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Previously on The West Wing:
You have one or two demands.
That's no problem.
No.
It's a deal breaker.
You didn't keep records.
You have violated medical practices.
And, in going after me, they can paint the President.
Can I offer Buckland...?
No. Well, he's going to keep mouthing off...
Let him know we're going to put it out
he tried to blackmail the President.
Everyone will know the leak came from us.
You're pissed at me?
Abbey...
Go to hell.
PRESIDENT: I'm not wild about Camp David.
C.J.: Yes, sir.
I'm not the only one, either.
Bess Truman didn't like it.
I read that somewhere.
She thought it was dull.
But there I go-- Thanksgiving at Camp David.
Yeah.
It's not a place you'd go at Thanksgiving
not when you have a farm.
Isn't Camp David a farm?
No.
Oh.
What makes you think it's a farm?
I don't know. It's outside...
Farms have things
you can grow, and animals.
Right.
I want you to learn more about farms.
There's more?
Yeah.
Okay.
Doesn't matter.
Thanksgiving's where your family is
and this year, my family's at Camp David.
Why, I do not know.
Abbey didn't want to shlep to New Hampshire.
Shlepping in a 747?
It's not like we were going
to have to carry our own bags or anything
but I do not argue.
Were we talking about something?
I don't know, sir.
When I came in here, back in the late '50s
there was a purpose to it
but then one thing led to another, and I blacked out.
I mean, I can hang in there with the best of them, sir
but somewhere during the discussion
of anise and coriander
and the other 15 spices
I simply lost consciousness.
You know that line
you're not supposed to cross with the President?
I'm coming up on it?
No, no. Look behind you.
Yes, sir.
Would you like to leave?
With your permission, sir.
Damn right, with my permission.
Yes, sir.
It's the brine that keeps the meat soft, lady.
You soak it overnight
in water, salt, sugar...
17 kinds of...
17 kinds of spices...
including?
Anise and coriander.
Now you can go.
Thank you, Mr. President.
How you doing?
I'm done, baby.
Yeah?
I set up the ed-board meeting
with the Post on budget gains.
I did an early briefing
on the wheat-gluten import quota proclamation.
We pardoned the turkey.
I went to my dentist. I'm done.
So there are these two Indians in the lobby.
Yeah?
No, that's not the beginning of a joke.
I'm saying, there are these two Indians in the lobby.
I'm saying, yeah?
They had a meeting scheduled this morning with Jacob Cutler
at Intergovernmental Affairs.
Cutler had to cancel the meeting
so he could see Northwestern border state governors
to discuss porous borders between the U.S. and Canada.
That's the governors of Washington, Idaho
North Dakota, Montana, and Alaska.
Yeah?
Yeah, well, apparently
the Indians say they're not leaving
till they get satisfaction.
How's this my problem?
C.J., there's two Indians
sitting in the lobby.
They say they're not leaving.
There's press everywhere.
I just made it your problem.
( sighs )
Indians, on the day before Thanksgiving.
Wow. Ironic.
Yeah.
Henry, I got it. Thanks.
( C.J. clears throat )
Good morning. I'm C.J. Cregg.
I'm Maggie Morningstar-Charles
and this is our tribal counsel
Jack Lone Feather.
I'm sorry about your meeting.
Mr. Cutler had to meet with some Northwestern governors
about an important problem.
Yes.
It will be no problem
to reschedule the appointment.
Uh, we can wait.
Would you like to step into my office
and we can try to reschedule it right now?
We're fine here.
I'm sorry?
She said we're fine here.
Actually, you're not fine here.
Then you can forcibly remove us.
I've noticed that
correspondents from the Times, Reuters, CNN
and the Miami Herald are here.
MAGGIE: And the Washington Post
is on speed dial.
This is going to have something to do with us screwing you
out of all your land, isn't it?
Yes.
See, I was done.
I was just coming to see you.
Did you hear about the two Indians
in the lobby?
One of them wants to become a rabbi?
It's not a joke.
There really...
Never mind.
Last week, a 13-year-old kid in Georgia shot his teacher
in the back of the head.
I read about that.
They can't find the kid, right?
Interpol made the arrest last night in Rome.
In Italy?
His parents...
Yeah, Rome in Italy.
His parents sent him there as soon as it happened.
The parents are in custody.
Obviously, the governor wants him back
and Italy won't extradite to a country
that has the death penalty.
The governor wants Justice to help.
Why isn't this conversation taking place
in the DeKalb County D.A.'s office?
It's taken on an international flavor.
Much like myself. Yeah.
You'll talk to some people? Si.
And you'll stop doing that soon?
Yeah.
Sam?
Yeah?
Are you guarding my office?
( laughing )
That's funny.
Thank you.
( heavy sigh )
Yeah?
On Monday, the OMB is putting out a new formula
for calculating the poverty level.
I saw that.
Does it need presidential approval
before it goes to Congress?
Yeah.
What's the problem?
It's a good news/ bad news thing.
Under the new formula, poverty is up two percent.
It was anyone
under $17,524 before.
Now it's $20,000.
What does that shake out to?
Four million new poor people.
Yeah.
Obviously, that's the bad news.
The good news is
is that more people will be eligible for benefits.
And taxpayers are nuts about that.
Let's get back to the bad news.
Four million people became poor on the President's watch?
They didn't become poor.
They were poor already
and now we're calling them poor.
What was wrong with the old formula?
Find out.
It's possible that this is
a statistical reality and not a political fight.
Well, get with someone at OMB and find out what was wrong
with the statistical reality of the old formula.
Yeah.
Do it today. Yeah.
It's like when they did the thing
with the SAT scores
and I got dumber 20 years after I went to college.
It's a little like that.
Talk to somebody.
Yeah.
Yes, listen...
...we were moved from New York to Wisconsin.
Listen, this isn't a good place for this.
This is, uh, a lobby.
I know what this is.
Yes.
I have a degree from the University of Michigan.
Look...
Miss Cregg
if we give up this ground
we lose our one bullet in our gun.
We need to be in view of the press.
What tribe are you from?
We're Stockbridge-Munsee Indians.
Like Maggie was saying, when we were moved to Wisconsin
we signed the Treaty of 1856.
In return, the government
was supposed to protect our reservations
provide education and health care
and we would still be a sovereign nation.
But then the Dawes Act came.
You were forced
to sell the land?
We went from 46,000 acres of tribal land
to 11,000.
The Dawes Act was also supposed to civilize us.
Henry Dawes said
"To be civilized, you must cultivate the land
wear civilized clothes, drive Studebaker wagons
and drink whiskey."
The drinking part
was particularly constructive advice.
Now, before we go any further, I should tell you
there's absolutely nothing I can do for you.
Imagine our shock.
Yes.
In two generations, we'll be wiped out.
Did you get me a flight?
Yes.
Excellent.
One that gets me there in time for dinner?
Yes.
And I don't have to change planes in Atlanta?
No. Even better.
You do have to change planes in Atlanta.
You have to change planes in Atlanta. Deal with it.
There must be something.
There's a 6:10 to Orlando.
It gets in at 9:15, but that's too late for dinner.
You could get a C-141 leaving Andrews for Homestead
but there's a problem with that, too.
It would trigger a Congressional investigation?
All right, two problems.
Find me something.
Why is this being done last minute?
And remember to scold me a couple times before I go.
Did you just decide
you were going home for Thanksgiving?
No, but I thought I was going to Connecticut.
Why?
'Cause that's where the house is.
Your mom sold the house ten months ago.
You forgot where your mother lives?
I'm from Connecticut, okay?
And like a swallow to Capistrano, I have to...
Just find me a flight, would you?
And call Russell Angler at the State Department
and tell him I need to see him about the kid in Georgia.
He'll know what I'm talking about.
I'm telling your mother you forgot where she lives.
You're the girl I made fun of
in elementary school, you know that?
Yes, I do.
SAM: Donna
can I go in?
You don't know of any special secret flights
to Palm Beach today, do you?
Yeah, but you got to change planes in Atlanta.
Okay.
Did you hear about this kid?
Oh, the one who shot his teacher?
His parents, who are in custody
Fed-Exed him to Rome, which is in Italy.
Are you kidding me?
No. It's really in Italy.
But that's not the best part.
Italy won't extradite.
The best part is that Italy won't extradite.
Because of the death penalty in Georgia?
They've come a long way since Mussolini.
You should mention that.
I will.
So, it turns out we've got four million new poor people.
Since when?
Well, yesterday actually.
The OMBs recommending a new model?
Yes. I'm not an expert
but wouldn't we have a better chance
of getting reelected if we could say
there are four million fewer poor people?
Hang on, wait. I am an expert.
Well, I think we have a better chance of getting reelected
if there actually were four million fewer poor people
but I'm going to talk to Bernice Collette anyway.
You're going to try and get her
not to recommend the new model?
Well, to hold off for a while anyway.
You know Bernice?
That's why I came to you.
She's, uh, a little tough to warm up.
I'll warm her up.
Yeah?
Jokes, nicknames--
that sort of thing.
Well, it sounds like you've got
a pretty good plan.
Anything else I need to know?
Don't go through the lobby. Why?
Indians in the lobby.
Is that code?
No. There are Indians in the lobby.
Okay.
PRESIDENT: Bess Truman didn't like Camp David, either.
She thought it was dull.
Doesn't matter.
Long as you've got an oven that will go to 320 degrees.
You take your turkey
which has been soaking overnight
( knocking )
Excuse me, sir. Toby would like to see you.
Should I send him in?
Yes.
Yeah, well, that's obviously
a question for you, sir.
She was asking me.
I'll step out.
Yeah.
Good morning, sir.
Hey.
( door closes quietly )
Before anything else, I was hoping I could impose on you
for as much information as you can spare
about making a turkey.
This is some preemptive psychological thing?
Yeah.
That's not going to work.
Yeah.
You're going to see... in next week's message calendar
there's a notation about a new Federal initiative
to provide low-cost cell phones
to neighborhood watch groups.
I saw the message calendar.
I'm having some difficulty
navigating the color coding.
The colors are for areas:
blue's education, green's economy.
It's a quick-glance way of letting us know
if we're getting enough hits on our issues.
There should be
a separate color for things I don't care about.
Like what?
Providing low-cost cell phone service
to neighborhood
It's important.
You spot a crime, you going to go to a pay phone?
There's nothing wrong with the policy.
It's just too small.
I could fund this initiative
It's $10 million.
Leo could fund it out of his pocket.
Shouldn't this be local government
like the YMCA or something?
We have an idea, which we have reason to believe is popular
which is that, in addition
to passing large and abstract pieces of legislation...
We pass minute but easy to understand...
Yes.
How popular? 82%.
Get out of here.
Hand to God.
Bring me that polling data.
( clears throat )
What kind of stuffing are we talking about?
Cornbread
oysters, water chestnuts and andouille sausage.
Inside.
Better make sure it cooks. It'll cook.
If it doesn't cook, people are going to get sick.
They'll be very, very sick.
I've got it covered.
Anything else?
You know about the new OMB definitions?
I know they're coming out.
What's it going to look like?
That depends-- you want more poor people
or fewer poor people?
Fewer poor people.
You got it.
Thank you, Mr. President.
water chestnuts and andouille sausage.
Sounds good.
Yeah.
But Toby seemed to indicate
that you had to be careful
if you cooked it inside the turkey
because, in some cases, it doesn't cook
Yeah.
You know about this?
I've heard about it.
'Cause I thought Toby might be playing with me.
But you said you've heard of it.
Maybe I am, too.
Nah. You don't have that kind of wit.
I need to talk
to an expert.
Talk to Rene. Margaret?
I can't ask Rene.
The President needs to speak
with the head chef.
Could you try him at home?
No, no, I can't.
Thanks, Margaret.
I can't ask Rene right now.
Why not?
Well, frankly, I thought he did something
stupid and inconsiderate last week
but it turns out, I was just in a bad mood.
You gave Rene a firm talking-to.
Yes, and while he didn't deserve it
he will someday soon.
CHARLIE: Excuse me.
Come on in.
They dropped off the polling data you were asking for.
82% are in favor of fixing potholes?
Yeah.
I'm going to look at this.
Okay.
PRESIDENT: If they want
I'll tell you one thing we can do.
What's that, sir?
This time of the year, there should be
a hot line you can call
with questions about cooking turkeys.
A special 800 number where the phones are staffed by experts.
There is.
What do you mean?
The Butterball Hot Line.
Butterball has a hot line?
Yeah.
It's an 800 number.
The phones are staffed by experts.
Are you kidding me?
No.
God, I'm sorry.
I love my country.
Charlie, get me the number for the Butterball Hot Line.
Yes, sir.
Hang on.
I don't think
this is the right one.
The right poll?
Yeah.
This is something different.
Hang on a second.
This is...
Son of a ***.
Find Bruno Gianelli.
Tell him I want to see him right away.
Yes, sir.
GINGER: Sam?
Yeah.
Bernice Collette.
Thanks.
Hey, Sam.
How you doing, Bernie?
I'm not wild about people calling me Bernie.
Sure. What should I call you?
Bernice is fine.
But how will you know I'm your buddy?
I'm okay living in the dark on that.
Okay.
Can you tell me how the current standard was reached?
The new one?
The current one.
The new one hasn't been signed off on.
We have to sign off on it.
Why?
It's much more accurate.
How was the old one reached?
The current one.
In 1963, an Eastern European immigrant
named Molly Orshansky
who was working over in Social Security
came up with it.
Food was the most costly
living expense where she came from.
Our cost of living formula
for the last 40 years has been based
on life in Poland during the Cold War?
This is what I'm talking about.
Food doesn't account for one third
of a family's budget.
Housing is more expensive than food.
The current model also doesn't take into account transportation
and health insurance.
So let's call the current model the old model
and sign off on the new model.
All right.
Sit down.
The kid's being held at San Vitale in Rome.
You ever seen anything like this before?
Well, he's a minor
so this is uncharted territory.
Now, listen, I got to tell you something.
What?
Unless the eligibility papers
meet all the treaty obligations
they're going to have to release him.
Into whose custody?
They're just going to release him.
It's a provisional arrest.
We don't have the paperwork right
the Foreign Minister's going to review it
and decline extradition.
They have no grounds to hold him.
I-I don't...
He didn't break any Italian laws.
They're going to give him a Eurorail Pass and a backpack?
Well, the Governor's got to guarantee
that he's not going to seek the death penalty.
First of all, it isn't up to the Governor.
It's up to the DeKalb DA.
Second of all, this is Georgia.
Then, we're not getting the kid back.
"Extradition shall be refused
"unless the requesting Party
"provides such assurances
"as the requested Party considers sufficient
that the death penalty shall not be imposed."
I didn't write the U.S./Italian extradition treaty.
This kid shoots his teacher in the head
and gets life in Venice.
We're all going to look like idiots.
I got to put this out before it's in the papers.
Yeah.
What do I do now?
I'd talk to the Charge d'Affaires
at the Italian Embassy.
I want to do it today.
I'll set it up.
Thank you.
MAN: We got swampland
or soil too rocky to farm
so we had to foreclose or sell at three cents an acre.
In 1934, the Indian Reorganization Act allowed us
to start buying back the land, bad and good, bit by bit.
Why would you want to buy back the bad land, too?
Because the I.R. Act said if we put it in a trust
like a national park, it would never be taken away.
So what you need is what?
An answer on our CFR 151 application.
I'm sure that's handled
by the Department of the Interior.
And?
We're still waiting for a answer.
These things take a little bit of time.
Well, we've been waiting for a little bit of time.
It's a big interior, Maggie.
We've been waiting for 15 years, C.J..
15 years?
Yeah.
So you can see why we don't mind
hanging around here for a little while.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You guys going to have anything on Macedonia
before the end of the day?
Okay.
I'm just talking to my friends.
Have a good weekend, Mark.
Have a good Thanksgiving.
I'm Canadian.
Yours is in April.
October.
Oh, to have it be over.
Yeah.
I have to ask you because I'm asking everyone.
There is an American children's book
I'm trying to find and having difficulty.
It's called
The Little Red Lighthouse and the Great Grey Bridge.
I know The Little Red Lighthouse.
That's a great book.
The funicular-- it's not a funicular.
It's a...
The George Washington Bridge.
Yes. You know the lighthouse is still there.
It's very hard to see.
If you're driving up the Riverside
the West Side Highway goes...
Yeah. You peer down just at the right moment
you can see the top of it.
I can't find the book
and I have a four-year-old boy now.
I'll ask around.
Thank you.
Please.
Now...
You stand hand in hand with no other nation on this
except Somalia.
You know that, don't you?
Even China doesn't allow children to be executed.
Well, Federal law doesn't allow it
but the people in the state of Georgia do
so there's not much...
Yes.
( sighs )
Grazzi.
Mr. Fedrigotti...
Alberto.
Alberto
please.
You'll have the Ambassador speak to the Foreign Minister
and send the kid back?
Josh, you're in a restaurant...
Alberto...
...and there is a little girl
who's really misbehaving.
She runs around.
She's throwing food.
The father decides to punish her right there
by cracking a wine bottle over her head
throwing her to the ground
and kicking her repeatedly.
You sit at the next table.
What do you do?
The kid wasn't throwing food.
Is there a crime that girl could commit
that would have justified what the father did?
See, it's-it's problematic
when other people make my argument for me.
Yeah.
And if the father said, "This is my child
and I will punish her any way I choose"
would you come to the conclusion
that this father has lost all perspective
and good judgment
and should be removed from the equation?
Okay. I'm going to, uh...
I'll ask around about the book.
Thank you.
What about the Assistant Secretary for Indian Affairs?
He's away.
You tried?
Yeah.
Deputy Director of Intergovernmental Affairs?
He's left.
Deputy of Acquisition...
Isn't there a Deputy of Acquisition
and Property Management?
Yeah, and there's also a Deputy of Tribal Services.
It's Thanksgiving. Nobody's here.
I'm here. They're here.
You're here.
God knows that.
Tell Leo's office I'm coming over.
She's making a certain amount of sense.
Isn't this one of those things
that can be argued from all sides?
And in one way or another
Yes.
You can put the numbers together
a lot of different ways.
Yeah.
Okay, well, let's put them together
in a way that gives us fewer poor people.
Yeah.
Or if we have to go with the new formula
delay as long as we can.
We have to test it.
All right.
So three statisticians go deer hunting.
The first one misses ten feet to the left.
The second one misses ten feet to the right.
The third one jumps up and down and says, "I hit it."
You got to like a guy who comes up with
a statistical analysis joke.
Certainly you would
if you had let me call you Bernie.
Shouldn't we test the math
before the President signs off on it?
Create a pilot program
and experiment for two years?
Yeah.
You think we did this with an abacus?
I've always wanted to learn how to work an abacus.
'Cause on the first date when the check comes
and you pull that thing out of your pocket
and start adding up the tip.
Well, that and your statistics jokes
will have you blazing a path through the capital women.
Yeah. You know, the new formula doesn't take into account
regional differences in housing costs.
You don't think it's worth it?
We took the national mean.
How do you suppose landlords
in New York and L.A. feel
about the national mean?
We debated that, but agreed it was
too difficult to assess
when the costs change from year to year.
So you drop the problem when the math gets tough?
You know who wouldn't be very pleased by that?
Miss Holly Orshanksy of Poland
author of the original formula
who I think is long overdue for recognition.
Molly.
Hmm?
Molly Orshansky.
Not Holly?
No.
I thought it was Holly.
Bruno.
Get him in here.
What the hell is this?
Sorry?
What is this?
I don't know what you're waving.
It's a poll.
I asked to see a poll about...
It doesn't matter.
They sent up the wrong poll.
This one asks voters where I should spend Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
What the hell are you doing
polling where I should spend Thanksgiving?
Well, New England doesn't get us anything
that we don't already have
and there was a sense it could be seen as political
with New Hampshire the first primary state.
I have Thanksgiving with my family.
Yeah, yeah.
People like that.
Thank God.
Mr. President...
You politicize my family
to make sure they don't look political?
Don't get me started on irony, sir.
My family is off limits.
Sir
your candor... about a terrible illness
was off limits.
Your regimen of self-medication
was off limits.
With due respect, you've used up
your off limits.
I'll decide when I've used them up.
You don't poll where my family goes.
Am I making myself clear?
Mm-hmm.
Sometimes I have difficulty
talking to people who don't race sailboats.
What?
I have difficulty sometimes
talking to people who don't race sailboats.
When I was a teenager, I crewed Larchmont to Nassau
on a 58-foot sloop
called Cantice.
There was a little piece of kelp
that was stuck to the hull, and even though it was little
you don't want anything stuck to the hull.
So, I take a boat hook
on a pole, and I stick it in the water
and I try to get the kelp off
when seven guys start screaming at me, right?
'Cause now the pole is causing more drag than the kelp was.
See, what you got to do is you got to drop it in
and let the water lift it out in a windmill motion.
Drop it in, and let the water take it by the kelp
and lift it out.
In and out, in and out, until you got it.
The voters aren't choosing a plumber
Mr. President.
They are choosing a President
and if you don't think that your family should matter
my suggestion to you
is to get out of professional politics.
But if you think that I am going to miss
even one opportunity
to pick up half a knot of boat speed
you're absolutely out of your mind.
When it costs us nothing?
And we give up nothing?
You're out of your mind.
( knock at door )
Excuse me.
Ah, something important.
What is that, sir?
The number for the Butterball Hot Line.
Watch and learn.
WOMAN: Welcome to the Butterball Hot Line.
Hello.
Please stand by for our next available operator
to assist you.
Charlie?
15 years.
I agree. That's a long time.
That's a pretty long time.
Yes.
And you know, all we're talking about
is a sewage plant and a health center.
They're not asking for the Great Plains.
I'll have somebody call somebody
and find out what the delay is.
What can I tell them in the meantime?
It would be nice if they could see
someone before they left.
They had an appointment.
He's gone.
Do it Monday.
We do it Monday, they're
going to stay here till Monday
absent being dragged off in handcuffs.
Of this, I'm sure.
Plus, right is right.
What do you want from me?
No.
They walk out of here, they've met the Chief of Staff.
Why not?
'Cause I'm not taking a meeting
with somebody who stages a sit-in in the lobby.
All right, thank you.
Thank you.
Toby.
Yes, sir?
Come in, please.
You polled where I should have Thanksgiving?
Yeah, I saw that question.
And it was okay with you?
Uh, yes, sir.
Why?
Because it was okay with Joey Lucas.
You think people should care where I have Thanksgiving?
I know I don't give a damn.
All right, it doesn't matter.
I straightened it out with Bruno.
It has a lot to do with kelp.
With what?
WOMAN: Hello. Welcome to the Butterball Hot Line.
What the hell is...?
Hello!
How can I help you, sir?
Well, first, let me say
I think this is a wonderful service you provide.
Thank you. May I have your name, please?
I'm a citizen.
I'm sure you are, sir, but if I have your name
I can put your comments in our customer feedback form.
I'm Joe Bethersontin.
That's one "T," and with an "H" in there.
And your address?
Fargo.
Your street address, please.
Zip code, Fargo, North Dakota right now.
My street address
is 11454 Pruder Street,
and it's very important that you put "street" down there
because sometimes it gets confused
with Pruder Way
and Pruder Lane.
It's Apartment 23...
"R"
Fargo, North Dakota.
Zip code 50504.
Thank you.
Your voice sounds very familiar to me.
I do radio commercials for... products.
And how can I help you?
Stuffing should be stuffed inside the turkey, am I correct?
It can also be baked in a casserole dish.
Well, then, we'd have to call it something else
wouldn't we?
I suppose.
If I cook it inside the turkey
is there a chance I could kill my guests?
I'm not saying that's necessarily a deal-breaker.
Well, there are some concerns.
Two main bacterial problems
are salmonella and campylobacter jejuna.
All right, well, first of all
I think you made the second bacteria up,
and second of all
how do I avoid it?
Make sure all the ingredients are cooked first.
Sauté any vegetables
fry sausage, oysters, etcetera.
Excellent.
Let's talk temperature.
165 degrees.
No. See, I was testing you.
The USDA calls for turkeys to be cooked
to an internal temperature
of 180 to 185 degrees.
Yes, sir.
I was talking about the stuffing
which you want to cook to 165 to avoid the health risks.
Okay. Good testing.
Do you have an accurate thermometer?
Oh, yeah.
It was presented to me as a gift from the personal sous chef
to the king of...
auto sales in...
( whispering ): Fargo.
...Fargo.
Phil Baharnd.
The man can sell a car like...
well, like anything.
Very good, sir.
You have a good Thanksgiving.
And you do, too.
Thanks a lot.
That was excellent.
We should do that once a week.
Phil Baharnd?
I got to get better
at the names.
Well, that's it, sir.
Want to start the weekend?
No. One more thing left.
Today, we find the traitor in my family.
I know the First Lady doesn't like to schlep,
but would you please tell her to meet me in the residence?
Yes, sir.
JOSH: Look... I need to ask you something.
LEO: What?
What am I missing?
Why does the White House care so much
about an issue involving a local DA
which at best should be handled
by Justice and State and the Embassy?
Because what?
Because I don't want this President
to get a call from the Bishop of Rome.
Why do we care about the Bishop of Rome?
Because that's not the only name he goes by.
What's another name?
Your Holiness.
The Bishop of Rome is the Pope?
He'll take it to a whole new level.
We don't want to be on that level.
No, we do not.
Forget the Italians.
I want to work it from our side.
That means getting the DA to guarantee
he won't seek the death penalty.
How?
DeKalb's the Georgia Fourth.
Yeah.
When Drier was elected from the Georgia Fourth
election before last, Faragut was who he beat.
Who's Faragut?
The DeKalb DA.
Well, I suppose there's a time for scruples
and a time for, you know...
Not?
Yeah.
He's left the office.
But he'll be on the 8:00 PM USAirways
out of Hartsfield, going to DFW.
Hartsfield?
Okay.
Excuse me.
Listen...
I got you on standby on a direct flight
to Boca, where you can rent a car, and...
Why?
I need a layover in Atlanta.
Oh, of course you do.
I need to get there about an hour before
an 8:00 flight would take off.
That would be around 7:00.
I haven't done the math.
I'm also going to need some information
on the DeKalb County DA whose name is Faragut.
Do me a favor. Start with a recent photograph.
And call my mother
and tell her I'm going to be late.
Yeah.
You call your mother.
Right.
I should be able to at least fire
paint balls at you while you do that.
It's harder to get elected if you feature the underclass,
but it's harder to help them if you hide them.
( chuckles dryly )
Well, what if we just recalibrate it
to make everyone over $20,000 rich
and everyone under $20,000 middle class?
Then they'd all vote
Republican, wouldn't they?
I think when we
get back from the weekend, we should talk to Bruno.
Why Bruno?
Because I think if it's anything short
of a torpedo in the side of the campaign
we should take it to Leo.
I think even if it's a torpedo
in the side of the campaign
we should do it, but that's me.
And I don't imagine I'd rally
much support around that.
So, I'll talk to Bruno.
Thanks.
See you Monday.
Have a good Thanksgiving.
You, too.
CAROL: Listen.
What?
Security's nervous.
Nervous about what?
The Indians in the lobby.
No, I mean, nervous about what?
It's a lawyer and a Michigan Wolverine.
I think we can take 'em. We always do.
Yeah, I'm just saying
security's going to do their thing.
( sighs )
I'll be there in a minute.
Bruno?
Hey.
You get hauled in?
Yep.
And?
We had a conversation.
Listen, the OMB's going to come out
with a recommendation for a new way
to calculate the poverty level.
A show of hands?
No, but the formula raises
the poverty level $2,000 and change.
So, what is it now?
$20,000 a year.
The problem is, we got to campaign
with four million new poor people.
That's the problem?
Yeah.
Not that someone making $21,000 a year
is considered comfortable?
We're working on that one, too.
You keep working on that.
I'll sell the other thing.
How?
Same way P.T. Barnum sold a truckload of white salmon.
By sticking labels on them that said
"Guaranteed not to go pink in the can."
I have this fish theme going on today.
What the hell...?
"Are you telling me this formula's
been broken for years, and the other guys haven't fixed it?"
Like that.
Want to get a quick drink?
No, I got nieces and nephews.
And we'll meet Monday on this, okay?
Truckload of white sal--
You ever even heard of white salmon?
No.
Guy could sell anything.
WOMAN ( over PA ): Welcome to Hartsfield International Airport.
For your protection, please do not leave
any baggage unattended.
MAN (over PA ): Flight 1421 to Los Angeles is now boarding at Gate 31D.
Flight 1421 to Los Angeles is now boarding at Gate 31D.
( buzz of conversation )
Yes?
Uh, could I get a ginger ale, please?
Excuse me, you're Mark Faragut, right?
I'm Josh Lyman.
Yeah.
Good to meet you.
You know, it's funny.
I just got a message from my office to call...
Yeah.
Oh, God, you didn't come all the way down here just...
No, my mom lives in Florida, but just technically.
Doesn't matter.
The Governor...
The Italians aren't worried about the Governor, Mark.
They're worried about you.
Italy can't tell me how to prosecute my case.
And no offense, Josh, but neither can you.
You don't have a defendant.
You can't ask me to weaken my stance.
I know, 'cause the Georgia Fourth
is tough enough for a Democrat
without appearing as if he's against
I'm not against the death penalty.
I said "appearing."
And the only way to combat that is with TV time.
You are planning on running again, right?
Apparently, you don't know much
about my last campaign.
You raised $232,000 in four months,
but then the well dried up after you prosecuted
a corporate polluter and got stuck as anti-business.
You were left with $41,500 for the last two months
and that was the ball game.
WOMAN ( over PA ): USAirways is pleased to announce
its Flight 1017 service to Dallas-Ft. Worth
is now boarding at Gate Five.
Please have your boarding pass ready to show the ticket agent.
That's my flight.
Guarantee you won't seek the death penalty
and you'll have an endless media buy
to explain it to your district.
Josh, please tell me there is no money in that envelope.
No.
Well, in a manner of speaking.
Names?
Yeah, three of them.
None of them local.
Do what I'm telling you
and all three of them will take your call.
I can win this time.
Your flight's boarding.
Have a good Thanksgiving.
You, too.
Ginger ale.
Thank you.
Hello.
PRESIDENT: Hi.
Thank you, Al.
You summoned me?
Yeah, sorry about that.
Listen, I'm sorry about this, too,
but we have to change plans.
We're having dinner here at the White House.
Why?
I've seen some polling information.
The numbers are staggering.
People are looking for steadiness,
for a father figure.
They like it when I'm here.
You can't be a father figure at Camp David?
I guess not.
This is ridiculous.
You can't change plans on people the 11th hour.
It's no problem.
Of course, it's a problem.
When you're in the White House, there's an entire staff
that has to be here.
Now, they can't go home.
It's their job.
It's Thanksgiving.
I've got polling numbers.
Which say Camp David is fine.
J'accuse!
Oh, brother.
J'accuse, mon petit fromage.
You speak four languages.
How come none of them is French?
Nothing's wrong with my French.
You just called me your little cheese.
That's right.
They came to me.
They said, "What do you think
about having Thanksgiving at Camp David
instead of New Hampshire?"
They told me why.
I said, "Fine."
And what part are you leaving out now?
The part where I lied to you.
Yes.
Yes, I do that sometimes.
Sometimes, I don't want to go 15 rounds
on Bess Truman and what constitutes a farm.
On your behalf, I have responded
to polling information telling me what I should wear
and what I should say, to say nothing of the fact
that I have been subpoenaed to answer questions
before Congress on how I secretly kept you alive.
So, explain to me now how what I did
was out of line.
You know what?
It was.
I know.
Well...
with the ingredients for stuffing
you have to cook them before you put them in the turkey
and you're not going to know whether I did or not.
I'll do what I always do with anything you cook.
I'll wait for the girls to eat it first.
Me, too.
How many treaties have we signed with the Munsee Indians?
Six.
How many have we revoked?
Six.
What were the Munsees doing
in 1778?
Fighting in George Washington's army.
And why aren't you in New York anymore?
'Cause you marched us to Wisconsin.
And whose land was it in the first place?
Ours.
( sighs )
I'm going to have the Park Police
escort you from the building.
It'll take me a few minutes, so you can make whatever calls
you need to make,
or you can come back to my office right now.
We'll make an appointment for Monday
and the White House will cover your expenses.
Okay.
"Okay," what?
Okay, ma'am.
No, "okay," you're...
We'll come back to the office.
How do you keep fighting these smaller injustices
when they're all from the mother of injustices?
What's the alternative?