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Mr. President, there's an emergency in the spaceship.
We detected a small hydrogen leak contaminating the air.
This is a code red situation.
Eh, ok, the Bulls game starts in 3 minutes, so it better be quick.
Here is the candidate's plan to stop the leak.
You need to make a decision.
The Leak is not the problem!
It’s the ship and the mission!
We have to travel at lightspeed, alter the space-time continuum,
go back in time to 1989, watch Back to the future II,
which is an awesome movie,
then go back to 1963, so I can make love to Freja,
that beautiful Scandinavian civil rights activist
whom I never had the courage to speak to,
then go back to 2016 and fix the pipes on the ship
so the leak doesn't happen. It’s simple!
You know, in times of difficulty,
we need a true conservative to fix the leak.
My proposal is simple:
we carpet bomb the fuel tank and eliminate the threat right at the source.
The "establishment", the "coherent",
and the "sane" will make you believe that taking this course of action
will cause the ship to blow up into pieces, killing all of us.
And they are right...
I'm just kinda weird.
Wanna see my nipples?
Ha ha ha ha
Well. A leak is a problem.
And problems are bad.
And bad things make me angry.
Arggggh.
And when I'm angry I get violent.
And when I get violent Bill likes me.
And we make the C-O-P-U-L-A-T-I-O-N,
Copulation.
And then I look at the polls, and think of a solution.
A solution that will lead us to progress.
And progress is a good thing...
for a better America,
that's how we fix the leak.
What's my proposal?
Make you believe I can fix the leak.
I have never fixed a leak,
but once, during a chemistry class break,
I won the third place in helium voice karaoke contest.
So I'm a winner,
4th place winner.
Chame-chame-chameleon.
Thanks America.
I think I just inhaled liquid nitrogen.
Oh boy! Awwww
We have to stop the leak, people.
Although it’s kind of making me feel dizzy.
I don’t know.
I wanna *** my daughter, you know that.
Everybody knows that, so, where was…
oh yeah...we have to get the smartest people on this,
I have the smartest people.
So the trick here is to say outrageous things,
and make the media use you for the ratings,
then use that free publicity to get into people’s heads,
bada boom, bada bing!
There, it’s fixed.
I think the leak is making me honest.
I have a very small ***.
So the fate and continuity of humankind...
is in the hands of these idiots?
Yes sir.
And to save them, I have to make a decision?
Yes sir.
Ok... Put on the Bulls game.