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A street downtown, 1 1/4 miles.
Yeah, so what street, Mr. Rand McNally?
Zero percent off select items today.
With the economy as it is, why are they in business?
FBI Warning:
We're watching you watch this.
Don't even think of copying, you ***!
All right, Sam, did you futz around with that FBI warning?
It's your video, Mike.
I don't futz around with things I have no business futzing around with, ***!
*** *** ***!
I see there's one way out of this.
Congratulations, Microsoft Sam!
This is your free pass to a lifetime of attending
Lady Gaga in concert?
Compliments of Mike and me.
You had it coming to you for calling me an ***, Sam.
Tantrum coming in five, four, three, two, one...
Goddammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit dammit hell hell hell hell hell hell crap crap crap crap crap!!
All right, Mary, take this!
Microsoft Mary loves Justin Bieber?
Sam, you ***!
That moptopped kid's not my type!
Gotcha, Mary!
That's for saying I love Lady Gaga.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
[Gunshot]
Take it easy, Mary!
You could kill Sam that way!
No looking at this sign!
Oh crotch! I just looked at it!
Democrats blow, Republicans suck.
What do independents do?
Don't go there!
Hitler is dead wrong!
Actually, he's both dead and wrong.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Curl up and dye.
No thanks, I'll stretch out and live.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Seeking a sign from God? This is it!
But where's the church?
Diesel Fried Chicken.
Ugh! Frying chicken in diesel fuel?
Eww! Gross! It's making me sick!
[Mary barfing]
There, there, Mary. We'll find someplace else to eat.
Lousy food, bad service. Welcome.
[Mary barfing]
Oh crotch!
Mary's stomach is too sensitive for this place.
Let's move on.
99 cent double cheese.
Does this sound good enough for you?
Sounds good to me, Mike.
Oh no! Now hiring cats!
Eww, here I go again!
Eww! Eww! Eww!
[Mary barfing]
[BOOM!!]
*** Aeropark.
So that's where they made the movie.
What's Steve-O's telephone number?
I am Microsoft Sam's illegitimate son!
***! I have no son!
Skid Row, Microsoft Sam's Retirement Home.
Crap, double crap and triple crappity crap crap crap!
I do not plan to retire to that crappy flophouse!
Family Market. Custom Killing.
Must be owned by the Godfather.
I agree.
If the Russian Mafia took over, they'd make an offer you can't say "Nyet" to.
Hahahahahahahahahah rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl rofl soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi!
Caution: 500 Rottweilers are in this cage.
They have been trained to attack Microsoft Sam!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Capital B, capital I, capital T, capital C, capital H.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!
With a manual or automatic transmission,
the front-wheel-drive Fiesta sedan comes as a sedan or hatchback.
Since when is a sedan a hatchback?
Click here to compare them.
This is a newspaper, not cars.com, you sonofabitch!
Motel. Highly recommended by owner.
Yeah right.
If the owner is Machiavelli.
Sorry, we're open.
I'm not going in there.
You have invoked the Blue Screen of Death.
If you read this, you will die in seven days.
Notified your next-of-kin yet?
I don't want to die.
I can't die.
I'm just a frickin computer voice.
Cancer cures smoking.
Makes sense to me.
Whoever heard of a smoking corpse?
Don't look at me! Don't ever look at me!
[Gibberish]
Don't watch me! This isn't "60 Minutes," you ***!
Tape me to Microsoft Sam's mouth!
Why not?
Wait! Mary, don't tape---
[Muffled speech]
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
There's a ghost on that sign.
This castle must be haunted.
And look at all the people lined up to get in.
They won't stand a ghost of a chance.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Gunshot]
Yikes! Who's shooting at us?
There's your answer, Mary.
Danger! The dog has a gun and refuses to take his medication!
Look out! Mad dog! Mad dog!
If you think you'll get there fast, you've got another think coming!
You're not kidding, Buster!
Exit 329 closed. Sucks to be you.
But I got fired today, so don't expect any help.
I'm not making any plans to stop at Exit 329 anyway.
There's a better place up at Exit 330.
Will the person who just farted report to the restroom now!
P.U.!
No wonder it reeks like a cesspool in here!
[FLUSH]
Outback Steakhouse.
Fish of the day: beef.
Whoever heard of a beef fish?
Ha ha ha ha ha!
You shall not pass!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I guess we'd better double back.
To the moon! ***! Zoom!
Our golden opportunity to get out of here.
Wanna light the fuse, Mary?
Fuse is lit.
Hang on, here we go!
Five, four, three, two, one...
[BOOM!!]
Hey! What happened?
Where's the rocket?
It must have blown up.
And everything's gone dark.
All blown to smithereens.
Now, how do we get out of here?
Looky what I found!
Wonderful! It's Sam's RoflCopter!
Now we can all get out of here!
All right, everybody, let's hop on!
We're ready when you are, Sam.
Hang on! Here we go!
soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi
This has been a davemadson films inc. production.