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And it's a waltz! [laughter]
No, no, don't clap, you'll - I mean I'll... get so *** up!
Ok, here we go. Going for broke, going for broke.
I finished this, um, an hour ago! [cheers] Or, whenever I went on stage, an hour before
then. OK, OK I can hear you guys! [inaudible] It's OK!
Alright, ready ready ready ready ready? [cheers] Dear Daily Mail, it has come to my recent
attention that my recent appearance at Glastonbury festival's
kindly received a mention [laughter] I was doing a number of things on that stage
up to and including singing songs - like you do!
But you chose to ignore that and instead you published
a feature review of my ***! [laughter, cheers] Dear Daily Mail, there's a thing called a
search engine: use it! If you'd Googled my *** in advance, you'd
have found that your photos are hardly exclusive! [laughter]
In addition you state that my breast had escaped from my bra like a thief on the run
How do you know that it wasn't attempting to just take in the rare British sun?
[laughter, cheers] Dear Daily Mail, it's so sad what you tabloids
are doing Your focus on debasing women's appearances
devolves our species of humans [cheers] But a rag is a rag and far be it from me
to go censoring anyone, ohhhhh no... It appears that my body - [laughs] hold on
- It appears that my entire body is currently
trying to escape this kimono...! [cheers, screams]
[sings under cheering] No, you need to hear that line, 'cause it's
really good! [cheers]
Shh... it's just a naked woman! [laughter]
Dear Daily Mail, you misogynist pile of *** [cheers]
I am tired of these baby bumps, *** flashes, muffin tops
Where are the newsworthy ***?? [cheers]
When Iggy or Jagger or Bowie go shirtless The news barely causes... a ripple
[laughter] Can you see where I'm heading with this?
Blah blah blah feminist, blah blah blah gender ***,
blah blah blah, OH MY GOD...! [crowd]: ***!
[cheers, laughter] Dear Daily Mail, you will never write about
this night I know that because I've addressed you directly
I've made myself no fun to fight [laughter] But thanks to the internet people all over
the world can enjoy this discourse
And commune with a roomful of people in London [cheers]
who aren't drinking Kool-Aid like yours [cheers] And though there'll be millions of people
who'll accept the cultural bar where you... have it at [laughter]
There are plenty of others who are perfectly willing
to see *** in their natural... habitat! [applause]
I keenly anticipate your highly literate [laughter] coverage of upcoming tours
Dear Daily Mail... UP YOURS!
[cheers] Thank you! Goodnight!
[applause]