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♪ ♪
>> Newscaster: EXPERTS NOW SAY
THE ENEMY ROBOT WAS
A MECHANICAL-ORGANIC HYBRID
OF UNKNOWN DESIGN AND ORIGIN.
IF NOT FOR THE RETURN OF TITAN
MAXIMUM, CIVILIAN CASUALTIES
COULD HAVE NUMBERED IN THE
THOUSANDS --
>> ADMIRAL?
TITAN FORCE FIVE IS HERE.
>> UUUUUUUUUUUUGGHH.
>> I'M SAYING GET A SECOND
MONKEY, WE CAN EVEN NAME IT
JODI, LIKE JODI TWO.
>> YOU'RE THE PILOT WHO DOESN'T
KNOW A YOKE FROM A VIBRATOR!
>> SO OUR TEAM WOULD BE --
DUDE, HOT CHICK, NERD,
MONKEY, MONKEY.
>> GIRLS, GIRLS, RELAX.
GOD. YOU BOTH SUCKED EQUALLY.
>> Both: WHAT?
>> ADMIRAL! THERE HE IS!
B- TO THE ITCHFACE.
NOW LOOK, I'M SURE YOU ARE
RARIN' TO PUT SOME MEDALS
ON OUR CHESTS AND ALL.
FIRST THINGS FIRST,
WE BUSTED OUR ROBOT.
SO WE'RE GONNA NEED ABOUT
A HUNDRED BILLION FOR A REDESIGN
AND OH ANOTHER TWENTY FOR, UH...
WILLIE! WHAT'S THE NAME?
>> NUNCHUKS!
MADE OUT OF LASERS!
>> YES!
LASER-*** NUNCHUKS!
>> UM, I SCRIBBLED THIS ON
THE WAY OVER, AND, WELL, IT'S
NOT TO SCALE OR ANYTHING, BUT...
>> OKAY, IGNORE HIM.
LET'S BREAK OUT THE CHAMPAGNE
WHILE YOU WRITE THE CHECK!
>> COMMANDER PALMER...
LIEUTENANTS...
NERD...
MONKEY...
ON BEHALF OF THE ENTIRE NAVY...
GET THE [BLEEP]
OUTTA MY OFFICE!
>> SIR?
>> THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE
WAS RETIRING THAT DAMN ROBOT.
>> PARDON MY FRENCH --
WE JUST SAVED THE WHOLE WORLD!
>> YEAH, AND BY THE WAY --
AGAIN!
>> AND THANK YOU KINDLY.
BUT DEALING WITH YOU IDIOTS ON
A DAILY BASIS IS AN UNCOMMON
BRAND OF HELL I'M NOT ABOUT TO
SUFFER THROUGH AGAIN.
>> OH, WERE YOU TALKING
ABOUT THAT DELICIOUS, UNCOMMON
BRAND CALLED AWESOME?
>> REALLY?
LET ME REFRESH YOUR MEMORY.
>> WELCOME, ONE AND ALL,
TO THE GRAND UNVEILING OF...
THE STATUE OF UNITY!
LET HER MIGHTY BOOK BE
A SIREN'S CALL TO ALL THOSE
WHO SEEK --
>> OH, MY GOD!
IT'S TITAN MAXIMUM!
♪ ♪
>> ♪ [ SCATTING ] ♪
>> ♪ TITAN BACK, TITAN BACK ♪
>> ♪ [ SINGING ] ♪
>> All: ♪ [ MUFFLED SINGING ] ♪
>> UM, PEOPLE...
[ NERVOUS LAUGH ]
JUST PART OF THE SHOW-
>> OH MY GOD!
TITAN MAXIMUM'S RAPING
THE STATUE OF UNITY!
>> I FIND THAT ANECDOTE
CHARMING.
>> GET OUT!
>> SIR, GIBBS IS STILL
OUT THERE!
I'VE GOT...
WE'VE GOT TO BRING HIM TO
JUSTICE!
>> GIBBS DUMPED HER.
IT WAS BRUTAL.
>> WE'VE ALREADY TRACED HIS SHIP
BACK TO ERRIAPUS.
GIBBS WILL BE IN CUSTODY WITHIN
THE HOUR.
>> NO CONTROL PANEL.
WE'LL HAVE TO BLOW THIS DOOR.
>> BLOW THE DOOR?
ON THE FIRST DATE?
>> ALL RIGHT, LET'S
FOURTH-OF-JULY THIS MOTHER!
THE MOST WANTED MAN IN
THE SOLAR SYSTEM IS IN THERE,
AND I WANNA PUNCH HIM RIGHT
IN THE *** WHILE WE STILL
HAVE THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE.
>> UUGGGH!
OL' ADMIRAL BITCHFACE
STRIKES AGAIN!
>> UH, WELL, MAYBE IF YOU
DIDN'T CALL HIM NAMES,
HE WOULDN'T BE SO-
>> THAT IS HIS NAME, STUPID.
>> FROM THE GERMAN "BICHFASS."
>> JUST LIKE YOUR NAME IS
WILLIE, BUT EVERYONE CALLS YOU
"***."
>> THEY DO?
>> THAT'S THE SAME THING.
WILLIE, ***.
>> WELL, THERE GOES OUR ***.
>> GUYS, [BLEEP] THIS.
I'M ON IT.
>> ...THEN MARTIAN SCIENTISTS
AND MARTIAN INVESTIGATORS MUST
BE ALLOWED TO EXAMINE
THE MONSTER'S REMAINS!
>> MR. PRIME MINISTER,
THIS IS SO FAR AN ISOLATED EVENT
AND YOU WILL OF COURSE BE KEPT
APPRISED OF ALL OUR FINDINGS.
GOOD DAY.
...YOU MARTIAN DIPSTICK.
>> AHEM!
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> SIR, SIR?
YOUR DAUGHTER IS HERE.
>> UUUUUUUUUUUUGGHH.
SEND HER IN.
HELLO, SWEETHEART.
>> DADDY!
MY ROBOT BROKE.
MAKE THEM BUY ME A NEW ONE.
>> RIGHT, WELL YOU SEE --
>> DADDY.
NEW.
ROBOT.
>> HONEY...YOU KNOW I NEVER
APPROVED OF YOU FLYING AROUND
IN THAT THING.
>> UH, SO WHAT?
>> TITAN MAXIMUM
IS EXPENSIVE AND UNNECESSARY
DURING PEACETIME...
>> UM, DUH?
DUH?
UNNECESSARY?
IT WAS NECESSARY LIKE FIVE
MINUTES AGO!
>> YES, BUT ONCE GIBBS
IS ARRESTED --
>> DADDY, I'M BORED
WITHOUT THE ROBOT!
MY LIFE SUCKS ***
WITHOUT THE ROBOT!
THE ROBOT MAKES ME COOL.
>> BABY GIRL, LIFE IS NOT ABOUT
BEING COOL!
LIFE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH
BEING COOL!
I MEAN...DAMMIT, SASHA!
MAYBE INSTEAD OF A NEW ROBOT,
YOU NEED TO, I DON'T KNOW,
GROW THE HELL UP!
YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT'S
DAUGHTER, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
STOP PLAYING PILOT LIKE
IT'S SOME KIND OF DRESS-UP GAME,
STOP ACTING LIKE A DAMN FOOL IN
THOSE SEXY CLUBS, USE YOUR HEAD
FOR ONCE AND ACTUALLY DO
SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE!
>> I...I USE MY HEAD.
>> OH, HONEY...
I'M, I'M SORRY.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE YELLED.
>> OKAY SO CAN I HAVE THE ROBOT?
FINE!
>> THIS IS GONNA BE
ONE BIG EXPLOSION.
>> YOU WANT A BIG EXPLOSION?
TELL MY MOTHER-IN-LAW HER
COOKING SUCKS.
>> DAMMIT, PLINKERSON, MILITARY
STATUTE 44B-1B MIGHT DICTATE
THAT EVERY SQUAD CONTAINS
A JESTER FOR THE PURPOSES OF,
"COMEDIC RELIEF IN THE FORM OF
IRONIC LIGHTHEARTEDNESS DURING
STRESSFUL FIELD OPERATIONS,"
BUT MISTER, I SURE DO NOT
HAVE TO LIKE IT.
>> I'M SORRY!
GOD, I NEVER WANTED TO JOIN
THE JESTER CORPS! I SIGNED UP
TO BE A SYSTEMS ANALYST!
I KNOW I'M NOT FUNNY!
I'M THE LEAST FUNNY PERSON
I KNOW!
>> FIRE IN THE HOLE!
>> AAAAAAAAAAGGH!
I'M SO PISSED!
>> ANY LUCK?
>> HE'S JUST A DUMB, OLD-***
MAN WITH A HEAD FULL OF
DUMB-*** CRAP!
>> WELL, HE DID --
>> SHUT UP ABOUT MY FATHER,
JODI!
>> WE JUST SAVED THE
ENTIRE MOON!
FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME!
HOW HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN
ALREADY?
>> THEN MAKE THEM REMEMBER!
>> WHAT?
>> YOU'RE TITAN FORCE FIVE!
I MEAN, YOU GUYS ARE LIKE
BLACK-BELTS IN THE MOST AMAZING
SKILL OF ALL!
>> WHAT SKILL?
>> BEING FAMOUS!
>> WHO THE HELL IS THAT?
>> [ GIGGLES ]
MY NAME'S CLARE!
>> UH...HI THERE!
DON'T BE SCARED, DARLIN'...
>> I'M NOT!
>> ARE YOU HURT?
>> OH, I DON'T GET HURT.
NOT LIKE YOU!
>> HUH?
>> [ CLARE GIGGLES ]
>> BLIPS?!?
>> NOOOOO!
>> DO YOUR JOB, PLINKERSON!
>> OH, GOD! OH, GOD!
KNOCK KNOCK! WHO'S THERE?
OH, GOD I DON'T WANT TO DIE
LIKE THIIIIIS!!!
>> [ GIGGLING ]
>> ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN'T
SAY BANANA?
>> Reporter: THE CROWD OUTSIDE
THE CAPITOL HAS SWELLED TO TENS
OF THOUSANDS, IN FURIOUS
PROTEST OF THE DECISION TO
ABANDON TITAN MAXIMUM!
>> SON OF A ***.
>> DEMONSTRATORS HAVE
ALREADY ATTEMPTED TO BURN
PRESIDENT CAYLO IN EFFIGY,
BUT THE EFFIGY TURNED OUT TO BE
A STARTLED HOMELESS MAN.
>> [ MAN SCREAMING ]
>> ADMIRAL, EMERGENCY
TRANSMISSION FROM ERRIAPUS.
>> PUT IT THROUGH!
SERGEANT?!?
>> THEY'RE GONE, SIR!
THEY'RE ALL GONE!
>> WHAT HAPPENED, MAN?
>> HER BACKPACK...
IT'S A FROGGY...
>> DAMN IT, NO!
>> KISSES, YOU OLD ***.
>> [ GROWLS ]
>> COME ON!
EVERYBODY WITH ME!
YOU LET THOSE PENCIL-PUSHING,
PENNY-PINCHING PINHEADS KNOW
THAT YOU ARE PIIIIIISSED!
>> UM...
IF YOU WANT TITAN MAXIMUM BACK,
BE REALLY LOUD!
>> [ CROWD ROARS ]
>> WHOOOOO-HOOOO!!!
[ CHEERING CONTINUES ]
>> HUH? ***!
>> OH MY GOD, THE PEOPLE
ARE GOING BLOOD CRAZY!
>> Aide: SIR, ADMIRAL
BITCHFACE IS ON THE LINE.
>> MR. PRESIDENT,
ERRIAPUS WAS A DISASTER.
GIBBS WIPED OUT MY WHOLE TEAM.
>> WHAT?
BUT- BUT YOU SAID-
CRIPES!
>> SIR, YOUR DAUGHTER IS
MIMICKING *** ON A --
>> NOT NOW!
AWW, [BLEEP] IT, ADMIRAL!
LOVE THEM OR HATE THEM, WE'VE
GOT TO BRING BACK TITAN MAXIMUM!
>> SIR, SIR, NOW YOUR DAUGHTER
IS MIMICKING *** ON TWO --
>> I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!
>> HAS ANYONE SEEN
MY GLOVE COMPARTMENT?
I UM, REALLY NEED TO FIND
THAT GLOVE COMPARTMENT.
>> MAN, TITAN MAXIMUM
GOT EFFED UP!
>> HEY, IS THAT
A GLOVE COMPARTMENT?
>> THIS IS...
THE GREATEST DAY
OF MY LIIIIFE!
>> WELL, YOU WIN.
THE PRESIDENT HAS AUTHORIZED
TEN MILLION ZURICHS TO
RECONSTRUCT TITAN MAXIMUM.
>> REALLY?
HA HA! YAY!
>> HEY, HEY, YEAH
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! HOLD ON.
TEN MILLION IS CHUMP CHANGE.
>> OH, AND BY THE WAY...
HE'S YOUR ENGINEER.
>> NO WAY!
>> BUT HE'S AN IDIOT!
>> WE CAN'T SPARE ENGINEERS.
AND ACCORDING TO YOUR BROTHER'S
DOSSIER, HE HAS AN ENGINEERING
DEGREE.
>> FROM DEVRY!
>> I HAVE A DOSSIER?
>> SIR, THE PRESIDENT AGREED
TO FIVE HUNDRED MILLION ZURICHS
FOR TITAN MAXIMUM.
>> TAKE THE BALANCE, FUNNEL IT
INTO THE OTHER ACCOUNT.
PROJECT COLOSTOMY...
IS A GO.
>> LOOKS LIKE WE GOT
OUR WORK CUT OUT FOR US.
>> NEPTUNE JUST REPORTED
A SEISMIC DISRUPTION.
IT'S IDENTICAL TO THE ONE THAT
THE MONSTER CAUSED ON TITAN.
>> WE'RE ON IT.
>> BUT TITAN MAXIMUM
ISN'T READY!
>> GET WITH THE PROGRAM,
WILLIE.
HALF-ASSED IS OUR WAY OF LIFE.
>> UH, CAN I PEE FIRST?
>> NO YOU MAY NOT!
>> UH, HOW DO WE GO TO THE
BATHROOM IN DEEP SPACE?
>> WE GO IN OUR SUITS, WILLIE.
THEY'RE DESIGNED FOR IT.
>> COOL!
>> WHAT? NO WE GO IN --
>> JODI. WE GO IN OUR SUITS.
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
>> WHOA!
USUALLY TITAN BLACK HANDLES
LIKE A LEAD DUCK!
>> GREAT JOB ON THE NEW
CONTROL INTERFACE, WILLIE!
>> THANKS.
>> NEPTUNE FLIGHT PLAN SHOULD
BE ON YOUR NAV PANEL NOW,
PALMER.
>> NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH,
WE'LL GET TO THAT.
BUT FIRST, I'M THINKING
WE SHOULD INTRODUCE OUR ADORING
PUBLIC TO THE NEW TITAN MAXIMUM.
>> RIGHT!
>> All: TITAN MAXIMUM!
>> UM, YEAH, SORRY,
DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO FINISH THE FACE, SO...
>> I'M SURE IT'S FINE, WILLIE!
>> UGH, IDIOTS!
>> I KNEW IT WOULD SUCK.
>> ONE OF THOSE DAMN FOOLS
HAS BEEN PEEIN' IN HIS SUIT!