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CORY, LET'S GO!
YOU WANT TO BE LATE FOR YOUR FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL?
WRECK.
HEY, MOM, DAD, HOW YOU DOIN'?
HEY, MORGAN, LOOKIN' SHORT.
GO BACK TO CAMP, LOSER.
NOT...
A NERVOUS WRECK? NO.
I KNOW MY PLACE.
I UNDERSTAND WHERE I AM IN THE HIGH SCHOOL UNIVERSE.
I'M STARTING OFF A NOTHING, A ZERO.
A BIG BOOGER.
THE EARLIER I DO MY HOMEWORK,
THE BETTER I'LL KNOW THE STUFF.
K ?
IT'S A METAPHOR.
I BUGGED ERIC ABOUT WHAT HIGH SCHOOL WOULD BE LIKE,
AND I TOOK NOTES.
IMPRESSIVE.
THANK YOU.
SO HOW DO I AVOID YEARS OF ABUSE AND HUMILIATION?
DON'T GET MARRIED.
IT'S A METAPHOR.
ALL RIGHT. HERE'S MY PLAN.
I'LL MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE MOST INFLUENTIAL SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL,
HARLEY KINER.
I'LL GO FROM LOWLY FIRST-YEAR VICTIM
TO HARLEY'S MOST-TRUSTED ADVISOR.
AS PROUD AS I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU BECOME HARLEY'S TOADY FOOTSTOOL,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO REINVENT YOURSELF FOR HIGH SCHOOL.
RELAX. GO. ENJOY IT. YOU DON'T NEED A PLAN.
NOBODY ELSE HAS A PLAN.
PLAN.
SCHOOL.
THEY HAD NO RIGHT TO PASS ME.
I AM AN IDIOT.
SEE? SHAWN'S NOT REINVENTING HIMSELF.
.
N S ?
YOU MEAN THE ONES ON MY FACE?
WHEN WE SAW YOU YESTERDAY, THEY WEREN'T ON YOUR FACE.
MRS. MATTHEWS, YOU JUST CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT
THAT CORY AND I ARE GROWING UP,
TO...
BUY OUR OWN HAIR.
YOU'VE GOT A GLUE SPOT ON YOUR CHEEK.
THANKS.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
WE'VE GOT ALL THE ANSWERS TO HIGH SCHOOL RIGHT HERE.
HAVING A BIG BROTHER FINALLY PAID OFF.
CORE, SIGN THIS.
"WITH REGARD TO MY BROTHER ERIC MATTHEWS,
"HEREAFTER REFERRED TO AS O GREAT ONE,
"I, CORY MATTHEWS,
"HEREAFTER REFERRED TO AS INSIGNIFICANT SPECK,
"PLEDGE NEVER TO CONTACT THE GREAT ONE
"VERBALLY OR NONVERBALLY DURING ALL SCHOOL HOURS
"FROM THIS DAY FORWARD FOREVER AND EVER.
AMEN."
NICE TO SEE YOU'RE LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR BROTHER.
WORD GETS OUT WE'RE RELATED,
I LOSE MY STATUS.
I MIGHT AS WELL PLAY TUBA IN THE BAND.
YOUR SOCIAL STATUS MEANS MORE TO YOU THAN YOUR BROTHER?
I DON'T LIKE WALKING OVER CORY ANY MORE THAN YOU DO.
I'M KEEPING UP APPEARANCES.
HE'S MY BROTHER. OF COURSE I LOVE HIM.
DOOR]
ALAN...
A .
SO, MR. FEENY, DO YOU REGRET LOSING US FROM YOUR CLASS?
NO.
GEORGE?
BLOCKING MY DRIVEWAY
AND MOST OF THE LIGHT INTO MY KITCHEN.
CAR.
MAY I ASSUME IT MOVES?
WIND.
DOWNHILL.
OH, YOU WANT ME TO MOVE IT?
WELL, WE CERTAINLY CAN'T COUNT ON ANYONE STEALING IT.
IT JUST HIT ME.
HIGH SCHOOL MEANS WE'RE THROUGH WITH FEENY.
THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF OUR LIVES.
S !
♪ HAH DO DO DO DO DO ♪
YOU KNOW WHAT, SHAWN?
WE'RE IN HIGH SCHOOL NOW.
YEAH. WE DO HAVE TO BE COOLER.
HEY! OH, YEAH!
GOTCHA!
GIVE IT TO ME!
OW! YEAH!
♪ DOO ♪
THIS IS IT! HIGH SCHOOL!
WHAT HAPPENS TO US NOW
WILL DETERMINE OUR ENTIRE FUTURES.
THIS IS IT!
HIGH SCHOOL!
WHAT HAPPENS TO US NOW
FUTURES.
ARE MY SIDEBURNS ON STRAIGHT?
SCHOOL.
A CLASS...
AND A KID IN HIS UNDERWEAR.
THEY TOOK MY CLOTHES!
CLOTHES!
WHY?
GUY.
I'M A NEW GUY.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU.
UM, CORE...
HE MUST'VE HAD IT COMING.
HE MUST'VE DONE SOMETHING.
WHAT'D I DO?
YOU WERE ALMOST IN MY WAY.
YOU'RE FRANKY STECHINO, RIGHT?
YEAH. HOW'D YOU KNOW?
"STRONG TERRITORIAL SENSE."
WE WERE JUST LOOKING FOR OUR HOMEROOM.
THERE.
IN THERE?
THERE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HEY, I'M THE FIRST ONE HERE.
AND NOW FOR YOU.
WHY WAS YOU ALMOST IN MY WAY?
IF I WAS IN MY HOMEROOM, I WOULDN'T BE IN YOUR WAY.
IF HE WAS SOMEPLACE ELSE,
HERE.
WHAT? ARE YOU SAYING I'M GAY?
THAT.
LET'S FINISH HIM OFF.
NO. I NEED TO BE ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS.
I THINK WE CAN GO NOW.
I THINK I FEEL A LOT SAFER IN HERE.
BUT THE VIEW IS BETTER OUT HERE.
MEANEST,
WHO ALMOST KILLED US?
WHAT IF THEY WERE THE NICE GUYS
OR THE WELCOMING COMMITTEE?
PLACE?
H !
HI.
!
WHAT'S WITH YOU GUYS?
YOU.
US.
AT?
UM...NOTHING.
NEW BLOUSE?
SUMMER.
SUMMER WAS VERY GOOD TO YOU.
REAL.
OW!
[BELL RINGS]
THAT'S HOMEROOM.
TOGETHER.
ROOM 218.
TURNER.
"TURNER, TURNER..."
HE'S NOT ON HERE.
WHAT IF HE WAS SO BAD, ERIC DIDN'T MENTION HIM?
WHAT IF HE WAS JUST LIKE FEENY...
ONLY FEENIER?
OF.
I HAVEN'T MET ONE YET
THAT I COULDN'T TAKE DOWN.
Y .
Y .
THAT IS HARLEY. I KNOW IT.
THAT IS HARLEY KINER.
OLD.
HE'S A LIFER,
AND I THINK I MADE A VERY GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION.
EXCUSE ME, SIR, MY NAME IS CORY MATTHEWS,
AND I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
O L .
I'LL HOLD YOUR COAT,
STAND IN LUNCH LINE, AND DO DETENTION FOR YOU.
NICE OFFER. JUST DO THE HOMEWORK.
I'M NOT SURE YOU WANT ME DOING YOUR HOMEWORK.
I WANT ALL MY STUDENTS DOING THE HOMEWORK.
STUDENTS?
THEY GIVE ALL THE TEACHERS STUDENTS.
I'M JONATHAN TURNER.
YOU CAN CALL ME MISTER.
[BELL RINGS]
YOU'RE LATE.
I'M HERE FOR HOMEROOM, FOR ENGLISH,
AND ANYTIME YOU WANT TO TALK.
COOL.
DID I SAY YOU COULD TALK?
SO.
YOU TROUBLE, MATTHEWS?
YOU'RE GOING TO BRING DOWN THE NEW TEACHER?
NO, SIR, THAT WOULD BE SHAWN.
I MEAN--
GOOD MAN, GOOD MAN.
SHAWN-- DON'T TELL ME.
IF SHAWN IS REAL TROUBLE,
SHAWN IS REALLY GOING TO TRY TO AVOID MAKING EYE CONTACT.
HI, SHAWN.
DOIN'?
I'M GOOD.
SO, SHAWN, BUDDY,
YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE ODYSSEY?
DO.
BESIDES THAT IT'S A BOOK?
DON'T.
O.K.
WHO KNOWS WHAT ODYSSEY MEANS?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
.
TOPANGA.
JOURNEY.
YES. AN EPIC JOURNEY ABOUT A GUY TRYING TO GET HOME ALIVE
IN FANTASY WORLDS WITH CHARACTERS DEALING WITH LOYALTY AND HEROISM.
THAT?
APPARENTLY YOU DO.
WHAT IS THAT, X-MEN?
NO, IT'S--
WHAT, I DON'T KNOW X-MEN WHEN I SEE IT?
YOU READ X-MEN?
FANTASY WORLDS, EPIC HEROISM.
YEAH, I READ X-MEN.
IN FACT, LET'S ALL READ X-MEN.
READ THE ODYSSEY AND THIS ISSUE OF X-MEN.
FINALLY!
TEACHER.
MR. MATTHEWS WILL LEAD THE DISCUSSION
ON THE SIMILARITIES AND THE DIFFERENCES.
FEENY WITH AN EARRING.
HE'S ON TO US.
HE SINGLED US OUT.
OUT.
OUT.
SORRY. WHERE'S THE NEXT STOP ON THIS MISERY BUS?
"EARTH SCIENCE." LET'S GO.
[BELL RINGS]
I DON'T HAVE EARTH SCIENCE.
I'VE GOT HISTORY.
YOU MEAN...
SEPARATED?
SHAWN!
SHAWN!
DYLAN'S PARENTS ARE GOING OUT OF TOWN--
ERIC.
DO YOU KNOW ME?
I...HEARD OF YOU.
ERIC MATTHEWS, RIGHT?
COOL JUNIOR,
ONLY CHILD?
YEAH, EVERYBODY'S HEARD OF YOU,
SPECKS LIKE ME,
WHO ARE HAVING THE WORST DAY OF THEIR LIVES.
I DON'T CARE.
THANKS. SEE YOU.
SO, HARLEY, LAST YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL AGAIN, HUH?
YOU THINKING ABOUT GOING TO COLLEGE?
YEAH. THIS YEAR I MIGHT EVEN TAKE THE S.O.T.s.
HARLEY KINER?
HOW THE HECK ARE YOU?
I?
KILL HIM.
LOOK. IT'S THE KID FROM WHEN YOU WAS GAY.
WHAT?
TIME.
LOOK, HARLEY, I'LL MAKE THIS SHORT AND SWEET.
EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE A TOUGH GUY.
A VICIOUS GUY.
BUT THAT'S ALL THEY KNOW.
IF YOU MADE FRIENDS A SEVENTH GRADER
AND LOOKED OUT FOR HIM,
EVERYONE WOULD LIKE YOU EVEN MORE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME, KID?
CORY MATTHEWS.
NAH.
NAME.
IF YOU HANG WITH ME,
AND RESPECT.
YOU.
I GOT IT.
BABOON.
COOL.
THE BELL RANG, GENTLEMEN,
SEVERAL MINUTES AGO.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE HALL?
YOU SHOULDN'T BE IN THE HALL.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
JOHNNY...BABOON.
YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME?
NOBODY MAKES FUN OF MARION STIMPLEMAN!
MARION!
TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE, BOTH OF YOU.
MARION?
YOU'RE WITH HIM, KINER.
YOU SHOULD LEARN TO PICK YOUR FRIENDS BETTER.
O.K. WE WILL SEE THE PRINCIPAL IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.
O.K. YOU FIRST, BABOON.
ALL I WANTED IS TO BE LIKED.
NOW I'M JOHNNY BABOON.
AT LEAST MY LIFE CAN'T GET ANY WORSE.
WRONG AGAIN...
MR. BABOON.
FEENY?
THE LEGEND CONTINUES.
HERE?
ACTING PRINCIPAL.
SO THAT MEANS YOU'RE ONLY TEMPORARY, RIGHT?
YOU DON'T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO AUTHORIZE,
CANING?
NO. THE SCHOOL BOARD IN ITS INFINITE WISDOM
HAS SEEN FIT TO GIVE ME FULL AUTHORITY.
NOW, THEN, MR. STIMPLEMAN,
WHAT EXACTLY DID MR. MATTHEWS DO?
GOT ON MY NERVES.
I CAN'T IMAGINE.
WELL, MR. MATTHEWS,
WHY DON'T WE TREAT THIS LITTLE RENDEZVOUS
AS A DRESS REHEARSAL FOR THE MANY VISITS
WE'LL UNDOUBTEDLY HAVE THIS YEAR.
HUH?
GET OUT OF MY FACE.
OH, SURE. MY NEXT CLASS IS AMERICAN HISTORY
WITH MR...FEE--
MR. FE--
FE...
[BELL RINGS]
YOU'RE LATE.
YOU
FOR THE CHANCE OF MEETING OUR NEW PRINCIPAL
WEEK
MARION.
I'M VERY, VERY SORRY.
THINK NOTHING OF IT.
BY THE WAY, JOHNNY B.,
CAN YOU MEET ME IN THE BATHROOM AROUND 3:00?
SURE. WHAT FOR, GANG PICTURES?
KILLING YOU,
YOU WON'T BE SO PHOTOGENIC.
YOU'RE GOING TO KILL ME?
AM,
3:00.
ENJOY YOUR LUNCH.
AH, MR. TURNER, IF I MIGHT HAVE A WORD.
SIT DOWN.
AND THE WORD, I BELIEVE, WOULD BE...
SHAZAM!
YES, I DID ASSIGN THE CLASS A COMIC BOOK.
I REALIZE THAT YOU'RE THE NEW GROOVY TEACHER,
AND I'M THE HIGH-BOUND TRADITIONALIST.
I'M USING THIS TO RELATE TO THEM ON THEIR LEVEL.
OH, MR. TURNER,
THEIR LEVEL IS THE LEVEL OF THE BEASTS OF THE FIELD.
I WANT THEM OFF THAT LEVEL AND CLOSER TO OUR LEVEL,
OR SHOULD I SAY MY LEVEL.
GEORGE.
HMM?
DO YOU REALLY THINK I'M A GROOVY TEACHER?
I THINK, MR. TURNER,
IT SHALL BE AN INTERESTING SCHOOL YEAR.
WELL, WE GOT OFF TO A ROCKY START,
LUNCH.
WELL, WE GOT OFF TO A ROCKY START,
LUNCH.
MY LAST MEAL.
CHICKEN.
HOW APPROPRIATE.
I WISH IT HAD BEEN MACARONI AND CHEESE.
WHEN HARLEY PUNCHES ME, AND I PUKE ON HIM,
IT MAKES A BIGGER MESS.
THINKING.
THINKING.
FOR HELP.
I CAN'T. I SIGNED THAT CONTRACT.
MUSTANG?
YEAH...ONLY A LITTLE OLDER AND A LITTLE BIGGER.
IT'S THE NEW MUSTANG BUICK.
Pssst! O great one.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, SHAWN?
I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME IS SHAWN OR ANYTHING.
BAD.
WELL?
BROTHER.
IT'S SCHOOL HOURS. I HAVE NO BROTHER.
NO BROTHER.
MAKE THIS QUICK.
HELP.
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY GET INTO THIS MUCH TROUBLE
IN ONE DAY?
IT DIDN'T TAKE ME A WHOLE DAY.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
OFFICE.
HAVE MOM AND DAD COME PICK YOU UP.
WON'T I LOOK LIKE A COWARD?
YEAH, YOU WILL.
WHY DON'T YOU FIGHT HIM?
ALL RIGHT! WHO TOOK THE LAST PIECE OF CHICKEN?
I'M GOING TO KILL THE GUY
WHO TOOK THE LAST PIECE OF CHICKEN.
AND THE NURSE'S OFFICE IS WHERE?
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RECONTACT ME.
SO, WHAT DO YOU GOT?
OH, YOU KNOW.
I GOT FEVER AND CHILLS...
PELVIS.
I GOT A BROKEN NOSE.
GOT THAT.
SPRAINED ARM.
GOT THAT.
AND I GOT ASTHMA.
OH.
WE'RE WAITING IN THE NURSE'S OFFICE
UNTIL OUR PARENTS PICK US UP.
THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO EVERY DAY.
DAY?
IT'S SAFE.
SAFE. WE LIKE SAFE.
WHAT OTHER GUYS WILL THINK?
THEY'LL THINK YOU'RE...
COWARDS?
SIX YEARS.
NO BIG DEAL.
LIKE A COWARD.
I'M GOING TO GO GET A REAL ONE.
[BELL RINGS]
WOW! 3:00!
WE MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY.
OW!
LUCKY.
HEY, MATTHEWS, WE SURVIVED DAY ONE, HUH?
THE DAY IS YOUNG, SIR,
AND SO WAS I.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
SUIT.
YOU O.K., MATTHEWS?
YOU GAVE US, THE ODYSSEY?
GET HOME ALIVE?
YES. HE GETS PAST THE CYCLOPS, THE EVIL SIRENS,
AND THE CLASHING ROCKS.
DID HE GO TO THIS HIGH SCHOOL?
NO.
HE'S A NOTHING.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
GOT HERE AS QUICK AS I COULD.
WHATEVER HAPPENS, I'M RIGHT HERE WITH YOU.
THANKS, SHAWN, BUT THIS IS SOMETHING I GOT TO FACE ALONE.
IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT LEAVING YOU HERE.
SHAWN.
NOW IT FEELS RIGHT.
WELL, IT'S 3:05.
MAYBE HE'S NOT GOING TO SHOW.
MAYBE I'M JUST TRYING TO BE CASUALLY LATE,
MR. ***-COMPULSIVE.
LOOK, DON'T TOY WITH ME.
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO HIGH SCHOOL.
I GAVE YOU A CHANCE TO CHANGE YOUR WHOLE FUTURE
AND NOT BE A GUY WHO BEATS UP ON SMALLER KIDS.
YOU'RE GIVING ME THAT CHANCE?
YEAH.
AT THE CROSSROADS OF MY LIFE...
YOU.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO RUN OR WHINE?
NO. I AM WHAT I AM, TOO.
I'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN BE THE SCHOOL COWARD
FOR THE NEXT SIX YEARS.
YOU DONE?
GUESS I AM.
GUESS AGAIN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
BUT I DO KNOW THAT I WON'T STAND BY
AND LET YOU BEAT UP...
SOMEBODY THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW AT ALL.
O.K., O.K. HE'S MY BROTHER.
OH.
BROTHER.
DIDN'T HE JUST SAY THAT?
DID NOT HE JUST SAY I'M HIS BROTHER?
JUST HOW STUPID--
PROVOKE.
WELL, HOW SWEET.
A CHANCE TO WIPE OUT THE WHOLE BABOON FAMILY.
3:00, GUYS.
GO HOME. WE GOT TO HOSE THE PLACE DOWN.
WHO ARE YOU?
I'M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. I'M A TEACHER.
NO WONDER I DON'T RECOGNIZE YOU.
WHAT DO YOU TEACH?
ENGLISH LIT AND KICK BOXING.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
OUT.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO POUND THIS KID INTO THE GROUND.
THAT'S A PROBLEM FOR ME.
IF ONE OF MY STUDENTS GETS KILLED THE FIRST DAY,
I LOOK BAD.
PEOPLE START TO TALK, I GET A REPUTATION,
I'M CARELESS WITH STUDENTS.
SO DO ME A FAVOR.
DON'T KILL MY STUDENT.
COULD I TAKE YOU?
NAH.
I COULD'VE TAKEN THE KID, THOUGH.
GOOD FOR YOU.
SO, ODYSSEUS, LOOKS LIKE YOU MAY GET HOME SAFELY.
TURNER.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.
READ THE BOOK.
I LIVED IT.
HEY, ERIC, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
SAY?
THANKS FOR BEING MY BROTHER.
DO I KNOW YOU?
SHAWN.
SHAWN, YOU CAN COME OUT.
THE FIGHT'S OVER.
SET.
I'M STILL WORKING ON MINE.
BIG LOCKERS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
MOMS, DADS, AND WEASELS,
I GIVE YOU THE MAN WHO SAID HE DIDN'T HAVE A BROTHER,
ERIC "THE GREAT ONE" MATTHEWS.
SOME GOON AT SCHOOL WAS TRYING TO PICK ON CORY
JUST BECAUSE HE'S BIGGER THAN HIM.
I HATE THAT.
I HATE THAT, TOO.
WHO ASKED YOU, SPECK?
HEY, I WAS WATCHING THAT.
HEY, DON'T HIT THE KID.
HEY, EVERYBODY BE QUIET!
I'M TRYING TO WATCH TV!
THAT'S POWER.