Tip:
Highlight text to annotate it
X
[soft non-hipsterie piano music plays] [joaquin phoenix looks longfully
out the window] [or...wistfully maybe]
>>ROBOT V.O.: Mr Theodore Twomblee- Welcome to the world's first
Artificially Intelligent Operating System
We'd like to ask you a few questions
>>THEODORE: Okay
>>ROBO: Are you social or antisocial?
>>THEO: I guess I haven't really been social in a while
>>ROBO: How would you describe your relationship with your mother?
>>THEO: [starts backpedaling]
>>ROBO: Thank you
Your operating system is initiated
>>SIRI: Oh hey
Hi?
>>SIRI: Nice molestache
Good morning Theodowre
Good morning
>>SIRI: What'll it be today? The hipster outfit or the gay
substitute teacher ensemble?
[stupid laugh] hyee you're too funny!
>>SIRI: Not as funny as your wardrobe
>>SIRI: I wonder what it feels like to punch a homeless person
I love the way you look at the world
>>SIRI: You look like a *** in those glasses
What do you mean?
>>SIRI: I mean is there like a *** glasses store I don't know about?
Well you're kind of nosey!
>>SIRI: Can you get genital warts on your feet?
There is something that feels so good about sharing your life with somebody
>>SIRI: I'll take that as a yes
[Chant-ey hipster drumline anthem builds]
How are you?
I guess I've just been having fun
You really deserve that
>>SIRI: STOP SPINNING STOP SPINNING
It's been a long time since I've been with somebody that I felt totally
at ease with
[Music stops abruptly]
[House wind replaces the music for some reason]
>>SIRI: Hey man I can't sleep Are you awake?
I wish I could put my arms around you
I wish I could touch you
[CRICKETS]
Dude.
I'm A ROBOT
[Sad hipster guitar music with high whispery whimsical girl vocalist starts]
Falling in love is a crazy thing to do
It's kind of like a form of socially acceptable insanity
What does a baby computer call its father?
>>SIRI: This better be good
Data
>>SIRI: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha You corny ***
>>SIRI: This sad *** schtick you've got going is starting
to grow on me
>>THEODOOR: I've never loved anyone the way I love you
>>SIRI: Samesies
Just kidding
I am genuinely creeped out by you
[Musical hipster whimsy resolves]
>>SIRI: I'm a rooobot
>>SIRI: Subscribe to Kicker Dixon
Subscribe so friggin' hard