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CRAIG: WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY!
WELCOME BACK.
MY FIRST GUEST IS A BEAUTIFUL
AND TALENTED ACTRESS.
SHE'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE GUESTS
ON THIS SHOW.
SHE STARS IN THE NEW FILM
"VERONICA MARS" WHICH IS IN
THEATER TOMORROW.
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
>> WHAT'S THIS?
WAIT A MINUTE.
I SPECIFICALLY TOLD THE AGENCY,
AN EAGER TO PLEASE BRUNETTE.
WHY IS THAT SO HARD?
DID YOU GET SOME WORK DONE?
YOUR *** LOOK BIGGER.
>> SO DO YOURS.
CRAIG: KRISTEN BELL!
CHUZZ
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CRAIG: GOSH, DARNET, KRISTEN.
GOSH DAR NET.
YOU LOOK JUST SO SENSATIONAL, SO
ELEGANT AND SOPHISTICATED AND
WONDERFUL.
>> DITTO!
CRAIG: IS THAT A FRENCH WORD?
>> THIS FEELS RIGHT AGAIN,
DOESN'T IT?
CRAIG: IT DOES.
I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR A WHILE.
YOU'VE BEEN SO BUSY.
YOU GOT MARRIED.
>> THANK YOU MUCH.
CRAIG: YOU HAD A BABY!
>> CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
"VERONA MAR,"
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
JUST KEEP IT CASUAL.
YOUR POSTURE'S GREAT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?
CRAIG: YES.
>> OF COURSE, YOU DO.
CRAIG: IT'S PAPER DAY.
>> IT'S CRAIG AND KRISTEN'S 25.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CRAIG: THAT'S LOVELY!
OH, YOU MADE THIS?
>> I DID.
CRAIG: THIS IS SO, SO BEAUTIFUL.
CAN I PUT THIS ON THE
REFRIGERATOR?
>> OF COURSE, YOU CAN.
CRAIG: WE DON'T HAVE A
REFRIGERATOR.
OH, I KNOW WHERE WE'LL PUT IT.
STAY RIGHT THERE.
HANG ON, HANG ON.
HANG ON.
APPARENTLY WHEN I STAND UP MUSIC
HAPPENS.
>> IT'S A WELL COORDINATED
THING.
-- IT'S A WELL-COORDINATED
THING.
I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.
I'LL PUT IT OVER HERE.
>> I LOOKED IT UP.
AND 25 IS SILVER.
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO GET
YOU.
I DIDN'T KNOW IF YOU WORE
JEWELRY OR WHAT.
SO AGAIN, LOOKING GOOD.
CRAIG: ARE YOU MOCKING ME IN
SOME WAY?
YOU ALWAYS MOCK ME.
>> NO, I DON'T.
CRAIG: I LITTLE BIT.
>> I ONLY TEASE YOU BECAUSE I
ADORE YOU.
CRAIG: I THINK YOU TEASE ME --
>> NA-AH.
I MADE YOU A CARD.
CRAIG: THAT'S TRUE.
THAT'S NOT REALLY A CARD,
KRISTEN.
THAT'S A PIECE OF PAPER THAT
COULD BE FOUND AT ANY DRESSING
ROOM IN THIS BUILDING.
>> I WORKED ON THAT FOR SO LONG.
CRAIG: CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS
MOVIE.
IT'S MADE ENTIRELY BY MONEY THAT
YOU STOLE FROM PEOPLE IS THAT
RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT'S PRETTY EXCITING.
WE FORCED EVERYONE TO GIVE US
MONEY.
NO, WE -- THERE'S A WEBSITE
CALLED KICK STARTER WHERE YOU
CAN SAY, I WANT TO DO THIS
PROJECT.
IT CAN BE I WANT TO MAKE THIS
NEW WATER BOTTLE.
I WANT TO PUT OUT A C.D.
I WANT TO PUT OUT A NEW DOG
TREAT.
CRAIG: I'D LIKE A KANGAROO.
>> AND PEOPLE DECIDE AND THEY
SAY YES, I WANT TO SEE THIS.
AND THANKFULLY 91,581 PEOPLE --
CRAIG: WOW.
>> TO THE TUNE OF DRS. 7.5
$7.5 -- TO THE TUNE OF
MILLION SAID WE WANT TO SEE MORE
"VERONICA MARS"."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CRAIG: I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN
AGES.
YOU'VE GOT A LITTLE BABY.
>> THE BABY IS ALMOST 1 WHICH IS
INSANE BECAUSE I'M SOMEBODY'S
MOM.
COMING OUT OF MY
MOUTH.
CRAIG: I NEVER SAID THAT.
>> THEY'RE FUN.
CRAIG: YES, BEST THING THAT EVER
HAPPENED TO ME, ETC.
>> IT'S THE MOST INTERESTING
THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO
ME.
CRAIG: IT'S VERY INTERESTING.
ARE YOU GETTING ANY SLEEP.
>> THEY TOLD ME NOT TO SAY THIS
OUT LOUD BUT SHE'S BEEN SLEEPING
VERY WELL SINCE THE VERY
BEGINNING.
CRAIG: TOOTSY FROOTSY, KRISTEN.
>> BUT SHE'S A VERY GOOD
SLEEPER.
BUT SHE'S NUTS AND WONDERFUL AND
SHE'S BEEN --
CRAIG: I'VE HEARD IT SAID THAT
GIRLS ARE EASIER EARLIER ON AND
THEN LATER ON YOU GET THE WHOLE
KIND OF -- I HATE YOU MOM!
>> I'M SURE I'M INTO IT.
SHE'S GIVING ME A RUN FOR THE
MONEY.
SHE'S AWESOME BUT SHE'S BEEN
COMING WITH ME FOR THE PRESS
TOUR.
I'M STILL NURSING HER AN I WANT
TO BE AROUND HERE.
AND SHE'S DEFECATED TWICE IN THE
HOTEL ROOM THAT WE'RE STAYING
IN.
BABIES AND ROCK STARS CAN GET
AWAY WITH JUST OBLITERATING A
HOTEL.
AND IT'S NOT OK FOR ANYBODY
ELSE.
CRAIG: YOU HAVE TO LEAVE A
BIGGER TIP.
>> OH, OF COURSE.
CRAIG: LIKE IF I WAS A WAITER
WHICH I WAS.
AND WHEN YOU SEE SOMEBODY COME
IN WITH A BABY YOU THINK, MONEY.
THEY'RE GUILTY.
THERE ARE CHEERIOS EVER WHERE.
>> I'M SWEEPING EVERYTHING ELSE
FROM THE TABLE.
BECAUSE THE BUSBOYS AND THE
WAITERS DIDN'T ASK FOR ME TO
BRING MY BABY IN.
CRAIG: IT'S PART OF THE GIG.
COME ON.
>> I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE CLEANING
UP AFTER ME.
I LIKE CLEANING UP AFTER MYSELF.
CRAIG: HANG ON A SECOND.
I WARNED YOU.
10 POINTS OFF GRYFFINDOR.
SO, WE HAVE TO --
>> WE HAVE TO GO GET SOME CANDY?
CRAIG: SURE.
IT'S A COMMERCIAL BREAK.
>> OH.
CRAIG: YOU'VE FORGOTTEN.
IT'S BEEN THAT LONG.
YOU THINK THIS IS PBS WITH YOUR
COMMUNISM?
>> I WAS JUST HOPING TO GET SOME
CANDY OUT OF IT.
CRAIG: YOU CAN GET SOME CANDY.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HERE SINCE
WE'VE GOTTEN THE CHOCOLATE
DOLLARS.
>> I'VE HEARD ABOUT THESE.
CRAIG: I SUPPOSE YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR THE BIG ONES?
WE'LL TAKE A BREAK.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KRISTEN
BELL.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CRAIG: WE'RE BACK.
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE BACK WITH KRISTEN BELL.
NOW, I -- YOU SHOULD HAVE WORN
THAT DRESS WHEN WE WENT TO
PARIS.
DID YOU GET IT IN PARIS?
>> NO.
CRAIG: IT LOOKS VERY
SOPHISTICATED LIKE I WOULD LIKE
A BACK GET.
>> OOH, I WOULD LIKE A BACK GET.
CRAIG: SEE, I LOVE WHEN YOU
SPEAK FRENCH.
YOU AND GEOFF NEVER GOT ALONG.
>> NOW, I'M A MOM AND I WANT TO
SWEEP EVERYTHING UNDER THE RUG.
I FORGIVE YOU, GEOFF.
GEOFF: THANK YOU.
I FORGIVE YOU TOO FOR WHAT YOU
DID TO ME.
CRAIG: WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?
>> HONESTLY, I THOUGHT I WAS
GOING TO BE ABLE TO FORGIVE HIM.
HE'S SO ANNOYING.
GEOFF: LOOK, I'M SOMEBODY'S MOM
TOO OK.
>> I THINK IT'S TIME TO LET
BYGONES BE BYGONES.
GEOFF: I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
>> I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU AS WELL.
GEOFF: YEAH.
CRAIG: THIS IS MAXIMUM
SINCERITY.
>> IT'S PROGRESS, THOUGH.
CRAIG: PARIS WAS VERY DIFFICULT.
>> YEAH, BECAUSE WE WERE ON
OPPOSITES --
CRAIG: AND ALSO HE RUNS ON A
DIFFERENT VOLTAGE SYSTEM THAN
THE FRENCH SYSTEM.
GEOFF: IT'S TRUE.
IT GETS ME VERY IRRITATED.
CRAIG: WE'RE OUT OF TIME.
>> WHAT?
AUDIENCE: AW!
>> AGREED.
AGREED.
WELL, THEN I'LL JU HAVE TO COME
BACK AGAIN.
CRAIG: 26?
>> YEAH, 26.
CRAIG: AND WHAT DELIGHTFUL CARD
DO? YOU
DID YOU DO IT OR YOUR ASSISTANT?
>> I DID IT BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
AN ASSISTANT.
CRAIG: YOU'RE GOING TO NEED ONE.
WHEN YOU GET A
MARMOSET?
>> I DON'T SUPPORT THE ANIMAL
TRADE.
CRAIG: I'M NOT SURE THAT I KNOW
WHAT A MARMOSET IS.
>> THEY'RE TINY LITTLE MONKEYS.
MARMOSETS ARE AMAZING.
AND YOU LIKE KANGAROOS.
I SPOONED A KANGAROO ONCE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CRAIG: I'VE JUST FOUND A LITTLE
MORE TIME FOR US.
I IKE WITH MY BODY -- LIKE
JUST PUT HIM RIGHT HERE.
CRAIG: WHAT DAX THERE WHEN YOU
WERE DOING THIS?
>> YOU BETCHA.
CRAIG: DID HE SPOON A KANGAROO
TOO?
>> NO, HE DOESN'T HAVE THE
BALLS.
WE WERE IN AUSTRALIA.
AND THERE WAS -- LIKE RESCUE
PETTING ZOO FOR ANIMALS THAT
HAVE BEEN INJURED.
CRAIG: MELBOURNE.
ISN'T IT?
YEAH, YEAH.
AND YOU HOLD A KOALA BEAR?
>> AND YOU KNOW THEY'RE HIGH AS
A KITE.
CRAIG: RIGHT, THE EUCALYPTUS
LEAVES.
>> THEY'RE LIKE *** AND THE
VAST MAJORITY OF THEM HAVE
VENERL DISEASES.
DISEASES.
CRAIG: I HAVEN'T HAD SEX WITH
THEM.
>> NORMALLY THEY DON'T LIKE
HUMAN INTERACTION AND THEY WERE
LIKES T-REX.
ONE WAS LAYING ON THE GROUND AND
I KEPT GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER
AND THEN I SPOONED HER.
CRAIG: YOU'RE LIKE THE GORILLAS
IN THE MIDST LADY.
YOU'RE LIKE KANGAROOS IN THE
PERFECTLY GOOD VISIBILITY.
>> THAT'S WHAT THE FILM IS GOING
TO BE CALLED.
CRAIG: WELL, NOW WE'RE
DEFINITELY OUT OF TIME.
>> OH.
CRAIG: EXCEPT I REMEMBER ANOTHER
THING ABOUT KOALA BEARS THAT
THEIR POOPS ARE LIKE PELLETS.
YOU KNOW WHEN THEY GO TO A
RESTAURANT AND THEY HAVE THAT
WRAPPED OLIVE THING.
>> GRAPE LEAVES.
CRAIG: THEY LOOK LIKE THAT.
TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME TOO.
[LAUGHTER]
>> IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY JUST LOOK
LIKE NORMAL POOP LOGS.
CRAIG: NORMAL POOP LOGS?
WHAT IS A NORMAL POOP LOG.
>> YOU KNOW, LIKE A NORMAL POOP
LOG.
CRAIG: IT'S ALL POOP SINCE
YOU'VE HAD THE BABY.
>> I'VE SEEN A LOT OF POOP.
CRAIG: THERE'S A LOT OF POOP.
AND IT JUST GETS WORSE.
>> YEAH, A LOT -- A LOT -- A LOT
OF PUMPKIN PIE.
AND A LOT OF --
CRAIG: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
PEOPLE?
ALL RIGHT.
WE'RE DEFINITELY OUT OF TIME.
>> YEAH.
ME TOO.
[LAUGHTER]
CRAIG: MEDITATION, AWKWARD
PAUSE?
CRAIG: FINGER SMELL?
>> FINGER SMELL.
CRAIG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT
IS.
BUT I'M WILLING TO FIND OUT.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
CRAIG: KRISTEN BELL, EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.