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>>> WELCOME TO ""RED EYE."
WELL BOY MEETS WORLD.
WELL DESIGNED, INESCAPABLE FUN
HOUSE OF HORROR.
LET'S GO TO TV'S ANDY LEVY.
WHAT'S COMING UP ON TONIGHT'S
SHOW?
>> THANKS, GREG.
THOSE GET MORE AND MORE INVOLVED
EVERY DAY?
>> I TRY.
>> COMING UP ON THE BIG SHOW,
WHO ARE THE MOST RACIST PEOPLE
IN AMERICA?
THE ANSWER IS RACISTS.
PLUS, YOU'LL NEVER GUESS THE
LATEST JUSTIN BIEBER NEWS UNLESS
HE GUESS THAT HE PEA PEED IN A
MOP BUCKET.
>>> AND FINALLY, SHOULD YOU BE
SPYING ON CO WORKERS?
WELCOME TO OBAMA'S AMERICA.
>> NICE ONE, ANDY.
>> YOU BETCHA.
>> WOW, MAILING IT IN.
LET'S WELCOME OUR GUESTS.
SHE'S SO SHARP SHE MOON LIGHTS
WITH A GINZU KNIFE.
SUNNY JOHNSON.
YOU KNOW HIM AS THE GUY WHO
SPITS IN YOUR SLUSHY BECAUSE HE
DOESN'T LIKE YOUR FACE.
JESSE, CONGRATULATIONS ON
BECOMING THE SPOKESMAN FOR
GOODWILL.
>> NICE.
>> AND THEN HE'S A COUPON.
BILL SCHULTZ.
AND SHE KNOWS BULLS AND BEARS
LIKE I KNOW HORRIFIED STARES.
THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
DON'T WEAR PANTS ON THE SUBWAY.
FOX BUSINESS NETWORK'S STOCK
EDITOR, LIZ McDONALD.
>> A BLOCK.
THE LEDE.
THAT'S THE FIRST STORY, AND NOW
AMERICA'S DUMB ***, GREG.
>> THEIR TEAM HAD A GLITCH.
TRIED TO ORGANIZE A NATIVE
AMERICAN HERITAGE DAY BUT ENDED
UP NOT.
ACCORDING TO THE "NEW YORK
TIMES," A PAPER.
IN MARCH THEY APPROACHED AN
AMERICAN INDIAN GROUP ABOUT
DOING THE EVENT.
THEY SET IT ON A DATE AND
STARTED PLANNING THE THING AND
INCLUDED TRADITIONAL DANCING AND
SINGING OUTSIDE THE BALLPARK BUT
THEN THE METS REALIZED THEY WERE
HOSTING THE ATLANTA BRAVES.
SO NOT WANTING THE BRAVES TO
THINK THE DAY WAS A PROTEST OVER
THEIR NAME, THEY NIXED THE
SIPPING.
THEY'VE DECIDED NOT TO
PARTICIPATE AT ALL.
SAID THEIR DEPUTY DIRECTOR,
QUOTE, THIS WHOLE THING WASN'T
EVEN OUR IDEA BUT IT JUST FEELS
LIKE WE'RE BEING MARGINALIZED
AGAIN WITHIN OUR OWN COMMUNITY.
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS BEING
MARGINALIZED?
THIS CAT.
THAT'S ACTUALLY BETTER THAN A
REAL CHILD, I THINK, BUT WHAT
WOULD I KNOW, I HAVE NEITHER.
JESSE, THE METS HAD A HOT TOPIC
NIGHT WHERE YOU WERE THERE AND
ACTUALLY GAVE OUT TO KEY CHAINS
TO PEOPLE WITH REAL JOBS.
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THESE
SPECIAL NIGHTS?
DO YOU THINK WE'RE BECOMING MORE
SENSITIVE EVERY DAY?
>> I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE.
I'D LIKE TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS.
I APPRECIATE THAT YOU CAME
DRESSED AS THE KINDERGARTEN
TEACHER FROM M.A.S.H.
THE WAY I SEE IT IS WHAT BETTER
WAY TO CELEBRATE NATIVE AMERICAN
HERITAGE THAN BY BREAKING A
PROMISE TO THEM.
>> NICE.
>> VERY GOOD.
>> ALL OF YOU TAKE THE 7 TRAIN
OF TEARS HOME.
>> SUNNY, WELCOME TO THE
PROGRAM.
GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE.
IS THIS THE CULMINATION OF A
SOCIETY WHERE EVERYONE IS AFRAID
TO HURT EVERYONE ELSE'S FEELINGS
AND IT ENDS UP EVEN WHEN THEY'RE
TRYING TO MEAN WELL, IT JUST
GETS SCREWED UP?
>> I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR
FEELINGS, GREG, BUT I COME ALL
THE WAY TO "RED EYE" TO TALK
ABOUT BASEBALL?
>> YES.
>> NO.
REALLY, WHAT I THINK IS THEY
SHOULD HAVE A POLITICALLY
INCORRECT DAY.
THAT'S THE DAY I CAN COME.
A HUSBAND AND WIFE BRINGS THEIR
CHILD.
A MOTHER CAN GIVE FORMULA TO
THEIR BABY AND IT WILL BE OKAY.
MEN, YOU CAN CARRY YOUR FIREARMS
FULLY LOADED, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
MEASURE YOUR BULLETS.
A TOTALLY POLITICALLY INCORRECT
DAY.
I THINK YOU WOULD HAVE PEOPLE
COMING OUT AND PARTICIPATING.
YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
WHO YOU OFFEND IN THAT PROCESS.
>> I LIKE THAT IDEA.
>> THAT IS EVERY SINGLE OTHER
DAY IN CITI FIELD, ESPECIALLY
THE FIREARMS PART.
>> I LIKE THE GUN --
>> THAT'S AN NFL GAME.
>> YEAH.
>> FIREARMS.
>> BRING A GUN TO THE GAME IS AN
AMAZING SLOGAN.
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?
>> GIVE OUT A WEAPON.
THEY GIVE OUT MINI BATS.
I'M KIDDING BUT --
>> LET ME EXPLAIN TO GREG.
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO CUT
YOU OFF.
>> THE BATS TO REGULAR SIZED
PEOPLE OR MINISTERS.
>> THE MOMENT YOU SAID MINI
BASEBALL BATS I KNEW WHAT YOU
WERE DOING.
I SAW --
>> KNEW HE WAS COMING.
>> YES, BUT I LET HIM DO IT.
>> YOU'RE A GENEROUS HOST.
>> I AM.
>> ELIZABETH.
>> THE METS WERE CONCERNED THAT
THAT WOULD BE CONCERNED AS A
POLITICAL EVENT.
IS THAT THE PROBLEM NOW, IT'S
ALWAYS ABOUT PERCEPTION AND NOT
FACT.
>> IF THEY CARE, WHY DO THEY
SAY, OH, IT'S HAPPENING THIS
DAY.
THEY CLEARLY DIDN'T CARE BECAUSE
THEY DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS COMING.
LISTEN, I THINK WE ALREADY HAVE
THE OLYMPICS.
WHY DO WE HAVE TO HAVE
EVERYTHING BE A MULTI-CULTURAL
EVENT, RIGHT?
>> RIGHT.
>> WHEN I WANT TO SEE
MULTI-CULTURAL, I LOOK AT OLD
"STAR TREK" EPISODES.
>> WOW, THAT COULD BE
INTERESTING.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY,
I GO TO THE MUSEUM.
>> NO.
I WATCH OLD "STAR TREK."
>> WHICH IS LIKE A MUSEUM FOR
BILL.
>> EXACTLY.
>> YOU KNOW, BILL, THEY ADDED
SPECIAL BEAT BILL SCHULTZ TO
DEATH NIGHT AND 200,000 PEOPLE
SHOWED UP.
YOU MUST BE SO PROUD THAT SO
MANY PEOPLE DON'T THINK YOU
DESERVE TO LIVE.
>> I'M HAPPY THEY KNOW ME.
PART OF DIEING I DON'T LIKE.
IS IT.
>> STANDS TO REASON.
>> THIS IS AN ORGANIZATION, AND
THIS IS TRUE, THAT EARLIER THIS
YEAR PAIRED UP WITH A COUGAR
SITE TRYING TO CONVINCE THEM TO
MARKET DAVID WRIGHT AS SOMEONE
TO BE VOTED FOR FOR THE ALL-STAR
GAME BECAUSE THEY WERE DESPERATE
TO GET A MET IN THE ALL-STAR
GAME AND BEING THE HANDSOME MAN
THAT HE IS, THEY THOUGHT WHY NOT
GO TO A COUGARS NIGHT AND THEN
THEY LOOKED AT THE IDEA AND THEY
SAID, OH, MY GOD, WHAT HAVE WE
DONE, AND STOPPED RIGHT AWAY.
THIS IS STRIKE TWO FOR THEM
ABOUT CANCELING AT THE LAST
MINUTE.
>> RIGHT.
>> SECONDLY, EVERY NIGHT IS
MULTI-CULTURAL NIGHT AT CITI
FIELD.
THIS IS THE MOST GENDERFIED
PLACE NOT IN AMERICA, ON PLANET
EARTH.
THERE ARE NO MORE CULTURES
FORCED TO BE TOGETHER THAN IN
QUEENS, NEW YORK.
>> YOU CAN JUST HAVE ALL THE
POLITICALLY CORRECT TOGETHER AND
GIVE THEM ALL 32 OUNCE SOFT
DRINKS AND LET THEM WALK DOWN --
>> I LIKE IT.
>> CHANTING ANDY BLOOMBERG, ANDY
BLOOMBERG.
>> THAT'S THE BEAUTY OF QUEENS.
YOU CAN HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.
IT'S MULTI-CULTURAL AND ALL THE
CULTURES FING HATE EACH OTHER.
>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH HATING EACH
OTHER?
YOU HATE EACH OTHER EQUALLY.
>> GIVE OUT THOSE LITTLE MINI
BASEBALL BATS AT CITI FIELD IN
QUEENS.
>> A LOT OF 'EM SMOKE 'EM.
>> YEAH, WE KNOW WHAT YOU DO
WITH YOURS, BILL.
AND SO AT THE LOCAL EMERGENCY
ROOM.
BROKE A RECORD, THERE'S FOUR OF
THEM IN THERE.
>> AND BROKEN BATS.
FROM BASEBALL TO RACE BRAWL.
WHAT RACE IS MOST RACIST.
>> I RAN THE *** 500.
ACCORDING TO A NEW RASMUSSEN
POLL, WHEN ASKED WHICH RACE IS
MOST RACIST, 37% SAID BLACKS,
18% HISPANICS.
SO BLACKS THINK BLACKS ARE MORE
RACIST THAN WHITES.
MEANWHILE, 98% RACES
THINK BILL SUCKS AND SHOULD BE
THROWN INTO A WOOD CHIPPER AND
CHOPPED INTO A THOUSAND BLOODY
PIECES AND SHOULD BE THROWN INTO
A CROWD OF CROWS.
>> MOST NEWS AGENCIES WON'T USE
RASMUSSEN.
>> TRUE.
FOR MORE ON RACE IN AMERICA
LET'S GO LIVE TO THIS DOG.
IT'S WEIRD.
WHILE WE'RE WATCHING THIS.
THANK GOD IT WAS A WHITE DOG.
>> THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID.
>> YES, THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID.
YOU SAID, THANK GOD IT'S A WHITE
DOG.
>> LISTEN.
REALLY.
WHY WOULD YOU -- IF YOU LOOKED
THAT MUCH LIKE A LEPRECHAUN, WHY
WOULD YOU GO OUT OF YOUR WAY TO
WEAR SHAMROCK GREEN.
IT'S A LITTLE ON THE NOSE, DON'T
YOU THINK?
>> I DO IT FOR MY PEOPLE.
SUNNY, I GO TO YOU FIRST FOR NO
PARTICULAR REASON.
ARE YOU SURPRISED THAT 37% OF
BLACKS THINK MOST BLACKS ARE
RACIST?
>> NO, I'M A RACIST.
I HATE BLACKS AND WHITES AND
HISPANICS AND JEWS ALL IN EQUAL
MEASURE.
NO, I LIKE TO THINK OF RACE LIKE
A RAPPER THINKS OF GIRLS.
DOES THE COLOR REALLY MATTER?
REALLY DOES IT?
I THINK THAT WE CAN GET TO THAT
SAME LEVEL OF TOLERANCE THAT
RAPPERS HAVE WITH THEIR FEMALES,
YOU SOLVE RACISM IN AMERICA.
THERE YOU GO.
>> THERE YOU GO.
ANOTHER SOLUTION.
>> ANOTHER PROFOUND STATEMENT.
>> I WILL GET WOMEN RACE LIKE I
LOOK AT LAUNDRY.
IT'S NOT THE COLOR.
>> AT LEAST THEY'RE NOT VERY
FAST.
>> NO MAKEUP.
>> YEAH.
>> THE FUNNIEST PART OF THIS IS
THAT YOU DO LAUNDRY.
>> OR THAT I'M TALKING ABOUT
WOMEN.
>> YEAH, EXACTLY.
LIZ, A RECENT ARTICLE IN "WHITE
POWER AND GARDEN".
>> WHAT?
>> YEAH, WHITE CLAN HATS.
KIND OF UPSET A FEW PEOPLE AT
FOX NEWS.
I ADMIRED YOUR GUT TO SAY THAT.
WHY DO YOU CLAIM THAT WHITES ARE
SUPERIOR.
>> I WAS GOING TO QUOTE IN HERE.
GREG DOUCHEFELD.
I NEVER WROTE ANY SUCH THING.
ANYWAY, CARRY ON.
I'LL PASS IT.
>> YOU DON'T WANT TO TOUCH THIS
TOPIC?
>> NO, I NEVER -- NO.
>> NO?
>> I THINK EVERY CULTURE GROUP
THINKS THE OTHER GROUP IS MORE
RACIST.
>> IT DOESN'T HAPPEN HERE.
I'M GOING TO KEEP ASKING YOU
QUESTIONS BECAUSE IT'S MAKING
YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> SHE'S A RACIST.
>> I'M UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT.
>> I'M GOING TO LET HER USE MY
BLACK CARD.
GET OFF OF HER.
>> THANK YOU.
>> THE LOVELY ONE AT THE END OF
THE TABLE.
>> JESSE, AS A SALES ASSOCIATE
AT GAME STOP IN THE MALL, YOU
MUST HAVE THOUGHTS ON RACE
RELATIONS IN AMERICA BECAUSE
YOU'RE RIGHT THERE ON THE FRONT
LINES.
>> YEAH, I JUST ADDED THAT.
THAT'S MY 15th JOB.
>> YES.
>> I LIKE TO CALL THIS THE
LETHAL WEAPONS PARADOX WHERE
IT'S SOMEHOW A WORLD WHERE
MURTAUGH IS MORE RACIST THAN MEL
GIBSON.
>> WHO'S MURTAUGH.
>> THAT HAPPENED TO BE MEL
GIBSON WHO'S THE FAMOUSLY RACIST
DUDE IN AMERICA.
>> WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS IS WE
CAN DO A SECTION CALLED JESSE
JOYCE EXPLAINS HIS JOKES TO
PANELISTS BECAUSE THIS IS LIKE
THE THIRD TIME IN ABOUT A MONTH
THAT YOU'VE HAD TO, AND IT'S NOT
BECAUSE YOUR JOKES ARE
SOPHISTICATED, IT'S BECAUSE
WE'VE LOST INTEREST.
>> IS THAT WHAT IT IS, REALLY?
>> NO, I'M NOT KIDDING.
>> NOBODY REMEMBERS MURTAUGH,
THE NAME.
>> I KNOW.
>> I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD.
>> THE CHARACTER'S NAME IS
FUNNIER THAN SAYING DANNY
GLOVER.
>> SO YOU WERE STILL BEING
FUNNY?
>> SHE'S STILL MAD BECAUSE WE
POINTED OUT --
>> I'M NOT MAD.
>> SHE HAS A RACE CARD.
YOU MUST LEAVE HER ALONE.
>> BILL, YOU'RE HALF RIGHT, HALF
IDIOT AND ALL IMPOTENT.
DO YOU EVER FACE DISCRIMINATION?
>> IT WAS A QUESTION.
A LOT OF TIMES THEY ARE.
THIS IS NOT A FACE.
O'REILLY SAID THIS LAST NIGHT.
YOU FORGOT TO ADD THIS PART
ABOUT THE POLE.
49%, 49% OF REPUBLICANS THINK
BLACK AMERICANS ARE RACIST.
49% OF DEMOCRATS ARE STILL
ALIVE.
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE THEY
POLLED OUT OF 300 MILLION
AMERICANS?
>> HOW MANY?
>> A GRAND.
AND DO YOU THINK GEOGRAPHY MIGHT
PLAY A ROLE.
>> I THINK THEY WERE ALL AT
QUEENS IN CITY FIELD.
>> IF THEY WERE ALL IN QUEENS
THIS MIGHT MAKE SENSE.
DO YOU THINK GEOGRAPHY MIGHT
PLAY A ROLE.
>> ARE YOU GOING TO SMEAR THE
COUNTRY?
>> I'M NOT SAYING WHERE THE
PEOPLE WOULD GO TO POLL THE
PEOPLE?
>> WHERE WAS IT?
>> THEY REFUSED TO TELL ME.
THIS IS WHY A LOT OF PEOPLE
DON'T USE RASMUSSEN.
>> IT'S BECAUSE -- BILL --
>> I THINK THEY WERE JUST
TALKING TO EACH OTHER AND POLLED
EACH OTHER IN THEIR OFFICE.
>> THEY DIDN'T TELL YOU, BILL,
BECAUSE YOU SHOWED UP THERE
NAKED.
>> I DO THAT EVERY DAY HERE AND
SECURITY LETS ME THROUGH.
THEY CAN'T TELL WHAT RACE I AM
WHEN I'M NAKED.
>> YOU'RE SO LEATHER RI.
>> WHAT RACE ARE YOU?
>> CROCODILE.
>> ALBANIAN.
>> QUARTER CLING ON, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
>>> ALL RIGHT.
I WANT TO MOVE ON.
I HAD A GOOD QUESTION BUT I WANT
TO SAVE IT FOR HALFTIME.
FROM BIGOTS TO BUCKETS, IT'S THE
ONLY LEAK THAT MATTERS.
JUSTIN BIEBER PEED SOMEWHERE
THAT'S NOT A BATHROOM.
TMZ POSTED A PICTURE OF HIM
URINATING INTO A MOP BUCKET AND
THEN HE SPRAYED WIN DECKS ON OUR
43rd PRESIDENT, F BILL CLINTON.
IT FEATURES BIEBER AND HIS IDIOT
FRIENDS LEAVING SOME NIGHTCLUB
EXITING THROUGH A NIGHTCLUB
RESTAURANT.
HERE'S THE THING AND HIS THING
DOING THAT THING.
>> GREAT, LOOK.
GETTING TO.
>> WE SWAGGER, MAN?
YOU KNOW, THIS IS JUST [ BLEEP
].
>> YOU.
>> [ BLEEP ].
IF I EVER REMEMBER THAT.
>> WHAT?
>> YOU'RE NOT GOING TO --
>> YOU GO [ BLEEP ].
>> EVERYBODY DOES THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> WHAT ARE WE.
>> [ BLEEP ].
>> WHACK IS.
>> WHACK IS.
WHEW.
[ BLEEP ].
>>> IT WAS A WILD KIDS.
I TOTALLY -- I NEVER MIND.
AS LONG AS IT'S THE WILD KIDS.
ANYWAY, I WAS WATCHING IT AND
BILL JUST BLURTED, I WISH I WAS
THAT BUCKET.
>> THAT'S DISGUSTING, BILL.
THAT IS DISGUSTING.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
>> MY HEAD.
>> JESSE, YOUR SECOND JOB IS
MOPPING THE BENCHES AT 45th.
SOMEBODY HAS TO CLEAN UP THAT
MESS.
SOME ROCK STAR GOES IN THERE AND
CLEANS UP THAT MESS.
IT'S ALWAYS SOME POOR SCHLUB
LIKE YOU.
>> EXACTLY.
WHERE'S SIRHAN SIRHAN WHEN YOU
NEED HIM?
>> DO YOU KNOW ROBERT KENNEDY --
>> NOW WE HAVE TO BLEEP IT.
OUR VIEWERS DIDN'T KNOW THAT AND
NOW THAT YOU'VE EXPLAINED IT,
WE'VE GOT TO GET RID OF IT.
>> THAT WAS A COMEDIAN'S JOKE,
AMERICA.
I JUST TONED.
>> HE'S SO OUT OF CONTROL,
PEEING IN THE MOP BUCKET STORY
IS BAD, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
HEARD, HE TOOK AN ANN FRENCH
CRAWL SPACE --
>> NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO --
NOW I'M GOING TO HAVE TO BLEEP
THAT ONE.
>> TWO HISTORICAL TRAGEDIES.
>> HE KIND OF DID.
>> YEAH.
YEAH.
I MEAN, YOU ARE CONDEMNING HIM.
MY THEORY IS THAT THIS IS
GIRL'S FAULTS BECAUSE -- WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
THIS IS A GIRL'S FAULT GENERALLY
BECAUSE THEY ALLOWED -- THEY
DON'T EXPECT MUCH FROM GUYS
ANYMORE.
GUYS CAN DO WHATEVER THEY WANT,
GIRLS DON'T CARE.
THEY THINK THAT'S CUTE.
>> THAT'S WHY I HAVE A DAUGHTER
AND SHE'S 8 YEARS OLD AND SHE
DESPISES EVERYTHING JUSTIN
BIEBER SO I'M IN A GOOD SPOT
WITH THAT RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW,
BECAUSE WE BOTH CAN SIT AND
THROW PENCILS AT HIM ON THE TV
WHEN HE COMES ON SO WE'RE REALLY
GOOD.
WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IS
EVERYBODY WHO HAS AN INSULT FOR
HIP-HOP, YOU CANNOT INSULT
HIP-HOP WHILE JUSTIN BIEBER IS
ALLOWED TO HAVE A MICROPHONE IN
HIS HAND.
UNTIL YOU TAKE THE MICROPHONE
OUT OF JUSTIN BIEBER'S HANDS,
NEVER ALLOW HIM TO GO INTO
ANOTHER STUDIO FOR THE ENTIRETY
OF HIS LIFE, BUT AS LONG AS THIS
HAPPENS IN MUSIC, THEN I DON'T
WANT TO HEAR IT.
>> YOUR DAUGHTER HATES JUSTIN
BIEBER BUT YOU NEED A LESSON ON
PENCIL SAFETY.
I THINK WE NEED TO ENROLL.
>> THEY COME BACK.
>> KINDERGARTEN CLASS.
>> SOMETIMES THERE'S NOTHING
BETTER THAN A WELL-PLACED
PENCIL.
>> THAT IS TRUE, ESPECIALLY ON A
LONG TRIP.
DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT
ON A LONG TRIP I'VE USED PENCILS
FOR MANY THINGS.
>> SO PROFOUND.
>> A PSA ON THE WONDERFUL
SCRATCHING FEELING YOU GET FROM
A PENCIL.
SHUT ME UP AT ANY POINT, LIZ.
HE WAS DOING HIS BUSINESS.
THAT'S HIS BUSINESS.
BUT HIS CAREER IS OVER NO?
>> I THINK THIS IS A REALLY BIG
PROBLEM BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT,
SOME POOR JANITOR WHO PROBABLY
MAKES $5 AN HOUR HAS TO COME IN
AND MOP AFTER HE --
>> THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT, RIGHT,
JESSE?
>> I DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT --
>> THIS POOR PERSON WHO
COMMENTED ON THE INTERNET AND
THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY.
THIS IS LITTLE RICH KID JUSTIN
BIEBER GOING TO THE BATHROOM ON
SOME LOW INCOME BUCKET THIS THE
CLASSIC TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS.
IT'S KIND OF FUNNY.
>> WELL DONE, LIZ.
>> HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN A ROAD
TRIP WITH SCHULTZ OVER HERE?
I DID.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
EVERY HALF HOUR YOU HAVE TO STOP
SO HE CAN PEE ON A TRUCKER.
>> WONDERING, DID HE EVER GET
HIS MONKEY BACK?
DEBRIS HIS MONKEY BACK?
>> NO, THAT'S HIS JERSEY.
THE MONKEY IS IN GERMANY.
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
>> YEAH.
>> NATURALIZED MONKEY.
>> JUMPING ON JUSTIN BIEBER FOR
THE MONKEY.
>> HE BOUGHT THE MONKEY, LEFT IT
THERE.
SO TRUE.
BUT YOU KNOW, HERE'S --
>> TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE MONKEY
STORY QUICKLY.
>> ANDY WILL BE GETTING RESEARCH
ON THE MONKEY BECAUSE I WANT TO
POSE THIS QUESTION ON BILL
BECAUSE HE'SEN EXPERT IN THIS.
ARGUABLY A TOILET HAS TO BE
CLEANED WHEN IT'S USED SO DID HE
ACTUALLY SAVE SOMEBODY THE
TROUBLE THIS TIME BY USING
SOMETHING ELSE?
YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK YOU
UNDERSTAND HOW THIS WORKS.
>> THEY'RE JUST USED ONCE.
>> OH, OKAY.
GOTCHA.
NO ONE EXPLAINED TO HIM
FLUSHING.
>> BUT I AGREE -- I DISAGREE
WITH YOU.
I THINK THAT THIS IS JUSTIN WITH
A LITTLE REBELLION TO GET THE
LITTLE GIRLS ALL HOT AND
BOTHERED.
IF HE LIKED CAR JACKED SOMEONE,
IF HE LIKE THREATENED *** OR
SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THEN THEY
WOULD FLY AWAY BECAUSE THAT'S
TOO MUCH.
THIS IS JUST ENOUGH REBELLION
FOR THE 13th TO 18th.
>> BUT SPRAYING WIN DECKS ON A
PICTURE OF BILL CLINTON.
>> THEY DON'T KNOW WHO BILL
CLINTON IS.
THEY THINK BILL CLINTON IS PART
OF THE WILD KIDS.
LITTLE BILLY CLINTON, HE'S THE
REBEL THAT ACTUALLY ZBLSH BY THE
WAY, HE SAID F BILL CLINTON, NOT
FOR POLITICAL REASONS, JUST
BECAUSE THE PICTURE WAS THERE.
IT COULD HAVE BEEN BUDDY EP SON.
>> OH, I HAVE TO GO.
HOW CAN YOU STAY COOL THIS
SUMMER?
JESSE JOYCE EXPLAINS HIS NEW
BOOK.
ARE SEX CRAZED GOVERNMENT
WO
>>> BUT YAEP WAY.
SHOULD YOU KEEP AN EYE ON FELLOW
OFFICE GUYS?
NOT REALLY A RHYME, PEOPLE.
INITIATIVE LAUNCHED BY OUR
PRESIDENT FOR FEDERAL WORKERS TO
REPORT SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOR.
THE PROFILING TECHNIQUES WILL
NOT WORK SAYS EXPERTS.
DETAILS OF THE INSIDER THREAT
PROGRAM OR INSPT REVEALED BY
McCLACH CHEN NEWS SHOWS THAT
EFFORTS TO STOP LEAKING AND
SPYING, THE ADMINISTRATION WANTS
EMPLOYEES TO LOOK FOR CO-WORKERS
WHO ENGAGE IN HIGH RISK
BEHAVIOR, FREQUENT TRAVEL,
WORKING ODD HOURS AND A *** FOR
MONEY OR SEX.
SOUNDS LIKE STEVE JUICY.
DEFENDERS OF THE PROGRAM SAYS
THERE ARE CASES WHERE CO-WORKERS
SAW THINGS BUT DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING.
USING BEHAVIORAL MONITORING
COULD LEAD TO ILLEGAL PROFILING
OR PRIVACY VIOLATIONS, BLAH,
BLAH, BLAH.
MEANWHILE, WHAT ABOUT THREATS
FROM THE OUTSIDE?
>> SHE'S TAKING OUR CARPET.
WHAT THE HELL.
>> WELL, IT'S GOOD TO SEE DAVID
SPADE IS GETTING SOME WORK THESE
DAYS.
BUT STEALING MATS IS NO WAY.
>> LIZ, YOU WORK IN BUSINESS.
IS THIS A GOOD PROGRAM, HAVING
WORKERS SPY ON WORKERS, OR DOES
IT MAKE ANY SENSE?
>> NO.
YOU HAVE SOME FIDGETY GUY
LOOKING AT WHATEVER HE'S LOOKING
AT.
IF HE'S LOOKING AT CLASSIFIED
INFORMATION, HE COULD BE HIDING
A "PLAYBOY" MAGAZINE AND HE
COULD BE FIDGETY.
>> SUNNY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK THIS IS PERFECTLY FINE
BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING.
>> I BELIEVE THAT THEY WANT TO
HAVE THESE GOVERNMENT WORKERS,
THEY WANT TO BE ON THE
GOVERNMENT DOPE FOR THE REST OF
THEIR LIFE.
THEY CAN NEVER GET FIRED.
BENEFITS ALWAYS GO UP EVEN WHEN
THE PRIVATE SECTOR IS
STRUGGLING.
SO I JUST SAY THROW THEM ALL
INTO ONE BUILDING, LET THEM ALL
LIVE THERE IN ONE PLACE.
IF YOU WANT LIFETIME BENEFITS OF
WORKING FOR THE GOVERNMENT,
NEVER BEING ABLE TO BE FIRED,
THEN THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO
MONITOR YOU AND SEE EVERY SINGLE
THING YOU DO AND THAT'S THE
PRICE YOU PAY FOR GOING TO THE
GOVERNMENT AND WORKING AND NOT
PARTICIPATING IN THE PRIVATE
SECTOR.
>> LIKE A GIANT VERSION OF "BIG
BROTHER" THE REALITY SHOW.
>> IN THE GREENROOM SUNNY SAID
THROW THEM ALL IN THE BUILDING,
CHAIN THE BUILDING AND SET IT ON
FIRE.
I DO BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT.
>> YOU DON'T SUPPOSED TO TELL
UNTIL AFTER THE FACT.
WHEN YOU TELL AHEAD OF TIME IT
MESSES IT UP.
>> JESSE, YOU SHOP LIFT
CONDIMENTS WHERE YOU WORK AT
ORANGE JULIUS.
THIS KIND OF SURVEILLANCE MUST
SCARE YOU BECAUSE YOU WOULD
NEVER BE ABLE TO HOLD DOWN A JOB
BEING A LOW LEVEL SHOP LIFTER.
>> WE HAVE SECRET SHOPPERS.
I TRIED TO GET AWAY WITH IT.
I THOUGHT DURING THE BREAK YOU
MENTIONED YOUR SWEATER ISN'T
GREEN, IT'S MOSS THAT
ACCUMULATED UNDER THE TOAD STOOL
THAT YOU LIVE WITH IN THE
FOREST.
GREEN SWEATER.
>> THAT -- OKAY.
THAT MIGHT BE THE BEST ONE.
>> THROW YOUR KNIFE AT HIM.
THROW YOUR FIGHT AT HIM.
>> I DIDN'T BRING MY FIGHT.
>> WITH YOUR HOOPS.
>> MY FIGHT IS AT THE FIGHT
LAUNDRY.
>> FIGHT LAUNDRY?
>> THIS IS MY NERVOUS LAUGH WHEN
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU TALKING
ABOUT.
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
>> YEAH.
YEAH.
>> I THINK THERE'S THIS --
>> ARE YOU A JEWISH LEP PREY
CAN.
>> NO, I'M A CATHOLIC LEP HE MR.
KAUN.
>> A BIT REDUNDANT.
>> I'M AN IRISH LEPRECHAUN.
>> JESSE.
>> THE GOVERNMENT IS WORRIED
THAT SPIES ARE GOING TO EXCHANGE
INFORMATION FOR SEX.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE SPIES.
LIKE WHO -- THEY DRAW IT UP FROM
WATCHING "OCTOPUSSY."
>> WHO'S GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH
THESE GUYS.
>> SNOWDEN AND MAN BEING, THEY
LOOK LIKE THEY'RE AT A BILL
GATES PARTY.
>> IF THEY BRING BACK THE
RUSSIAN SPY.
>> ANNA CHAPMAN.
>> SHE WAS HOT.
>> I DON'T FORESEE GOVERNMENT
WORKERS SNOOPING ON HER.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS
ANNOYING AT THIS, THE GOVERNMENT
PAID MONEY TO DELOIT CONSULTING.
YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR THE
20-YEAR-OLD GEN WIRES.
>> THAT'S AN INTERESTING POINT.
DO YOU THINK THAT'S TRUE?
>> NO.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT I'M THINKING
AND I WILL LEAVE THE LAST WORD
TO BILL ON THIS ONE.
THE REASON WHY THE HIGH RISK
BEHAVIOR IS BECAUSE YOU CAN GET
BLACKMAILED BY HIGH RISK
BEHAVIOR IF YOU'RE ENGAGING IN
ALL SORTS OF SEX AND AFFAIRS AND
YOU CAN GET BLACK MAIL AND HAVE
SECRETS.
WE HAVE TO MAKE PARTYING A
LAUDABLE THING AND YOU CAN'T GET
BLACKMAILED.
>> OR LET IT HAPPEN.
>> HAVING SEX IS A GREAT THING.
>> HAVE IT DONE UNDERHILL RI
CLINTON'S WATCH FROM WHAT I
HEARD THEY HAD EVERYTHING AT
D.O.J. ANYWAYS.
>> SHE ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION.
>> JUST DON'T BLACK MAIL MY
CRACK MAIL.
>> ALL RIGHT.
COMING UP, HALF OF THE OFFICIALS
IN THE FEDERAL RESERVE'S POLICY
MAKING MEETING IN JUNE WANTED TO
END THE FED'S ASSET PURCHASES
THIS YEAR RATHER THAN IN 2014.
WE'RE NOT DOING THAT STORY,
JESSE, SO RELAX.
IS LEGO LAND NOT A FAN OF A
GROAN MAN?
TO THAT I SAY, DAMN.
>>> IS HE TOO GRAY TO PLAY?
A CANADIAN LEGO FANATIC, IS
THERE ANY OTHER KIND REALLY, WAS
DENIED ENTRY INTO LEGO LAND
BECAUSE HE WASN'T ACCOMPANIED BY
CHILDREN.
JOHN SAINT ONGE STARTED LOVING
THE PLASTIC BUILDING BLOCKS WHEN
HE FIRST BOUGHT THEM FOR HIS
KIDS.
THE 63-YEAR-OLD HAS COLLECTED
OVER 50,000 LEGGOS AND SAYS
THEY'RE A GREAT DISTRACTION.
HIS DAUGHTER SAID HE WAS, QUOTE,
DEVASTATED WHEN HE WAS STOPPED
AT THE DOOR AFTER DRIVING THREE
HOURS TO LEGO LAND.
I WOULDN'T DRIVE THREE HOURS
ANYWHERE.
A REP STANDS BY THE POLICY,
QUOTE, IT'S A CHILD ATTRACTION
SO WE DO HAVE THIS IN PLACE TO
PROTECT THE FAMILIES AND
CHILDREN THAT VISIT.
WE'RE GOING TO DISCUSS THE HELD
OUT OF THIS IN.
>> LIGHTENING ROUND.
>> BUSINESS EXPERTISE, IF YOU
HAVE 50,000 FREQUENT FLYER
MILES, AMERICAN AIRLINES, THEY
REWARD YOUR LOYALTY.
THIS GUY HAS 50,000 LEGO PIECES
AND THEY TREAT HIM LIKE A
*** LEPPER.
>> IT WOULD SCARE THE BEJESUS
OUT OF ME.
>> HE'S A DECENT MAN.
>> LEGO LAND HAS AN ADULTS ONLY
LEGO NIGHT.
>> DOES IT?
IS IT LIKE HEDONISM.
IS IT LIKE CLUB MED?
EVERYBODY COMES HERE WITH SPEDOS
DRINKING MARGARITAS.
YOU MAKE ME SICK, LIZ McDONALD.
I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU SAID.
>> ME NEITHER.
>> SUNNY, THEY SAID THEY PUT A
POSTING ONLINE SAYING IT'S A NO
CHILD RULE, BUT IS IT HIS
RESPONSIBILITY TO KNOW THAT?
THIS IS JUST NOT FAIR.
>> NO, IT ISN'T FAIR.
I ALWAYS LOOK FOR A CAPITALIST
WAY TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
I FIGURE HE CAN RENT YOU OUT,
TAKE YOU THERE, YOU CAN PASS FOR
A LITTLE KID.
YOU CAN GET ACCESS AND GO AND
PLAY WITH LEGGOS.
>> FIRST TIME ON THE SHOW AND
SHE'S ALREADY COMMENTING ON MY
HEIGHT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> I WOULD HAVE BEEN ON SOONER
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR HEIGHTISM.
>> WHY?
>> HE'S SHORT.
>> THAT'S THE BEST LINE.
>> FIRST AND LAST TIME, SUNNY.
FIRST AND LAST.
>> YOU'RE JUST SHORT.
>> YOU'RE JUST SHORT.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN FASHION IT INTO
A JOKE.
>> THAT'S WHAT I LIKE.
>> SHE JUST SAID, BECAUSE YOU'RE
SHORT.
>> THE ECONOMY OF WORDS.
INCREDIBLE.
>> YES.
>> YOU'RE SHORT.
>> YES, EXACTLY.
YOU KNOW, JESSE, I ENJOY A
PUZZLE.
>> YEAH?
>> THE WAY YOU DRESS IS OFTEN
LIKE A PUZZLE.
BUT HOW IS LEGOS ANY DIFFERENT
THAN A PUZZLE?
IT'S LIKE A 3D PUZZLE.
WHY IS THIS MAN BEING TREATED SO
POORLY?
>> YOU SAID THAT THEY'RE
TREATING HIM LIKE A ***
WITH LEPROSY?
>> YEAH.
>> A TERRIBLE ***.
YOU OPEN THE VAN DOOR WITH
MISSING FINGERS.
>> YOU'RE TERRIBLE.
I GET IT.
>> NO, TO LIZ'S POINT.
THEY DO HAVE AN ADULTS ONLY
NIGHT.
THE ONLY THING CREEPIER THAN AN
ADULT WANDERING AROUND LEGO LAND
IS ONLY ADULTS WANDERING AROUND
LEGO LAND.
>> I THINK IT'S A --
>> TRUE.
>> PEOPLE BUILD SHIPS IN A
BOTTLE.
THAT'S BIZARRE TO ME.
BILL, YOU ONCE BUILT A SPACE
SHIP OUT OF LEGGOS, THEN YOU
SOBERED UP AND REALIZED YOU HAD
GUTTED A STRAY DOG.
BUT, ANYWAY.
SHOULD GROWNUP MEN PLAY WITH
LEGGOS?
HE'S RETOOIRD.
THIS IS SOMETHING HE DOES.
IT'S THERAPEUTIC.
>> I FEEL BAD FOR THE GUY, BUT
I'VE GOT TO SAY WHEN YOU READ
THE WHOLE NO ADULT THING YOU
REALIZE THAT THEY HAVE HAD SOME
ISSUES BEFORE.
>> RIGHT.
>> IT WASN'T SOMETHING THAT THEY
JUST CAME UP WITH.
LIKE I WOULD SAY IT TAKES A
COUPLE OF BAD APPLES TO RUIN A
BUNCH, AND NOT FOR NOTHING.
BUT JESSE'S NICKNAME IN CANADA
IS APPLES.
>> ALL I KNOW IS THERE'S A LOT
OF PARANOIA WHEN A MAN IS ALONE
ANYWHERE.
IT'S LIKE IF YOU GO -- YOU GO TO
A PLAYGROUND, WHATEVER.
AND MAYBE THAT'S LEGITIMATE, BUT
IT'S GETTING A LITTLE STRANGE, I
THINK.
>> WHEN YOU GO TO TAKE YOUR KID
TO CHUCKY CHEESE'S, I HATE
CHUCKY CHEESES.
WHEN YOU TAKE YOUR KID TO CHUCKY
CHEESES, PARENT AND CHILD HAVE
THE CORRESPONDING MARKS.
YOU CAN'T LEAVE WITHOUT -- YOU
CAN'T LEAVE THE PLACE UNLESS
YOUR MATCHES MARK.
>> IF YOU LOVE LEGGOS SO MUCH,
HE WOULD HAVE KNOWN THERE'S AN
ADULTS ONLY LEGO NIGHT.
>> WAIT A SECOND.
I'M INTERESTED IN THIS.
WHAT IF YOU GO TO CHUCKY CHEESE
AND YOU GET A MARK, WHAT DOES
THAT MEAN?
>> AS LONG AS YOU NOT WALKING
OUT WITH A KID, IT DOESN'T
MATTER.
WHEN YOU TRY TO WALK OUT WITH A
KID, THEN IT'S GOING TO BE A
PROBLEM.
IF YOU SAW THE WOMEN THERE,
THEY'D ATTACK YOU.
>> I NEVER KNEW THAT.
>> IF YOU WALK OUT WITH A BIG
SQUIRMY BACKPACK.
>> YES.
YOU WILL GET HUNTED DOWN BY THE
RATS.
YES.
THEY WILL STING YOU TO DEATH.
>> JESSE.
>> THE REASON YOU DIDN'T KNOW
THAT IS BECAUSE THEY MARK THE
ADULTS, NOT THE CHILDREN.
IF YOU HAD GONE THEY WOULD HAVE
ASSUMED YOU WERE HEADED RIGHT UP
TO THE BALL PIT.
BY THE WAY, I WOULD LIKE TO
POINT OUT AND I ALWAYS SAY ONE
BAD APPLE SPOILS THE BUNCH.
IT'S ONLY BILL AND EVERYONE FROM
THE 1930s.
>> STAY AWAY FROM THE KIDS'
APPLES.
>> ALL RIGHT.
WE'VE GOT TO TAKE A BREAK.
MORE STUFF IS ON THE WAY.
>>> YOU KNOW THAT BOOK, IT'S
CALLED "JOY OF HATE."
IF YOU DON'T OWN IT, YOU'RE
PROBABLY A COMMUNIST ***.
>> SHOCKING WITH ALL THE BOOKS
I'VE WRITTEN.
>> YES.
AMAZON.COM AUTOGRAPHED COPY.
GO TO GGUTFELD.COM.
IT WILL COST MORE, BUT IT'S
WORTH IT.
>>> CAN A KANG HELP HIM TURN THE
PAGE.
A TURKISH MAN, IS THERE ANY
OTHER KIND, HAS FASHIONED A CAGE
TO HELP HIM QUIT SMOKING.
HE'S BEEN TRYING TO QUIT HIS TWO
PACK ADDAI HABIT FOR YEARS BUT
UNSUCCESSFUL.
PERHAPS AS A LAST RESORT OR
MAYBE A FIRST RESORT, HE BUILT A
FACE CAGE WHICH HIS WIFE LOCKS
AROUND HIS HEAD EVERY MORNING.
SHE'S A LUCKY WOMAN.
THE 43-YEAR-OLD SAID IT WORKS.
HE EATS CRACKERS AND DRINKS
WATER THROUGH A STRAW WHICH IS
LIKE BILL'S DIET.
WE DON'T GIVE HIM A STRAW
BECAUSE HE FILLS IT WITH
***.
LIZ, SHOULD HE APPLY FOR A
PATENT?
BECAUSE THIS COULD BE A MILLION
DOLLAR A IDEA.
>> I THINK IT COULD.
ALSO, IT WOULD GO GREAT TOWARD
ALL THOSE WOMEN IN THE MIDDLE
EAST WHO DON'T WANT TO KISS MEN
WHO SMOKE CIGARETTES.
THEY WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO NEAR
HIM.
PUT A CAGE AROUND YOUR HEAD AND
GO AWAY.
>> A KISSING CAGE.
JESSE.
YOU USED TO BE ADDICTED TO AIR
GUITAR WHILE DRIVING YOUR PINTO.
YOU CAN PRETTY MUCH RELATE HOW
HARD IT IS TO GIVE UP SOMETHING
STUPID.
>> USED TO BE?
I HAVEN'T QUIT THAT FOR SURE.
NO, BUT WHEN I QUIT DRINKING, I
DID SOMETHING SIMILAR.
I WORE A BIRDCAGE ON MY HEAD SO
NO ONE WOULD LET ME INTO A BAR.
>> YOU STILL SMOKE A LOT?
>> THAT'S WHEN I STARTED SMOKING
BIRDS.
YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH.
I DO.
I SMOKE LIKE A PACK A DAY.
>> SKEMO A PACK A DAY?
>> YEAH.
>> THAT'S GOOD.
>> YEAH.
>> GOOD FOR YOU.
HOW MANY TIMES --
>> THAT WAY MY CLOTHES SMELL THE
WAY THEY LOOK.
I HAVE A BETTER SENSE OF HUMOR.
>> I KNOW.
WHY AM I INSULTING YOU?
SUNNY, IF YOU HAVE THE WILL
POWER TO MAKE A CAGE AND WEAR IT
AROUND YOUR HEAD, SHOULDN'T YOU
HAVE THE WILL POWER TO QUIT
SMOKING?
>> THIS IS WHAT SCARES ME.
ALL OF THE PROGRESSIVES IN
AMERICA AND ALL OF THE THINGS
THEY'RE TRYING TO PUSH US INTO,
I'M SCARED WHAT KIND OF IDEAS
THEY GOING TO GET.
IF THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO EAT
BACON.
WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO HERE?
ROUGH.
AND HIM PUTTING THAT THERE OVER
HIS FACE IS STUPID BUT THAT'S AS
STUPID AS YOU CAN GET IN TURKEY.
WE HAVE PATCHES, WE HAVE PILLS
THAT MAKE YOU HAVE FREAKY
DREAMS.
OUR TECHNOLOGY IS BETTER BECAUSE
WE'RE IN THE 21st CENTURY FOR
SURE, BUT WHAT DO WE DO HERE
THAT'S NOT ANY DUMBER THAN THEIR
CAGE?
I'M SURE BACK IN MEDIEVAL TIMES
WE WERE USING CAGES?
MARLBOROS.
>> I'M WONDERING IF HE GOT
SOMETHING IN HIS EARS SO HE
MAKES IT SO HE CAN'T HEAR HIS
WIFE TALK.
YEAH, I'M DOING IT TO STOP
SMOKING BUT IT'S SO HE DOESN'T
HAVE TO HEAR HIS WIFE SAY
ANYTHING.
>> HE DOESN'T HEAR HIS WIFE SAY
ANYTHING BECAUSE SHE'S IN A
BIRKA.
>> I WASN'T GOING TO GO THERE.
>> IN TURKEY IT'S VERY SECULAR.
>> NONSMOKING BIRKA.
>> CAGES WERE USED BUT THEY WERE
USED FOR SOMETHING ELSE IF YOU
REMEMBER YOUR HISTORY BOOKS, TO
PREVENT YOUNG MEN OR TEENAGE
BOYS FROM ENGAGING IN CERTAIN
KINDS OF BEHAVIORS WHEN THEY
WENT TO BED.
>> YES, READING GOLDEN BOOKS.
>> EXACTLY.
ANYWAY, WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU END
UP LIKING THE CAGE MORE THAN
SMOKING?
THEN YOU'VE GOT TO START SMOKING
TO TAKE UP THE CAGE.
>> THEN YOU HAVE TO TAKE UP BEE
EEPING.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, YES, I KNEW I HAD TO DO
SOMETHING HERE.
YOU'VE GOT TO COMMENT ON THE
SHOW.
E-MAIL US AT REDEYE@FOXNEWS.COM.
WE'RE HIRING.
WE'VE GIVEN UP ALL OF THE
ESTABLISHED WAYS FOR HIRING
BECAUSE, FRANKLY, WE DON'T LIKE
IT.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR A PRODUCTION
ASSISTANT AND A BOOKER, SOMEBODY
WHO CAN DO MY LAUNDRY.
NO, JUST KIDDING.
WHERE?
WHERE DO I SAY THAT AGAIN?
AND IF YOU HAVE A VIDEO OF YOUR
ANIMAL DOING SOMETHING,
FOXNEWS.COM/REDEYE.
COMING UP, THE POST GAME REPORT
FROM TV'S ANDY LEVY.
BOY, THAT WAS A SELL.
>> TONIGHT'S POST GAME IS MADE
BY KEY LIME PIE.
THANKS, KEY LIME PIE.
>>> COMING UP TOMORROW ON THE
NEXT "RED EYE" WE HAVE RETURN
APPEARANCES FROM SHERROD SMALL,
HARRIS AND BERNIE McGURR.
TIME TO GO TO TV'S ANDY LEVY FOR
THE POST GAME REPORT.
HEY, ANDY.
>> HEY, GREG.
LET'S CANCEL NATIVE AMERICAN
DAY.
THAT'S ALL I HAD.
>> THANKS.
>> SURE.
JESSE, QUICK QUESTION, THOSE KEY
CHAINS YOU GAVE OUT ON HOT TOPIC
NIGHT, DID THEY HAVE A BOTTLE
OPENER ON SNEM.
>> YEAH, OF COURSE THEY DID.
WHY WOULDN'T THEY?
>> JUST CHECKING.
>> THEY WERE -- YOU HAD TO COME
TO THE TRUNK OF MY CAR TO GET
THEM.
I'LL BE HONEST.
>> YEAH, USED TO SELL THOSE IN
FRONT OF CONVENIENCE STORES.
>> I DID.
>> YEAH.
>> THEY GAVE OUT BOTTLE OPENERS
AT OUR HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION
AND THEN THEY TOLD US, DON'T
DRINK AND DRIVE.
I WAS LIKE --
>> HEY, YOU SAID THE METS SHOULD
HAVE A POLITICALLY INCORRECT
DAY.
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A BASEBALL
GAME?
>> NO.
I'M LYING.
I'M LYING.
MY UNCLE PLAYED PROFESSIONAL
FOR THE WHITE SOX AND MY FATHER
PLAYED.
I HAVE A BASEBALL FAMILY.
I JUST CAME TO MAKE JOKES.
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO PLAYED FOR THE WHITE SOX
BECAUSE BILL'S A WHITE SOX FAN.
>> THAT'S HIS NAME.
>> SHE'S NOT GOING TO TELL ME?
>> MY UNCLE WAS JESSE JEFFERSON.
HE PLAYED FOR A COUPLE OF TEAMS.
HE DIED ABOUT TWO OR THREE YEARS
AGO, BUT I CAN POST A PICTURE.
IT'S NOT LIKE I'M LYING OR
ANYTHING.
>> WOW, BILL.
>> I WANT ALL OF HIS OLD STUFF.
I'LL PAY FOR IT, OF COURSE.
>> EMAC, YOU ASKED WHY
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE A
MULTI-CULTURAL EVENT, BUT IT
ISN'T.
THEY HAVE A SPECIAL DAY EVERY
ONCE IN A WHILE.
>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
>> ISN'T IT GETTING EXHAUSTING,
ALL THE TIME, MULTI-CULTURAL.
I'M SORRY.
MY POINT IS WE ALREADY HAVE THE
OLYMPICS.
WHY DON'T WE HAVE MULTI-CULTURAL
BOWLING, TENNIS AND HOCKEY?
>> BECAUSE MOST CULTURES DON'T
PLAY TENNIS, HOCKEY, BOWLING.
>> EXACTLY.
>> ANDY, THERE IS ONE CULTURE,
IT'S CALLED AMERICA.
IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, GET THE
HELL OUT OF HERE.
>> MOVE TO CANADA.
WHY DON'T WE CELEBRATE CANADA
DAY ON JULY 1.
>> BECAUSE IT'S CANADA?
>> NO, THERE HAS TO BE -- YOU
CAN'T GET RIDICULOUS.
>> SEE, YOU JUST ANSWERED YOUR
OWN QUESTION.
>> CANADA IS RIDICULOUS.
>> CANADA DAY, WILL THEY BE
CELEBRATING JUSTIN BIEBER.
SERIOUSLY.
>> I THINK JUSTIN BIEBER SHOULD
GO TO A BASEBALL GAME AND GET
SENSITIVITY TRAINING.
>> WHATEVER CLUBS STILL HAVE BAT
DAY, THEY HAND OUT THE BATS TO
PEOPLE ON THE WAY OUT.
>> INTERESTING.
>> THAT'S A NEW DEVELOPMENT.
>> SOMETHING THEY COULD HAVE
THOUGHT OF 50 YEARS AGO.
21st CENTURY DEVICE.
>> BUT, BILL, HERE'S THE THING,
IN 1994 M.I.T. DID A STUDY ABOUT
BAT DAY IN YANKEES STADIUM.
25,000 BATS TO ATTENDEES AT
YANKEE STADIUM DID NOT INCREASE
THE B RELATED TRAUMAS WERE.
>> THERE WERE FEWER AFTER BAT
DAY THAN BEFORE BAT DAY.
>> THAT SOUNDS LIKE A RASMUSSEN
STUDY.
>> GREG SUFFERS BAT RELATED
TRAUMA WHEN IT WAS RAINING IN
THE FOREST AND HE HAD TO FIND A
TINY CAVE TO KEEP HIMSELF DRY
AND IT TURNS OUT THE CAVE WAS
HOME TO 40,000 --
>> BABY BATS.
>> REAL BATS.
>> WOW.
>> IT WAS LONG AND WORTH IT.
IT WAS A LITTLE STORY.
>> I LIKE IT WHEN THE INSULTS
BECOME A LITTLE TALE.
>> I THINK ANDY THINKS SHE'S
TALKING ABOUT BASEBALL BATHS.
>> BATS.
>> I WANT TO LIVE IN A CAVE.
>> I WANT TO SEE A CARTOON.
>> RASMUSSEN POLE APPARENTLY
SHOWS BLACKS ARE MORE RACIST
THAN HISPANICS.
>> I WONDER WHAT PRESIDENT
ROMNEY THINKS OF THAT?
RASMUSSEN PREDICTED ROMNEY WOULD
WIN.
SEE, JESSE, SOMETIMES I HAVE TO
EXPLAIN THEM.
IN MY CASE, JESSE, IT'S USUALLY
BECAUSE THEY GO OVER PEOPLE'S
HEAD.
>> RIGHT.
>> GO AHEAD.
>> YEAH.
>> NO OVER GREG'S HEAD JOKES?
>> I KNOW.
>> I TOTALLY MISSED THAT.
>> JESSE.
>> THAT FLEW OVER MY HEAD.
>> YEAH.
>> I'M STARTING TO THINK GREG
LIKES IT.
>> EMAC, YOU SAID EVERY CULTURAL
GROUP THINKS OTHER GROUPS ARE
MORE RACIST.
I THINK THERE'S SOME TRUTH TO
THAT.
GREG, YOU POINTED OUT THAT
THAT'S NOT THE CASE HERE,
REGARDING BLACKS, IT MAY BE THAT
BLACKS ANSWERED THIS POLL MORE
HONESTLY THAN OTHER RACES DID.
>> OH, THAT'S INTERESTING.
>> YEAH.
>> BIEBER PEES IN A MOP BUCKET.
WHAT KIND OF FRIEND MAKES THIS
TAPE PUBLIC.
IS ANYONE TALKING ABOUT THAT?
>> YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
>> MAYBE IT WAS SOMEBODY WHO
WORKS IN THE KITCHEN.
>> MAYBE IT WAS SOMEBODY LIKE
CLINTON.
>> ONEF THE GUYS WITH HIM WAS
SHOOTING THAT.
>> YEAH.
>> KIDS GAME.
>> NOW HE'S -- HE NARCED OUT HIS
FRIEND.
>> I WORRY SOMETIMES HE MIGHT
BE --
>> YEAH, DO YOU THINK MAYBE HIS
ENTOURAGE IS USING HIM?
>> NO, I DON'T THINK THAT AT
ALL.
WHY ARE YOU SO SENSITIVE?
>> WILD KIDS, ANDY.
THEY STICK TOGETHER.
>> THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
WHOEVER SHOT THE TAPE, NOT SO
WILD.
>> YEAH.
I THINK BASICALLY BIEBER'S GOING
TO HAVE TO MAKE A DIFFERENT KIND
OF DONATION TO THIS RESTAURANT,
LIKE A MONETARY ONE.
>> YES.
>> SUNNY, BIEBER'S MONKEY IS IN
A GERMAN ZOO.
IT'S IN A SERENGETI PARK IN
HODENHAGEN.
>> ***, YOU NEED TO GET HIM AND
PUT THEM SOMEWHERE WITH ALL THE
OTHER PEOPLE THAT YOU HATE FOR
HATING ANIMALS SO I DON'T HAVE
TO LISTEN TO THEM ANYMORE.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT BIEBER'S MONKEY
CALLS THE CREW.
>> THE WILD MONGS.
>> THAT WAS MY FAVORITE THREE
WORDS IN A ROW, SUNNY BIEBER'S
MONKEY.
>> I PUT BIEBER OVER MY KNEE.
>> GREG, YOU SAID BIEBER SAID F
BILL CLINTON FOR NOT ANY
POLITICAL REASON.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
HE TOLD ENTERTAINMENT NAFTA.
>> REALLY?
>> NO.
>> LIZ.
>> INSIDER PROGRAM.
>> JESSE, YOU SAID IT WAS WEIRD
THAT THE GOVERNMENT WAS WORRIED
ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH GOVERNMENT
WORKERS.
SNOWDEN HAD THAT FAIRLY HOT
GIRLFRIEND.
>> YOU'RE RIGHT.
>> BUT TO A MORE SERIOUS POINT,
WHICH I KNOW YOU WERE TRYING TO
MAKE, WOULDN'T YOU THINK -- I
WOULD THINK GEEKY GUYS WHO DON'T
HAVE A LOT OF LUCK WITH THE
LADIES WOULD BE MORE LIKELY TO
FALL INTO THESE HONEY TRAPS.
>> I KNOW.
I DIDN'T GET THE LOGIC OF THAT
ONE.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> MAYBE YOU SHOULD SAY
"OCTOPUSSY."
>> IT'S A PUNCHY WORD.
>> I WANT TO GET INTO THIS LEGO
THING.
THE 63-YEAR-OLD LEGO FAN NOT
ALLOWED IN.
THE WEBSITE ADULTS MUST BE
ACCOMPANIED BY A CHILD AT THE
LEGO LAND CENTER.
>> THIS GUY WENT WITH HIS
DAUGHTER.
>> HIS 24-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.
>> THAT'S HIS CHILD.
>> I THINK HE SHOULD SUE THEM.
>> YOU READ THAT LIKE A LAWYER.
>> IF YOU DON'T BUY THAT ONE,
HERE'S WHAT SHOULD HAVE
HAPPENED.
HIS DAUGHTER SHOULD HAVE ADOPTED
A KID, THE THREE OF THEM GO TO
LEGO LAND AND THE NEXT DAY SAY
IT DOESN'T WORK.
>> MY SISTERS DO THAT, THEY BUY
CLOTHING FOR A DATE AND THEN
THEY RETURN IT THE NEXT DAY.
>> EXACTLY.
WHY DO I HAVE TO THINK OF
EVERYTHING?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO,
ANDY.
YOU HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO THINK
BEING ALONE WITH THOSE CATS.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
SUNNY, DON'T TELL GREG THE
SECRETS OF CHUCKY CHEESE.
NOTHING GOOD CAN COME FROM THAT.
>> IT'S TRUE.
>> GET LOST IN THE BALLS.
HE CAN GET BEAT UP BY A LITTLE
KID.
>> YOU SAY THAT AS THOUGH I
WOULDN'T LIKE IT.
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> EXACTLY.
>> I'VE OFTEN SLEPT IN THAT PIT
WAITING FOR THAT DAY.
ALL RIGHT, ANDY.
GOOD-BYE.
SUNNY, WELL DONE.
>> UGH.