Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Here we have Lee Fernandez!
Please turn the mic back on, i have this ***
Put the names back in the bucket! G: Okay so you have 1
4, 5, 6, 7, 8! No one cares! Okay you go!
Alright, Lee, you are up next.
Here you anyways, Lee you are up next. Okay? Yeah!!
Do you want me to use the microphone or not? I think i have it whether or not I do
Where would you like me to go? You'd love to get to the...
MC: Just play by the rules. G: I am playing by the rules, I'm doing what you asked.
Now you are taking some of my five minutes that is so precious to me.
Yes.
Are we back now? Is everybody happy?
AUDIENCE: No. G: Not quite. That's because most of the people I think who are left here
came here to make people laugh. Is that how it begins?
Do you come out here and you're like I'm going to make people laugh.
And then you're like, that's torture.
Isn't it? It's like when you tickle somebody
And you're touching yourself softly.
And you just rub your fingers there...
And really all you want to do is laugh. Is that right?
No? I don't know. And we're probably pretty close to that.
but I apologize if I cleaned up some of this *** before I got here
okay but I did clean up some of that ***. I think in order to
stand up on somewhere like a stage
and do whatever you're going to do, you better have some clean ***, um...
Right? And if you're going to have some clean ***. AUDIENCE: That's the worst.
Um, oh ***. I am the worst, man. I am the worst because you hate yourself.
That's all it is! i will go right there, right off the bat
I will go right into what I know it is that you do not like about yourself
Because I can see other people smiling, I can see other people
enjoying themselves, and when i look into the darkness, i don't even have to look, All i have to do is listen.
And all I hear is you saying, oh *** I hate myself so much that I wish that i could be up there and be that guy
AUDIENCE: Grow up. G: But, oh I am growing as I was speaking right now.
I'm getting higher and higher and higher and higher, ***, I'm funnier when i'm high.
I'll stand on this *** stool right now
AUDIENCE: Dude, you're definitely high. G: Just for you. Oh my God, I'm high.
AUDIENCE: You're high. G: Oh my God, i'm that much higher, right? AUDIENCE: Yeah, you're really high. G: Well, that's where you wanted it to go.
You wanted to talk to me and see what made funny, funny, okay?
AUDIENCE: Do you want to shake hands? G: I came here to torture you now. I'd love to look at you in the eyes after
we get off of here.
AUDIENCE: Okay. G: But anyways, see, this is why I clean up ***
because, you have to enjoy all of this ***.
Because when I pick an apple off of a tree, and I eat that ***,
AUDIENCE: Bro, look, dude... G: Like this guy out on the stage, he's literally a piece of ***
AUDIENCE: Yeah. G: He's like an apple. And I eat it. AUDIENCE: Oh yeah! G: And it tastes so... for somebody here, listen, oh yeah
OH YEAH! HE'S EATING ME RIGHT NOW! AUDIENCE: Mortal Kombat. G: And I eat it and my body does some good ***. AUDIENCE: Yeah, eat this guy.
And then I *** it out. On the ground. And then this, this b- *unintelligible* eats that *** AUDIENCE: You eat it off the ground?
Right? K? AUDIENCE: That's unbelievable! G: I keep hearing out there. It keeps it eating that ***.
And then, then- AUDIENCE: Do you live on the street? G:-and eat the *** that that guy ate.
K? AUDIENCE: Why do you *** on the ground? G: And then what we do
from there is we see the tree eat that ***. And then it *** it back out.
AUDIENCE: He kicked over the bucket, come on. G: Oh, I kicked the bucket, I died, right on the stage just for you.
AUDIENCE: Just for me. G: Just for you. AUDIENCE: Like, Jesus. *unintelligible* out there
You can call it whatever you want, k, there are so many different ways
of saying what it is.
But literally all we were doing is cleaning up some *** so we could pick some
people up off the floor
And I'm guessing you're one of them. AUDIENCE: Get off the stage!
See, see, we're at the point where the ego comes.
I will get off the stage voluntarily.
K? I will take the bag with me. And i will share
with the people who actually deserve it.
Lee Fernandez!