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(male narrator) THE THINKING REPORT IS DESIGNED
TO HELP US THINK ABOUT OUR THINKING.
IT ALLOWS US TO RECOGNIZE
OUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, BEHAVIORS, AND CORE BELIEFS.
THINKING REPORTS ARE IMPORTANT TOOLS
TO HELP US BEGIN TO QUESTION
OUR BELIEFS, ATTITUDES, AND ASSUMPTIONS
ABOUT OURSELVES AND ABOUT THE WORLD AROUND US.
BASICALLY, TODAY WE'RE GONNA TAKE
AND FOCUS ON THINKING REPORTS.
WHAT I'D LIKE YOU TO DO IS--
ALL OF YOU HAVE COPIES OF CORDELL'S THINKING REPORT,
AND I'D LIKE YOU TO READ IT OUT LOUD,
STARTING WITH THE EVENT, AS YOU GO THROUGH IT.
(narrator) DISTORTED THINKING LEADS TO NEGATIVE BEHAVIORS,
WHICH LEAD TO NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES.
POSITIVE, PRACTICAL THOUGHTS LEAD TO ALTERNATIVE BEHAVIORS.
THE BETTER WE GET AT THINKING ABOUT OUR THINKING,
THE MORE OUR THOUGHT PATTERNS CHANGE.
AND AS OUR THOUGHT PATTERNS CHANGE, SO DOES OUR BEHAVIOR.
THERE ARE SEVEN MAIN PARTS TO A THINKING REPORT.
LET'S BEGIN WITH THE EVENT.
WHEN REPORTING THE EVENT,
JUST TELL THE FACTS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED:
THE WHO, WHAT, WHEN, AND WHERE OF THE SITUATION.
TELL THE STORY
AS SOMEONE ELSE WHO SAW THE EVENT WOULD DESCRIBE IT.
THE EVENT WAS, I WAS CALLED A PUNK AND A COWARD.
MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS, "I COULD KNOCK THIS DUDE OUT."
MY SECOND THOUGHT WAS, "THIS GUY BETTER STAY AWAY FROM ME."
MY THIRD THOUGHT WAS,
"HE MUST DON'T KNOW WHO I AM, AND I'LL BREAK THIS DUDE."
MY INITIAL FEELING WAS VIOLENCE, ANGER, MAD, AND VENGEFUL.
MY CORE BELIEF WAS,
"NOBODY CALLS ME OUT LIKE THIS IN FRONT OF PEOPLE."
MY REPLACEMENT THOUGHT WAS,
"JUST TRY TO KEEP THE PEACE.
"WORK THE PROGRAM;
USE MY CRIMINAL TACTICS TO GET OUT OF THIS."
MY NEW BELIEF WAS, "I CAN'T REACT TO OTHERS' ANGER;
DON'T RELEASE MY POWER."
MY NEW BEHAVIOR WAS TO STOP, WALK AWAY, AND COME BACK LATER.
LET'S GO BACK
TO THE FIRST THOUGHTS THAT WERE INITIALLY GENERATED.
WITH THIS TYPE OF THINKING IN MIND,
WHAT DO YOU KNOW IS GOING TO BE THE PREDICTABLE BEHAVIOR
THAT'S GOING TO COME OUT OF THIS TYPE OF THINKING?
THE VIOLENCE.
THE HITTING.
VIOLENCE, HATE.
THERE'S GONNA BE A FIGHT.
WHAT ELSE IS GOING TO HAPPEN?
(man) HE'S GONNA WIND UP GOING TO SEG
AND LOSING TIME
OVER THIS INCIDENT.
OKAY, SO THE WHOLE PROCESS IS
A PREOCCUPATION IN THE THOUGHT PROCESS
SURROUNDING WHAT THIS DUDE, QUOTE, "DID TO HIM."
(narrator) THE CHALLENGE IN WRITING A THINKING REPORT IS
TO RECOGNIZE THE PROBLEM IN THE THOUGHT PROCESS,
NOT TO CONFUSE THINKING WITH BEHAVIOR,
ESPECIALLY IF THE BEHAVIOR,
IN THIS INSTANCE, WAS APPROPRIATE.
(Cordell) THE INITIAL EVENT WAS ON THE BASKETBALL COURT,
SO THERE WAS NUMEROUS PEOPLE AROUND,
AND I WAS BEING CALLED--
I WAS BEING CHALLENGED TO A FIGHT,
CALLED A PUNK AND A COWARD,
AND HE WAS ADVANCING TOWARDS ME.
AND THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF WAS,
"IF HE GETS IN SWINGING DISTANCE, I'M GONNA SWING."
AND WHAT I THOUGHT IN MY MIND WAS,
"I CAN'T LET EVERYBODY SEE ME BEING PUNKED."
I COULDN'T LET MY IMAGE BE RUINED.
I'VE BEEN IN THE PENITENTIARY FOR TEN YEARS,
AND I HAVE AN IMAGE
THAT I DID NOT WANT TO BE TARNISHED
BY NOT RESPONDING TO THIS CHALLENGE.
(man) YOU KNOW, YOU DIDN'T FIGHT.
YOU KNOW, YOU WALKED AWAY.
YOU WERE ALREADY CHALLENGING YOUR THINKING,
SO IT LOOKED LIKE YOU PROBABLY HAD SOME EMPATHY FOR THE PERSON,
YOU KNOW, THINKING, "WELL, THIS GUY, HE'S GOT A PAST TOO."
AND FOR HIM TO CALL YOU THESE NAMES, HE WAS LOSING CONTROL,
AND I THINK YOU PROBABLY HAD SOME TYPE OF AWARENESS.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU MADE SOME GOOD DECISIONS THERE.
OKAY, THE BEHAVIOR WAS CORRECT,
BUT DID HE DO ANYTHING TO ALTER THE THINKING?
NO.
(leader) SEE, SO ALL HE DID IS,
HE JUST PUT A LID
TEMPORARILY ON A BEHAVIOR.
IT DIDN'T ALTER OR CHANGE ANY OF THE THINKING, THEN, DID IT?
(narrator) THOUGHTS ARE WHAT LEAD TO FEELINGS.
THOUGHTS ARE OFTEN AUTOMATIC,
MEANING THEY DON'T ARISE FROM A CALM PROCESS OF REASONING.
OVER TIME, THINKING ABOUT YOUR THINKING
CAN CHANGE THE AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS
THAT COME TO YOUR HEAD.
MY INITIAL THOUGHT WAS THAT I COULD KNOCK HIM OUT.
BEING A BIG GUY, HE'S, LIKE-- I'M, LIKE, TWICE HIS SIZE.
AND THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT WAS,
"THIS GUY MUST--HE CAN NOT KNOW WHO HE'S TALKING TO,"
AND THAT'S WHAT WAS FEEDING MY THOUGHTS OF
"I CAN REALLY HURT THIS GUY."
AND MY CRIMINAL PRIDE WAS HURT,
BECAUSE I WASN'T CONCERNED WITH THE NAMES HE WAS CALLING ME.
I WAS CONCERNED WITH
HOW EVERYBODY THAT WAS STANDING AROUND WAS LOOKING AT THIS.
(man) BEFORE ALL THAT--
BEFORE YOU BECAME CONCERNED
ABOUT HOW EVERYBODY ELSE WAS VIEWING IT--
WHAT WAS THE FEELINGS?
YOU KNOW, BECAUSE, LIKE, USUALLY FOR ME,
IF SOMEBODY CALLS ME SOMETHING LIKE THAT, I'LL BE LIKE, "MAN."
I'LL HAVE A HURT FEELING, A SAD FEELING,
YOU KNOW, MAYBE A SHAME FEELING OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
(leader) HOLD BACK. HOLD BACK.
WHAT WAS THE THOUGHT THAT INCITED THE FEELINGS?
SEE, THAT'S THE PIECE THAT I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO LOOK AT.
SEE, THE FEELINGS ARE SECONDARY.
(man) HOW ABOUT THIS?
"THIS GUY THINKS
I'M A WEAK SON OF A ***."
YOU KNOW, THAT TYPE OF THOUGHT.
MY SELF-TALK:
"HOW ARE PEOPLE GONNA PERCEIVE ME?
I'M NOT GONNA LOOK WEAK TO OTHERS."
AND THE MORE I'M SELF-TALKING,
THEN THE MORE I START ESCALATING THE ANGER,
THE BITTERNESS, THE HATE, AND EVERYTHING ELSE,
BECAUSE THE CORE BELIEF IS WHAT?
ABOUT MYSELF?
YEAH.
I NEED OTHER PEOPLE'S APPROVAL?
(leader) WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO MAINTAIN THAT IMAGE?
WHAT IS THE SELF-TALK THAT GOES ON?
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE THE TOUGH GUY?
(man) SEE, I DISAGREE WITH YOU A LITTLE BIT, MAX,
BECAUSE I THINK
IF SOMEBODY TALKS TO YOU LIKE THIS--
CALLS YOU A PUNK AND A COWARD--
YOU KNOW, I THINK IT STEMS FROM THE CRIMINAL PRIDE.
AND FOR ME, IT STEMS FROM THE CRIMINAL PRIDE.
BUT I THINK IF SOMEBODY CALLS ME A PUNK AND A COWARD
AND I DON'T RESPOND PHYSICALLY, THEN I BECOME THAT.
IN MY OWN HEAD, IN MY OWN DISTORTED WAY, I BECOME THAT.
AND I THINK THAT WORKS--
I THINK THAT WORKS FOR A LOT OF US TOO.
(leader) BUT THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
THAT IS THE CORE BELIEF.
SEE, THAT IS THE DISTORTION.
YOU BEGIN TO BELIEVE THAT IN YOUR OWN MIND,
AND I'M SAYING, NO; THAT'S THE ERROR.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
(man) WELL, SEE, IN AN INSTITUTIONAL SETTING,
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE EXPECTED TO DO.
(leader) HOLD ON; I'M GONNA CHALLENGE THAT,
BECAUSE THIS IS THE CRIMINAL WAY OF THINKING IS,
"WELL, THE INSTITUTION MAKES ME DO THIS."
AND I'M SAYING--
IT'S USUALLY THE ENVIRONMENT.
(leader) YOU CAN CHANGE THE EVENT TO THE BOSS,
RELATIONSHIP OUT ON THE STREETS OR IN THE PRISON.
THE THINKING IS GONNA REMAIN THE SAME.
SEE, THAT'S WHAT I'M ATTEMPTING TO GET YOU TO LOOK AT.
THAT'S THE CONTRADICTION.
THAT'S THE ERROR.
THAT'S THE WAY YOU JUSTIFY IN YOUR OWN MIND
WHY IT'S OKAY TO ACT OR BEHAVE
THE WAY YOU WANT TO ACT OR BEHAVE.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
IT'S YOUR SELF-TALK.
YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE,
"WELL, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND. I'M IN A PRISON."
WELL, NO ***, IN PLAIN LANGUAGE.
IT'S NOT THE PRISON, THOUGH,
THAT'S CREATING THE PROBLEM.
IT'S WHAT HAPPENED ON THE STREET
THAT BROUGHT YOU INTO THE PRISON,
AND THE PRISON KEEPS INTRODUCING
AND KEEPS YOU MOVING IN THE SAME WAY OF THINKING
THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CONTINUE TO ACT THE WAY YOU ACT,
BECAUSE YOUR THOUGHT DISTORTIONS OR ERRORS
ARE NOT BEING CHALLENGED.
(narrator) THINKING ABOUT YOUR THINKING CHALLENGES YOUR CORE BELIEFS--
BELIEFS THAT YOU HOLD IMPORTANT,
BUT WHICH MAY NOT BE TRUE AT ALL.
AND YOUR CORE BELIEFS ARE
WHAT DETERMINE YOUR AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS.
(man) SO IT'S NOT THE EVENT THAT I GOT TO FOCUS ON.
IT'S THE THOUGHT
THAT I NEED TO CHALLENGE.
THAT'S SOMETHING THAT I NEED,
BECAUSE THE EVENT'S ALWAYS GONNA BE THERE,
BUT IT'S HOW I'M GONNA REACT TO THAT EVENT
THAT'S GONNA LEAD ME
TO WHETHER I'M GONNA WORK ON IT IN A POSITIVE WAY
OR IF I'M GONNA DEAL WITH IT IN A NEGATIVE,
BUT THAT CAN ONLY BE DONE BY MY THINKING.
ABSOLUTELY ACCURATE.
MY CONCERN, THOUGH, IS WHAT MY CORE BELIEF IS,
IF "WIN AT ALL COSTS" IS PART OF MY CORE BELIEF.
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M HEARING FROM A LOT OF PEOPLE,
WHEN YOU'RE ESPECIALLY INTO, LIKE, POWER
AND CONTROL AND THINGS LIKE THIS.
AND WITH THAT TYPE OF CORE BELIEF,
WHERE DOES THE SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT THEN
BEGIN TO ENTER INTO THE PICTURE?
WHAT I UNDERSTOOD AS FAR AS THAT IS THE OWNERSHIP,
THINKING THAT I CAN WALK IN ANYWHERE,
AND I CAN SAY ANYTHING TO ANYBODY,
LOOK AT PEOPLE A CERTAIN WAY,
WITH A GLARE, OR JUST START SIZING PEOPLE UP
AND THINKING THAT I HAVE A RIGHT
TO TRY AND FIGURE OUT OTHER PEOPLE'S MOTIVES;
I HAVE A RIGHT TO TRY AND FIGURE OUT OTHER PEOPLE'S--
WHAT I THINK ARE THEIR WEAKNESSES
IF SOMEBODY'S BEING NICE.
I TRY TO FIGURE THOSE THINGS OUT IN SOMEBODY.
AND I THINK THAT I HAVE THAT RIGHT TO DO THAT,
LIKE I'M ENTITLED TO SIZE SOMEBODY UP
AND USE THAT PERSON IN ANY WAY I WANT.
AND THAT COMES IN--WHEN I WALK INTO A STORE,
IF MY MOTIVE IS TO STEAL--AND I'VE DONE A LOT OF STEALING--
I'LL LOOK AROUND,
THINKING THAT I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SIZE UP THE STORE,
LOOK FOR WHERE THE CAMERAS ARE AT,
LOOK FOR WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE WHO MIGHT STOP ME FROM STEALING,
BECAUSE I THINK I CAN JUST WALK IN THERE AND TAKE WHAT I WANT.
(man #2) THE SAME THING WITH IMAGE, THE POWER,
THAT, YOU KNOW, THAT YOU GOT TO HAVE THAT,
THAT, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN JUST WALK INTO A ROOM
AND DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO,
AND I USED TO THINK LIKE THAT TOO.
AND IF I DON'T GET MY WAY, THEN ANGER COMES ALONG.
AND, YOU KNOW, WITH ANGER, I TRY TO GET IT BACK--
THE CONTROL-- WITH MY ANGER.
SO I USE--
(leader) SO YOU USE THE ANGER AS A WEAPON.
AS A WEAPON, YEAH.
AND LASHING OUT AT PEOPLE,
AND, YOU KNOW,
TRY TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION WITH ANGER.
(narrator) BEING RESPONSIBLE MEANS
GIVING UP THE BELIEF THAT YOU ARE THE VICTIM IN YOUR LIFE.
BY THINKING ABOUT OUR THINKING,
WE BEGIN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS.
AS FAR AS THE ISSUES OF "I'M ENTITLED TO CONTROL,
I'M ENTITLED TO POWER"--
AND WHEN THAT'S CHALLENGED, I TRY TO SAY, "WELL,
"I DON'T NECESSARILY NEED TO BE IN POWER IN THIS SITUATION.
I CAN BE POWERLESS."
AND THIS IS WHAT I TRY TO WORK
WITH MY THERAPIST, IS, SOMETIMES
I'VE BEEN PLACED IN SITUATIONS
WHERE I NECESSARILY DIDN'T DO NOTHING WRONG,
AND I MAY HAVE GOT SOME CONSEQUENCES
THAT I DID NOT DESERVE.
AND IT ALWAYS CAME BACK TO: I STEWED IN IT
BECAUSE I WAS POWERLESS, AND I FELT POWERLESS.
AND SHE JUST POINTED OUT TO ME THAT
THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED TO CHANGE: YOUR POWER AND CONTROL ISSUES.
SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO JUST-- YOU CAN'T DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.
WHEN YOU CAN'T DO NOTHING, YOU JUST FEEL SO POWERLESS,
TO THE POINT WHERE YOU CANNOT DO NOTHING.
AND LET IT GO, AND PLAY THE TAPE OUT.
AND GUESS WHAT? I'M STILL HERE.
AIN'T NOTHING HAPPENED TO ME.
I DIDN'T LOSE NOTHING FROM BEING POWERLESS.
I GAINED A LOT. I LEARNED A LOT.
SO I TRULY SEE THAT.
I WANT TO POINT OUT SOMETHING REAL SIMPLE, REAL BASIC
IN LISTENING TO MR. CORDELL TALK RIGHT NOW.
YOU NOTICE WHAT THE PRIMARY FOCUS WENT BACK TO:
A COUPLE OF INNOCENT THINGS
THAT HE HAD TO SUFFER CONSEQUENCES FOR.
SEE, THE ISSUE IS, IS WHEN I HAVE TO SUFFER CONSEQUENCES--
(man) YEAH, THAT'S WHEN YOU LOOK.
AND IT'S EASY TO LOOK THEN.
LOOKING AT THE INJUSTICE DONE TO ME.
SEE, BUT IT KEEPS ME FROM LOOKING AT WHAT?
HOW I'VE BEEN PREDATORY TOWARDS OTHER PEOPLE.
SEE, SO PULL IT BACK,
AND THIS IS WHAT I'M TRYING TO GET YOU TO LOOK AT.
RIGHT AWAY, WITH THE POWER AND CONTROL,
THE SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT,
THE FALSE PRIDE OR THE CRIMINAL PRIDE, IT ALWAYS IS GOING TO--
EVENTUALLY, WHEN I HAVE TO SUFFER CONSEQUENCES,
IT'S GOING TO GO BACK,
AND IT'S GOING TO PUT ME BACK INTO A VICTIM'S STANCE.
AND THEN I'M GONNA BEGIN TO FOCUS
ON EVERY FACET OF MY LIFE THAT I WAS A VICTIM.
IT KEEPS ME FROM WHAT? CHANGING.
(Cordell) CHANGING.
IT KEEPS ME STUCK.
(narrator) THE MORE WE THINK ABOUT OUR THINKING,
THE MORE WE BEGIN TO QUESTION OUR BELIEFS AND ATTITUDES.
THE HARDER WE WORK AT OUR THINKING REPORTS,
THE DEEPER THE EFFECT.
LET'S GO BACK TO THIS THINKING REPORT RIGHT NOW, PEOPLE.
LET'S GO BACK TO GOING DOWN TO THE REPLACEMENT THOUGHT.
YOU WANT TO READ THE REPLACEMENT THOUGHT, REAL LOUD AND CLEAR.
(Cordell) "THE REPLACEMENT THOUGHT:
"JUST TRY TO KEEP THE PEACE.
"WORK THE PROGRAM.
USE MY CRIMINAL TACTICS TO GET OUT OF THIS."
(leader) STOP IT RIGHT THERE.
"USE MY CRIMINAL TACTICS TO GET OUT OF THIS."
THAT'S WHERE THE WHOLE EGO IS SET UP AT.
THAT'S WHERE THE WHOLE SELF-WORTH,
SELF-ESTEEM IS SET UP AT.
THAT'S WHERE HE KNOWS THERE'S A PAYOFF TO IT,
AND SO THAT'S A WAY TO CONTINUE TO GLAMORIZE
AND GLORIFY
THAT POWER AND CONTROL
AND CRIMINAL PRIDE AND THAT SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT.
AND I THINK IT WAS SOMETHING I JUST READ YESTERDAY:
THE SITUATION, THE ERRANT THINKING, THE MENTALITY IS,
"I'M THE BEST,"
INSTEAD OF "I'M GONNA DO MY BEST."
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A WHOLE DIFFERENT FEEL TO THAT.
(man) YOU KNOW, EVEN WHEN HE SAYS,
"JUST TRY TO KEEP THE PEACE,"
THAT'S STARTING WITH HIMSELF,
BECAUSE HE'S THINKING HE'S GOT ALL THE POWER AND CONTROL,
THAT HE'S IN CHARGE OF EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW,
AND NOBODY ELSE CAN SAY OR DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
(leader) WITH THE CRIMINAL THINKING,
IT'S "SELF IS FIRST, AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECOND."
YOU KNOW, LIKE I HEARD YOU SAY EARLIER,
"MY FAMILY IS IMPORTANT TO ME."
THE PROBLEM IS, YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT FAMILY
WHEN YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT DOING YOUR CRIME, DO YOU?
THEY'RE THE LAST THING OUT OF THE PICTURE.
IN FACT, YOU WILL PURPOSELY
DROWN OUT THEIR FACES IN YOUR WAY OF THINKING
SO IT DOESN'T PREVENT--
OR IT PREVENTS GUILT OR REMORSE OR SHAME OR REGRET
OR SOMETHING ELSE IN STOPPING IT.
YOU'RE GONNA DO EVERYTHING TO BLOCK OUT ANY OF THAT.
(man) AND IN ALL HONESTY, TO AN EXTENT,
I USED TO FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT SOME CONSEQUENCES,
AS FAR AS, YOU KNOW, COMING TO JAIL,
COMMITTING SOME CERTAIN CRIMES,
BECAUSE I FELT AS THOUGH I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE;
I COULD DO THAT; I COULD DO THE TIME, YOU KNOW.
THAT'S WHY SOMETIME I FIND MYSELF
DOING THE SAME THINGS OVER AGAIN,
BUT NOW I'M AT A POINT WHERE I CAN'T.
THIS IS NOT-- THIS IS NOT COOL, MAN.
WHATSOEVER, THIS IS NOT COOL.
(leader) THIS IS NOT COOL FOR WHO OR WHAT?
THIS IS NOT COOL FOR ME, MY FAMILY,
OR ESPECIALLY ME NOR MY DAUGHTERS.
(leader) I WOULD SUGGEST THAT
YOU START COMING FROM THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION:
THIS IS NOT COOL FOR MY FAMILY AND, LAST, ME.
(man) WHAT ABOUT THE VICTIM?
(leader) IN OTHER WORDS, YOU BE THE LAST.
FAMILY, VICTIM,
SOCIETY, LEGAL SYSTEM-- YOU KNOW, ALL OF THAT--
AND YOU LAST.
BECAUSE PART OF THAT CRIMINAL PRIDE IS "ME FIRST, YOU SECOND."
THAT'S THE VERY NATURE.
(narrator) ADDICTION AND CRIMINALITY ARE SELFISH BEHAVIORS.
PUT YOUR FAMILY AND LOVED ONES FIRST.
AS YOU MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES,
TAKE PRIDE IN DOING THE RIGHT THING,
BUT KEEP THAT PRIDE IN PERSPECTIVE.
AND NOW THAT THE SITUATION HAS BEEN RESOLVED,
WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING IS ACCEPTING
THE POSITIVE STROKES AND FEEDBACK THAT I'VE BEEN GETTING,
BECAUSE I DID NOT DO ANYTHING AT THAT POINT.
EVERYONE THAT WAS AROUND HAS BEEN COMING UP SAYING,
"OH, CORDELL, YOU DID A GOOD JOB.
"I LIKE THE WAY YOU HANDLED YOURSELF
"ON THE BASKETBALL COURT THE OTHER DAY.
AND I KNOW THAT WAS HARD TO DO, DISRESPECTED YOU LIKE THAT."
AND I'VE BEEN ACCEPTING THAT,
AND I'VE BEEN, LIKE, FEEDING OFF OF THAT.
(leader) BUT AGAIN, YOU'RE IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT.
SEE, THIS IS MY CONCERN IS,
IS THAT AGAIN, YOU'RE GETTING THE ATTENTION
AND GETTING THE STROKES FROM OTHERS TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD.
SEE, IT'S STILL GOT YOU IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT
BECAUSE THEY'RE STROKING YOU FOR DOING WHAT IS RIGHT,
WHAT IS RESPONSIBLE,
NOT WHAT IS A GREAT BEHAVIOR.
THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.
SEE, AND YOU GUYS VIEW THAT
AS SOMETHING THAT YOU SHOULD GET REAL BIG PATS ON THE BACK FOR
BECAUSE YOU HANDLED IT GREAT.
(man) IT'S LIKE GOING TO WORK.
THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO.
(leader) YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IT THAT WAY.
(man) THAT'S HOW FAR OFF BASE WE'VE BEEN.
(leader) CORRECT.
(man) AND NOT ONLY THAT;
WE'RE AROUND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE
WHO THINK AND ACT THE SAME WAY AS WE DO.
RIGHT ON.
(man) IT'S GOOD, BUT WE'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST DO IT.
(narrator) REPLACEMENT THOUGHTS CHALLENGE OUR AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS.
THEY'RE A WAY OF MENTALLY STEPPING BACK FROM A SITUATION,
ALLOWING US TO CHOOSE A DIFFERENT BEHAVIOR.
THE REPLACEMENT THOUGHT IS
SOMETHING YOU GENERALLY THINK OF AFTER THE FACT.
WHEN YOU'RE FILLING OUT A THINKING REPORT.
(leader) WHEN YOU'RE FILLING OUT THE THINKING REPORT.
I BRING THAT UP BECAUSE
IT'S A KEY ISSUE, A KEY ISSUE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU FIGHT HIM THEN?
WHAT WAS THE MAIN THING, IF IT WASN'T THE REPLACEMENT THOUGHTS?
THE MAIN REASON I DIDN'T FIGHT HIM
IS BECAUSE I WANTED TO GO TO MINIMUM.
AND IF I FIGHT HIM,
I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT TO MINIMUM.
NOW, THAT-- AND SECONDARY WAS--
AND AS HE WAS SPEAKING, I REALIZED THAT
THAT WAS MY FIRST INITIAL THING WAS, "I WANT TO GO TO MINIMUM."
SECONDLY, I THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,
I HAVE A DAUGHTER OUT THERE I GOT TO GET HOME TO,
SO I DID PUT MYSELF FIRST, THEN MY FAMILY SECOND.
AND WHEREAS-- WHEN HE SAID "REVERSE THAT,"
I REALIZED THAT IF I HAD OF PUT MY DAUGHTER FIRST,
MY MOTHER AND MY FAMILY AND ALL THESE PEOPLE,
AND MAYBE EVEN THIS GUY, BEFORE I DO ANYTHING,
BEFORE I EVEN START THINKING ABOUT MYSELF,
THEN I WOULD CHALLENGE THESE THOUGHTS RIGHT AWAY,
OR THESE THOUGHTS MIGHT NOT COME.
YOU KNOW, BUT THE INITIAL REASON WAS,
"I DON'T WANT TO GET KICKED OUT OF TREATMENT
BECAUSE THEN I WON'T GO TO MINIMUM."
SEE, AND I THINK, AS LONG AS THAT'S YOUR MOTIVE,
YOU'RE NOT GONNA CHANGE.
I THINK THE TRUE CHANGE IS GONNA COME
WHEN YOU WALK AWAY FROM THAT
BECAUSE IT'S SIMPLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO, PERIOD.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
I THINK THESE CORE BELIEFS AND OUR CORE VALUES--
BEFORE WE'RE GOING TO DO ANYTHING DIFFERENT--
THOSE HAVE TO CHANGE, PERIOD.
WHEN DO YOU THINK THAT?
YOU NEED TO THINK THAT FIRST
BEFORE YOU CAN ACTUALLY WALK AWAY.
AND IF I CAN TAKE AND SAY TO MYSELF THEN, EXACTLY,
"I DON'T WANT TO HURT PEOPLE ANYMORE.
I DON'T WANT TO HURT MY FAMILY ANYMORE; I DON'T WANT"--