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My boy!
- My boy - Hello, Mother
My boy. You're home
Safe
Yes mother
Let me look at you
Oh. You've grown
I don't think I have
Come on, lets get you inside
You'll catch your death out here. Oooh.
And so that Polish baker tried to tell those were large scones
But I said "Oh no, I think you'll agree that last week your scones
were at least 4 inches in diameter and these are clearly less than 3..."
My parents "Mater" and "Pater"
Roger, loving husband and father
Usually found hiding on the golf course, or in the shed, or
like today, behind the FT
And Margaret, stalwart of the W.I.
And out to prove that everyone and everything is a threat to
Queen, country and of course, her darling son
And so he had no choice but to charge me accordingly
I tell you you've got to be on the ball these days
They're all out to rob you that lot
I don't think its quite like that
Here you go, my boy, just how you like them
Thank you
Thank heavens you're home safe
I've been praying for you everynight you were away
I wore my St. Christopher everyday, didn't I, Roger?
Roger?
Mmmm, didn't you what, dear?
Didn't I wear my St. Christopher everyday he was away?
Yes, dear
Tell your son
She wore her St. Christopher everyday you were away
Yes, dad
Anymore tea?
Oh
Now, I've booked you a check up with the doctor's tomorrow
Why?
Who knows what nasty bugs you've picked up where you''ve been
Mum, I had all my jabs before I left
I took my malaria tablets the whole time I was away
I'm fine. See? I'm back, I'm healthy, I'm fine
Such a terrible business. My poor boy
That awful girl, driving you over to the other side of the world
- Mum - And him...
That common as much, cockney, barrow boy
He's from Essex
In your flat?
In the home that you paid for
He paid for my half 8 months ago
The two of them, swanning about like Lord and Lady Muck
While my poor boy is God only knows where nursing his...
... broken heart
Betrayed
Wounded
Cancelling the wedding like that
Last night when I told you I slept with someone older
I was 17
We met in a bar
I'd gone out deliberately to get picked up
We talked
We drank
They took me home
I was scared. Absolutely terrified
But it was....all those things people say about sex
I got it
I could see what the fuss was all about
What are you telling me?
You want to *** some granny in a bar?
It was a man
Are you gay?
I dunno
Paul?
I think so
I think so too
Just telling everyone she's been sleeping with that guttersnipe the past year of your relationship
She sat here on a Sunday, eating my roast dinner, drinking my sherry
And she's doing that? Plain as you like
It wasn't really like that
I hope you got yourself tested at the doctor, my boy
You don't know what she picked up from that man
Mother! Enough!
It wasn't like that
Oh?
She wasn't cheating on me for a year, just a short time
- It doesn't matter, in my day, you didn't cheat... - I am going to bed
What?
It's only 5.30
Jetlag. You know how it is
Thanks for the tea, it was lovely
The spare room is all ready
Would you like me to draw you a bath?
I'm fine
Thanks Mum, good night
Night, dad
Night, son
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