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The car accident that paralysed my legs Happened 10 years ago.
We were coming from the airport.
I was happy: My father had returned from one year in Israel.
It was winter and the road was icy. My father was driving.
I began hating the world, God, everything.
I hated the so called progress,
Cars, speed,
American movies, money. All had their blame.
I liked reading about the worst accidents: Disfigured, paralysed or dead
And cursed the new traffic safety signs.
I just didn't want Beeing alone in this tragedy.
In time, I regained myself in daydreams. I stoped hating the world.
Even felt sorry for it, in its race After things so alien to our human nature.
I was gladly adding the hours A worker is wasting at his job.
I didn't have to disguise myself, Didn't have to give accounts.
I wasn't however immune to...
My wish was to be valued as a human beeing, As a man...
You understand me, don't you?
The Internet.
After 5 years I arrived to be A real artist of online seduction.
All weapons were allowed: From identity theft to NLP techniques.
I was choosing only the most beautiful girls. I never met my victims
But every night I knew for sure: A girl was falling asleep thinking about me.
And I too could imagine myself next to her.
All of it had quality and consistency. That was enough for me.
I was readily breaking up with all the girls Who were insisting for a date.
But it all ended up with... Daiana.
Dreaming of her was not different from Dreaming of others.
Me and her. Me as a normal guy. Driving her home from highschool.
Taking her hand. Kissing her.
In my mind, all girls had the same taste, As sweet as the honey,
But even so... Daiana, by whim alone maybe,
Had become the sole honey of my universe.
What a bad decision Telling her the truth!
But Doctor It was me who needed it then.
I knew enough about her soul To bet on her understanding.
And yes. She accepted me. Not immediately, but she did!
We met at my home, The only place where I was feeling strong.
But in spite of my projects and preparations Her presence paralysed me.
The lines and gestures beforehand repeated Melted when touched by reality.
All my value was a virtual one.
How beautiful she was... And how many efforts just to make me speak...
Daiana... You idiot... The shame and the suffering...
It was that evening that I've done the thing For which I'm now at Psychiatry.
It wasn't even a suicide attempt:
I just wanted physical pain To cancel out the spiritual torment.