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CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
- BEEN LOOKING FOR MAYFLOWERS ALL MONTH?
HERE ARE SOME "MAD" MOMENTS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED.
TUESDAY, 8 P.M.-- "GLEE" ATTEMPTS TO BOOST ITS FINALE
BY ENLISTING TWO LEGENDARY ACTRESSES
THAT KIDS HAVE NEVER HEARD OF.
FRIDAY, 5 P.M.--
"STAR TREK 2: INTO DARKNESS"
RELEASES MORE HOT PICS FROM THE SET,
BUT THEY'RE ALSO IN THE DARKNESS.
SUNDAY, 9 A.M.--
MOTHERS EVERYWHERE AWAKE TO A DISAPPOINTING MOTHER'S DAY
WHEN THEIR KIDS GIVE THEM THIS...
- HA HA HA!
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ MAD ♪
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ A-YABBA-BOY YABBA ♪
♪ MAD ♪
[EXPLOSIONS]
- WHOA, WHAT WAS THAT, A GIANT LIZARD?!
- NO, THIS IS "G.I. JOE 2," NOT "JOURNEY TO."
- WHAT HAPPENED? WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS?
- ONLY ONE MAN CAN AUTHORIZE A STRIKE LIKE THAT,
AND I VOTED FOR HIM.
["HAIL TO THE CHIEF" PLAYS]
- WE HAVE TO ASSUME THERE'S NO ONE WE CAN TRUST.
- OH, THERE'S ONE PERSON WE CAN TRUST.
- BUT I THOUGHT YOU SAID HE WAS DEAD.
- NO, I TOLD YOU HE BOUGHT THE FARM.
- OH, I THOUGHT YOU MEANT HE DIED.
- NOPE, HE LITERALLY BOUGHT THE FARM.
- YOU CAN CALL ME JOE,
AKA, OLD McDONALD.
[COW MOOS, BIRD SQUAWKS]
- AND THE NEXT THING WE KNOW, THE JOES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED,
ZARTAN IS IMPERSONATING THE PRESIDENT,
AND C.M. PUNK THINKS HE'S A BETTER WWE CHAMPION THAN ME.
[BELL DINGS]
- THIS JOB IS BIGGER THAN US.
WE NEED TO ASSEMBLE A NEW ARMY.
AND I KNOW JUST WHERE TO FIND THEM.
- ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
BACK ON THE BUS. WE GOT A LOT OF FARMS TO SEE.
[MOOING]
- YEAH, THE COWS.
OH, YOU THOUGHT-- [CHUCKLES]
NO.
- ♪ ON MY FARM I HAVE SOME COWS ♪
- ♪ G-I-E-I JOE ♪
[MOO!]
- ♪ AND ON MY FARM I HAVE SOME PIGS ♪
- ♪ G-I-E-I JOE ♪
[GRUNT!]
- ♪ AND ON MY FARM I HAVE SOME CHICKENS ♪
- ♪ BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAWK ♪
- WAIT. WHAT ARE THE CHICKENS FOR?
- DINNER.
- OH, I THINK I REMEMBER THAT GUY.
[EXPLOSION]
- THAT'S THE COBRA FORCES. WHAT DO WE DO?!
- SIT BACK AND RELAX. IT'S G.I.E.I. JOE TIME.
- AAH!
- [MOO!]
- [GROANING AND GRUNTING]
- [MOO!]
- YAH! YAH!
- [GRUNTING AND SNORTING]
- AAH! AAH!
- [SNORTING]
- WELL, I'LL BE. PIGS REALLY CAN FLY.
WE DID IT!
- WHO'S THIS "WE"?
- [ALL MOOING]
- FAIR ENOUGH.
[APPLAUSE]
- HEY, HAD SOME IDEAS. IS IT TOO LATE TO BRING MY CHARACTER BACK?
- SAY, WHERE'S JOE?
- I'M AFRAID HE KICKED THE BUCKET.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA FOOL ME WITH THAT ONE AGAIN.
YOU JUST MEAN HE ACTUALLY KICKED THE BUCKET.
- I'M NOT TRYING TO TRICK YOU.
HE DID KICK A BUCKET.
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE WAS A GRENADE IN THE BUCKET.
HE--HE'S DEAD.
- [SNORTS]
[ALL LAUGHING]
[THUNK]
- WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
- I WANT TO BE A BASEBALL BAT THAT HITS HOME RUNS.
- I WANT TO BE A BOOK THAT CHANGES THE WORLD.
- I WANT TO BE PART OF A HOUSE
THAT KEEPS A FAMILY WARM AND SAFE.
- AAAAHHH!
- AND THEY ALL BECAME TOILET PAPER.
THE END.
- BEING A ZOMBIE TAKES A LOT OF WORK.
- GRRR!
- WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK THEY MOVE SO SLOW?
- WHEW!
- THAT'S WHY THERE'S THE NEW ZOMBEACH,
AN INVIGORATING TROPICAL RESORT EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE UNDEAD.
YOU CAN MINDLESSLY SHUFFLE AROUND OUR SHUFFLEBOARD COURT.
- UNGG UNGG UNGG UNGG UNGG.
- GORGE YOURSELF DISGUSTINGLY ON OUR ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BRAIN BUFFET.
- [MUNCHING AND CHEWING]
- MOAN TUNELESSLY AT OUR KARAOKE CLUB.
- ♪ AAARR GUHH GUHH ♪
- BUT BEST OF ALL, THE LIVING AREN'T ALLOWED.
SO YOU CAN FINALLY REST IN PEACE.
ZOMBEACH. YOU LET LIFE PASS YOU BY.
DON'T LET DEATH DO THE SAME.
[POP]
- SO, UH, WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
- I WATCHED THE GAME. WHAT DID YOU DO?
[GRUNTING]
LET ME GUESS.
KARATE CLASS?
- NO. BOOK CLUB, ACTUALLY.
I JUST HAVE A LOT OF PENT-UP ANGER.
- [GRRR]
- NOW IT'S TIME FOR...
"HOW HOT IS THE SUN?"
- I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT.
- AND WE HAVE LIFTOFF.
ALL RIGHT, DAVE, HOW HOT IS THE SUN?
- HEH. IT'S, UH... IT'S HOT.
I MEAN, IT'S REALLY HOT.
I MEAN, MY GOSH, IT IS SO--
- DAVE? DAVE?!
- THERE YOU HAVE IT.
THE ANSWER IS HOT.
REALLY HOT.
AND THEN SILENCE.
- BUT, DAVE...
- THIS CONCLUDES ANOTHER EPISODE OF...
"SHOOTING MY ENEMIES INTO THE SUN."
- WAIT, WHAT?
- I MEAN, UH, "HOW HOT IS THE SUN?"
- ♪ WHO LIVES IN A HI-FI DOWN UNDER THE SEA? ♪
- ♪ SPONGE BORG SQUARE PANTS ♪
♪ ASSIMILATED IN YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE ♪
- ♪ SPONGE BORG SQUARE PANTS ♪
- ♪ IF ACHIEVING PERFECTION IS SOMETHING YOU WISH ♪
- ♪ RESISTANCE IS FUTILE, EVEN FOR FISH ♪
- ♪ SPONGE BORG SQUARE PANTS ♪
- HA HA HA HA.
HA HA HA HA.
HA HA HA HA.
- ♪ SPONGE BORG SQUARE PANTS ♪
- HA HA HA HA!
- IN 1762, MADDIE WALLACE WAS WASHING HER CLOTHES
WHEN SHE REALIZED THAT INSTEAD OF LAYING HER CLOTHES
ON A ROCK TO DRY, SHE COULD HANG THEM ON A ROPE
AND THEY WOULD STAY CLEAN AND DRY FASTER.
MADDIE CALLED HER INVENTION THE MADDIEFIER
AND RAN TO TELL HER FRIEND MARTHA GOODSON.
WHO PROMPTLY INFORMED MADDIE
HER INVENTION WAS CALLED THE CLOTHESLINE
AND IT ALREADY EXISTED.
THEN SHE CHECKED HER TEMPERATURE
TO MAKE SURE SHE WASN'T SICK.
THIS AS BEEN "GREAT MOMENTS IN REDUNDANCY."
["SPY VS. SPY" THEME PLAYS]
[RATTLING]
[BUZZ]
[BUZZ]
[BEEP]
[BEEP]
- HMM? HMM.
[BUZZ]
- HA HA HA HA!
["POP GOES THE WEASEL" PLAYS]
[SPROING!]
- HEY, BUDDY.
DO YOU KNOW HOE FAST YOU WERE GOING?
- NOT REALLY.
- WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD, BECAUSE THIS IS...
"DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING?"
[SIRENS]
- WAIT WAIT. I THINK I KNOW.
UH, 80 MILES AN HOUR?
[SIREN]
- THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT!
YOU'VE JUST WON 3 DAYS AND 2 NIGHTS
AT THE LOCAL PRISON!
- WHOO-HOO! YEAH!
HA HA HA! I'M A WINNER!
HOO-HOO!
YES! YESSIRREE!
HA HA!
WAY TO GO. ALL RIGHT!
LIFE--IT'S ALL ABOUT THE PRESENTATION.
- OH! I'VE BEEN WAITING TO SEE THIS MOVIE ALL WEEK.
- I KNOW. I HEARD REALLY GREAT THINGS ABOUT IT.
- THEY SAY--COME ON!
I HATE IT WHEN SOMEONE SITS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.
- WELL, I GUESS IT'S EXPECTED FROM TIME TO TIME.
- REALLY? IN OUR BEDROOM?
- YOU'VE GOT A POINT.
HEY, PAL, GET OUT OF HERE!
SCRAM.
- I KNEW WE SHOULD HAVE HIRED THAT HOUSE USHER.
- CAPTAIN, YOUR ACTIONS ARE GROWING INCREASINGLY IRRATIONAL.
- BLAST YOUR VULCAN LOGIC. THIS IS THE HUMAN WAY.
- BUT IT'S COOKIES. COOKIES ARE A DESSERT, NOT A BREAKFAST.
- YOUR FACE IS DESSERT.
- I'M SORRY, CAPTAIN. MY UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR
ISN'T SET FOR "DUMMY."
- WHY, I OUGHTA--
- THAT'S IT! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF YOUR BICKERING.
- BUT HE STARTED IT. - BUT HE STARTED IT.
- I DON'T CARE.
YOU TWO NEED TO LEARN TO GET ALONG.
I HAD TO TAKE SOME DRASTIC MEASURES
AND I GOT YOU...
THIS DOG. - [WOOF]
- A DOG? THAT DOESN'T SEEM SO BAD.
- [WOOF WOOF]
- AW, LOOK. HE THINKS HE'S THE CAPTAIN.
- DOG'S CAPTAIN'S LOG,
STAR DATE 41153.7,
WHICH IS 28807549 IN DOG YEARS.
I SEEM TO HAVE BEEN ADOPTED BY AN INFERIOR SPECIES.
- AND HE CAN TALK. - AND HE CAN TALK.
- SO I'M HERE ABOARD MY NEW HOME ON THE STARSHIP "ENTERPRISE."
IT'S NOT A BAD PLACE, IF YOU LIKE PEOPLE WITH BUMPY FOREHEADS.
THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT KIRK AND SPOCK ARE ALWAYS FIGHTING.
[WOOF WOOF]
- CAPTAIN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?
I RESERVED THE HOLO-DECK FOR MY VULCAN MEDITATION.
- GET OUT OF HERE, SPOCK. I NEED THE ROOM FOR MY EXERCISE.
- MEDITATION. - EXERCISE.
- DID THE ORIGINAL "STAR TREK" EVEN HAVE A HOLO-DECK?
- SHUT UP, PROFESSOR X.
- I KNOW I HAVE MY WORK CUT OUT FOR ME
IF I WANT TO BRING THE TWO OF THEM TOGETHER,
BUT I THINK I HAVE A PLAN THAT JUST MIGHT WORK.
ALL RIGHT, SO HERE'S THE PLAN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I REFUSE TO WORK WITH HIM ANYMORE.
HE CAN STAY ON THAT SIDE OF THE BRIDGE
AND I'LL STAY ON THIS SIDE.
- I CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIM.
- REALLY? WITH THOSE BIG POINTY EARS? I'LL BET.
[BOOM, ALARM]
- CAPTAIN, I'M DETECTING A SPACIAL ANOMALY.
THERE'S A BLACK HOLE IN FRONT OF US
AND WE'RE BEING SUCKED IN.
- IF WE REVERSE THE POWER IN THE ION COUPLING,
WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO-- - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
BEHIND THE LINE.
- OH, NO! IF THEY DON'T WORK TOGETHER,
WE'RE GONNA DIE!
- SET THE TRACTOR BEAM TO THESE COORDINATES.
- I'LL DO ME BEST, CAPTAIN.
I MEAN, TALKING DOG.
- HEY, WHAT GIVES?
- YOU TWO NEED TO PUT ASIDE YOUR DIFFERENCES.
- WITH HIM? HE'S THE WORST CAPTAIN SINCE SCOTT BAKULA.
- THEY'RE RESISTIN'! I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH POWER!
- DON'T YOU TWO SEE THAT YOU GO TOGETHER LIKE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY,
LIKE HAM AND EGGS, LIKE COOKIES AND MILK.
- WELL, COOKIES AND MILK DO GO WELL TOGETHER.
- EVEN FOR BREAKFAST?
- YES, I SUPPOSE EVEN FOR BREAKFAST.
- PUT 'ER THERE, FRIEND.
- OH! I DO HAVE ENOUGH POWER!
- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT, CAPTAIN...SPIRK?
- [BOTH VOICES] BETTER THAN ALL RIGHT,
THANKS TO YOU, DOG.
YOU MAKE A PRETTY GOOD ADDITION TO THE SHIP.
- YEAH, I AM PRETTY GREAT.
IT LOOKS LIKE EVERYTHING IS GOING TO TURN OUT OK.
- WHAT ABOUT THE BLACK HOLE?
- OH, RIGHT. WELL, DON'T LOOK AT ME.
I'M JUST A DOG. WOOF.
All: AAAHH!
- MAD!
- MAD!
- ♪ HEY, YABBA, BOY, YAMMA ♪
- ♪ HEY, YABBA, BOY, YAMMA ♪
- MAD!
- ♪ HEY, YABBA, BOY, YAMMA ♪
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS. ANIMATION
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
- YESSIRREE! HA HA! WAY TO GO!