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Uhm, well, when I first got back from Iraq, after I had- everything's done,
we were down town, my wife turned the corner, some guy slapped the van. I
jumped out the van yelling and cursing. and yelling, you know, "I'm gonna kill
you." And it was like; at that point, it was like, "Ok. Maybe I'm a little.
bit angrier now." But it seems like, over that one year from the time I
got shot, it seemed like, I was easier to snap. I was easier to go from,
"Everything's," to, "I wanna physically kill you." There's no like- "I wanna
hurt you." Or, "I'm just gonna punch you and I'm gonna kick you or somethin."
It's like, "I really wanna kill you." So I'm always, uhh, always like leary of
trying to avoid situations because my mentality isn't, "I'm gonna kick your
***, I'm gonna kick you or beat you up." It's, "I'm gonna try to kk- physically
kill you. I'm gonna try somehow hurt you to that point." So, for my own sake and
my wife's sake, it's like, she's always like, "Try to avoid situations that push
that issue," because, you know I have certain triggers. Certain songs, out of ritual in
Iraq, that I listen to two songs before every mission. Well now if I hear those
songs on the radio, instantly my bloods rushin. Somehow it's a psychological thing
where my brain's tellin me I'm back in that- that stage. And so, I can't listen to those
songs without bein revved up or pumped up. To the point, and my blood starts goin,
and I'm ready to do whatever I have to do.