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Previously on The Pantsless Detective:
You!
The Pantsless Detective
in
The Mystery of the Pilot Episode
Act 5: Enter... The Climax!
You're good.
Too good for your own good.
The jig is up Phem.
Game over. Closing time. Last Dance. End of the shoe lace.
Except I have the gun.
Get inside!
Now!
How'd you find out anyway?
You made the mistake of dealing with a gutless rat from Bruno's racket.
I work for Bruno.
Bruno Wesienheimer
The mysterious crime kingpin...
That rules with an iron fist. No one knows what he looks like. We know.
So anyway,
He heard LaRue was rich. Filthy rich.
So rich that his filth had money.
He had me talk to Phem.
He knew that she'd get all LaRue's money if she caught him cheating.
She agreed to split the loot with us in exchange for our help.
But LaRue's never even looked at another woman.
So she turned it into a game. Said it would spice up their love life. She'd pretend to be her evil twin.
They'd sneak away to a house and pretend to have an affair.
He'd only cheat when it wasn't really cheating.
But the photos would show otherwise. And then we'd sweep in and blackmail him.
But how?
She can't sleep with him and establish a firm alibi somewhere else,
Not unless she had a real twin.
She found a way i don't know how.
Besides, it's moot.
According to information I just received, LaRue was broke.
Flat broke.
Flat busted writing a novel in a coffee shop broke.
What? You're lying.
He sunk it all in an orphanage demolition company.
Now, how you fail with a my gold mine like that is beyond me, but he lost it all.
Huh, she must have found out. She kept ranting
how it was all for nothing. I tell you. She had *** in her eyes.
And in her gun.
Where is she now?
They're meeting for another affair tonight.
Same house.
I have to stop... a ***.
Are you tallking.... to me?
No, no, LaRue. It's just a reminder reminder of why I'm here. To stop....
a ***!
Two now. actually!
Good luck with that.
You think I came without back up?
Drop it Miss Tall!
Do you morons really think I had no back up either?
Honey. What?
Move!
I'm just the secretary. I shouldn't even be here!
Move! -Eeeep!
But Honey,
you said it was just a game.
You're an only child.
Your birth certificate clearly states that you have no siblings
-no evil twin. Birth Certificates lie.
Don't you know for a $100 you can make them say anything you want.
Even if you were born in another country.
They're meaningless.
But what about your sister's birth certificate?
We destroyed it.
I haven't officially existed for over thirty-
twenty nine years.
But honey, why?
You just had to go broke didn't you?
Didn't ya?
It was all so perfect.
I'd trick you into cheating on me, take all your money and live a life of leisure on a luxury raft
In Lake Erie.
So I really was cheating on you, honey?
Yes you were really...
wait...
I'm not sure. I get us confused.
Which one of us did he sleep with?
We're 100% conjoined twins. Sometimes its hard to tell where one of us ends and the other begins.
Wait. What?
We had separation surgery when we were 5.
But that still means... -Enough!
Fun's over.
Well, sis, looks like we have two murders each to commit.
You would
except for one crucial detail.
What's that?
My abnormally slim wrists!
Honey!
Honey!
All right.
Tie them up. Call the police.
We have two blackmailers to arrest.
Try one! -oooof!
Honey?
Sis?....
Sis!
Honey?
So was that Phem, or ...?
We never found out who was who
Phem or her twin lapsed into a coma and never recovered.
With one sister in a coma,
the other on the lam, and LaRue broke, there was no one to pay remainder of
the bill
I told Smitty he wouldn't get paid for this case, but he was fine with that.
He just bought some fast coals for his grill. So good for him.
A letter for you, ***.
"My Dearest Richard...
My sister and I really
enjoyed the timed we spent together in your office
and on the phone.
I don't remember which of us sopke with you each time,
but I remember it fondly.
I'm sorry to hear she's in a coma. Perhaps one day I can return and we can move beyond the
***/client relationship.
I look forward to seeing you soon
and having my revenge!
Tune in next time for another exciting episode of:
The Pantsless Detective