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…first time, show a lot of love,
Kirk Bianchi! [applause]
[pause]
How are you guys doing tonight?
Seems you're havin’ a lot of fun! That was awesome! [applause]
Well that’s right (but) it (USED TO BE)
Kirk Allen Bee Yannn Shee, not Bee On Kee.
For 25 years of my life that’s what I was known as! [laughter]
Until I came out here… (to learn otherwise)…
Hey Tony! This is a great “Aaaambiaaance” you got goin' on here!
Can I have a “chimichAAAYnga” or is it a “chimichAHNga?” And how about my “tortiLLas?”
Ya know, yeah. In Michigan we uh, we kinda got that CanAAAdian thing goin' a little WiscAAAnsin
thing going...
Anybody from Michigan here? Yeah, Yeah! [cheering]
Only YOU people will get this… The rest of you? Fuhgettaboudit!!
All of you came from your mommy's tummy? I DIDN’T come from there…
I came from right there! [laughter] Right past that freckle!!
It’s the only state in the union that’s a MAP! Everybody that’s from Michigan GETS
THIS.
The rest of you people? I don’t know where YOU’RE from but… "I’m from right here,
I’m from right here, and here’s I-75", YOU get it… [laughter]
That’s right, That’s right, so, YEP! It’s now “Bianchi” like “be on key” like
you were singing?
I go back and introduce myself, and my family? Someone hears me and “You GAVE UP our NAME
man!" What are you talking about? "You gave up our NAME!”
NOW I listen to their voice mail? Yes? (It’s MY DAD!) (It says) “ Ah…this is Hank “BeeOnKey,”
please leave a message.” That’s great.. (My college education dad), it’s comin’
back to yah!
Alright, well its, uh, 1979, I was 9 years old and there’s two events in 1979 that
really shaped my life… One? Im going to give you a clue…It’s a Movie… that’s
one clue,
And the second clue is? “In space, nobody can year you scream!”
[Audience murmuring] “Star Wars… Star Wars… Space Balls….Alien… Alien!”
I can’t hear you! We’re in space! What Movie?
Audience “ALIEN!”
YES its Alien! Very awesome Cinema-to-gra-phy…
I had to say that slowly cause my mouth is realllly dryyyy… any way…Cinematography…Lighting
is awesome!
The only happy lighting scene in that movie is when the guys finally got that thing off
his face, and they are all at the dining room and its light and its bright…[deep sigh]
Some relief in this movie!
And he’s so happy to have this thing off his face and he’s scarfing his meal “ AHHH
this is SO GOOD!” “You should slow down!” “NO this is GOOD!”
I mean I’m nine OK? And HE’S eating …Chef
Boyardee? YEAH! And the next thing you know?
[exploooodding sound] And this snake POPS out of his CHEST and I’m like, freakin'
OUT! [pause]
I eat Chef Boyardee!!! When no one is looking, from the cupboard, cold, from the can, fast!
I’m not doin' that any more….[shudders]
Woah! Man!
Well the second profound event that year was the birth of my cousin…New years eve baby,
she was SO cute, yeah…
I had a younger sister and younger cousin but we were spaced out enough, I was kinda
like an only child you know so…
She was so sweet, yah, we’re…SHE has a SECRET!
There’s three other profound truths that I learned that year…
ONE, she had a secret.
TWO, she came from her mothers tummy! (There’s a connection to Alien here!)
THREE, I know how she came out (like Alien), and it’s not like mom said!
Yah, well, the secret is? God DID in fact like Bill Cosby said, “Put the STINK in
the poo-poo.”
Yes that was the FOURTH profound truth of that year. SO! Yeah! Big deal is we’re commuting
to church on Sunday, HELLO! My Dad is driving the Bianchi Bus ’78 Beauville (Chevy Van),
blue and light blue, with white-walled armor-all you know (mag) rims goin’ on there, whatever
you got goin’.
And uh, we pick them up, and I’m bouncing the baby on my knee, “Aaa-boooo!” and
she laughs…and it's great! “Aaa-boooo!” and she laughs…and it's great!
This is like an hour commute, OK?
I’m SURE it got old. But always in the first five minutes, yeah? PBBBBBBBBB [pooping sound],
OK and my dad is driving! My DAD…Who’s known for sayin’: “Bus is leavin’!!!”
Yeah we’re driving across to the west side of Detroit to go to church and no, do we pull
over? NO!
It’s winter…Do we roll the windows down? NO! You change the diaper in the car and Kirk’s
sitting in the back of the 1978 Chevy Van and who gets to ride with the “leftovers”
in the back?
Yeah? God put the stink in the POO POO! Nasty.
Well the only safe place in the universe after watching Alien was my grandparents house…till
Sarah came along…
Great place you know…tree swing, cottonwoods, trains in the distance, cornfields in the
backyard, boys dream you know, you just kick back, read your book, space out, forget about
it…
But Sarah, I told you she had a secret! She’s comin' along, I'm reading my book, minding
my own business…
YES YES! So she crawls up on my shoulder, from behind, and there’s this slime dripping
down on my neck! Alien Alien AHHHHHH!
And I look back and just like in the movie there’s this gaping maw coming down and
she’s got this thing ready to project out of her mouth and she’s going to go for my
throat and I said, "MAMAU MAMAU WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS SHE DOING????"
"KIRK ALLEN BEE-YAN-SHEE, don’t you EVER have kids! That little baby was trying to
give you a kiss!!!"
And I finally knew the secret… She IS a space alien! I tell yah she really is a space
alien I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!
Thank you all!
Kirk Bianchi Signing off. [applause] Mr Collin Casey…at the bat…CASEY at the BAT!�