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Male announcer:
Here's one for you.
- Did you get the stuff?
Announcer: What do you
get when you take a rocker
Who blows a casket
A failed prison escape
A roommate
who gets bunkered
A "mancer" who can't breathe
A couple of kooks
building nukes
A medieval lug
who gets the squeeze
And a construction worker
bent on destruction?
- Aah!
Announcer:
You get the next episode
Of 1,000 ways to die.
Death is everywhere.
Most of us try to avoid it.
Others can't get out
of its way.
Every day,
we fight a new war
Against germs, toxins,
Injury, illness,
And catastrophe.
There's a lot of ways
to wind up dead.
The fact that we survive
at all is a miracle.
Because every day we live,
We face 1,000 ways to die.
For the last ten years,
The nips have ruled
the japanese rock world.
A combination of musicianship
and theatrics
Have kept them on top.
But lately,
ego and jealousy
Have been tearing them apart.
What was once
healthy competitiveness
Has deteriorated
to flat-out hatred.
The problem
was the constant tension
Between tinaka,
the lead singer,
And basho,
the lead guitar player.
- In-band fighting
is actually a funny thing,
Because you always see it.
It's usually a case where,
You know,
you've got your front man,
And then you've got,
you know,
Some other guy in the band
Would really fight
for that creative control
And fight for the fame.
Announcer: Today's fight
was about tinaka's new prop--
A coffin.
It would make
for a killer entrance
For tinaka.
Basho wasn't buying it.
[speaking japanese]
As always,
tinaka got his way.
The nips' hot stage hands
Wheeled out the coffin
with tinaka inside,
Ready to rise from the dead.
But basho saw a chance
to steal the spotlight,
And launched
into the longest guitar solo
In japanese rock history.
- [coughing]
- Trapped inside the coffin,
Tinaka was heading for a finale
He did not see coming.
Before he jumped in,
Tinaka decided
to up the theatrics
By filling the coffin
with smoke
From dry ice containers.
Bad idea.
Dry ice gives off
carbon dioxide.
In the cramped quarters
of the coffin,
Tinaka was rapidly
running out of oxygen.
Withij a minute, he was gasping
for air and suffocating.
- Without the presence
of oxygen,
In a purely
carbon dioxide environment,
The individual would be unable
to obtain oxygen
For normal body function.
This lack of oxygen would
shut down the body's organs,
And they would die.
- [screams]
Announcer: After a
three-minute-long solo,
There was no more oxygen
And no more tinaka.
Tinaka wanted
to make a big entrance.
Instead,
he made an exit
To die for.
Sayonara, tinaka-san.
If you strolled down
cell block "d"
Of this notorious prison
in the 1930s,
You would pass
the temporary home
Of floyd o'malley,
A low-level chicago hit man.
- Mickey.
Announcer: Floyd knew his way
around a deck of cards.
- Yeah?
- Did you get the stuff?
- You didn't get 'em from me.
Announcer: But he wasn't
thinking about poker.
Floyd knew that playing cards
Were coated with
nitrocellulose,
A reactive plastic that,
when mixed with water,
Produces the highly volatile
nitric acid.
In other words, he could turn
a simple deck of cards
Into a bomb.
He took a hollow bed leg,
Stuffed it full
of torn up cards,
And filled it with water.
The homemade bomb was primed
And placed on a space heater
Situated
right next to the wall.
As soon as the water
and card mixture heated up,
The ensuing chemical reaction
Would blow open
a hole to freedom.
But nothing happened.
Did he forget something?
Floyd checked the device.
That's when his escape plan
Blew up in his face.
When floyd picked up
his crude card bomb,
He gave it the final stir
it needed
To properly mix
And detonate.
- In this situation,
We have shrapnel from
the metal of the pipe bomb
That's gonna be embedded
into his skull and his brain.
We also have the shrapnel
from the playing cards
That are gonna do a lot
of tissue damage themselves,
Embedding pieces
within the chest and the head,
That's gonna be somewhat
like a multiple gunshot wound.
- Did you get the stuff?
Annouvcer:
If floyd's plan had worked,
It would have been
an escape for the ages.
But it just
wasn't in the cards.
Coming up, a nerd
loses his virginity
And his roommate.
And if the corset don't fit,
he must acquit.
[breathes heavily]
Announcer: Ravi was a nerd
with the highest gpa
In the history
of his state university
And the worst social life.
His roommate, tyler,
on the other hand
- The field goal is good!
Announcer:
Was a star football player
Who got more tail
than a toilet seat.
- Oh.
Announcer: W
got his rocks off,
Ravi was a banned
to a place called "sexile.
"
- Being sexiled
is when your roommate,
Uh, leaves you stranded
from your dorm or your apartment
Uh, in the hallway,
Because they're
doing the nasty.
I've had to sleep
in some ridiculous places.
Probably the worst
was the group shower
In the dormitory.
It's not comfortable.
- Ah.
Announcer:
Even if meek and mild ravi
Was right above,
Tyler kept calling out
audibles to his "coedibles.
"
- Oh.
Oh.
Blue 52!
Hut! Hut!
Announcer:
And then it happened.
- Um
- So I guess I'll
see you in class tomorrow.
Announcer: It was ravi's turn
to get his sock on.
- Hey, hey, hey,
what's going on in here?
- There's a sock on the door.
What are you doing?
- You want to go
a second round,
Let me know, okay?
Announcer: Ravi was
not about to fail this test.
He went right on
pounding her
Books, until
- Hey, babe.
I got a nice,
big piece of chalk down here
Whenever you're done.
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my god.
Oh! Oh!
- The weight of the bed
And the correct angle onto
the individual's nasal bone
'caused the bones
to be pushed back
Into the cribriform plate,
Piercing it, and piercing
the brain tissue underneath,
'causing bleeding
within the brain,
And causing him to die.
Announcer:
Tyler was a sock blocker
Who banned his roomie
to the hallway,
But then ravi got some funk
in his bunk.
- Hey,
what's going on in here?
Announcer:
And tyler wound up
Bottomed out.
Do you feel like we do
here on 1,000 ways to die?
Ballroom dancing
is for girly men.
That's why we're delighted
To have this quiff
in our death scope.
His name is esteban,
and he's a total doughnut hole.
And that's his problem.
The once svelte "mancer"
eats more d-nuts
Than a whole squad of cops.
To keep up appearances,
The vain "hoofster" resorted
to sucking it in
With a corset.
- The history that we know
the most about the corset
Is from 1820 to 1910,
But we believe that it's been
around for thousands of years,
Um, to structure the shape
of a woman's body.
As far as men
wearing corsets,
It is not as common,
uh, back then as it is now.
There are definitely more,
But, uh, we don't get
a lot of people coming in,
Trying on corsets.
Announcer:
The tight lacing
Turned the normally
uptight esteban
Into a machismo monster.
- Heel, heel.
Go.
Relax!
Announcer:
His poor partner, yolanda,
Bore the brunt
of his hissy fit tirades.
- What you doing, yolanda?
You can do nothing!
- It's not me.
It's you!
- I'm the champion.
- You make me sick.
Announcer:
Finally, she had enough.
- I've had it.
Announcer:
How dare she walk out
On the once great esteban.
He was speechless.
And not because
he was at a loss for words.
He couldn't breathe.
His too-tight corset
Was preventing his ribs
and diaphragm from expanding.
His lungs
struggled for oxygen.
It doesn't
take a brain surgeon
To figure out what happens
When a blowhard like esteban
runs out of air.
He dies!
- In this case,
he's compressing his lungs,
And the pressure from
the corset against his ribs
Created a fracture.
The rib then broke,
and, being curved,
It went inward,
And, unfortunately,
It was in the right position
to puncture his heart.
And this caused, uh,
massive internal bleeding,
And, uh, cardiac arrest.
Announcer:
Esteban was an egotistical,
Pear-shaped,
two-stepping prick.
- You can do nothing!
- It's not me.
Announcer: Does it make us happy
on 1,000 ways to die
When a jerk like this
bites it?
OfCorsetDoes.
Up next, it's no nukes
for these mooks.
And a lazy ***
Falls down on the job.
- Aah!
Announcer: One of the world's
greatest fears
Is that a group
of fanatic terrorists
Will build the ultimate weapon
And hold the world hostage.
Somad and siraki
Were looking to make
a name for themselves
On the global
terrorist circuit.
The bad news was
They had come up
with enough fissionable material
To build a small nuke.
The good news
- I like it
Announcer: These guys were more
of a threat to themselves
Than they were
to the rest of the world.
- Somad.
Announcer:
Today somad and siraki
Were testing
the plutonium core.
What they didn't know
was that this test
Was nicknamed
"the demon core,"
Becausit had killed
several scientists
That attempted it
The demon core experiment
is extremely dangerous.
You surround
the plutonium core
With tungsten carbide bricks
To reflect neutrons.
This makes the core
more reactive.
If the bricks touch the core,
It can go critical,
Which means a blast
of harmful radiation
Gets released
into the atmosphere.
Just as somad was setting the
last tungsten brick in place,
The camel burger
he ate for lunch
Came back to haunt him.
- [belches]
- Oh!
[devices beeping]
Announcer: A burp caused him
to fumble the brick.
The brick made brief
contact with the core.
A blue flash
exposed somad and siraki
To as much radiation
As anyone standing
within a mile of ground zero
At nagasaki.
The contamination was so great
They never made it
out of the lab.
Within a few hours,
they were overcome with nausea.
Soon after that, they were
bedridden with extreme fatigue.
And their muscles
had atrophied.
The cells
in their skin were dying,
And within 48 hours,
The wannabe terrorists
were dead.
- Large radiation
exposure such as this
Damages the immune system,
And it cannot produce
white blood cells.
This renders
the immune system useless.
The patient
is then susceptible
To a number of pathogens.
In this case, the patients
developed bacterial pneumonia.
The lungs eventually filled
with large amount of secretions,
And they
essentially asphyxiated.
Announcer: Nuclear terrorism
is no joke,
But little
did somad and siraki know
They were just one burp away
From becoming weapons
of gas destruction.
[devices beep]
[belch]
- Hey, chuck!
Lower that rope down.
Announcer: Mike was
the good-for-nothing son
In smith and son
construction.
- I got a brilliant idea.
Announcer:
When he wasn't annoying
Everyone he worked with
He was raising his level
of laziness to new heights.
- All right, bring me up.
- Are you nuts?
Announcer:
Mike's latest jack-off move
- Pull me up, chuck!
Announcer: Hijacking
the counterweight system
Used to hoist tools
And using it for his own
personal elevator.
- According to
newtonian mechanics,
Basically if you have a pulley
and you have two masses
Hanging from two ends,
As the person starts moving up,
The sum of the forces
is no longer zero.
That means the other side
of the pulley is exerting force,
So it's going down.
- Come on.
Hurry up.
- I'm tired of doing
all the hard work here.
Announcer: But just as mike
was about to reach the top
- Come on, mike.
- Come on.
- You're almost there, pal.
- Aah!
- Oh, god! Oh!
Announcer: The counterweight
wasn't designed
To carry a load like mike.
Mike's weight
plus the weight of the bucket
Was too much for the tensile
strength of the rope.
- The construction worker
probably experienced
A number of injuries,
Such as, uh, rib fractures,
Femur,
and fibular fractures.
Fractured pelvis as well.
But the lethal injury
was most likely
Due to a significant
brain hemorrhage.
Announcer:
Mike was the boss' son,
Who never put in an honest
day of work in his life.
[knocking]
- Little busy in here.
Working.
Announcer:
But don't worry.
- All right.
Bring me up.
- Are you nuts?
Announcer:
Because mike will never
Have to lift
a finger again.
- Ugh!
Announcer: Ex-squeeze me.
It's another one of
our favorite medieval tortures.
Coming up next.
Announcer: As the 16th century
was coming to a close,
Business was booming
At the tower of london's
torture chamber.
And if medieval mutilation
had a poster boy,
It would have been
sir william skevington.
He was the torturer in chief
for king henry viii.
His specialty was the rack.
- The rack was built
to stretch someone,
And the joints of the legs,
the elbows,
The arms, the wrists,
would all be pulled apart.
Your body would actually be
ripped limb from limb, per se.
Announcer: Today, skevington
had a new customer--
A cold-blooded ***
and traitor to the king.
Thomas was sentenced to death.
The only problem--
thomas was 6'9",
And the rack
was coming up short.
- [laughs]
Scavenger, I think you got me
in the child's size.
[laughs]
Announcer: Skevington,
who was nicknamed "scavenger"
By the lowlife ***
he tortured,
Was nothing
if not resourceful.
- [laughs]
Announcer: He figured,
"if you can't stretch 'em,
Squeeze 'em.
"
And so was born
the scavenger's daughter.
- Yeah, the differences between
the scavenger's daughter
And the rack--
the rack, as I have said,
Was used
to pull someone apart.
The scavenger's daughter
would be compressing someone.
This was a torture device
with two large arms
That would force someone
in the fetal position.
As this device was tightened,
It would cause
their back to break,
Their arms to break,
their legs to break.
It would 'cause them
to hemorrhage internally.
Now,
as they were hemorrhaging,
Blood would come out
of their nose,
Their nostrils,
their mouth, and their ears,
Crushing them and killing them
in that fashion.
- [groaning]
Announcer: As the steel
pressed down on thomas,
His rib cage cracked
And bones dislocated.
His lungs compressed
As blood squirted
from every orifice of his body.
It was like squeezing
a wet sponge dry.
- Aah!
Announcer:
And then thomas died.
Thomas was too big
for the rack.
- I think you got me
in the child's size.
Announcer: But he met his match
when he hooked up
With a nasty little ***
Called
the scavenger's daughter.
Synced by Gatto