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Been up to see Mickey? Nah. I sent him some girl-on-girl ***
last week. It's the only thing he ever wants. Oh.
Mmm. Oh use yours. Where?
Cosign x. Oh! Oh yeah!
Hey! Catch! Open it!
What is it? GPS wrist unit. For your ROTC orienting weekends.
So you know where you are.
We're supposed to learn that off of maps and stuff. Oh come on. They teaching you how to use a sextant too?
Modern infantry officers have, like, a grand worth of satellite gear in their pack.
You need to learn how though, in case you get separated from your unit or
all that fancy equipment breaks down in a harsh environment. Ah, come on. Just take it.
I sort of have a boyfriend.
Well, I sort of have a wife.
He's been gone for a while, but he's gonna be back in a couple weeks
Young or old? Young.
Oh! You up for a threesome?
I mean, an old guy can dream, can't he?
*laughs* Keep dreaming! Come here!
Come on GI. Pound me like an Iraqi soldier.
Okay, you need to shut the *** up. I'm sorry. You still talking?
***! ***!
Who is it? Probably a teacher or some ***. I told you you were too loud.
Look, I can't get expelled. My parents will kill me.
Probably hearing about the *** will kill 'em sooner. Looky what we got here!
Mickey? Thought you were still in juvie?
Not any more.
You havin' some sort of queerbo sex under here? No, no, I swear. Why are you still beating me up?
He was doing it too! You're the one takin' it in the ***, right? You're the one I gotta kick straight.
It workin'? Yes, yes. Good. Get the hell outta here.
You got any *** left in you or you dump it all in that ***'s ***?
Man, that was good.
Missed ya. You did?
Yeah man. Had to do all the ***' in juvie.
Otherwise I'd end up someone's ***, right?
Nice to switch back.
Thought you had four more months. Yeah, let me out for overcrowding or some ***.
Coming back to school?
Hell no, man.
I'd still be a ***' freshman. I haven't passed a single class.
Why'd you come back then? Fired a bunch of coke before I went in.
Time to collect.
What are you doing? Keeping Frank out. Planning to go to Carnegie Mellon?
Please! It's for nerds and homos. But,um,
Healy thinks Lip should apply. Fat chance. He's smart enough.
Yeah, but too stupid to do anything about it. I already tried.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Sure. How do you know if a guy you've been hanging out with likes you?
You like him? Uh-huh, but I think he hates me.
Well, ask him! Doesn't want to talk about it. No guy ever does.
How do I know then? Does he get that look in his eye when he's with you?
What look? You'll know it when you see it.
Hey Sanchez! Oh hell.
Time to pay up. They let you out? Good behaviour. I thought I had four more months
Think again. Hey, yo!
Campus security is coming. What the hell you doing?
Didn't want you to get busted. I can look after myself, thank you.
VO: Does he get that look in his eye, look in his eye, look in is eye when he's with you?
I just got out of juvie, remember?
The *** are you looking at? Nothing.
*** you want? Convicted child *** just moved in down the street.
Let's get the boys.
What the *** is this l'il parade? Kid ***. Next block.
May I help you? We're looking for Blake Collins.
I am Blake Collins.
Oh ***. You're the eighth grade teacher who
screwed her student, right? You were on TV.
I didn't screw William. I loved him.
And I did my time. I paid for my mistake.
If love can be called a mistake. I'm sure there are real criminals in the neighborhood
that you can beat up if you have the inclination.
Now please, may I close the door? Er, yeah.
***. Let's go find a camel jockey. Carl, get home alright?
***. We should still do something. Thinking ***?
Er, no, but she *** little kids.
It was one kid. And he wasn't that little. He was 14 and she was his teacher.
We really want a *** living in the neighborhood? ***, if I was 14 and had a teacher who
looked like that and wanted it?
Man, I'm gettin' wood just thinkin' about that.
Yo! Angie! Yeah?
You wanna ***? Sure.
Now see, I thought you two were... Shut up. Hope you're using a raincoat.
Buy something.
89 cents.
I don't get it. Get the cup outta the trash.
Oh! The stuff's in it! Just get out.
You need whatever brain cells you got left.
Why you gotta mess with my business man? Why you gotta do your business in my store?
Ain't your store, it's Towelhead's store. Whatever, Get smarter customers.
I'm not going down for this ***. Oh! Okay.
So, what you goin' down for then, huh?
Hey, did you really *** Angie Zago today?
Yeah I *** Angie. Everybody *** Angie. You don't *** Angie?
Huh. You wanna *** Angie? I can call her, get her down here. No.
Nice place you got here.
What are you doin' here? I was hungry.
So you drove all the way to the South Side for a bag of chips?
Well, a bag of chips and
a gingersnap, I'm hoping. Keep the change.
I'm working. Well, maybe later.
Happy hour at the Fountain? Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
Got a receipt?
That your grandpa? Nah, just the guy I been seeing.
Oh, that's the guy you been, er, you've been seeing.
You guys, like, picnic together or you get a little dog with a ***' sweater?
Nah. We don't picnic. We mostly just ***.
Like you and Angie.
Did that fatty actually cop a feel? He totally copped a feel!
You've gotta be kidding me! I mean, what's up with that?
***, Mickey. What the hell are you doing here?
Oh, from the store right? Oh come on Ian.
Don't be rude. Invite your boyfriend back to my place. I mean,
the more the merrier, right?
Sorry. What'd you call me?
What? Jesus, Mickey! ***.
The *** you call me, ***? Enough. Piece of ***!
***, Mickey. They're gonna call the cops.
Are you okay? Come on! Gallagher! Sorry! I'm sorry. I'll text you!
Ah,***!
What the *** is wrong with you?
Pop! James.
Erm.
This a place you frequent? Neighborhood joint. What's up?
Erm.
Your mother and I are
getting a divorce. Kev, shots please.
Incompatibility
finally caught up to us. When you moving out?
Now basically. Basically?
Literally. Oh.
She changed the locks.
Where are you staying? Hotel probably.
So, how's Mom?
She's fine.
I'm being nice. How's your mother?
Your mother? She is on final slope downward
into the pickle jar. A pill to rise.
A pill to sleep. A pill to numb her throughout the day.
And then Tanqueray to wash it all down.
She changed the locks.
So be it.
Wait, wait wait! It's not my fault! I was over-served, okay? Alright, let's just
agree to blame the bartender and call it a night. Okay? What, are you
picking up a little crack first? This is where I live.
Hey! Fiona, you met my father.
Hello! Hey. Whoa whoa whoa. Little help here?
Sorry sorry. Yeah, we were at the Alibi. We had a few.
I'll get a pillow and a blanket.
What the ***, WHAT THE ***!?
What. the. ***.
I was looking for the shower. Who the *** are you?!?!
Jimmy's dad. What's going on?! Oh!
Whoa! Dad where's your clothes? I was gonna take a shower but I came into the wrong room. Yeah then you hopped up
in my bed with
a full chub! What?!? Jimmy's dad just tried to go balls deep on me.
No! No I didn't! Well then why'd you grab my sac? Alright. Let's cover up.
Is everything alright? Doesn't seem to be. Okay Debs. Back to bed.
***.
Are you sure...? When you feel a full chub poking you in the back the meaning's pretty clear.
Ned was looking for me.
I met him at a club. We've been
hooking up for a while. You've been screwing Jimmy's dad? I didn't know it was Jimmy's dad at the time.
He.. he's nice.
Is this why Mom kicked you out?
What? No!
Does she know that you're... gay?
I'm not so much gay as er...
Sometimes I enjoy men more than women.
No, no. It's not that.
I'm broke, son.
Financially. Broke.
That's why she threw me out. That's
not the only reason, but most of it.
I'm sorry about in there.
Were you trying to screw Lip?
No. It was the wrong bed. It's the other kid.
Ian.
I'll be at the Four Seasons. I think I still have a credit card that works.
Not trying to look at my *** are you? No no. I'm not even thinking about your ***.
In my dad's mouth. I'm not. Good, then don't.
Yup. Done.
Ian's *** was in your dad's mouth?! It's a figure of speech. It's like saying
'none of your business' - 'your ***'s in my dad's mouth, man.'
Who says that? Gay dudes.
Is Ian gay!? No. No. It was
euphemistic. Is that what gay people have to do?
Jesus. Don't know what it is, Red,
but I feel less alone in the world knowing I can drive across town and find you here
bent over cans of chicken stock.
Look.
I'm sorry. Truly. I just... Can you forgive
a man who's falling apart a little? Yeah.
Can I kiss you? No. Just a little.
So listen.
I need somebody to rob my house and I'm hoping you could help.
You want me to rob your house?
Candace changed the locks on the house, my *** house,
and she won't let me back in. I need someone to steal my stuff.
If I do it, the neighbors might recognize me. You go in during daylight hours
and you look like movers. You'll be fine.
Look, she stays up til 3am
drinking Stoli Vanilla and watching Bowflex ads. She'll be unconscious until
well past noon.
This could be very lucrative for you. You can take anything you want.
C'mon, it's all insured.
All I want are my two Armani suits, my Lucian Freud
and my bottle 1990 Château le Tour Briac. Whaddya say?
Will you do it?
Frank. Yes, son?
Why would a dude put his *** in another dude's mouth?
Well, sometimes men discover things about themselves, like they prefer
male genitalia to female genitalia. Wait. So
some guys like to lick wieners?
Well, I'm sure at first they're attracted to each other's build and
once a connection gets made, then the wieners get licked.
Hey! You know the guy you beat the *** out of at that club?
He wants me to sneak into his mansion, take all his crap.
Really? Hi-larious.
He can't get it himself. Divorce.
Says I can take whatever I want. He's loaded. You want in?
Jesus!
Use blanks maybe? Can I bring my cousins?
Yeah. Alright. I'm in. I don't know what you see in that geriatric viagroid.
He buys me stuff, orders me room service.
He isn't afraid to kiss me.
Hey!
Whoa, guys, guys! No *** guns, alright?
It's just a drunk old lady in there.
Oh ***.
Jesus Christ! HEY! ***!
Go! ***! ***!
No *** way!
*** Ned! Are you *** him too?
Ah! *** drive! Drive! You got shot Mickey! Yes I *** know I got shot!
I'm just gonna take another minute. Take your time. You kidding me?
Stay there. Oh Jesus. Just one ***' old lady, huh? Ow! Ow ow.
Ow! Well, if it isn't the toughest, badass
***-*** this side of the Chicago river. *** off.
I'll show you some ***.
Fiona's fits better doesn't it? Sure?
Oh my.
Almost done Mickey.
(Mickey's screams)
Ian?
WHAT THE ***!? I can explain this.
Who the hell are you? I'm Brittany Sturgis, from Child Protective Services.
She just walked in.
What is this stuff? It's *** from your mother's monkey. Thought you liked the taste of that?
What is your problem, dude? Nick, Salvador, find another table.
Come on, chop chop. Proof of your employment came through so you go to work today.
I need your employer to sign this, times in and out. You understand? You know I'm actually pretty
excited to get out there,
start looking for work. Nice try. You have court-mandated community service
hours you owe.
Yeah, but only a few. Thought I could get out there, start looking for work so I can become a
contributing member of our great capitalistic society.
You think you're better than everyone here don't you? Oh that's...
that's rhetorical right? I mean, you don't actually want me to answer that do you?
Cute. See I could smack you across the face, but I think it's better I get out your way,
let life bend you over instead.
Dude thinks he's in an episode of Scared Straight.
I mean there's just no privacy. If I wanna jack off
I gotta do it in the bathroom.
Can't even begin to imagine what a *** you'd be in juvie.
You *** anyone in there yet? God no.
Wise choice. Even if you're propositioned it's probably just a setup. Guys wanna find out
if you're gay and pound the *** outta you.
And not in a good way. Great. Hey, my dad took my brothers on a run outta town for a couple
days so
if you wanna ditch that dump and crash at my place, you can.
Was I just invited to a sleepover?
*** you is what you were invited to.
You are out of your mind. Have you seen that ***' ponytail?
It's a powerful ponytail, man. That's ***. Seagal could totally kick Van Damme's ***.
Oh unless, unless, it's Double Impact Van Damme.
Cos that's some Van double Dayum!
I'd *** Van Damme.