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CAN YOUR EYES ON ROAD.
MISSING A SIGN OF AN APPLE TV
SET AND THE COMPANY HAS YET TO
TAKE A BIGGER BITE OUT OF THE
TELEVISION MARKET.
>> Lisa: JUST DELIGHTED TO BE
JOINED BY GABRIELLA VAN RAY.
THANKS FOR BEING WITH US, AUTHOR
OF A BOOK CALLED WITH ALL MY
MIGHT.
THE TITLE MAKES SENSE HAVING RED
YOUR STORY IT IS INCREDIBLE.
THE MESSAGE IS ABOUT BULLYING,
YOU EXPERIENCED IN IT SCHOOL AND
EVEN FROM FAMILY.
EXPLAIN HOW YOUR LIFE STARTED
OUT IN AN ORPHANAGE IN PAKISTAN.
>> I WAS BORN IN PAKISTAN I'M
ONE OF THE THE LUCKY ONES
BECAUSE I GOT ADOPTED AT THE AGE
OF 3 AND INTO A DUTCH FAMILY WHO
MOVED AROUND A LOT.
AND IN THE 60s NOBODY LOOKED
LIKE ME IN EUROPE.
SO IT WAS NOT LIKE THE MELTING
POT THAT WE HAVE TODAY.
SO I REALLY FELT THAT I WAS AN
OUTCAST FROM THE BEGINNING AND
CHILDREN ARE ABSOLUTELY CRUEL
WHEN THEY ARE AFRAID AND WHEN
THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING.
>> Lisa: YOU EVEN TALK ABOUT
MEETING YOUR ADOPTIVE MOM FOR
THE FIRST TIME, A VERY AFFLUENT
DUTCH FAMILY AND YOU HAD A SENSE
OF DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN SHE MET
YOU.
>> YES, I DID.
BECAUSE YOU KNOW, PARENTS EVEN
IF YOU ADOPT YOU HAVE AN
EXPECTATION OF WHAT THIS CHILD
IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE OR BE
LIKE, SOMETIMES WE DO THAT TO
OUR OWN KIDS TOO, YOU KNOW, SO I
THINK FOR HER SUDDENLY REALITY
OF THIS ORPHAN WITH A PICTURE IN
YOUR HEAD AND THE REAL THING IS
QUITE DIFFERENT SO YEAH I FELT I
HAD BEEN DISAPPOINTING.
>> Lisa: YOU FELT LIKE A BIT
OF A PUSH ALSO FROM YOUR
FATHER'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY, A
BIT OF REJECTION FROM THAT SIDE
OF THE FAMILY AS WELL?
>> THAT WAS ACTUALLY MY IN-LAWS
WHEN I GOT MARRIED.
I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO TO FAMILY
REUNIONS THEY ACCEPTED MY
DAUGHTER BECAUSE SHE WAS BORN
LIGHT-SKINKED AND SO IT FELT
REALLY STRANGE TO HAVE FAMILY
GATHERINGS WHERE YOU ARE NOT
ALLOWED TO COME.
>> Lisa: HAS THAT COME ANY
FURTHER?
>> IT IS CALLED DIVORCE.
>> Lisa: THERE YOU GO.
>> YOU GO IT TO DEAL WITH
BULLYING SOMEHOW.
>> Lisa: YOU DO HAVE TO DEAL
WITH BULLYING SOMEHOW.
GOOD ON YOU.
TALK ABOUT THE MESSAGE THAT
YOU'RE GIVERRING TO PEOPLE FIRST
OF ALL, WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE
TO PARENTS WITH CHILDREN BEING
BULLIED?
>> FIRST OF ALL WE GOT TO CREATE
AWARENESS.
MOST PARENTS ARE NOT AWARE OF
IT.
SO ONE OF THE THINGS I TELL
PARENTS IS THEY GOT TO FIND OUT
WHAT MAKES THEIR KIDS CHANGE
BEFORE THEY CHANGE.
SO BE MORE INVOLVED TRY TO FIND
OUT WHO THEIR FRIENDS ARE,
ESPECIALLY TRY TO FIND OUT WHO
THEY DON'T BEFRIEND BECAUSE THAT
IS OFTEN THE CASE.
THEY SAY THAT EVERYTHING IS ALL
RIGHT AND BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT
TO TELL.
I MEAN I FIRST-HAND UNDERSTAND
THAT.
YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO
HUMILIATION AND TELL YOUR
FAMILY.
BUT I THINK IF PARENTS PAID
ATTENTION TO THEM SLOWLY GETTING
ISOLATED BECAUSE IT STARTS
SLOWLY AND IT IS A VERY SLOW
PROCESS AND TALK AS MUCH AS YOU
CAN.
THEN I GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE.
I HAVE A NEIGHBOUR CHILD HE IS
ONLY 7.
AND HE TOLD ME THE OTHER DAY,
BECAUSE HE KNOWS THAT I TALK
ABOUT BULLYING THAT HE GOT
BULLIED IN A SHOWER AFTER GYM, 7
YEARS TOLD CHILD THREATENED HIM
AND SAID THAT HE HAD TAKEN
PICTURES ON HIS iPHONE AND
WOULD PUT IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
>> Lisa: HARD TO BELIEVE.
>> I GIVE YOU THAT EXAMPLE.
I DON'T KNOW IF HE WOULD HAVE
TOLD HIS MOM.
>> Lisa: IT WOULD BE AN
UNCOMFORTABLE THING TO SHARE.
>> EXACTLY.
THEY HAVE TO SHARE IT AND THEY R
HAVE TO TELL AN ADULT, SOMEONE
HAS TO JUMP IN.
THIS BOY IS ANXIOUS NOW.
>> Lisa: I THINK KEEP EVENING
YOUR KIDS AS COMFORTABLE AS
POSSIBLE AND KNOWING THAT THEY
CAN COME TO YOU WITH ANYTHING
AND EVERYTHING, THE BOOK IS FOR
ADULTS.
TELL US A BIT ABOUT "WITH ALL MY
MIGHT".
>> THIS IS A BOOK I WROTE IT
WITH MY HEART ON MY SLEEVE AND
IT IS TOUGH TO WRITE A PERSONAL
STORY LIKE THIS.
BUT I WANTED TO DO IT TO HELP AT
LEAST SOMEONE LOSE FEAR BECAUSE
I HAVE BEEN FEARFUL AND WHICH IS
ON BECAUSE I'M A HAPPY-GO-LUCKY
PERSON.
AND I DECIDED THAT IF WE WERE
ALL FEAR-BASED WHY NO IT GET A
MESSAGE OUT THERE WHERE EMOTIONS
RESONATE WITH EVERYONE.
WHAT THE BOOK BROUGHT ABOUT
WHICH I LIKE EVEN MORE IS THAT I
GET A CHANCE TO PEEK TO SCHOOLS
AND TO CREATE AWARENESS.
>> Lisa: YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT
PUTTING THIS IN A CHILDREN'S
VERSION TO TARGET THEM DIRECTLY.
>> IT WILL BE CALLED "I CAN FIND
MY MIGHT" AND I HAVE AN ANALOGY
AND WHEN I TELL YOU YOU WILL
SMILE IMMEDIATELY.
THINK OF M&Ms AND THEY ARE ALL
YELLOW, THAT IS HOW I FELT WHEN
I GOT ADOPTED.
I WAS RED SMARTIE OR M&M IN A
SEA OF LITTLE BLONDE AND
BLUE-EYED KIDS.
WHEN I SHOW THIS TO CHILDREN
THEY GET IT IMMEDIATELY THEY SAY
TWO THINGS, THE COLOURS, WHERE
ARE THE COLOURS, THEY ARE
MISSING AND THEY ARE RIGHT,
BECAUSE WE LIVE IN A MELTING POT
OF MULTICULTURAL WORLD.
WE DON'T REALLY MELT.
SO IN THIS CHILDREN'S VERSION
I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO THEM
HOW TO EMPOWER THEMSELVES TO
ACTUALLY GET THE JOB DONE AND TO
SHOW THAT THERE IS NOTHING TO BE
AFRAID OF.
>> Lisa: YOUR MESSAGE IS, YOU
DO HAVE A WAY OF MAKING IT
RELATABLE FOR PARENTS AND FOR
CHILDREN.
AND FOR THAT, THANK YOU FOR HOW
FAR YOU HAVE COME, TOO.
FROM WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN THROUGH
AS A CHILD TO A VERY WELL-SPOKEN
AND ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN WITH A
FABULOUS MESSAGE.
WE WANT TO TELL PEOPLE WHERE TO
GET THE BOOK, WITH ALL MY
MIGHT.COM AND AVAILABLE ON
AMAZON, CONTINUE YOUR VENTURE
ACROSS THE COUNTRY SHARING YOUR
MESSAGE AND YOUR INTO BEING.