR IS BROKE.
EVERY FIFTH TIME OR SO, IT DON'T OPEN.
MAYBE THERE'S A PENNY STUCK IN THERE.
WHY A PENNY?
I DON'T KNOW.
DID YOU STICK A PENNY IN THERE?
NO. I WAS JUST MAKING SMALL TALK.
IF I FIND A PENNY IN THERE...
I'M TAKING YOU DOWN.
WELCOME TO ROUNDS, KIDS.
ELLIOT IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME FROM LOSING MY MIND.
SHE'S MY DREAM GIRL.
THE NECROSIS AND INFECTED STOOL
MOST LIKELY INDICATE WHAT, DR. DORIAN?
[CLOCK TICKING]
[TRUCK HORN HONKING]
I don't know.
SIR, I HAVE NO IDEA.
DR. REID, CAN YOU HELP HIM OUT?
I'D SAY IT'S SUPERIOR MESENTERIC INSUFFICIENCY.
[HONKING]
THAT'S MY GIRL!
PATIENT NUMBER 2!
[MUTTERING]
[REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING ON HEADPHONES]
DRAINING MRS. PRATT'S STOMACH FLUID
WILL GET MY SPIRITS BACK UP.
CIRCLES FOR YOU.
SHUT UP AND DO IT.
FANTASTIC.
NOW JUST SUCK OUT THE FLUID WITH THE GIANT NEEDLE.
I THINK THIS NEEDLE'S TOO BIG. I'M GONNA GET A NURSE.
COME ON, MAN. LEARN BY DOING.
LEARN BY DOING.
WHY COULDN'T I DO THAT?
I HATED HIM AT THAT MOMENT.
OK, MAYBE THE NEEDLE WAS JUST A LITTLE TOO BIG.
OH, YOU THINK?
WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE?
NOTHING, MA'AM. THIS IS TOTALLY NORMAL.
SO ARE YOU GONNA MOVE YOUR STUFF IN OR WHAT?
THAT'S WHY I CAME BY. I THINK IT'S BETTER
IF WE BOTH BRANCHED OUT A LITTLE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?
TELL HIM YOU THINK THAT'S STUPID.
TELL HIM YOU NEED HIM.
YEAH. I FEEL THE SAME WAY.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
SO, WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING A YOUNG AND HOTSHOT DOCTOR?
IT'S LIKE...DID YOU EVER GO SEE A MOVIE
THAT EVERYONE TOLD YOU WAS GREAT
AND THEN BECAUSE OF ALL THOSE EXPECTATIONS
YOU ENDED UP TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED?
MOVIES NOWADAYS HAVE TOO MANY SPECIAL EFFECTS.
YEAH. THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH MY POINT.
[PAGER BEEPS] MY FIRST CODE.
SEE, HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
SOMEONE'S HEART FAILS, THEY BEEP EVERYONE.
THE FIRST DOCTOR IN HAS TO RUN THE ROOM,
TELL EVERYONE WHAT TO DO,
BASICALLY DECIDE IF THE PATIENT LIVES OR DIES.
WHAT, AM I CRAZY?
AAH!
YOU CHICKEN!
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE PATIENT.
TURK WAS ALREADY THERE... LEARNING BY DOING.
CLEAR!
AAH!
PLUS, IT TURNS OUT THE GUY WAS JUST SLEEPING,
ATTACHED TO A FAULTY MONITOR.
I THOUGHT WE CARED ABOUT EACH OTHER.
PLEASE, IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME
YOU'D HAVE DONE THE SAME THING.
THE LAST THING IN THE WORLD I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP WITH YOU NOW!
[MOANS] DO ME RIGHT HERE.
OK.
AAH!
***: RIGHT.
PASS ME A TRACH KIT.
THANKS.
OUR DATE IS TOTALLY CANCELED!
PFFT.
I WAS SITTING ON THE FLOOR FOR 2 REASONS--
ONE--I'D TRIED TO LOCK ELLIOT IN THAT SUPPLY CLOSET
AND SHE'D KICKED ME...HARD.
AND 2--THE ON-CALL ROOM WAS LOCKED.
[THUMPING]
COME ON! I GOT LIKE 10 MINUTES TO SLEEP!
HEY, TELL ME IF I'M GOING TOO FAST, OK?
LOSE THE CLOTHES.
I HEARD THAT TURK WAS GONNA MOVE IN WITH TODD.
I'M SURPRISED THAT HIGH-FIVING FREAK ISN'T IN THERE WITH HIM.
Todd: DAMN, THIS IS HOT.
[GIGGLES]
NICE.
YOUR TURN.
NO. I GOTTA GET BACK, BUT VERY NICE.
OH, HEY, BAMBI.
SO, UH, I'LL CALL YOU, OK?
GIVE ME A BIG "AHH."
A BIG BOY "AHH."
TURK PRACTICALLY HAD SEX IN THE ON-CALL ROOM.
YOU REALIZE, OF COURSE, I HAVE NO IDEA WHO TURK IS,
BUT GOOD FOR HIM.
YOU SEE, BILLY, IT TURNS OUT THAT SEX IS LIFE-AFFIRMING.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, CHAMP?
YOU GOT A URINE SAMPLE IN THERE FOR ME?
BUT I JUST DID 5 MINUTES AGO.
I KNOW YOU DID, BUT HERE'S THE THING.
I'D LIKE YOU TO TAKE THIS CUP, PUT IT ON THE GROUND,
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND JUST GO NUTS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
COOL!
ATTA-BOY! GO GET 'EM, CHAMP.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
SEEMS LIKE A GOOD KID.
YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT BEING ON-CALL TONIGHT, AREN'T YOU?
YEAH.
LOOK, WORST CASE SCENARIO...
YOU KILL SOMEBODY
AND THAT HANGS OVER YOUR HEAD THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,
BUT THAT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST CASE SCENARIO.
LOOK, JUST HAVE THE NURSES DO ALL THE STUFF YOU'RE TOO CHICKEN TO DO,
WHICH I ASSUME COVERS JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING,
AND IF YOU HAVE A REALLY ROUGH ADMISSION--
CALL YOU?
NO! I WAS GONNA SAY GO HIDE IN THE CLOSET AGAIN.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Billy: YEE-HAW! THIS IS FUN!
Man: HEY, NURSIE!
I'M A DOCTOR, OK? STETHOSCOPE, BEEPER, GOT IT?
RELAX.
I JUST HATE "DARLINGS" AND "SWEETHEARTS."
YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL ME HOW HARD IT IS BEING A WOMAN AROUND HERE.
WELL, YOU'RE CERTAINLY FURTHERING THE CAUSE
BY WEARING A THONG TO WORK AND HOOKING UP IN THE ON-CALL ROOM.
[SCREECH]
WORD GETS AROUND.
YOU TALK LIKE THAT, DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY NAME?
I SPEND EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE EITHER HERE OR TAKING CARE OF MY MOM,
SO, YEAH, MAYBE I NEEDED A LITTLE CLOSENESS.
I'M SURE YOU NEVER HAD A QUICKIE AT THE CLUB, RIGHT?
OR SNUCK SOME SKINNY FLAT-BUTTED COLLEGE BOY UP TO YOUR SORORITY ROOM.
AND MY THONG? I HAPPEN TO THINK IT MAKES MY *** LOOK GOOD
AND SOME DAYS I NEED TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT SOMETHING AROUND HERE.
AND YOU JUDGE ME? WELL, GUESS WHAT.
WORD DOES GET AROUND, MS. OUT-FOR-HERSELF,
SO YOU CAN DUMP ON EVERYONE HERE IF YOU WANT,
BUT YOU WILL NOT HURT ME.
HER NAME'S CARLA, BY THE WAY.
YEAH.
CARLA.
HEY, CHAMP. FIRST NIGHT ON CALL STARTS SOON, HUH?
GOSH, MUST BE EXCITED.
AAH!
YOU BETCHA.
HEH HEH HEH.
OH, ABOUT MRS. PRATT.
I HEARD YOU WANTED TO PUT HER ON THE HOSPITAL'S TRANSPLANT LIST.
JUST THOUGHT I'D RECOMMEND KEEPING HER ON DIALYSIS A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.
MAYBE WE'LL GET LUCKY.
NO PROBLEM, SIR.
GREAT. HAVE A BALL...ON CALL.
A LITTLE POEM FOR YOU.
HA HA HA!
OHH!
[LOUD CHATTER]
[TELEPHONES RINGING]
♪ PLEASE FORGIVE ME ♪
♪ IF I ACT A LITTLE STRANGE ♪
♪ FOR I KNOW NOT WHAT I DO ♪
♪ FEELS LIKE LIGHTNING RUNNING THROUGH MY VEINS ♪
♪ EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU ♪
BAMBI, COME ON. LET'S GO.
♪ EVERY TIME I LOOK AT YOU ♪
I'LL CHECK ON YOU EVERY 10 MINUTES, MRS. MARINO, OK?
I NEED TO SEE YOU IN MR. BURSKI'S ROOM.
ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME?
YOU ARE, AREN'T YOU?
HE CRASHED.
THE ATTENDING THINKS IT WAS A PULMONARY EMBOLISM.
NO WAY ANYONE COULD HAVE CAUGHT IT.
ANYHOW, YOU HAVE TO PRONOUNCE HIM.
WHY DIDN'T ANYBODY PAGE ME?
COULD YOU JUST PRONOUNCE HIM SO I CAN GO HOME?
I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT MOMENT.
THE WAY HE LOOKED EXACTLY THE SAME...
ONLY COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
THE SHAME THAT ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT
WAS HOW HARD THIS WAS FOR ME.
TIME OF DEATH 0200.
I JUST WANTED TO HELP PEOPLE.
THE HARDEST PART IS HOW QUICKLY YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON.
DON'T WORRY, MAN. YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.
HEY. I LIED BEFORE, MAN. I'M SCARED EVERY SECOND.
REALLY?
IT'S A GOOD THING THEY MAKE SURGICAL MASKS,
'CAUSE IF THEY DIDN'T, EVERYONE WOULD KNOW
THAT MY FACE IS LIKE THIS THE WHOLE TIME.
[LAUGHS]
WELL, I THINK IT'S OK TO BE SCARED.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, MAN.
HE NEEDS ME?
ANYWAY, I JUST CAME TO CHECK UP ON YOU.
SEE HOW YOU'RE DOING.
ASK HIM TO MOVE IN AGAIN.
YOU KNOW, TURK, THE OFFER STILL STANDS--
DUDE, I ALREADY TOOK THE KEYS OUT OF YOUR BAG.
I LOVE YOU.
[SNICKERS]
AND LIKE THAT, I GOT A SECOND WIND.
I'M WATCHING YOU.
HOW YOU HOLDING UP?
AH, THERE HE IS. MY SAFETY NET.
I SAW THAT YOU'RE STILL PUSHING TO PUT MRS. PRATT ON THE TRANSPLANT LIST.
BAD NEWS, THOUGH, SPORT.
SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE INSURANCE TO COVER IT.
YEAH, BUT SHE'S LIKE A SECOND AWAY FROM TOTAL RENAL FAILURE.
OK. DID YOU ASK THE BURSKI FAMILY
FOR PERMISSION TO DO AN AUTOPSY?
THEY'RE STILL IN THERE WITH HIM, SO...
IT'S A TEACHING HOSPITAL, SON. YOU GOTTA ASK.
JUST TELL HIM YOU CAN'T SEE MR. BURSKI AGAIN.
HE'LL UNDERSTAND.
SIR, DO YOU THINK I COULD SKIP JUST THIS ONE?
WHY, SURE, SPORT.
SEE? EVERY STORY NEEDS A GOOD GUY.
IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST HEAD ON HOME?
YOU LOOK KINDA TIRED.
I AM PRETTY TIRED.
DR. DORIAN, DO YOU NOT REALIZE
THAT YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A LARGE PAIR OF SCRUBS TO ME?
FOR GOD'S SAKE, THE ONLY REASON I CARRY THIS CHART AROUND
IS SO I CAN PRETEND TO REMEMBER YOUR DAMN NAMES.
NOW, LOOK, IF THE PATIENT HAS INSURANCE, YOU TREAT THEM.
IF YOU DON'T, YOU SHOW THEM THE DOOR.
AND IF SOMEBODY DIES, YOU GET THE AUTOPSY.
YOU GET IT BY ROUNDS TOMORROW MORNING,
OR I'LL BE SCRATCHING YOUR NAME OFF MY CHART.
ARE WE CLEAR? ANSWER ME!
CRYSTAL CLEAR.
GREAT, SPORT.
I DON'T GET IT. IF HE'S THE JERK...
[PAGER BEEPS]
THEN WHO'S THE GOOD GUY?
Carla: CAR ACCIDENT. CRASHED IN THE ELEVATOR ON THE WAY UP.
WE GOTTA RELIEVE THE PRESSURE IN HIS CHEST.
J.D., DO IT.
OH, GOD, NO.
LOOK AT ME. YOU CAN DO THIS.
AND I BELIEVED HIM.
CHEST TUBE TRAY.
YOU KNOW, KINDA.
COME ON, BABY, LET'S GO. CHOP CHOP.
YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS.
J.D., CUT HIM OR LOSE HIM.
OK, GIVE ME THE TUBE.
I CAN'T GET IT THROUGH THE PLEURA.
WELL, DON'T BE GENTLE. GET IT IN THERE.
OK. CONNECT IT, PLEASE, CARLA.
[SUCTION]
NO WAY.
SEE? IT'S A PIECE OF CAKE.
HE'S YOUR PATIENT.
YOU'RE LEAVING?!
THAT'S YOUR PATIENT, DOCTOR.
UNH. [MUTTERS]
[GIGGLES]
THAT'S ENOUGH.
SORRY. IT'S A VERY BIG MOMENT FOR ME.
MM-HMM.
J.D.: SO I GUESS THAT'S IT FOR NOW.
31 HOURS, 12 MINUTES AND I AM...
YOU FINALLY OFF?
ALMOST. I HAVE ONE MORE REALLY ANNOYING THING I GOTTA DO.
IF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE BURSKI AUTOPSY, I CALLED THE FAMILY.
THEY SAID FINE, AND TO THANK YOU, AND I'M SORRY.
THEY DIDN'T SAY THAT LAST PART, I DID.
THE WORST PART WAS KNOWING RIGHT THEN
THAT I COULD NEVER FORGIVE HER.
I FORGIVE HER.
YOU SEE, I CAN'T SURVIVE ON MY OWN.
Steadman: I'M A DORK!
I'M A DORK. I'M A DORK.
EVEN NOW, WHEN I FINALLY GET TO GO HOME,
IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD,
I'LL KNOW THE HOSPITAL'S STILL HERE WIDE AWAKE.
BAMBI! GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN.
BUT WHAT THE HELL?
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS I GOT THROUGH MY FIRST 3 DAYS
WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT.
[CLUNK]
I'M THE MAN.
♪ I NEED YOU HERE WITH ME ♪
♪ 'CAUSE LOVE IS ALL WE NEED ♪
♪ JUST TAKE AHOLD OF THE HAND THAT BREAKS THE FALL ♪
♪ WELL, I KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN TOLD ♪
♪ GOTTA BREAK FREE TO BREAK THE MOLD ♪
♪ BUT I CAN'T DO THIS ALL ON MY OWN ♪
♪ NO, I KNOW I'M NO SUPERMAN ♪