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Previously on Places Please.
(Emmy) What? Scuzz!
(Fitz) What's your name again homeboy?
(Trevor) I'm not your homeboy 'dude.'
(Jack) Why can't I get a decent ****ing script to do?
[theme music]
[music playing]
[music] (Jack) Dammnit.
(Fitz) What?
(Jack) We're shooting this 'Sex and the City' spoof in a fricking *** factory in Hoboken!
(Fitz) Whoa! Whoa! Keep your voice down. Cammy will hear you.
(Jack) When?
Before or after we shoot the *** scene?!
(Fitz) There's a *** scene? (Jack) NO!
But there might as well be
there's no mention of a beach in this script! None!
(Fitz) Really?
(Cammy) Jack!
[monster sound]
(Cammy) Jack I have to talk to you immediately! Immed-
(Cammy) Hello?
[music playing]
(Cammy) Jack! (Jack) Cammy...
(Cammy) I would like to repeat a scene that happened just
five minutes ago
with THIS guy.
(Jack) Okay. What page?
(Cammy) You're in this scene too. (Fitz) What?
[exhale]
(Cammy) Scene up!
(Cammy) So.
You're Mr. Big.
(Trevor) Yes. Yes. And may I also add that I am truly truly honored to-
(Cammy) Scene down!
Jack! Are you ****ing retarded?!
(Jack) What?
(Cammy) He's BLACK! (Jack) So?
(Fitz) Isn't Mr. Big supposed to be black?
(Cammy) NO IDIOT! (Fitz) Then why is he called Mr. Big?
(Trevor) Alright, alright. Let's all calm down. I'm sure we can work this out.
(Trevor) Now isn't this a spoof anyway?
We're not supposed to look like
our, like our counterparts. (Cammy) EXCUSE ME?
(Jack) Aww ****- (Fitz) Me.
(Cammy) Jack
(Cammy) FIND ME ANOTHER MR. BIG!
(Jack) WE'RE IN A FRICKING *** FACTORY IN HOBOKEN!
(Cammy) WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?
(Trevor) Uhm. Yes.
Let's let's.
Why don't we go cool off huh?
You know, you really do look like Sarah! You know that?
(Cammy) I know! (Trevor) Yes.
(Jack) I can't do it.
She's a ***. (FItz) Money.
(Jack) So?
(Fitz) Five thousand dollars.
Five! ****ing!
Thousand dollars!
(Jack) Not worth it. (Fitz) We're doing it.
(Jack) What? (Fitz) This is it. This is the dream.
We're making something and getting paid for it!
Paid for it! There's no more next gig!
This is the gig!
(Jack) Wow. You talk too much you know?
(Fitz) You think too much!
(Jack) You're right. I get to work with my friends and pay them for once.
You're abso-****ing-lutely right! (Fitz) I'm always right!
(Jack) Well remember that girl who was actually a guy?
(Fitz) Off night. (Jack) Let's make a movie.
(Fitz) A spoof! (Jack) Let's make the best damn spoof we can!
[music playing]
(Emmy) You guys! Bad news! (Jack) What?
(Fitz) She ate homeboy. (Emmy) No, we're done.
(Jack) Wait. What do you mean we're done?
(Emmy) We're fired. (Fitz) Get the **** out of here!
(Emmy) That's exactly what she said.
(Jack) What the hell just happened? (Emmy) I don't know. I don't know.
Trevor just told Cammy to call her uncle to get her to calm down.
(Fitz) Where the hell did you get our homeboy off of
Craigslist?
(Jack) Blackplanet- (Fitz) HOLY-
(Jack) dot com. (Fitz) ***!
Why are you such a racist! It's your fault we don't have any black friends!
And you see what this guy did? He had to call her uncle!
(Emmy) He's actually filming some movie on the west coast right now.
(Jack/Fitz) The *** director?!
(Emmy) There's no *** director!
(Jack/Fitz) Uncle Marty!
(Fitz) You know, the guy who directed
'Angry Studs' uh 'Pizza Delivery Guy' and
'Good****ing Guys?"
(Emmy) Okay do you mean 'Raging Bull' 'Taxi Driver' and 'Goodfellas'?
(Jack) Martin- (Fitz) Scorsese.
(Cammy) Okay so you're going to send the plane and
pick me up from the airport?
Oh I love you Uncle Marty. Thank you!
(Emmy) Why do you think I got you guys this role?
(Fitz) So you could play the role of Samantha. (Emmy) Well, yeah, that too.
(Jack) Why didn't you tell us that was THE
Martin Scorsese?
(Emmy) I- I thought that you knew.
(Jack) We were talking about his movies in the car.
You were the one who gave us those titles.
(Emmy) I know but I never watched them. I mean how am I supposed to know?
(Fitz) Oh my God. (Jack) You're god
can shoot me now!
(Fitz) God, let me *** some hot chick and then *** and then you can shoot me.
(Trevor) Guys. Looks like we're done. What now?
(Jack) We might as well down the beers from the *** scene.
(Emmy) What?
(Jack) Did anyone else read this script besides me?
(Fitz) What's he doing here?
(Jack) I invited him.
(Emmy) Okay there's no reason why we can't have one more person for movie night.
(Fitz) Did you at least get the Scorsese film so I can teach you about him?
(Emmy) No, I got something better so I can teach you.
(Jack) I don't care as long as it has some sex scenes in it ok?
(Trevor) So, you guys do this every night?
(Jack) Yeah, it's a tradition of ours.
(Fitz) So we can get depressed about our own miserable lives.
(Emmy) Hone our craft.
(Jack) What the hell?
(Fitz) Sex and the City?
(Jack) They even made a movie out of this? (Fitz) Are you kidding me?
(Jack) What is it rated? (Trevor) R.
(FItz) It's been a half hour and there's no nudity.
(Jack) It's not like they're going to be blowing anyone away.
(FItz) I wish. (Emmy) Fitz!
(Fitz) No no. You fool me once. Uh-uh.
I'm outta here.
(Jack) Hey Fitz there's some female nudity going on!
(Emmy) And some male nudity!
(Jack) Aw man! Why do they always gotta ruin it?
(Emmy) Trev, you're not gonna leave too? (Trevor) No no I seen this like a thousand times.
Man I can't wait for the sequel.