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King Claudius- I have sent them to find the body. It is dangerous to let this man loose,
which is why he shall be sent away soon. [Enter R.] Oh hi Rosencrantz. How did it go?
Rosencrantz- He will not tell us where the body is, your Quackliness.
King Claudius- You should try harder, you Quacker. you where is he?
Rosencrantz- he is outside, under guard by my Sqack, of course
King Claudius- Bring in that duck I call my son.
Rosencrantz- bring him in, my Sqack [Enter Hamlet and Guildenstern]
Claudius- now Hamlet where is Polonius? Hamlet-at supper
King Claudius- At supper! Where? Hamlet- Not where he is eating, but where
he is being eaten. Worms are eating his body. Your worm is your only emperor for diet. We
feed animals to feed us, we feed ourselves to feed maggots: your fat king and lean beggar
is but variable service, two dishes but one table that's the end.
King Claudius- bah bah Hamlet- a duck may fish with the worm that
ate a Squking, and a cat may eat the fish that ate the worm.
King Claudius-What do you mean by this? Are you telling me I am fat??
Hamlet- Nay I mean nothing but to show you that a king may go a progress through the
guts of a beggar. (hehehahaha) King Claudius- where is Polonius???
Hamlet- in Sugar Candy Mountain, if he is not there, seek the other place yourself.
But if you do not find him in a month, you nose will knows he is in the lobby.
King Claudius- Go seek him there, my loyal chicks! [exit some attendants]
Hamlet- he is not going anywhere. [Exit more attendants]
King Claudius- Hamlet, sense you have killed Polonius, you must be shipped away to Tierra
Cerdo. Hamlet- Tierra Cerdo!
King Claudius- it is for your own good Hamlet- But your Quackliness...
Claudius- call me father Hamlet- Your Quackliness, I am a duck not
a pig. Just because I have the name Hamlet does not mean... Anyway, I am happy to leave.
I shall say goodbye to mother. Claudius- forgetting someone?
Hamlet- I don't think so Claudius- your father?
Hamlet- He is dead Claudius- Your other father?
Hamlet- you are married to my mother, therefore you are one flesh, so , goodbye mother.[ exit
Hamlet] Claudius- Follow him. Make sure he leaves.
[exit R and G] In Tierra Cerdo, I have told the king, his porkiness, to put Hamlet to
death at his arrival, for he wants to kill me.