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>> In this class you know we'll examine communication
within friendships, families and intermittent relationships.
As stated, a friendship is to find is a voluntary relationship
that provides social support and examining communication
within a friendship we need to look
at how friendships are created, managed and maintained.
Some of our friendships last
for years while others last for a short time.
Modern technology has decreased the amount
of time a friendship will end.
Although some of these type of relationships fail
because of lack of face to face contact.
Other reasons for friendships ending is change of values.
We grow out of phases in our lives
and we find other interest.
Some of our task oriented friendships form
because of shared activities while maintenance orient,
oriented friendships form because similarities we have
for liking, the same thing or emotional support.
With some of our friends, we disclose a lot of information
about ourselves while in other relationships,
we just share general information.
The breadth of topics shared and depth of topics will vary
with each relation, each friendship.
Another consideration is our sense of obligation for friends.
For some friends we would do almost anything
for than while others we feel a low sense of obligation.
You'll probably notice that your close friends you get back
with right away while might be delayed.
Some of our friends, we frequently stay in touch
with while others we may only contact occasionally.
This doesn't mean we're not as close to these friends.
Technology has changed this as we're able to stay close
to friends that live far from us.
There are also many functions of friendships.
For example, the utility function indicates
that some friends can do useful things for you,
may be helping you get a job or introducing you
to a romantic partner.
The affirmation function sustain and from your personal value
and help you appreciate your qualities.
The ego support function can be supportive, encouraging
and complimentary which strengthens your ego.
Some friends introduce you to new ideas and new ways
which serves as yours to relation function.
The last function, the security functions demonstrated
when friends come to your aide and when you need them
to support you and to be nonjudgmental.
Culture has an effect on friends and how they are maintained.
In the United States, in some friendships can be seen not
going out of way for friends while in Middle East
and Latin America these cultures will go
to extreme measures for friends.
Generally speaking, friends are closer
within collectivist cultures rather
than individualistic cultures.
For instance, collectivist cultures are expected to look
out for one another more.
Competition between friends can be seen more
in the individualistic culture.
Gender could have an effect on how you look at friendship
who becomes your friend.
Research, research has indicated that women engage
in more affectionate behaviors with their friends.
Women also have more casual communication
and share greater amount of intimacy the new man.
Men's friendships however are normally built
around shared activities such as attending ball games,
working on a project or other things.
Women on the other hand focus their friendships
on sharing their feelings, support and personalism.
Technology has changed how friendships are formed as well.
Online friendships are very common nowadays
and distance is no longer a factor in contacting friends.
So we need to con, consider what are the best practices
in friendships.
One of these is that we demonstrate loyalty
through standing up for one another.
Secondly, that we learn to trust each other,
listening to our friends especially can help reinforce
the relationship.
When friends tell us secrets, we need to maintain confidences,
betraying this confidence can harm the relationship.
Lending a helping hand can ensure a friend
that we truly care.
In friendships, emotional support is detrimental,
can help in the bonding process.
Many a friendship has been broken because jealousy.
Instead, demonstrate respect and apathy toward one another.
Having your balance exchange when you don't take more
than you give is an important rule to follow in friendships.
Be aware of closeness and independence in friendships.
There will be time when a friends needs the privacy
and space when, when they need your input.
Lastly, consider that in friendships
that everyone makes mistakes and that we need
to forgive and forget.
This next session is concerned with communication in families.
One of the first considerations
that in families many times there are specified roles
that each person takes on.
Within the role comes responsibilities.
Within traditional heterosexual relationships men are considered
to be the primary breadwinners and maintenance person.
Traditionally, women had been seen as a cook,
child born, housekeeper.
This is less true amongst highly educated couples
and highly socioeconomic classes
where these roles have greatly changed.
Gay and lesbian couples do not follow this traditional role
pattern as well.
Family members see themselves as having certain obligations
and responsibilities to one another.
The examples of financial emotional are good examples
of this.
Primary relationship partners have a shared history you can
have a shared feature.
In general, primary relationship share living spaces, however,
this can change with some cultures.
There are also many relationships where,
which have long distance relationships.
Within family types, people in the family can have high
or low level of conformity orientation.
Some families share many common values, attitudes and believes
and others at a lower level.
Conversation orientation at the other hand is concerned
with the degree family members can speak their mind.
Naturally, family with a low conversation orientation
discourages discussion and sharing opinions.
Many families have rituals which they follow.
Some of these rituals might be family meals,
opening a Christmas present on Christmas eve,
teasing [inaudible] or other convenient many other rituals
that they follow.
Step families have unique communication rules to follow.
For example many times certain topics are avoided
or deep conversations may be avoided in these situations.
Other considerations are such things as who will speak
or how one speaks to others in family, topics which are dealt
with and how open the conversations are.
There are different couple types that we need to examine as well.
Traditional couples share basic belief system
and a philosophy of life.
They consider themselves to be a blending
of two persons into a single couple.
Traditionalists believe in sharing things
and doing very little separately.
Traditional gender rules are capped.
Independent couples stress individuality.
Outside friends are of great importance in these type
of relationships and separate couples stress convenience
in their relationship.
Within families there're usually boundaries whether they be,
be physical or mental in nature.
Boundaries as we know are limits which are set
in family's members and action.
In a family, there is a struggle
between cohesion and independence.
Cohesion is important but can constrict the family member
and cause them to be stifled.
Disconnection can occur if too little cohesion occurs.
An example of, of the physical boundary might be punishing a
child so that here she has to stay inside for the day.
Some topics of discussion create boundaries such as not talking
about sex in front of small children.
Some topic sometime boundaries are negotiated as in the example
of the teenager who wants a later curfew.
Adaptability of change in a family is important.
For example, as children grow into adult, parents need
to adapt to these changes.
Likewise, when parents change, children need
to learn to adapt as well.
When adaptability is too high,
this can create chaos within the family.
Rigidity can occur when adaptability is too low,
so therefore a moderate level of adaptability is desirable.
Confirming rather than disconfirming messages
within a family needs to be encouraged.
Confirming messages demonstrate that you care
about the other person while disconfirming messages show no
concern for others.
Belittling children or putting someone down are good example
of disconfirming messages.
Confirming messages might be telling children
that they are important or that listening
to them demonstrate good examples of confirming messages.
In families dealing constructively
with conflict is very important.
Conflict can be, is inevitable
and it is common within families.
For this reason, management conflict is vital.
Sweeping conflict under the rug so to speak is not healthy,
and will only delay resolving problems.
So best practices of conflict management
within a family include not sweating the small stuff,
in other words don't harp upon trivial issues.
Secondly, break down large issues
to something more manageable.
Third, that family members know
that you appreciate them and care about them.
Be open about any concerns that you have with them
and seek win-win solutions for both sides,
in other words both sides win out.
Realize that not all conflicts can be resolved.
This next section deals with intimacy
and intimacy is concerned with a relational closeness
which can bring happiness.
Emotional intimacy demonstrates feelings
and emotions towards others,
such as stating I love you brings emotional intimacy.
An example of physical intimacy can be seen through pregnancy.
In unborn child and a mother develop this type
of physical intimacy.
Intellectual intimacy can occur through the exchange of ideas.
This exchange can bring about a closeness of relationship.
Shared activities can also bring a closeness
and strengthen relationship.
For example, two children playing together may develop
a bond.
Do you realize that not all relationship have these
qualities and that there're also there're different levels
of intimacy.
Gender intimacy is something we need to examine as well.
Researchers indicated that women are more interest
than man achieving emotional intimacy.
Men, however, are more likely to create expressed closeness
by doing things together, a friend is someone
who does things for you and with you.
Distresses and misunderstandings occur
when men view shared activities or do favors as [inaudible]
yet limits our emotional disclosure.
Commitment of some kind is important in relationships.
Promises kept and follow through can affect relationships.
Weddings demonstrate a strong commitment
to each other in a relationship.
A language we use to demonstrate commitment helps
to reinforce this commitment to others.
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