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I made eggs.
Oh, yeah. I know.
So "I made eggs" was just a conversation starter.
Molly made eggs.
Then you're in luck.
You're up early for work.
I have an OB appointment.
Go during the day. Blow off work.
There's benefits to being pregnant, Mom.
Yesterday, I got a free smoothie.
Hmm.
That, and you give life.
I can't go during the day.
I haven't told the guys at the firm that I'm pregnant.
Aren't they all gonna be like, "Why is she getting so fat?"
They won't all be like that, but thanks.
So when are you gonna tell them?
You know those guys.
Announcing a pregnancy is like saying, "I'm a lady wuss,
"and I won't be able to handle my emotions or my workload.
"Please disregard me."
(CHUCKLES) Well, I mean, yeah, sure,
they're all a bunch of *** lawyers.
But they've known you forever.
Come on. They'll be excited for you.
Yeah. Then we'll all braid each other's hair and fart rainbows.
Well, my workplace is supportive.
Everyone at the piercing kiosk is way into my pregnancy.
Ahh, the words every parent longs to hear.
This is why I don't make you eggs.
(SIGHS)
You know that you are gonna have to come clean eventually.
It's not fair.
I have been killing myself for years.
I just signed our biggest client,
and Gabe's this close to naming a new department head.
But if they find out I'm pregnant,
guaranteed it goes to Rollins.
Ugh. Rollins? That guy is a ***.
What's with the suspenders?
Yeah, just let the belt do its job.
That is why I'm gonna wait till after they move me up.
Then I can rub my pregnancy in their fat faces.
That's a lovely work atmosphere.
Mmm, yeah. It's fun.
Okay, how about N-propyl?
Ch3-ch2-ch2.
Yes, Dad.
Isopropyl.
Ch3-2ch.
It's right.
Okay, so how'd we do?
98.
98? That'll play.
Except there's some kid out there who got 100.
And you know what that kid just took?
My spot at Harvard Medical School.
I'll read that chapter again.
Or we find that other kid,
take him out.
Okay, new shorts,
let's get you warmed up.
So what happens if he gets five wrong?
You put him in a hole?
Don't know. It's never happened, and it never will.
You hope.
But shouldn't you have a hole just in case?
Here. Two minutes.
Look, all I'm saying is,
you're putting a lot of pressure on the kid.
Pressure's a part of life. It's a motivator.
He already seems more motivated
than every kid I went to UCLA with.
No offense, but comparing him
to kids from the founding class of UCLA
really doesn't apply here.
You know that you and I are roughly the same age.
That can't make you feel great.
Look, all I'm saying is, is that the kid could've...
Hey. Do me favor.
When it comes to parenting my kid,
stay out of it.
Got it.
Good.
That was roughly two minutes, right?
LISETTE: Well, come on, baby. Let me see it.
(SHRIEKS) My little black hole!
Junior loved this costume. He made it himself.
A, I'm not Junior. B...
See "A."
Okay, we talked about this.
Don't make a list unless you have at least two things.
I'm not gonna wear a costume.
Papito, the Yoders didn't invite us over
so dad and I could go trick-or-treating. It's for you.
You get candy whether you wear one or not.
You can't go through life with that attitude.
When are you gonna start putting effort into something?
I'm 11. It's not a sprint. It's a marathon.
(SINGSONGY) If you don't wear a costume...
You don't go!
Fine. I'll wear one.
But I'll make it myself.
That's what a kid who makes an effort sounds like.
You want me to help you out of that?
I'll do it later. I'm pretty spent from our chat.
Thanks for driving me to school, Dr. Yoder.
No sweat. It was on my way to work.
Plus, I'm enjoying our lively back-and-forth.
Ch3-ch3-ch2.
No, ch1! You idiot!
You know that one, Junior!
Okay, look, Junior, what I'm about to tell you stays in this car.
But you have got to lighten up.
I can't. Right now, there is a kid out there who has a...
Yeah, I know all about the fake Korean kid.
We never said he was Korean.
Well, I just imagined him that way.
Look, I know there are those who would disagree,
but college isn't just about studying.
There is so much more to the experience.
You mean like robotics club?
That's a great example of what I don't mean.
I mean having fun
with other human people.
When I went to UCLA, I was in a fraternity.
I had some of the best times of my life there.
Ask me any line from Fletch.
I don't know what that is.
But anyway, I'm not much of a partyer.
It's not just about partying.
It's about making friends, blowing off steam.
Look, I know you got a baby on the way
and a fiance who is a handful.
But you're also a kid.
You deserve to have some fun, too.
Thanks, Dr. Yoder. I'll keep that in mind.
Thanks for the ride.
Human fun, Junior. No robots.
No robots.
Got it.
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
Oh, hey, Gabe.
The rest of the team's in the fish pool. We need you.
Really?
What's going on?
Can't say.
(MAN WHISTLES)
Hey, guys!
Yeah!
What's all this about, huh?
Dude, everyone thought old Melvaney Windsor
was gonna get that Westgate account...
Till you bent it over a table and did your thang.
(MEN LAUGHING)
Okay. Thanks, Rollins. Thank you.
It's nice to have my efforts so graphically appreciated.
Well, for that and for all the other great things
you consistently do around here...
Lunchtime tequila shots.
Boo-yah!
Fun.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Oh, this is so sweet
and super professional.
Uh, but I've got so much to do,
and I think I'm gonna take a rain check this time.
Jeez. Looks like Mrs. Yoder showed up today.
That's not even an insult. It's just a fact.
Yoder, I've never seen you pass up a tequila shot before.
(MEN CHANTING) Yoder! Yoder! Yoder!
Seriously... Seriously, guys, I can't. Okay?
No, because I'm...
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
I'm an alcoholic.
Junior!
Oh! Hey, Noah.
Not yet.
I hope my sodium chloride reacts better than professor Camden's did.
Hey, Noah!
Yeah, one sec.
Well, me and a couple of the guys are gonna
head to the house for lunch. Hey, you wanna come?
Uh, thanks, man. I'm actually gonna hit the library.
Yeah.
AUTOMATED MALE VOICE: Battle of the bots.
Join us.
No, thanks.
Noah! I'm actually gonna join you guys.
An alcoholic? That's what you went with?
I didn't know what else to say.
Well, if anyone saw me fireman carry you out
of that wine tasting in Sonoma, they might believe it.
I told you, I can't tell them I'm pregnant
till they promote me.
What about your drinking problem?
That's gotta be a red flag.
To these guys, recovering alcoholics are strong.
They've overcome adversity.
Pregnant chicks are weak in spirit
and they have to pee all the time.
Okay, so what's next? What's your plan?
I just told my coworkers I'm an alcoholic.
Clearly, I have no plan.
Hey, Dad. Guess who made friends with a bunch of frat guys today?
Didn't we have this conversation
when you were in, like, tenth grade?
I'm talking about Junior.
Hey! There you go! Which fraternity?
Omega theta rho.
Hey! That was my house.
I thought your fraternity got kicked off campus?
Some kid lost a hand at one of their parties.
A kid, who was born without a hand,
Oh.
Either way, glad to hear they're back, risen from the ashes.
Yeah. I went to their house for lunch. They're really cool.
Yeah, of course they are. They're omega guys.
They still do okay with the girls?
I don't know. Didn't really come up.
Hmm. I can't believe you ate lunch there.
If it's anything like it was,
your plumbing's gonna be wrecked for a week.
Oh, no, it was delicious. Poached salmon, quinoa salad.
These guy are a little bit more evolved, Dad.
Oh, and Junior's taking me to their Halloween party tomorrow.
Yeah. Halloween's apparently a big deal to them.
Sounds like my boys want you to rush.
Yeah, they do, and I told him he totally should.
Yeah. Why don't you?
You can join famous omega theta alumni
like Bruce Jenner or, uh...
God, I forget his name, but he had a small part in Meatballs.
I don't know. I started to bring it up to my dad,
but he's really against stuff like that.
Sure. Senor buzzkill.
Yeah, it's such a bummer. He really wants to do it.
All right, Junior.
You didn't hear this from me,
but if you want to rush, rush.
Don't tell your dad.
It's your life.
What he doesn't know won't hurt him.
That's true. I've done tons of stuff
that he didn't know about, and none of it hurt him.
This is your first kid, right?
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
Yoder. I need to talk to you.
Oh, what about?
About what you said yesterday.
You know, when you told us you were an alcoholic.
Oh. Yeah. No need to dwell on it.
One day at a time and all.
Do you go to meetings?
Oh, yeah. You gotta.
Yeah, I gotta keep that ball rolling.
Actually, I'm late for one right now,
so I should... (CLICKS TONGUE)
Take me with you.
What?
(DOORKNOB RATTLES)
I think I'm an alcoholic.
You? Nah.
Get back out there!
No, it's true. I... I got a problem.
No, you don't. You don't have a problem. You're a good time.
You're good time Gabe.
Come on.
Yeah.
I'm gonna go drive around with my thermos full of ***
and see where the night takes me.
(SIGHS) Fine.
We'll go to a meeting.
I don't know.
Where they moved it to.
(WHISPERS) But I'll check the...
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Hey! Come on in!
So glad you could make it.
You said you were gonna be wearing a costume.
Yes. I did.
Why would you do that?
In the hopes that this exact moment would occur.
Respect.
Please tell me Caroline's in a costume.
Uh... Oh. No, she's not here.
Thanks for the invite.
(SIGHS) Sorry. She's at an AA meeting.
Oh, I had no idea.
Oh, she's not an alcoholic, just a liar.
It's a work thing.
Hey, buddy, where's your costume?
Yeah, Demetrio, go put it on.
(CHUCKLES)
Oh.
It's just a hat.
I'm hat guy.
Well, this is gonna be kind of awkward
when we're both out together.
That's it? That's what you came up with?
Well, then what's with the bag?
For my candy.
See you later.
The kid's unbelievable.
(LOWERED VOICE) I know, right?
(SIGHS)
I can see why you put most of your eggs in the Junior basket.
♪ Right here, right now ♪
This is incredible.
Junior, so glad you made it! Here!
Thanks, Noah. This is Molly.
Oh, hey, Molly. Come on, you guys, let's dance.
Okay.
♪ Right now ♪
Hey, Mols, think about it.
25 years ago, your dad was here at a party just like this.
I'm not so sure about that.
♪ Right now, now
♪ Now, now, now, now, now ♪
Trick-or-treat?
Oh! Here you go!
Wait! Wait. Don't give him anything.
What are you doing here?
Hi. Ma'am, my son couldn't even be bothered to put on a costume.
I'd appreciate you not rewarding him for it.
It is a costume. I'm hat guy.
What do you think? You find this impressive?
Uh...
Not really.
Then "no, thanks" on the candy.
Mom!
That's right. You're gonna have some company tonight.
When you've impressed someone with your costume,
then you get candy.
Come on, hat guy.
You can't do this!
It's true.
And I'm proud to say that this is my first day without alcohol
in as long as I can remember.
And I'd like to the thank
my friend and colleague, uh, Caroline Yoder
for bringing me here today.
(LOWERED VOICE) Hey, Dan.
The second "A's" for "anonymous", just FYI.
Caroline, you're a new face.
Oh. Yeah.
I normally go to meetings over on...
Olympic and... 20... 10th.
Well, maybe you'd like to do a share.
Nah. I'm good.
(LOWERED VOICE) You know, it...
It really helped me to not feel so alone.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Fine.
Okay, so here I go... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
For a big talk.
Hi, I'm Caroline,
and I'm an alcoholic.
ALL: Hi, Caroline.
Hi... Alcoholics.
So...
What can I say about my crazy drinking? (CHUCKLES)
DAN: There you go.
One for you.
Good night.
Hey, look, sorry if I was a little rough the other day
when I was telling you to stay out of Junior's business.
Oh. No, you know... Hey... Nah.
I just feel I gotta stay on top of him.
The other day, he hit me with some nonsense
about joining a fraternity. (LAUGHS)
Would it be so bad
if the kid had a place to go blow off some steam?
Mmm-hmm.
You know how many books there are in the UCLA library?
The way you're asking, I'm gonna guess "a lot" or "surprisingly few."
Over 8 million.
Where I got my education,
library had 53 books.
Oh. Arizona State? That's where Molly was gonna go.
No, Dan.
California State Penitentiary, Chino.
I did not know that.
Yep. See, for you, college might've been a four-year party.
But for me, getting an education meant...
Having to work in the prison metal shop
for 25 cents an hour so I could buy two books a year,
or swapping a month of desserts
for a tattered, outdated dictionary,
or having to fight a guy
who was trying to steal my copy of Leaves of Grass.
So forgive me if I don't see college
as a place to blow off some steam.
I know it wasn't your intention,
but the whole Dracula thing made that story even scarier.
(CHUCKLES)
Look, uh...
Huh?
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
(GRUNTS)
Hey, what's up?
Okay, we'll be right there.
Ahh. What's going on?
Molly and Junior need us to come pick them up.
They were at a frat party that was shut down by the cops for underage drinking.
What?
Trick-or-treat?
Not a good time.
When did I hit rock bottom?
That's a great question. Thank you, Margaret.
I see why you get to be...
You know, you're doing the whole... Thing here.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Um...
Oh!
My husband took me to a wine tasting in Sonoma.
This is a good one. Mmm-hmm.
(CHILDREN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
I'm the ghost of a kid who looks like this.
Werewolf. When the moon's not full.
Partially invisible two-headed man.
See all that candy?
Could've been you with just a tiny bit of effort.
Okay, Mom. I get it.
From now on, I'm gonna try more.
That's all I ask.
Come on. Let's go home.
Wait. One more house?
But they didn't even bother to decorate.
I know.
Trick-or-treat?
(SIGHS) Here.
Wait. What do you think of this costume?
I don't know. What are you?
Hat guy.
I like it, I guess.
Hat guy.
You should've seen some of the jerks that came up here all done up.
"Oh, I'm Harry Potter!" No, you're not.
You're a loser dressed up like an even bigger loser.
Whatever.
You know what? It's the end of the night.
Just take the rest of this.
I'll see ya next year, hat guy.
No. Next year you'll see no-hat guy.
Either way, I don't care.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
Oh, God. My dad's here.
My dad got him to wear a costume.
I didn't think that was gonna work.
Sorry.
Those two are ours.
It's very festive.
At our Halloween, we'd just paint the keg orange and leave it at that.
So it looks like you've been keeping a little secret.
I'm really sorry, Dad.
Did I not teach you to make better choices than this?
Oh, no! Okay, back off, Dracula. It's not a choice.
(MEN MURMURING)
The hell it's not! And you made it, too.
You think your parents are proud of you right now?
Wow!
It took some time, but yes.
"Countdown to the Tonys"?
You seriously thought you could hide this from me?
I felt like I had to. I knew you wouldn't approve.
You're right. I don't approve.
Whoa. What?
Uh, Mols, did my fraternity go gay?
Big-time.
I gotta text Sully.
Seriously, these are the kinds of people
you wanna be associating with?
MAN: Whoa!
Well, Dr. Yoder told me
I should open myself up to new experiences.
This is what I was about to...
(ALL CHEERING)
Sure.
I thought I told you, stay out of my kid's business.
Look, I was just trying to help Junior.
I'm sorry I went behind your back.
This is over with.
You got it out of your system. Let's get out of here.
No, Dad, it's not over.
What?
I know you're disappointed,
but it's time for me to start making my own choices,
which might mean going to a party,
cuttin' loose every once in a while, or even rushing...
What I now realize is definitely a gay fraternity.
ALL: Mmm-hmm!
Mmm-hmm!
(LOWERED VOICE) Yeah, and FYI,
not big fans of yours.
Dad, you know how responsible I am.
Yeah, he's only 18 and he's gonna be a father.
And I know how important this opportunity is,
but I'm not gonna mess it up.
Know how I know?
Because you raised me.
So believe me, I'm good.
(CLICKS TONGUE) Yeah.
ALL: Aw!
Come on, mijo. Let's go.
That's right.
Yes.
Be good, brother.
Okay. What's going on now?
Everyone, congratulate Yoder.
Yoder, you got it. You're the new department head.
(MEN CHEERING)
Aw, Gabe, thanks!
Aw, man.
Not just because of all of your hard work,
but, uh, also because of...
The courage and honesty you show in your personal life.
Yeah.
Right.
Speech!
Yeah, come on! Yeah!
MAN: Speech! Speech! Speech!
Come on!
Thanks. Thanks, guys.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
But I don't think I can do this.
(MAN SNORTS)
(MEN LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Well... Actually, Rollins, I take it back.
All right!
MAN: Yeah, why not?
Oh. Hold on. Sorry. Just gettin' a call.
(WHISPERS) Excuse me.
Oh. It's my ob-gyn. That's weird.
Hello? This is she.
No way. Amazing!
You guys, I'm pregnant.
Unbelievable!
Got sober, got promoted, and now I'm pregnant?
What a crazy month!
So tell me more.
How many days off am I gonna need?
Oh. That's a lot. (CHUCKLES)
Well, I got good news for you, too.
I just got promoted. (WHISPERS) Thanks, guys.
Yeah-huh. Yes, it is exciting.