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[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
[ SAWING ]
[ ELECTRICITY CRACKLES ]
>> IT'S ALIVE!
[ THUNDER CRASHES ]
>> [ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
[ SMOOCH! ]
[ LAUGHS EVILLY ]
>> NOW, "TOP CHEF: SWEDEN"!
>> All: BORK! BORK! BORK!
BORK! BORK!
[ ALL MUMBLING LOUDLY ]
>> YOUR CHALLENGE IS --
>> All: [ MUTTERING ]
>> YOUR CHALLENGE --
YOUR CHALLENGE IS TO PREPARE THE
TRADITIONAL SCANDINAVIAN DISH
KNOWN AS LUTEFISK!
>> BORK!
>> STEP ASIDE, DUDES.
TIME FOR A SHELL SPIN!
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
TURTLE POWER!
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ GRUNTS ]
[ Chuckling ] HEY, HEY.
HEY, DUDES, LITTLE, UH...
[ GRUNTS ]
LITTLE HELP HERE!
LEO?
LITTLE HELP!
>> SO, LOKI'S LIKE, "PLEASE HAVE
MERCY!"
AND I WAS ALL, "SORRY, PAL.
CAN'T HEAR A THING IN THIS
HELMET."
BA-DA-BOOM!
CHEST-MOUNTED UNIBEAM, BABY.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> YOU IS THE MAN!
>> GOT A STORY FROM THE FIGHT,
JOLLY GREEN?
>> WELL, HULK SMASH.
AND HULK SMASH.
BUT THEN...HULK SMASH!
>> NO FREAKING WAY, MAN!
>> SWEARSIES.
[ LAUGHTER ]
>> OKAY, WELL, OKAY, SO, I-I
KICKED THIS GUY, AND I SHOT HIM
WITH MY PISTOLS.
AND IT TURNS OUT THAT HE WAS,
UH, BULLETPROOF AND ALSO
KICK-PROOF.
OH, GOD!
I'M, LIKE, THE LAMEST ONE ON
THIS TEAM!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU GUYS
KEEP ME AROUND.
>> OHHHH, YEAH.
♪ BABY, BABY, BABY, BABY ♪
>> [ GASPS ]
>> ♪ MM ♪
>> DON'T TALK LIKE THAT.
YOU'RE A CRITICAL COMPONENT OF
THIS TEAM.
RIGHT, FELLAS?
>> ABSOLUTELY, UH-HUH.
>> YEAH. SURE.
>> I GUESS WHOEVER WE FIGHT NEXT
BETTER WATCH OUT FOR THE
BLACK WIDOW, HUH?!
>> All: YEAH!
>> BLACK WIDOW'S GONE NOW, BUT
SHE LEAVES BEHIND THE GIFT OF
KNOWLEDGE -- THE KNOWLEDGE THAT
YOU CANNOT DEFEAT
DEMOGORGE THE GOD-EATER WITH A
KARATE KICK.
>> BUT I ALMOST GOT HIM WITH MY
ARROWS.
RIGHT -- RIGHT, GUYS?
[ SOBS ]
WHAT AM I SAYING?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY YOU GUYS
KEEP ME AROUND!
>> ♪ OOH, OOH, OH, OH, OH ♪
OHHH, YEAH.
>> NEXT THURSDAY ON NBS...
>> FLATLINE!
WE'RE LOSING HIM!
>> O-O-O-OUCH!
>> ...A SUICIDE VICTIM WILL BE
SAVED...
>> [ GASPS ]
>> HOORAY! HE'S ALIVE!
>> DAMN IT! I'M ALIVE!
>> ...BY THE HOSPITAL'S MOST
TALENTED PHYSICIAN.
BUT WHEN DR. E.T.'s OLD DEMONS
COME BACK TO HAUNT HIM...
>> I'LL PUT IT RI-I-I-GHT HERE.
>> HEY, PRICK, THAT'S MY
GIRLFRIEND!
>> STEP OFF.
O-O-OUCH!
>> ...HE'LL FACE HIS GREATEST
CHALLENGE YET.
>> HE'S DYING.
YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING...
DOCTOR.
>> I'LL BE RI-I-I-I-GHT BACK.
[ METAL CLATTERS, DOOR CLOSES ]
>> HEY, THAT'S MY BIKE!
>> STEP OFF, BRO.
[ BICYCLE BELL DINGING ]
>> THURSDAY ON AN ALL-NEW
"E.T. -- EMERGENCY TERRESTRIAL."
>> [ Laughing ] YEAH!
BACHELOR PARTY!
I'M BUYING YOU A LAP DANCE,
BUDDY!
[ BELL ABOVE DOOR JINGLES ]
>> YOU WAIT RIGHT THERE, HARRY.
I'M GONNA CHANGE INTO SOMETHING
MORE COMFORTABLE.
>> DONGUS STOUTUS!
[ SIGHS ] OH, COME ON.
UH, BEEFUS GIRTHUS?
POLEUS MAXIMUS?
AAAAAAH!
[ CELLPHONE VIBRATES ]
[ CELLPHONE BLOOPS ]
STALKUS MINIMUS!
STALKUS MINIMUS!
STALKUS MINIMUS!
>> NOW LET ME SEE WHAT THE
FAMOUS HARRY POTTER'S PACKING.
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ GASPS ]
WHY DO YOU HAVE A VADGE?
[ VIDEO GAME MUSIC ]
[ SPROING! SPROING! SPROING! ]
>> I-IS HE GONE?
OH, PHEW!
DUDE'S A [BLEEP] STALKER.
>> [ GASPS ] THE ROYAL FAMILY!
THEY'RE COMING OUR WAY!
>> OHH, AREN'T THEY JUST
ADORABLE?
>> GREATEST...MOMENT...
OF MY LIFE.
>> OH, AND I'VE BEEN TOTALLY
NEEDING A NEW BRA.
>> WHAT ARE YOU -- AAH!
>> Both: AAAAAH!
>> [ GASPS ] I WANT ONE!
>> MOMMY! DADDY!
[ SNAPS! ]
>> CHECK IT OUT -- PASTIES!
>> AAAAGH!
>> [ GAGGING ]
>> NOW, GIRLS, REMEMBER, WE'RE
ONLY HERE TO BROWSE.
>> [ Whining ] DADDY, NO!
I WANT THEM!
>> YOU HEARD ME!
LET'S GO!
>> [ Crying ] THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE
HOW CRUEL HE IS!
[ SIGHS ]
>> [ CHOKING ]
[ COUGHS ]
>> GODZILLA HAS LEFT THE NATION
IN RUINS!
>> OH, NO!
CALIFORNIA'S MOST TREASURED
LANDMARK!
>> OH, NO!
CALIFORNIA'S MOST TREASURED
LANDMARK DESPITE WHAT THOSE
A-HOLES DOWN IN LOS ANGELES
THINK.
>> GODZILLA IS PULLING SOME HOT
STRIPPER-POLE ACTION ON THE
SEARS TOWER OR WHATEVER THE
[BLEEP] WE CALL IT THESE DAYS.
WHAT IS IT?
WIL-- WILLIS TOWER?
I'M HEARING WILLIS TOWER.
>> AND AFTER DESTROYING
MANHATTAN, GODZILLA IS FINALLY
HEADED BACK OUT TO SEA.
OH!
TOTAL *** MOVE BY GODZILLA.
NOWHERE NEAR WATER IS SAFE!
>> IT HAS NEVER BEEN A BETTER
TIME TO BE A LANDLOCKED STATE.
TOURISM HERE IN DES MOINES IS
THROUGH THE ROOF!
WE'RE ALL RICH!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
[ Dialing ]
>> THIS IS THE MAYOR'S
ASSISTANT, MR. G.
YOUR CHECK IS IN THE MAIL.
>> HA HA HA HA!
OH, HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED
TO CASH THIS?
>> DISNEYLAND IS A MAGICAL PLACE
THAT'S FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
EVEN TEENAGERS.
BECAUSE AT DISNEYLAND, THERE ARE
DOZENS OF SECRET PLACES FOR
YOUNG PEOPLE TO GIVE EACH OTHER
HAND JOBS.
COME RIDE "THE MANY ADVENTURES
OF WINNIE THE POOH."
AND WHEN YOU EXIT, MAKE A LEFT
AT THE WATER FOUNTAIN AND FIND
THE PERFECT NOOK TO GIVE OR
RECEIVE A HAND JOB.
FILL YOUR HAND JOB PASSPORT WITH
STAMPS FROM LOCATIONS LIKE...
BEHIND THE DUMPSTER NEXT TO THE
MATTERHORN.
UNDER THE BABY-CHANGING STATION
IN CRITTER COUNTRY.
OR UNDER THE PRESIDENT'S DESK IN
"GREAT MOMENTS WITH
MR. LINCOLN."
BECAUSE AS WALT DISNEY SAID...
>> DISNEYLAND IS THE HAPPIEST
PLACE ON EARTH...
FOR TEENAGERS TO *** ALL OVER
EACH OTHER'S YOUNG, *** HANDS.
[ CROW CAWING ]
>> PRESTO CHANGEO!
UGH, I SAID PRESTO CHANGEO, NOT
PESTO CHANGEO!
>> AND THAT'S WHEN THE FEMALE
STARBUCK GOT IN THE SHOWER WITH
ME.
>> OOH!
>> BUT FROM THE NECK DOWN, SHE
WAS DIRK BENEDICT.
>> OOH.
>> AND WHEN I WOKE UP, I STILL
HAD WOOD.
>> OOH.
>> WATCH ME SCARE THOSE NERDS!
[ GRUNTING ]
MUNSON!
MUNSON MIGHT BE GOING TO PRISON.
>> [ GASPS ] DIRK BENEDICT!
OW!
WHERE IS EVERYBODY?
HELLO-O-O-O?
"DON'T DEAD, OPEN INSIDE."
[ LAUGHS ]
EPIC TYPOGRAPHY FAIL.
OH, MY GOSH, THAT'S COURTNEY!
>> AAH!
>> AAAAAH!
OH, PHEW.
YOU'RE NOT A WALKER.
>> WHAT? I-I'M NOT A WHAT?
>> IT MEANS ZOMBIE WITHOUT
HAVING TO SAY "ZOMBIE."
IT'S JUST ONE OF THE LITTLE
DETAILS THAT MAKES
ROBERT KIRKMAN'S
"THE WALKING DEAD" SUCH AN
INTELLIGENT AND ORIGINAL --
>> AAH!
>> COME WITH ME!
APOCALYPTIC CRISES TEND TO BREAK
DOWN SOCIAL BARRIERS, SO IT'S
TOTALLY LIKELY THAT YOU AND I
WILL FALL IN LOVE.
>> WHOA!
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
I'M ALL YOURS, BOYS!
AAH!
>> OH, DANG.
WHAT CAUSED THE ZOMBIE OUTBREAK?
>> LET'S CONSULT THE ZOMBIE
BACKSTORY GENERATOR!
"SUPERVIRUS."
OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
THEY ALL SAY "SUPERVIRUS."
[ GUNSHOTS ]
MUNSON!
THOSE USED TO BE PEOPLE, YOU
MONSTER!
DON'T USE THEM FOR TARGET
PRACTICE!
>> WIPE THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR
EYES, DICKSTAIN.
>> THAT'S MY MOM'S CAR!
KNOCK IT OFF!
[ HANDCUFFS CLICK ]
UH-OH!
OH, COME ON!
[ ZOMBIES GROWLING ]
>> ALL THOSE GUNSHOTS ATTRACTED
THEM!
WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!
>> HEY, *** BURGLARS!
>> OH, YEAH! THE KEY!
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> HEY, THROW ME THAT HACKSAW!
THANKS!
>> MUNSON!
>> THROW ME ANOTHER HACKSAW.
>> THERE ARE NO MORE HACKSAWS.
THIS IS ALL WE HAVE LEFT.
>> HOW THE [BLEEP] DOES THIS
HELP ME?
>> HOW DID THEY GET OUT OF THIS
ON "THE WALKING DEAD"?
>> WELL, ACTUALLY, IN EPISODE
THREE --
>> NO, NO, NO, DON'T TELL ME!
I STILL HAVE LIKE A ZILLION
EPISODES ON MY DVR!
OH, MAN, I BET THE SHOW HAS TONS
OF CLEVER TIPS FOR DEFEATING
ZOMBIES.
>> WE DO!
>> Both: WOW!
"WALKING DEAD" CREATOR
ROBERT KIRKMAN!
>> SO...CAN WE HAVE A TIP?
>> HERE'S A TIP.
SEASON TWO OF "THE WALKING DEAD"
IS NOW AVAILABLE ON BLU-RAY AND
DVD!
AAH! OW! OW! AAH!
OH! WAIT A MINUTE!
I NEVER WANTED TO SEE WHAT THAT
LOOKS LIKE!
AAAH!
>> UH-OH.
>> [ GRUNTS ]
>> EW!
>> GROSS!
[ ZOMBIES SNIFFING ]
>> IT'S LIKE ZOMBIE CAMOUFLAGE.
JUST KEEP ACTING LIKE ZOMBIES --
NO MATTER WHAT.
>> OH, HEY THERE, COURTNEY!
>> MEEEEEEH, MEEEH.
>> UHHHH...
>> MEEEEEEEH!
>> UHHHHH...
[ DISCORDANT TONES PLAY ]
>> I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE GONNA
NAIL A CHEERLEADER TONIGHT!
>> I WONDER IF ZOMBIE ***
STILL FEEL LIKE ***.
>> I CALL DIBS.
>> UGH.
>> ANYONE HAVE A ZIPLOC?
>> ♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
♪ BA-BAWK BAWK BAWK-A-WAWK WAWK
BAWK BAWK ♪
BA-GAWK! BAWK.
>> HEY, EVERYONE.
I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE
JOKE ABOUT THE PESTO.
I HAD DINNER WITH MY PARENTS THE
NIGHT BEFORE AND MY DAD MADE THE
JOKE ABOUT "PESTO CHANGEO!"
AND THEN HE SAID, "HEY, YOU
SHOULD PUT THAT INTO YOUR ACT."
AND I SAID, "HA, HA, YEAH."
YOU KNOW, LIKE I'M BEING POLITE.
BUT THEN MY MAMA CORNERED ME
LATER AND SHE SAID IT WOULD
REALLY MEAN A LOT TO HIM, SO I
CAVED.
BUT THIS IS MY CAREER, YOU KNOW,
AND YOU GUYS DESERVE BETTER.
SO, AGAIN, I APOLOGIZE.
THAT WAS A-TERRIBLE.
I'M-A SO SORRY.