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Hey, I'm Roxanne Grace. I actually want to speak to all the ladies out there, but if
you're a dude and you're watching this segment then by all means, keep watching, because
I believe that God can do something in you also through what I'm about to say. Really
I want to touch on the topic of identity, because it is through the power and the love
of God that we can come out of the false identity and come into who we're supposed to be in
Christ. And so if you watched my testimony then you'd see, you'd hear me talk about,
you know, growing up, how I was always exposed to sexuality, I mean my father started with
a lot of perversion issues, and so he always had models around the house because he had
modeling schools, and he was a womanizer and stuff, and so he used to always say comments
to me like you know, when you get older you have to be the kind of girl that when you
walk down the street you have to turn heads, or you have to light up a room. And there
was even, you know, at the age of six he was getting me into modeling, trying to make me,
like, sexy, and by the age of twelve, dressing me up, making me go to clubs, to promote his
publications, or whatever. And then later on I, then I got into the industry that I
was in and so by the time I came to the Lord at twenty years old, like I mentioned in the
testimony, it's like for the last twenty years all I knew was this kind of a mindset, all
I knew was to, like, try to make my - I was always so focused on the outside and what
people thought about me. I always thought about how I wanted to be the best-looking
girl in the room, not saying I was, but you know, that was my aim. It was so bad that
when I would go out somewhere, if I didn't have a certain amount of guys try to pick
me up, or if I didn't have a certain amount of cars trying to honk at me or whatever,
I'd feel like "What's wrong with me? Do I look like crap today?" I was so focused on
the outside. And so when I came to Jesus when I was twenty that was one of the first things
that the Lord touched on was how focused I am on my appearance. And you know what, I
was already so in love with Jesus because He had saved me from addictions and abuse
and all kinds of crap, like you heard in my story, I was at my end, I was at my end, I
didn't even know how to live another day. And so He saved me from that. But still, my
view of God was somewhat distorted, because also when I was growing up, as you heard,
my dad would act, he would respond very meanly if we did something wrong, even if we spilled
milk he would respond in a really mean way. And so I was abused like that growning up,
and then I went to that abusive relationship. So when I came to know God, even though I
loved Him and I was drawn by His love because He loved me so much by dying on the cross
and then rising again and setting me free from all that crap, I was drawn to that, but
I still looked at Him like He wanted to hurt me. And so there were so many times like if
I fell into sin, and I lied, or whatever it was, I would just cry out to God "Please don't
kill me, please don't kill me, please don't kill me" because I thought He really wanted
to hurt me. But I just continued to spend more time with Him because I was just so drawn
by His love, and the Bible says that we can love God because He first loved us. And so,
and so in this time with the Lord He started to ask me, gently, He would say hey, Roxanne,
can you just stop wearing makeup for awhile, for Me? Just give it up for a little while
so I can kind of deal with this issue. Because it was so bad that I didn't even want to go
to a corner store, I know that there's some girls watching that, you understand what that's
like. And maybe your issue isn't makeup, maybe your issue isn't what I'm saying, but maybe
you're hiding in the false identity of something else. Maybe you struggle with shyness, maybe
you struggle with shyness, but really God's calling you out of that place. Or maybe you
hide behind drugs, or maybe you hide behind alcohol, or whatever the case may be. And
you've just got to, just come to God and let Him speak to you in that gentle voice. He
doesn't force you, He's not going to love you any more or any less if you don't listen
to Him do that but He knows what's best for you. And so when He started speaking to me
I was, I was already getting to know the heart of God, and know that whatever He has for
me or asks me to do, it's going to be good, because God is good, and God is love. The
Bible says that God is love. And so He said Roxanne, so can you lay down this makeup,
stop wearing makeup for awhile, and I was like, okay Lord. And so this whole season,
this whole summer, I went without makeup. And I was going to all these events and sometimes
He'd have me put my hair up so that I'd have nothing to rely on. And I was all about that,
trust me. And so I'd go to these places, I'd go to these malls and these girls are all
done up and it was so hard, it was like killing my flesh, really killing my flesh. I was like,
God, I'm one of those girls, like, I'm really beautiful too, and He was like, yeah you are.
And so I just continued hanging out with Him and I just wanted to please Him, and so I
was like, okay Lord, I know you know what's best for me. And so, and so the more I'd hang
out with Him, and what I mean by that is reading the Word and worshiping and hanging out in
the Presence, but I'd say mostly reading the Word because, you know, you can't fall in
love with somebody unless you really get to know them. God already knows us, the Bible
says that God knew us, He formed us, right, in our mother's womb, He knew us in our mother's
womb. And so as I got to know Him more, I would just fall more and more in love with
Him when I'd realize how He really is. And so, after awhile when I was over that, He
started to give it back to me and then I started to realize, too, that God didn't want to hurt
me, He didn't want to kill me, that He was for me. And so in that love, in that place
of love, of receiving - letting myself open up to receive His love, letting His love into,
like, change my identity into who He wanted me to be. And you know what, I'm not fully
there yet, He's still working on me. And some of you may be watching this saying oh, no
way man, like, I don't want God telling me to give up makeup or I don't want God telling
me to give up drugs or alcohol, or whatever. But you know the Bible says if we love Him
we'll obey His commands. And so maybe you're not fully in love with Jesus yet, maybe you've
just accepted the Lord as your Savior and you're still kind of getting to know this
whole deal. But I know, because I've been in that place, that even in that place you're
already drawn to His love and you're starting to feel a love for Him, because He loved you
enough to save you, to call you out. You're not one that's still lost, wandering this
world, on a path to eternal death. And so, I just want to encourage you, the Bible says,
like I said, He says if you love Me, you will obey My commands. And it also says that no
ear has heard and no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. And
I'm telling you, whether you experience it in this life or when we go to heaven, the
reward is so great. And so I just want to encourage you guys to run after God with all
your heart and receive His love, and let Him change you into the identity that He has created
for you, not what you think you are - or, not who you think you are in the world. I
just want to encourage you guys to keep running after God, to receive that love that He's
trying to give you. And when He speaks to you in that small voice and you just know
that He's touching on things in your life that you need to give up and you need to to
sacrifice to Him. And I know, like, it's such a pull because these things mean a lot to
you or maybe it's all you've known. Like me, you know, for twenty years all I knew was
a certain kind of lifestyle or way of thinking. Maybe that's the case. But I just want you
to remember that the Bible says in Romans 8:28, "We know that in all things God works
for the good of those who love Him." So if God is touching on something in your life,
just remember that He's going to use it for His glory, and He's going to make it good.