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Abad Hotel.
Oh crotch!
If this is Abad Hotel,
I'd rather stay in a good one.
Don't worry, Sam.
Abad Hotel is better than none.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Anna! What are you doing here?
I wanted to come along with you and your friends in a Funny Signs video.
Welcome aboard, Anna.
Exit 300.
Goodwater, 1/2 mile. No Services.
Well, at least they have good water.
From Abad Hotel to Goodwater.
The story of Mary's life.
Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
[BONK!]
Ouch.
Recombobulation Area.
The opposite of a discombobulation area.
Finally, a place to go whenever I get discombobulated.
And when Sam comes in, all clear out.
Shut up, you ***!
In case of a tidal wave: 1, remain calm. 2, pay your bill. 3, run like hell.
Oh my gosh, here comes a tidal wave!
Let's get outta here before blub-blub-blub-blub...
Forsooth! Mike sinks again!
All *** do, sooner or later.
Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Don't explode at Sam, Mike.
You know he's only fooling.
Relax.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on
now.
No no no no no no no no no no no no dammitalltohell!
Sam, stop calling me an ***! You hear me?
Sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch sonofabitch!
[BOOM!!]
Torpedo room.
Caution! Submarine is still in operational condition.
Please do not operate any equipment.
Well, at least I'm safe here.
I'll stay until the tornado passes.
Not "tornado" -- "torpedo."
In that case, I'll stay here until they cancel the torpedo warning.
Chicken Crossing.
Why are these chickens crossing the road?
To get to the other side!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
If I hear any more corny jokes like that, I'll give you the ee-tecker.
What's an ee-tecker?
Ee-teckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!
[POW!!]
Warning: Anti-Climb Paint.
If it's painted, you can't climb it.
I don't know.
I think you can climb the wall perfectly well, Sam.
Here I go!
Uh-oh! Look out, Sam! You're gonna---
[Sam falling]
[THUD!!]
---fall.
Ouch!
My ribcage!
Owww!
Please leave your food and drinks at the counter for the clerk to enjoy while you shop.
I just saw the clerk this morning.
He was the morbidly obese guy reaching for his unemployment check.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Drive-TRHU pharmacy.
TRHU?
I don't have a TRHU.
I'd much rather use a Corvette.
Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
American Lighting. Made in China.
Oh crotch!
This is what happens when Republicans eradicate organized labor.
Don't be such an ***, Mike.
This is an election year, and politicians have ears,
so watch it, ***!
Sam, Sam, Sam.
If I told you once, I've told you a gazillion times:
I
am
not
an
***!
Take it easy, Sam.
Don't blow your cool.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
No no no no no no no no damn damn damn damn crap crap crap crap!
Microsoft Mike, you're a *** liar!
You are too an *** and you're guilty of perjury! You hear me?
Guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty!
[BOOM!!]
Oh crotch!
Planted in the ground again!
When will Sam ever learn to face the other way when throwing a tantrum?
Don't get upset, Mary.
I'll help you out of your predicament.
Aisle 14. Beer. Diet AIDS.
I never heard of an AIDS soft drink, let alone a diet one.
Don't touch that diet drink, you'll get AIDS.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Massage Nails.
I had my nails massaged last Friday.
So did I.
I'd have had Sam do it, but he has Anna doing his massages now.
If Anna massages my nails, could she massage my hammers too?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You asked for it, Microsoft Mike!
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!
[POW!!]
Sheesh!
Italy on sale. $799.
Jeez! I knew the world's economy's gone bad, but really!
For a few dollars more, you can have France, Spain, a piece of Germany and a hotel on Park Place.
Unadopted road. Unsuitable for through traffic.
So this is what it's come to.
Too many roads are unadopted.
This is an orphaned road.
S & M Anytime.
Sam and Mike anytime? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
They mean sadomasochism.
Mary gives it and gets it every night.
Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Stay calm, Mary.
Don't get upset.
Keep
your
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on.
Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w!
Don't you ever spill the beans about what I do at night! You hear me?
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!
[BOOM!!]
Totally Christian Karate.
The Church of Martial Arts.
First you get on your knees,
next you pray to Jesus,
and finally you get to kick your enemy in the ***.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Seafood Snacks. Jerky. Meat Floss.
Finally they floss the meat before you can eat it.
Oh crotch! I left my used dental floss on the checkout counter!
They used Sam's dental floss on the meat?
Sickening! Gross! Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!
[Mary barfing]
Keep Left.
Keep left? The arrow points to the right!
What an ***!
Smoking of marijuana is illegal and persons can be persecuted.
Tscha! Marijuana smokers are always persecuted.
Don't they know that potheads have rights?
Stop, 4-way.
Complete stops free. Rolling stops $109.50. Your choice.
Yeah? So, what happens if I don't stop at all?
Does this answer your question?
Holy Schneikees!
Not Satan's Kingdom again!
Yes, Satan's Kingdom again.
And I warn the Almighty that if he tries to steal you from me one more time,
not only will the She-Devil and I *** on you,
but all of Earth will be destroyed, immediately and permanently!
This time we mean it!
And if anyone tries to undo said destruction,
he, she or they will be permanently cursed!
Hold it right there, you two!
Leave Microsoft Sam alone! He's mine!
Get out of here, interferer, or we'll let you both have it!
He means it.
There is not one piece of evidence on Earth that can prove Sam innocent of uncondonable sin.
Oh yes there is!
You claimed you have proof of Sam's guilt
yet you refuse to divulge it.
Scandalous! Shall we let them have it?
Bombs away!
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Gugh! Not again! Eeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
[Sam barfing]
You missed me, but look at Sam! Eeeeeewwww!
[Anna barfing]
At it again? This is impermissible!
You asked for it!
[GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!]
What happened? Why did you bring us here again?
And why didn't you allow us to destroy the Earth?
Because, you infernal imp, God will never allow you to torment Sam without conclusive proof of guilt,
neither will He allow you to destroy the world He created.
You let us go right now, or we will summon all of our legions to destroy everything!
That is never going to happen.
I forbid it and you two must now take your medicine.
[Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w!
[She-Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w!
Temple Beth-El Synagogue.
We don't care about you or your problems.
Try fixing them yourself for a change.
Judas Priest! No wonder they had the Holocaust.
Danger! Diving or swimming, violators will be wet!
Tscha! If you swim or dive, of course you'd be wet.
[SPLASH!!]
And I just paid $1,400 for my three-piece suit.
Pizza Hut. Drivers wasted.
Holy Schneikees!
This is a fun place to be, isn't it?
I agree. Let's find some drivers and get wasted at Pizza Hut.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Anyone caught exiting through this door will be asked to leave!
Tscha! If you're leaving, you must be exiting.
Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
[BUZZER]
Judas Priest! Quit razzing me!
We didn't razz you, Sam.
That buzzer means that time is running out and we all have to leave.
Your RoflCopter is ready when you are, Sam.
It's always ready.
All aboard! We're taking off!
soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
This episode of Funny Signs has been brought to you by the makers of *** Cookies.
*** Cookies. When you have a hunger for more than cookies.
Oh, Sam! These cookies me wanna... wanna...
I can't hold back, Sam. Let's do it.
Oh, Anna.
Oh, Sam.
Oh, Anna.
Oh, Sam.
This has been a davemadson films inc. production.