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So then it almost seems like it wasn't like a "I need to get over this food, emotional
food addiction thing." You just kind of started getting passionate about things that started
to fill you up in ways that food didn't, and that almost coincidentally served its purpose.
I mean was it as not-intentional as it seems? It's a little bit of both. I think, you know,
the recognizing that there was actually a problem was the catalyst. But then my attention
just went to having more fun and eating these foods and I didn't know how to get out of
the problem, and sort of, fortunately, I sort of you know, stumbled my way out of the problem
by focusing instead on all of the things I wanted to bring in and create and just having
more enjoyment in my life. That's interesting. I have a little theory, it's my little, my
Love Tank Theory. And the idea, which feels really relevant, is that people are like cars,
that in order for a car to function properly, you need to fill its tank with gas, right?
It's not gonna go anywhere if you have no gas in its tank. And, similarly, we have love
tanks. And so if our love tank isn't full or is empty, how do we feel? We feel empty.
We feel lonely. We feel miserable, pain, hurt, sadness, whatever. And in order to deal with
those uncomfortable feelings, we naturally look for things to fill us up. And I feel
like there's kind of three domains in which we fill up that love tank: one is that more
addictive domain, which is the food, sex, alcohol, shopping, work, whatever it is that
might give you a temporary high, but is really depleting you and making you feel more and
more empty, so it feels you up temporarily, but it's really emptying your love tank further
and further. And then the second are kind of like more neutral, which are the distractions,
like TV, or socializing, or even giving, I mean mine was always even giving, like things
that you think that you're doing that are just ways to avoid being with that empty love
tank. And then the third is learning how to really give yourself love, like learning what
you truly need, learning how to sit with those feelings, learning how to fill yourself up
with real love, and it seems like you just kind of started being like, wait, I wanna
feel full and you started filling yourself with things that were in alignment with loving
yourself. Totally. What I ultimately wanted was my life to feel adventurous and meaningful,
and to feel a sense of connection, I had felt disconnected for so long, I felt like I was
sort of going the motions and doing the things that, you know, I felt like I was supposed
to do. And that was just unfulfilling, so I was like, I'm gonna try it my way. And it
was a little bit of a joyful rebellion, you know, that I was undertaking.