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[All I want for christmas is you]
- Okay Katie, this is the last delievery I promis.
Why are you reading my cars user manual?
- I wanted to learn more about it.
Did you know your car is a total piece of ***?
- [giggles] Give me that.
- Are we gonna go soon? We can't miss Santa.
- Katie, I thought we talked about this.
- I know.
- Santa's gonna come next year.
And he's gonna bring you twice as many presents, I promis.
- Pinky promis?
- I can do better then that.
You wear this all year long, and then when Santa comes
next year you can give it back to me.
- But this is your favortite necklace.
- And your my favorite sister.
- I'm your only sister.
- Oh that's right you don't know about Samantha.
- Who?
- She was a good little sister, just like you.
But you know then she started making fun of my car, so..
I had to give rid of her.
- How did you do it?
- Oh, you know I.. Tickled her to death.
[both laughs]
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- I'll be right back okay? -Okay.
- Are you child protective service?
'Cause your not ever taking my baby!
- Uhm, no I'm just the delievery girl.
You must be Shananay?
- Do I look like a Shananay to you?
- Is that a trick question?
- Uh, my pizza. Is there toe nails and *** hair in it?
- What? Ya'll always *** up.
- That'll be 15 dollars.
- Here's an even 20.
- Great, thank you.
- Oh, hold on there firecrotch.
Where do you think you're going?
- To my car?
- With MY 5 dollars?
- With her 5 dollars?
- I am so sorry, I thought it was a tip.
- You thought it was a tip?
- She thought it was a tip.
- Are we really doing that now?
- You dont think it's cute? It's like we's twin.
- Okay girl, the only thing me and you have in commen
is that we both had sex with RJ and we both got his craps.
- RJ, didn't have craps.
- He didn't? Then who did I get mine from? Bob Saget.
- Here's your change I am so sorry.
- Wait! Don't you want your tip?
Don't have sex with Bob Saget. [both laughs]
- Oh, and go get a real job! [laughs]
- Girl, you ain't even got a job.
- I know allright? [both laughs]
- Girl you crazy, you wanna smoke some weed? -Hell yeah.
[The grinch who stole christmas - Cartoon version]
- [laughs] Why is that big club of weed
walking around in socking? Do they sell talking weed?
[Coughs]
Man, so much for a merry christmas. My own sister didn't even
give me a gift.
[farts]
- Oh never mind, you got me perfume!
Uh, that smells so good! I really wanted "Britney
Spears - Curios" but that works too!!
- I must stop christmas from coming.. But how?
- Then he got an idea. The grinch got a wonderful awful idea.
- That's what I'll do!
- What's your gonna do?
- I'm gonna steal christmas!
- Run girl, good luck with that. Talking weed.
[laughs] I've seen that.
[shoots]
- Okay. First house.
Danm! Good thing I know how to pick a lock.
I still got it.
This calls for my very own fantasy dance number! Hit it.
♪♪ Running around your neighborhood ♪♪
♪♪ and I'm stealing all your *** ♪♪
- You better watch out!
♪♪ I hopw that you have alot of bling, 'cause ♪♪
♪♪ I'm gonna go shopping in. ♪♪
- Uh is that gold?
♪♪ Making it rain with your christmas card and I'm ♪♪
♪♪ wrapping all your gifts. ♪♪
- I hope you have a ***.
♪♪ Maybe I'll try to smoke your tree ♪♪
♪♪ and then I'll *** your fridge ♪♪
- Uh twinkies.
♪♪ Tomorrow you will see me on your local evening News ♪♪
♪♪ This just in without a witness a crazy ♪♪
♪♪ *** has stolen christmas I hope you don't have ♪♪
♪♪ any cameras and I hope I don't wake you. ♪♪
♪♪ but I hope for most of all, is that none of you are jews ♪♪
- Come on boys. Put your dicks into it. Haha yeah.
♪♪ Running around your neighborhood ♪♪
♪♪ and I'm stealing all your *** ♪♪
♪♪ step over the gritch 'cause i'm the new *** who ♪♪
♪♪ just don't miss christmas! ♪♪
- Huh. I'm tired, anyone got a blunt?
Allright. Last house.
Oh no. Where is all the presents? And decorations? And joy?
Jews. Uh a tree. Uh, danm. That is a sad *** tree.
- Santa?
- Oh. [deep voice] Hey there little boy.
- I'm a girl.
- For real? With that jaw line? I mean uh..
of cause you are, Santa Claus in just *** around.
- I thought you weren't gonna come this year.
- Why? Because you heard Santa got shot? Cause I
don't know who did that.
- No because Brenda said you couldn't afford to come this year.
- Oh. Is Brenda your mom?
- No, she's my sister. My mom died when I was a baby.
- Mine did too.
- Really?
- Yeah. What's your name?
- Katie.
- Well, it's nice to meet you Katie. And I was kiddding about
your jaw line, it's strong. Like a Kardashian.
- Eeww.
- Yeah. That was a bad exampel. So what about your daddy?
Is he sexy..Home?
- No he's in jail.
- So is mine.
- Really?
- Yeah. Girl we like twins. Do you have a tumor in the middle of
your *** that kind of look's like Kimmie Gibler?
- No.
- Yeah me neither.
- I have a picture of my dad right here.
- Oh. That's Brenda.
"Oh, and go get a real job! [laughs]"
- Yeah, she misses dad alot. She said he's coming
home next christmas. I just wish he wasn't so far away.
- Yeah Me too. I haven't had a real
family christmas since I was like.. 8.
- That's how old I am.
- Girl shut the *** up. This is crazy.
- Your funny.
- You think? I tried to do stand-up, but girl I got so
tired I had to sit down. [Katie laughs] Oh, look at you
you love to laugh. What's your favorite TV show?
- Whitney!
- Uh, girl you just laugh at anything. Well,
I should probably get going. I have alot of Santa things to do.
You know reindeers to feet, cookies to eat, gotta
*** Mrs. Claus and all that stuff so.
- Oh.. Okay, Will you remember me?
- Auh. Of course I will Ling-Ling.
- Katie.
- Oh sorry. Santa smoked alot of weed earlier
and you kind of have little asian eyes. Well.. Peace.
- Santa?
- I knew you would come.
- Okay.. Bye.
- Brenda, Brenda it's christmas get up, get up.
Come on. Get up. Brenda get up.
- I am guessing you want me to make you..
- Christmaster Pancakes!
- You are so demanding.. I got you something.
I know that it's kind of small and kind of stupid, but..
I thought that you might like it.
- It's so cute.
- I just wish I could have gotten you more.
- I love it.
- Okay, let's go make you pancakes. -Yeah.
- What?
- Merry christmas.
- Santa came. I knew he would come.
- I hope you don't mind, I did a little decorating.
- You did all this? Why?
- Well, I felt bad for not giving you a tip. And for
calling you firecrotch. And I know what's it's like to grow up
not having a christmas. And not having a dad.
- Thank you.
[doorbell rings]
- You didn't think I forgot about you did you?
- Dad?
- Brenda, honey.
- Daddy?
- Yeah, it's me sweetheart.
- How are you here?
- Let's just say I did a little christmas miracle.
- Shananay! Where do you want me to bury this policeman body?
Oh. Sorry, Merry Christmas!
- I don't even know who that *** is.
- Brenda?
- Yeah?
You can keep this I gave it to you.
- Santa came, dads home. A deal is a deal.
- Okay, well. I should get going.
I'm sure you guys have a lot of catching up to do so..
- No, stay.
- No, no I don't wanna intrude on family time.
- Why would you think that your intruding when...
Your part of this family?
- Ya'll about to get me emotional.
And I'm on my period so I'm about to get REAL emotional.
Can I get a hug?
This IS the best christmas ever.
- [Announcer] What happened then? Well.. In Hoville they say
that Shananay's small heart grew 3 sizes that day. And she got
a gift that can't be found in the store. She finally got
a family. And that means so much more.
[All I Want For Christmas Is You By: Unknown Artist]
[Captioned By: ClosedCaptionsTV]