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Dekh raha hai , dekh raha hai, 5va din hai aaj ... Lagatar 5ve din vapas se saala mera pant-shirt sab keechad!
Abe ye auto walo ko dikkat kya hai mere se yaar? Jab bhi mere side se nikalenge, poora paani mere upar.
Kasam se, Agle janam me main auto wala ban gaya na, toh saale in sabpe line se paani maar ke jaunga...
Ye dekh, Lee Cooper ke 2,000 ke joote!
2 Mahine pehle liye, Kharab ! Kya karunga inka?
Ye maine upar sukhayi thi, Ye yahaan bistar pe kya kar rahi hai ?
Tu saale din bhar Kaccho se khelta rehta hai mere!
Meri chaddi hai. Haan? Meri chaddi hai, meri chaddi!!
Ye bhi teri hogi???
Kya macha ke rakha hai yaar? Tu mere aane ka interzaar karta hai, main aake ye sab gand saaf karunga!?
Saale kuch toh kaam kar liya kar, din bhar pada pada, pata nahi saala *** dekhta rehta hai kya karta rehta hai!
You actually left it?
Yahaan saale tune gand macha ke rakhi hai, vahaan saale BMC walo ne gand macha ke rakhi hai.
Har dusri sadak khudi hui hai...yahaan khuda hai vahaan khuda hai...
Abe aisa konsa khajana gadaa hua hai jisko khod ke dhoond rahe hai yaar.
Abe pata hai kabhi kabhi toh mujhe kya lagta hai...ke ye in logo ki chaal hai...
Kuch kuch karte raho, progress ho rahi hai ...
Tarakki ho rahi hai , haan..India Shining, Tum chalo toh hindustan chale!
Abe Hindustan chalega kahaan? Sadak pe gaddhe jyada hai, jagah kam hai.
Abe tu meri baat sun bhi raha hai ki nahi?
Abe oye, kabse bakar kar rahu, sun raha hai ki nahi?
Chhote, Duniya khatam hone wali hai... The world is going to END! The Apocalypse is here.
Baith na !
Saale tune phir se gaanja maar ke 2012 dekhi hai, mujhe pata hai ...
Nahi Dekhi. Jhooth mat bol, Dekhi hai tune mujhe acche se pata hai.
Haan dekhi hai aur uske baad Day After Tomorrow bhi dekhi hai ...
Itni fat ti hai to dekhte hi kyu ho?
Abe oye, meri fat ti nahi hai, I am a writer. Ye Hollywood ki 2 picture dekh ke meri fategi nahi!!!
Samjha! I can write scarier ***!
Writer! Abe, aajkal har koi writer hai. Mera lead hai na, Subramaniam, uski 12 saal ki beti hai.
Uske blog pe tere blog se jyada hits aate honge!
Kya, kya, kya naam hai tere blog ka ... Wo sab toh theek hai, par duniya khatam hone wali hai ...
Abe aisa naam kaun rakhta hai apne blog ka ???
Hits kaise aate hai tere uspe? Haan? Kuch bhi blog ka naam rakh lega?
Kabhi padha hai tune?
Padhna bhi nahi hai mere ko
Aur ye kya tera naya shauk hai, haan..kya khujli machi hai tere ko? Apocalypse, 2012!
Agar main galat nahi hu toh picchle 2 hafte me tune 8vi baar ye film dekhi hai.
11vi baar. Yaar, but thats not the point. The world is actually going to end.
Wo kya hai na scene, 21st Oct, 2012, that will be the Judgement Day! Mark my words.
And.. it is written across different cultures, religions... kuch toh fact hoga hi !
Nostradamus, Mayan Civilisation, I mean ... kya, kar kya raha hai tu?
Dikh nahi raha saale, Change kar raha hu...
Haan, toh main kya bol raha hu...Its actually a fact. Tu dekh...
If you go online, there are so many communities, web forums, there are scientific theories that support this yaar
Sab theories bakwas saali,
To facts batata hu ...January 2010 -- Haiti Earthquake. Toh? 30 lakh log mare.
Chile Earthquake -- Feb, 2010 Coincidence. 13 lakh log mare.
Aur ye bhi coincidence hai ? Wo november me Japan me abhi aaya tha, Earthquake and Tsunami...
I dont even know how many people died! Aur iske alawa ye Srilanka, Sumatra, Bhuj ... Ye sab toh laga hi rehta hai ...
Bhuj!!! Bhuj se yaad aaya yaar, Bhujiya khane ka mann ho raha hai... Bahut bhook lagi hai yaar... Khane me kya hai?
Khana nahi bana hai. Kyu? Bai ne saali ne phir se chutti maari?
Aayi thi. Toh banwaya kyu nahi?
Sabji nahi thi. Dal chawal banwa leta.
Dal bhi nahi thi. To chawal banwa leta!
Chawal bhi nahi the. To le aata!!!
So raha tha yaar. Tere sone ke chakkar me roj office se aake saale main bhookha rahta hu. Phir mangwana padega.
Dekh, idhar rakha hai jo kuch bhi hai...Khana hai toh kha le!
Ye, Office se aake roj roj ye beer-chips, beer-chips. Saale, dekh raha hai kaisi haalat ho gayi hai meri!!
Accha ek baat bata, tu dhabe me paida hua tha kya? Jab dekho khane ki padi hai!
Personal kyu ho jaata hai be?
Saale idhar duniya ki mummy didi ek ho rahi hai ...
Nuclear Disasters, Earthquakes, Terrorism, Riots, Falling Sex-Ratio, Double Dip recession ...
Aur kya kya nahi ho raha hai? ... Wo Greece has still not recovered, Europe ki lagi padi hai ...
Increasing infidelity. Boss, Aadmi ko aadmi pe bharosa nahi hai , Aadmi ko aurat pe bharosa nahi hai...
If this is not the end, then what IS the end?
Yaar baaki sab toh theek hai, par increasing infidelity???
Teri ye baat har baar ghoom phir ke vahin kyu pahuch jaati hai? Wo jaa chuki hai yaar, be a man, accept it.
I am not even talking about that. Chhod na.
Main kyu chhodu, wo chhod chuki hai tujhe, Kabka !!!
Dekh yaar, Mujhe pata hai tujhe roj roj daaru peene ka bahana chahiye, but she aint worth it, to be very frank.
Dude, I dont want to talk about it. Dekh, I dont care whether she... lives or ....
Dekh, Acche se pata hai mujhe, how do you feel about her. Par iska matlab ye nahi hai ki tu poori duniya ki maa behan kar dega...
Dekh, Aisi baat nahi hai, It's not about her. Main tujhko batata hoon ...
South Asia... SA mein jo kuch bhi hota hai uska impact Tundra region tak jaata hai ...
Pata hai kyu Kyu? 'coz of Tectonic plates.
Titanic Plates?
TECTONIC! Kuch pata bhi hai tujhe???
Abe saale, fat jayega!
Toh... Butterfly effect. Matlab samajh raha hai tu..what i am trying to say..
Tu yahi kehna chah raha hai na ki agar Burma me bhookamp aayega toh baju wale Verma ka ghar bhi hilega !
aadmi hai tu...
Baat samajh me nahi aati tere ko!
Ye kya hai ? Accha hai. Paani hai, aur kya?
NIMBU PAANI hai! Kahin ka bhi paani ho, paani toh hai!
Haan toh main kya bol raha tha ... ki ...Verma ke ... Shhhhhh ...
Hello...Haan, Pranaam Papa...
Haan Abhi office se aaya hu.
Khana? Khana nahi bana hai.
Kha lunga... Diwali pe aaunga papa, aaunga. Oye, Cigarrette de na...
Agent se baat kar li hai... Maine tujhe bola tha na Cigarrette ... Pagal hai kya... Ghar se phone hai ... saala.
Hmm, nahi agent se bol ke karwa dunga...
Line-vine me nahi lagunga subah 5 baje se... Last time bhi laga tha, mera number aate aate waiting ho gaya tha.
To theek hai papa, Paise lagenge toh kamaate kisliye hai?
Haan, haan, haan main karwa dunga, aap tension na lo...Main karwa dunga.
Theek hai, Chalo..Rakhta hu... Haan... Maa ko pranaam bolna.
Amma ke dulaare, Cigarette de.
Tu tu tu le ... Saale ek saath, sab saari ki saari ek saath phoonk le ...
Pagal ho gaya hai saale, ghar se phone aaya hai, 2 min ruk nahi sakta hai...
Aur ye tere ko Apocalypse ki khujli kyu machi?
Arre dude, *** ! Kya hai na... ek short sto... Ye le, phenk diya tha na ..
Short Story competition hai, So I have to write a story about the Apocalypse.
But I am not getting the ending yaar ...
Dude, if you haven't noticed, this is apocalypse. The ending is already written for you.
What? Everything gets over? Ye koi ending hai? ending hai!
Who would like to read such an ending? Boss, Story me drama hona chahiye, romance hona chahiye ...
...koi love angle hona chahiye, Juries love *** like that.
Arre wo likh yaar! Japan me Tsunami aaya tha...
...wo ek kutta apne maalik ko ghaseet ke safe jagah pe le gaya tha..Mast kahani banegi...
Mujhko Jackie Shroff ki Teri Meharbaaniya nahi likhni ...
Ye dekh raha hai? Kab se dekh raha hu saale, pata nahi kya chipka ke rakha hai!
Dude, This is the school of acting! Robert De Niro. Iske movies dekh, samjhega tu what I am talking about...
Taxi Driver dekhi hai? Maine tujhe bola tha...
Tune hi dikhayi thi bitha ke saale, paka diya tha mujhe..
***, Kya sexy... do u remember that scene? Which scene?
You talkin' to me ...You talkin' to me? Who the *** are you talkin' to?
Noone is talking to you.
Aur ye scene karke kya prove karna chahta hai tu?
Yahi toh Point hai .. See, This one scene, tujhe lagta hai, it changes the whole complexion of the movie!!
Aisa hi ek twist chahiye mujhe apni story me ...
Arre , Twist kyu chahiye ???
'coz the story has to have a twist yaar! Kabhi padhi hoti toh pata hota...
Abe gareebo ke Robert DeNiro.
Ye apna filmi chashma utaar ke fenk aur duniya dekh.
Abe duniya kaise chalti hai pata hai, koi twist nahi hote usme.
Aadmi paida hota hai ...School jaata hai, College jaata hai, Naukari lag jaati hai ...
Shaadi ho jaati hai, Bacche ho jaate hai... aur bacche acche nikal gaye toh tu Bhagyawaan ...
Aur agar harami nikal gaye toh budhapa Baghban.
Kitna simple bana diya tune life ko!
Agar Larry Flint, Hugh Hefner, Ye log bhi teri tarah sochte na ...
...toh aaj tak tu Mastram se hi kaam chala raha hota!
Mujhe toh aaj bhi Playboy se jyada Mastram pasand hai. Bas!
Abe ye sab..sab chhod...
Ab dekhenge Rakhi ka Swayamwar.
Ae *** dude, ae wo mat laga ... plz .. tu kya yaar... Ohh fuuuu... Duuuude !
Lag gayi teri kaali nazar saale, TV kharab ho gaya! Yahaan baarish shuru hui nahi ki TV kharab...
Ye SRK ka saala, I m going to sue him, Dish karo, Wish karo...
Abe inke office me jaake *** karo saala !
Sharam nahi aati tujhe, roj ye loser swayamvar *** dekhta rehta hai ...
I would be less ashamed watchin *** in front of my Dad with my pants down than watching this ***!
Abe but final hai yaar, mujhe dekhna hai who'll lose, who'll win ...
Arre wo teeno losers hai, jo jejus ki beti ke liye national TV pe kabaddi khel rahe hai.
Arre but its funny yaar, and whats the point of having a TV and not watching this ...
weird *** up *** jo tu apni life me vaise kabhi nahi dekhne wala hai .
This is one more reason why the Apocalypse is happening!
Tu khud soch wo jejus ko kaisa feel hota hoga...
Wo apne liye jaan de diya...
aur apan life aise waste kar rahe hai ...
Ankit ko phone laga ke poochta hu uska signal aa raha hai ki nahi...
Yaar mere phone me signal nahi aa raha hai, tu try kar tera..
Ankit ki dukaan toh vaise bhi band ho gayi ...
Chhote, nahi aa raha signal.
Dude, Apocalypse !
Bahar baarish ho rahi hai, idhar signal udd gaya!
Apocalypse ki maa ki ... Oye, wo baaju wali ladkiyo ke flat me chal ke poochte hai na signal aa raha hai ki nahi...
Arre ***, kya chamdi aadmi hai tu yaar!!!
Kya... Last weekend bhi tamatar maange pahuch gaya tha. Kya problem kya hai tera...
Khud ki nahi toh meri ijjat ki parwah kar.
kaahe ki ijjat be?
Saala, har dusre hafte ladkiya leke unke gate ke saamne se nikalata hai...
Kya sochti hongi tere baare me wo log?
Wo toh main hu jo jaate aate thoda hi-*** kar leta hu, to teri thodi ijjat bhi hai...
Teri harkato ke kaaran saale kabse GPL ho gayi hoti hamari iss Multi se...
Baat karta hai saala ! Chaat mat, Darwaja udhar hai, ja pooch ke aa, mera dimaag mat kharab kar.
Accha accha senti mat ho, senti mat ho, chal chal bata tu kya bata raha tha ..chal bata...
Haan, toh main tujhe kya bata raha tha ...
Twist! Abe tujhe kya pata hoga twist ke baare me?
Teri poori life, you have lived in the same neighbourhood...
...same city, haan, apart from my esteemed company which you have been enjoying for the last 3 years...
Tu Kanpur me hi padha, bada hua, udhar hi engg ki ...
udhar ki hi londiya pata li... Vahaan mat jaa....
Tujhe kya pata duniya ke baare me yaar...
...dekhi bhi hai duniya tune?
I mean, haan, NY jarur gaya tha tu ... wo tere manager ne ...
S/W wale hote hai na, Onsite ki haddi pakda di thi tujhe ...
Lapak ke le li thi tune ...
Udhar bhi kya kiya tune ... Roj raat ko rota tha, mujhe bolta tha yaar bahut kaam hai ...
Saale dekh ke aana chahiye tha ... Times Square pe 4 photo khinchaye tune ...
Wo daal diye tune FB pe, tere wo 40 friends kanpur me, unhone like kar diya...
Tu khush ho gaya, tujhe kuch chahiye life me? Haan? Thoda ambition hona chahiye...
Tera ye small town mentality will take you nowhere... Build some ambition dude.. Saala, 'frog in the well' ...
do you want more from life, kuch chahiye tujhe?
Abe nahi chahiye , kuch nahi chahiye.
Bahut happening samajhta hai na khud ko...Mujhe loser samajhta hai...
Haan, bahut happening life hai na teri.
Maana main teri tarah happening nahi hu...Teri tarah Metallica, Nirvana nahi sunta hu...
Par jo sukoon mujhe kishore kumar ko sun ke milta hai na wo isko sun ke na kabhi aaya hai, na kabhi aayega.
Aur, tere aur tere dosto ki tarah mere paas koi exceptional talent nahi hai ...
Han, mujhe photography, Guitar bajana, nachna gaana ye sab nahi aata...
Par beta mujhe ek cheej aati hai , aur usme koi MICALAL mera haath nahi pakad sakta...
Wo hai 'Coding'..aur kyu aati hai mujhe coding, bata?
kyuki poore college me maine iske alawa aur kuch kiya hi nahi...
Religiously padhai ki apni..
Aisa nahi hai ki main logo ke saath jaana nahi chahta tha...
But jo funky group hota tha na, wo log mujhe accept nahi karte the ...
Kisi ladki se kabhi baat kyu nahi ki , kyuki mere pichhwade pe Levi's ka thappa...
aur haath ne Fastrack ka patta nahi tha!
Baat karta hai saala!
Saale, un logo ke saath kyu hangout karu main? Haan?
Har hafte unko, tours pe jaana hai, trips pe jaana hai ...
Abe, aaj bhi jo log, ye, ye log jinke saath main jaana chahta tha na, Habib's me jaake 350 me baal katwate the ...
Meri nazro me jo 300 rs me baal katwane ke deta hai, wo hai, pagal hai ...Aaj bhi!
Abe tujhe pata hai, tu bol raha hai na, 4 mahine ke liye main onsite gaya tha...
yahin se crew cut karwa ke gaya tha 30 rs me!
Roj aaine me khud ko dekhta tha.. ki kaisa dikh raha hai ... Phir bhi theek hai, chalta tha mere ko ...
Paise bachane the, pata hai tujhe vahan paise, kitne lagte hai , baal katane ke? Bata?
12 Dollor!
PATA HAI MUJHE! Gaya tha main vahaan pe ! 600 rs lagte hai, ye bhi pata hai.
But point ye hai, ki main bhale hi mahine me 60K kamaa raha hu...
lekin baal kataane ke itne rupaye dena mujhe fizoolkharchi lagti hai saale!
Baat karta hai ! 12 $ !
Kya andha? kya kuyein ka mendhak?
No ambition in life, Small town, small town...
Theek hai, Kanpur me paida hua, Vahin pala badha, aur retire hoke vahin settle ho jaunga...
Tera ye mumbai mujhe pasand nahi hai. I dont like this city of yours.
Izzat kya hai yahan pe aadmi ki? Haan?
Jab tu yahaan pe apni unchi karke ondha pada rehta hai na...
Roj subah 6 baje nikal jaata hu main taiyyar hoke. Local me.
Ek pair aur ek haath bahar latka kar.
Aur meri tarah, naa jaane kitne log nikalate hai...
Apne PM se din bhar apni marwata hu...
Uske baad usi local me latak ke saale vapas aa jaata hu.
5 din bas yahi karta hu... Coding coding coding!!!
Aur weekend pe kya, idhar se dosto ko bula liya, udhar se dosto ko bula liya ..
Lonawal chale gaye, khandala chale gaye...
Aur wo nahi ho paaya, toh ghar pe daaru le aaye, talli ho gaye!
Abe kya chutiya life hai, iss se jyada adventurous life toh ek keede ki hoti hai!
Baat karta hai saala !
Shor, shor, shor..kitna shor hai yaar iss shehar me.
Traffic, Chill-Po, che-che, pepe, log, bheed, jams, 2-2 ghante tak jam move hi nahi ho rahe...
Abe yaar, kabhi kabhi toh apne dimaag me kya chal raha hai ye sochne me bhi dikkat hoti hai ...
Bahut Kanpur, Kanpur kar raha hai na tu, hmm.. I miss my Kanpur.
Pata hai Kanpur me sabse jyada kya miss karta hu main?
Mera ek proper ghar tha, jisme hawa aati thi, jisme roshni aati thi, jiske saamne space hota tha...
Space ki baat kar raha hai, ye aise kacche bistar me sukha aur upar pankha chala ke nahi jaana padta tha...
Saamne proper field hoti thi, jisme main khelkar bada hua ...
Ye jo tumne bana rakhe hai na, 50-100 story ke high-rise apartments...
ye saale kabootarkhane hai, kabootarkhane...
Isme flats ke naam pe tumko machis ki dabbiya de dete hai, jisme na zameen tumhari ...
...na deewar tumhari, na chhat tumhari.
Saala, upar log, neeche log, abe ghutan hoti hai yaar yahaan par mujhe.
Abe saala iss se jyada ventilation toh ...
ek vadapav me paav ke beech me fanse huye vade ko milta hoga...
I'm sorry yaar. Aur tu itna load mat le yaar.
Chill maar, Change your job or something. Move to delhi or ...
I mean, main hota toh maine toh abhi tak give up kar diya hota..
I don't even know why you put all this fight.
Yaar Rohan, frustapa sabko hota hai yaar...
Tujhe hai, mujhe hai ...Yaar bata iss shehar me frustapa kisko nahi hai ...
Main kyu jhel raha hu ye sab...Kyu itni marwa raha hu apni...
kuch logo ke liye ye sab kar raha hu main ...Meri family, mere friends, meri fiancee.
Un sab logo ke kaaran main roj subah uthata hu na toh mujhe lagta hai ki aaj mujhe kuch karna hai ...
bhale se, upar building se tu khade hoke neeche dekhega na toh lagega ...
keedo ki baraat ja rahi hai, iss shehar me, theek hai, main uss baraat ka ek hissa ban na pasand karta hu...Sirf un logo ke liye..
Yaar, ambitions hai mere...isiliye ghar se itna door akela rah raha hu...
Dhang se khana nahi mil raha hai, kuch nahi ho raha hai, but rah raha hu...
Logo ko ummede hai mujhse yaar, mere ghar ko mujhse ummede hai...
Mere Dad, tere saamne phone aaya abhi.
2 mahine hai abhi diwali me, khud bhi pareshan ho rahe hai, mujhe bhi kar pareshan kar rahe hai...
Ticket kara lo, ticket kara lo.. kyu? Pyaar karte hai mujhse, isliye...
Ghar ko chhod yaar, mere dost...Tere dosto ki tarah unme se kisi ke paas BMW ya Merc nahi hai...
Un logo ki koi nightlife nahi hai...Farmhouse me jaake chill nahi maarte, *** nahi maarte...
But ek cheez mujhe acche se pata hai, ki agar mere ghar me kisi ko koi dikkat hui na...
Toh chahe raat ke 2 baj rahe ho chahe subah ke 5 baj rahe ho, wohi log usko Hospital leke jayenge...
Aur kabhi ghar khali hota hai na, toh padosiyo ka phone aa jaata hai ki ...
Beta Manish, kuch Ghar me khatpat sunai di hai..
Toh main kispe rely karu? Inhi dosto pe ...
Main inko call karta hu ki yaar please dekh lo...
10 gaali bakenge mujhe, but they will make sure that everything is alright there.
and then they will call me back ki yaar sab theek hai, tu chill maar...
Aur tu ye har hafte nayi nayi ladkiya lekar aa jaata hai ...
Break-up, Patch-up, Break-up, Patch-up, Relationship...
Yaar mera ek steady relationship hai.
Aur main jis ladki se pyaar karta hu na, wo ek small town se hai ...
Uski meri mentality match karti hai, koi supermodel ya superstar nahi hai wo...
She is my best friend n I love her.
Tujhe pata hai, din bhar apni maraane ke baad jab main ghar aata hu na...
toh woh raat ko ek call karti hai aur mujhse poochti hai ki aaj ka din kaisa tha, khana khaya ya nahi ...
Sahi batau yaar, poore din ki thakan utar jaati hai meri...
And I very well know, ki according to your 'standards', I might look like a loser...
But Rohan, atleast I am not a hypocrite.
I am happy. I really am.
'coz I value these small small things in my life.
n I would do anything, anything to keep them the way they are.
Samjha tu?
I guess, tu sahi kah raha hai... I mean ...
Look at me...
5 saal me 7 job change kar chuka hu...
koi relationship 6 mahine se jyada chalti nahi hai...
Ek dhang ki ladki mili thi,
Use bhi jaane diya commitment ke darr ki vajah se ...
Ek hi shahar me reh ke maa baap se baat hoti nahi... Hafte gujar jaate hai ek phone nahi aata hai...
For my family, I am just a check-book.
I owe more than I can repay to 40 different people in 4 different currencies.
My life is *** joke dude. Its a mess.
Chal chhod yaar, ye sab chhod, ye sab baatein chhod..
Ek kaam karte hai apan, try karte hai cable aa gaya ho shayad.
Swayamvar dekhenge.
Ohh teri, aa gaya! Aaja, Varmala ka time ho gaya hai.
Saala haraami.
Friends, family, fiancee. Friends, family, fiancee.
TV aate hi sab bhool gaya.
Kitni chhoti si zindagi hai iski,
But I'm jealous of him.
I wish I had a life like 'Yours'.
Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Marquez... I have read them all. Lekin baap ke muh se ek kahani nahi suni aaj tak.
Kahaani toh door ki baat hai, Gaali dene ki fursat nahi thi.
Haan, Mom ne jarur koshish ki thi.
5 saal ka tha, tab drawing class...
7 saal pe tennis coaching...
By the time I turned 14, I knew that...
I just wasn't good enough.
My parents wanted so much more from me...
and I just wanted a li'l more time.
Par fursat kahaan thi unhe...
Roj jhagda, roj jhagda ...
Aur wo hamara cook, Maharaj, wo kya cartoon tha...
Everytime they would fight, wo mereko gaajar ka halwa khila deta tha...
Kehta tha ye khane se dimaag shant ho jayega...
But, after a point, it stopped tasting sweet.
I left home but the bitterness never left me.
Maybe that is why I am so obsessed with the Apocalypse, the end, the destruction..
Not coz I want it to come to an end coz I couldnt care less.
However it ends, I dont give a *** if there is a twist or not.
I just want to see that...
When the end does come,
When the end does come,
Will I have anything to lose.