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Hey everybody, and welcome to the Palace! *cut to shots of the Palace*
Knots Landing's John Pleschette Palace, to be specific, it's one of the nicer residential
areas of S-13. Eve: Chip, I wasn't even in the last review.
Chip: Well...I didn't have anything for you to do and after I played Portal I realized
how similar you are, unintentionally, to GLaDOS and that would've just been too much personality
going on. Eve: I suppose it makes sense to keep the
fiery Ids at bay. Chip: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Eve: You never call me anymore. Chip: ...I live with you.
Eve: Still...it's fun to get phone calls. Anyways, it's October, and you know what that
means? *cut to clip of Helloween Halloween "Ahh,
it's Halloween..."* Exactly.
So, top ten scariest things in games. I'm not limiting it to enemies, and I'm not including
anything from horror games because, well, that'd just be too easy.
Roll the clip, Eve! Eve: Roll the clip, Eve what?
Chip: Please? Eve: Where's my kiss?
Chip: ... 10. Gigas -- Earthbound
You know what's scary? Babies. Okay, maybe not babies themselves, but the idea of babies.
It's something that grows inside you and you have to feed it or it dies. Kind of like a
Tomagatchi only if this one dies, you can't go to the store and buy another one...unless
you consider like...the *** bank...Uhhhh... As I'm sure all y'all know, I've never played
Earthbound, I don't have $300 to drop on a game, but what I do know is that the final
boss is a giant mechanical spider fetus thing. Now, y'see, this isn't really that scary,
but the idea of a baby is scary, because if you have a baby, you gotta get a job...and
that's scary. 9. Rancor -- Jedi Academy
One thing that always scared me when I was a kid was dinosaurs. The T-Rex from Jurassic
Park, to be specific. I used to have nightmares about a T-Rex ravaging the city and me having
to hide from it. So what do you do to make something scarier? Put it in space.
... So what do you think? You think I'm gonna
put the Redeye King from Starfox Adventures on here because I love that game so much?
Like, I would marry that game? No! No! Well, I gotta think outside the box for this
one. The rancor...it's kind of like a dinosaur
in space...because Star Wars takes place in space...
Specifically the mutant rancor from Jedi Academy, it's mutant and it chases you. You can't kill
it. The only way to kill it is to crush it against a force field.
Okay, okay, so let me get this straight. The Force doesn't do anything. Force Field. That's
a whole different story. Just look at this footage I got of a rancor
attacking a giant crocodile. *cut to clip of playing with Al and Spike*
8. Ghosts -- Oblivion It happens every time, you're spelunking around
Oblivion trying to figure what the plot is and why you should care, when suddenly, you
see it... The ghost.
But I ain't afraid of no ghost, there's a simple solution to this
*attacks ghost with destruction* Oh...that was easy...
Now it's time for some level grinding! *Seven hours later*
There we go. Finally got my sword skill up to...five...
7. Knights -- Medal of Honor: Underground Back when I was a kid, I was way into the
military. Some of my favorite games were the Medal of Honor series.
Medal of Honor was basically Call of Duty before Call of Duty was Call of Duty. Yeah,
that makes sense. In this one level, you have to infiltrate
a castle being occupied by Nazis, nothing odd there, except for...
Oh, some armor, excellent! *insert Bill and Ted clip here*
Wait, what's that noise? Oh God!
*insert clip of getting killed by Nazis in armor
6. Chozo Ghosts -- Metroid Prime Metroid Prime. It single handedly revitalized
the series. I've played this game so *** much I know exactly where everything is...though
for some reason I can never get 100% completion... So you're walking around just collecting the
last of the Chozo Artifacts or expansions you missed, when you hear the sound...
Ghosts! Apparently, during the Phazon corruption,
the Chozo died and their spirits were restless...or something, and they come back as ghosts to
attack Samus. Also, they can chisel...I'm still not sure how that works.
Also, they can only be killed by the power beam, which I didn't know when I was a kid,
so I spent an hour trying to kill them with the wave beam. It didn't work.
It's also really annoying that even after you kill all the ghosts...wait, can you do
that? They still come back every time. 5. Endermen -- Minecraft
I'm not the hero this world needs; I'm the hero this world deserves...
Or something. There's a few creepy things in Minecraft,
and that feeling of melancholy only enhances the feeling of isolation.
So you're exploring some caves, trying to find some god damn diamond, which I swear
to god is impossible, and you hear the sound. *insert Endermen sound here*
The Endermen. Well, they're not really scary, per-se, but
they can kill you in about two hits. And now it's time for a game that I like to
call "Messing with the end." But first I gotta go find one.
*insert clip of going through all the tunnels and skybridges here*
So now it's time for the game. So what you do is you stand here on your roof and look
them in the eye and...run! Ha ha! Now he can't get in here because he's too tall. Haha! Loser!
Let's try it again! Okay, you look him in the eye and...oh wait, no, no, no!
4. Endless Staircase -- Super Mario 64 So long story short, my brother and I had
a really creepy basement growing up. You ever seen Ernest Scared Stupid?
It happens to be one of my favorite movies of all time, but as a kid, the *** troll,
whose name is "Tritor," by the way, scared the *** out of me.
This is back when kids movies had grit, weren't afraid to kick your ***.
Anyways, there we had a garage, like many families, but the door to the garage had a
window on it so you could see into the dark garage. I was always afraid the troll was
in there waiting for me, and was too scared to look out the window.
So, imagine playing this game late, with the lights off, in the creepy basement, and you
hear this. *insert clip of endless staircase*
This was before internet... Well, internet existed, but nobody really
knew how to use it. So when we were kids, we didn't have any idea why we couldn't go
up the stairs- Eve: Chip, it tells you you don't have enough
stars before you enter the door. ...
We were kids, we were too dumb to know. 3. Surface -- Goldeneye 007
Okay, put yourself in the situation the same as the last one, only you're hearing this
and looking at this... Not to mention the map is *** huge. I
went into more detail in my Top Ten Worst Levels in Gaming, but the point is it's scary
and really hard. 2. Banjo Kazooie -- The Game
You know what's scary? Playing *** games... Well, story of my life, right? One game that
everybody in the world likes except me is Banjo Kazooie.
Why do I hate it? It's the epitome of what a Rareware game is. Overpowered enemies, forced
collect-a-thons, and an overall feeling of dismay and sadness.
And that's why Banjo Kazooie is on this list. Because any time I look at it, it reminds
me of the horrors I went through playing it. 1. Moon -- Majora's Mask
Okay, before I go into this next one, we gotta set some ground rules...
When making this list, half of it could've been from Zelda, I mean, think about it. There's
some scary *** in there, and when making this list, I asked all twelve of the fans
what they thought were some of the scariest things in gaming, and a lot of them had several
different entries from Zelda. So in order to pay my respect to the fans
and The Legend of Zelda series, I've compiled a mini list of the top five scariest enemies
in Zelda, with number one being the scariest thing in gaming period. Make sense?
Number 5, House of Skultulla. Remember how I was saying that when you're
a kid, you don't bother reading anything in video games. I didn't know what the *** this
house was all about. Just look at it, there are deformed people, spider hybrids and every
time you talk to one, it screams. Creepy. Number 4, Wallmasters from Twilight Princess
I don't like it when stuff follows you around. That being said, when a hand travels through
walls and takes your shiny ball back to the beginning of the dungeon so you're forced
to keep playing this filler level doesn't rub me the right way.
Number 3, Dead Hand Everyone wanted me to put Dead Hand on here,
even though he's not even that scary...so, there. You happy?
Number 2, Guardians I wanted so bad to hate Skyward Sword because
the bad guy looked like he just walked out of Hot Topic and there were stupid motion
controls, but I actually really enjoyed it. It's not without its flaws though, namely
they took the second worst part about Twilight Princess (the first being the Lakebed Temple)
and made it so you have no weapons and a time limit.
Oh yeah, and they added these guys. *insert scary clip of Guardians here*
If the time runs out, or you wake them up by touching water, they come alive and chase
you, and if they hit you, you have to start the whole Easter Egg hunt again. ***.
Just look at what happens when you wake them up.
*insert scary clip of Guardians here* Number 1, The Moon
Let's get one thing straight here that everybody already knows, Majora's Mask is a scary game.
Playing this game as a kid really desensitizes you to basically everything. The only thing
that I remember being really scared about during this age was Kathy Bates in Misery,
which is why number one is Kathy Bates in Misery: The Game!
*insert fake ending here* Ha ha ha! Fooled you, you could say I "tricked"
you? *insert closeup with epic music here*
The number one spot is The Moon from Majora's Mask. I know it's kind of expected for me
to put it here, but it haunted me so much as a kid, how could I not?
The fact that it has a face is scary, sure, but what's more terrifying is what it represents,
and that's inevitable doom. No matter what you do to help out any of the people of Termina,
it won't make any difference because they're going to die anyways, and that's why the ending
to this game has so much weight. But there is one good thing about the moon
killing everyone in 72 hours, and that's that you can get rich quick!
So what you do is you take this chicken here and fly over behind the shooting gallery and,
boom! Silver rupee. Then you go to the Bomber's Hideout and equip
the Bomb Mask and, boom! Silver rupee. Then you get the key from Anju and, boom!
Silver rupee. So that's three hundred rupees, and when the
days start over again, it resets the chests, so you can get rich, quick, haha!
Oh no...now that everybody knows my secret, the rate of inflation will go up, the hundred
rupees will only be worth one...or something.