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You know, when it comes to a stigma, I probably have the worst case of it just because I get
this idea — not as much, you know, (pause), — oh you need to go to a shrink cause you’re
crazy and they’re just gonna hospitalize you and you’re gonna be there for the rest
of your life in a straight jacket in a little padded room with bad jello (laughs). You know,
I was always, you know, though middle school and high school I just had a very tough time
dealing with other people and myself and I would get so frustrated. In fact, I used to
be, on several occasions, very close to getting myself therapy but due to complications of
several things and sometimes just sort of avoiding, you know, this... this nightmare
that I have of, you know, an actual therapy session where I’m gonna get told exactly
what I probably should be told. Um, you know, it... it kept me from ... from going and doing
it but, you know, dealing, um... I tell myself this almost on a dialy basis, and it’s pretty
much just, uh, when it comes to the things that I deal with, as, as almost a mental problem
and self-esteem issues, um, I have this idea that, all right, this is it, I’m finally
— I’m gonna go see somebody, I think it’s time and, plus, I’ve had some time
to think it over, I’ve cleared my mind, I’m not so irrational about things. Um,
but I get this... this idea that when I go into this therapy and I start talking to somebody
after a few sessions, or even on the first session, somebody’s gonna sit down and say,
“Joseph, I wanna be totally frank with you, all right, your problems are just like everybody
else’s, and what you have to realize is not everybody else needs this therapy and
you’re just creating these problems for yourself, you know... if you have a self-image
issue, just turn it around, you know, accept things, be happy with who you are. You know,
you’re the one creating these problems and I could sit here all day like I do with everybody
else and just tell you, you know, it’s okay that you’re having these problems, we can
deal with this, we can work through it. Um, you know, instead of saying all that, I’m
just gonna say you’ve got a — you feel like you’ve got a problem, great. If you
wanna do something about it, do something about it. You know, there’s no magic potion,
nobody’s gonna be able to snap their fingers and keep you in therapy for years and years
and say, one day, you know, you’re cured, we fixed you. If you wanna fix yourself, fix
yourself. You just need to stop being so darn lazy and go out and do it.”
And so, and now, when that isn’t really blocking me from having to do this, I sort
of just create this little scenario for myself, that, you know, this is why you shouldn’t
go because this is what they’re going to tell you. You know, you’re not gonna like
it when they tell you, it’s probably what you need to hear anyways, and if you already
know what you need to hear then why do you need therapy?