Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
All I ever do is explain. But there's apparently no time for that. Okay.
Just kidding. I am, after all, contractually obligated to ramble on about pointless crap
that never really makes sense at first. (I like to think I'm rather good at it.) In that
respect, No Time to Explain should be right up my alley. You bust into your own house
(through the wall, in a dramatic fashion, of course), inform you that you're you from
your future, where OH CHRIST GIANT ENEMY CRAB. And then you're left to pick up the huge-***
ray gun from the future and attempt to save you from said giant crab, by travelling through
a series of time-space warps and eventually having to fight off a huge spaceship firing
energy beams and missiles and whatnot. Fortunately, that huge-*** ray gun helps even the score
a bit.
No Time to Explain is, at its core, all about playing with physics. Your huge-*** ray gun
serves two purposes: to destroy obstacles and, most importantly, to provide thrust for
new-age rocket-jumping shenanigans. Having nailed down the physics, the rest of the game
is about platforming, getting from point A to point B in one piece. (And maybe collecting
some hats along the way, because it's Steam so obviously hats.) This will require combinations
of running, jumping, and thrusting, and potentially blowing up obstacles or boring out a path,
all while you (not you you, other you you) screams out mildly entertaining interjections,
much like... well, like a dude being gnawed on by shark or absconded with by a giant enemy
crab. It's... mildly entertaining, and often veers into the absurd, but can quickly get
to repeating if you're having trouble with a certain chunk of terrain. And... well, let's
say I had trouble with a certain chunk of terrain.
No Time to Explain started out as a Flash game, and besides the kind of minimalist graphical
style, it certainly shows in the controls. You move with the directional buttons, while
aiming and firing your laser is on the mouse. Which is fine for the majority of gamers,
but... I'm on a laptop. Don't get me wrong, this laptop's pretty boss for pumping out
games, but No Time to Explain's controls kinda fall on their face when you're using a cramped
combination of tiny D-keys and a touchpad. And unfortunately, there's no way to use an
actual joystick or repurposed controller. Presumably, this very issue will be taken
care of when the game makes its XBox debut in the future, but for now kinda feels like
delicious fruit, JUST out of reach, through no fault of my own. Still, for the frustration,
it was a refreshing romp through ADD-riddled stages, occasionally switching up the mechanics
like using explosions instead of a continuous beam or, adding underwater segments. Guess
I'm actually going to have to use a... guh... a MOUSE to get the most out of this one. Man.
Thought I was done with those.