Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
Guy: Smile for the camera! (ET Theme on Atari)
Brown: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Guy: Hi, I’m Andrew!
Brown: And I’M Andrew! Guy: And THIS is…
Brown: The Andrew & Andrew Show! (ET THEME)
Brown: Today, we’re going to review a TERRIBLE game for one of the GREATEST game systems.
E.T. for the Atari 2600. This game was SO bad, that many people returned their cartridges
after they bought it, and all the ones that were returned, were buried in the desert!
Guy: Like I should have done with mine! Brown: Yeah! Let’s pop this sucker in!
Guy: All right. Brown: Do keep in mind that I DID just steal
from the Angry Video Game Nerd, but…that’s because he’s awesome.
Guy: And, actually, more than one person has done an ET parody…thing.
(ET Theme on Atari) Brown: Pretty much everyone on the Internet!
Guy: All right Andrew, ready to play E.T.? Brown: Yep! I’m ready to torture myself!
Now, often, I’ve heard that this…this is often considered the worst game ever made,
and…well, what do you see? It looks promising. I mean, it sort of looks like ET…
Guy: I’m scared! Brown: And then, you press the button…and…
(Atari sound effects) Guy: Was that a cotton candy machine?
Brown: Uh…don’t know…Now, right away…at least the controls are kind of responsive…and,
you walk around and… (Atari sound effect)
Guy: You fall in holes! Brown: Yeah, you fall in holes.
Guy: Wait, were there holes in E.T. the movie? Brown: Um, well…If I recall corr-
Guy: Hey, look! Brown: So, there’s this little thing, I
pick it up, and…oh, now it’s up there in the top left.
Guy: What is that? And arrow? Brown: So, from what I’ve heard, it’s
part of the phone…and you’re supposed to collect parts of the phone in order to
call home. Now, that guy was some surgeon who…rapes you and takes you away and just…
Guy: Hey, there he goes! Brown: At least he saved me from falling in
the damn hole again! And that guy is an FBI guy and he takes away any phone pieces you’ve
gotten, and any Reece’s pieces you’ve gotten, too.
Guy: They’s my Reece’s pieces, foo! Brown: Yeah, man. You take my Reece’s pieces…I’m
gonna ask for my mother ship. So, you fall in holes, and you’re searching for pieces.
Now, this doesn’t look like it’s very hard, but…it’s impossible to get out of
these holes sometimes. Look! I’m trying to get out of the hole, and…fortunately
you don’t have to hold down the button when you’re going up, you just push it and there
you go. And you have to push up to get out of the hole.
Guy: Oh, for goodness sakes, Andrew! Let me try! All right, how hard can this be? WOAH!
Brown: Andrew! Are you okay? Guy: EVIL! EVIL! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! IN THE
NAME OF…AH! Brown: Andrew!
Brown: Don’t worry, Andrew, it’s just a game…Now that Andrew Guy has conquered
his fear over this game…we can get back to playing!
Guy: A-a-all right… Brown: Okay, so anyways…
Guy: Why don’t you just continue trying to get out of these pits?
Brown: Uh, getting out of this hole is no picnic, and I still can’t do anything! And
there we go again! Guy: DEEEEEOOOO!
Brown: Oh man, I almost did it! Brown: Okay, I’m supposed to go up! Couldn’t
have figured that out! Guy: Hmmmm…
Brown: UUURRRGH! Can’t…get…out of this…damn hole!
Guy: Hey, you have four Reece’s pieces! Brown: I guess…Oh, come on! I got caught
by the doctor, and I’d gotten away from him already!
Guy: Wait, to the right! To the right! Hurry! To the-
Brown: Hey! I got it by myself! Guy: You have two phone pieces!
Brown: I wonder how many I need. I don’t know, but I sure hope it gets there soon,
because I don’t want to play this game too much longer!
Brown: I fell down that hole purposefully so I could get away from that damn cop. And
I don’t know how I’m gonna get away from him…Oh no, not the butt raping surgeon!
Oh great, now my energy’s almost done. I wonder what’s gonna happen.
Guy: Why did you fall down that hole?! Brown: Because I’m looking through the holes.
Guy: You don’t have to fall down each one. Brown: Crap. I wonder what happens when my
energy runs out. Guy: Hey, it’s Elliot!
Brown & Guy: I think… Brown: WHAT?! Okay, I guess I lost a life…but-
Guy: Wait! When did E.T. ever die in the movie? Brown: I don’t remember E.T. dying, he almost
died, but…and not only that, there’s no lives indicator! How am I supposed to know…well,
I guess the lives indicator is sort of that energy marker. Oh crap, I got caught by the
butt raping sur-WHAT THE HELL?! I just teleported into a hole!
Guy: Andrew, I’m sure that you have infinite lives, or else, they would CLEARLY mark it
for you. Brown: Huh, I’m sure you’re right, Andrew.
(ET theme on Atari) Brown: Well, I lost a life again…
Guy: Doooo, DEEEEE, Dah-dah-dah-dah dahhhhh doooooo…
Brown: Shut up! Guy: Oh! Go back to the right!
Brown: Okay, I’ll follow the signs. Guy: No, No! There!
Brown: Okay… Guy: Left!
Brown: What the?! Guy: Down…No! Agh! That’s the blind sight!
Brown: Okay…what the?! See, these directions are-
Guy: Go THERE! Never mind! Brown: These directions-look! The arrow changes
direction in the middle of the thing! How am I supposed to know if the directions-WHAT
THE HELL?! I teleported into the hole again! It’s not funny! This game should never have
existed if they were gonna make such a piece of crap! Why would they give you a life bar
that only replenishes to 1500, and make you keep on dying…
Guy: Pfft…pfftt….pfftt… Brown: …
Brown: You will die. Guy: You didn’t see anything…
Brown: Nothing in here… Guy: He’s gonna be right up there when you
come up, you know. Hey! You almost didn’t fall in!
Brown: And that’s the other thing, you don’t know where you’re gonna end up when you
get out of the hole. I didn’t know all holes look exactly the same.
(ET theme on Atari) Brown: Well, so far, that’s the fourth time
that he’s replenished me-oh, looks like you only have three lives, then.
Guy: And that’s the end of that! Guy: So Andrew, what are you gonna do now
that you’ve played Atari ET? Andrew: THIS IS THE WORST GAME I’VE EVER
PLAYED! I’VE NEVER PLAYED ANYTHING HALF AS BAD AS THIS! THIS IS THE WORST GAME IN
THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE! WORSE THAN BOARD GAMES! I’M NEVER GOING TO PLAY
THE LIKES OF THIS GAME, AND IT NEEDS TO BE DESTROYED!
Guy: Happy place! Happy place! Brown: Clean! Ha ha ha!
Guy: Hey, Andrew! I just read a really interesting story on the Internet talking about how you
should never put Atari games in a running oven!
Brown: Why? (Nuclear Explosion)
Brown: Oh…what happened? Did I die? Huh?! Teh Devil: HA HA HA! I’M TEH DEVIL!
Demon: Brach! Brach! Teh Devil: Oh, shoo, you! Woah! Damn boom
operator! Boom operator: Oh, sorry, sir!
Teh Devil: Now, you are going to play this game, FOREVER!
Brown: NOOOOOOOOOOO!