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This episode of Caps South is sponsored by
Nine Hour Energy...it's not ***!
[Death Metal Music]
Hey - How's the Congresswoman gonna vote on the Horse Slaughter Act?
Frankly, you need to back off!
You can't treat me like this, I'm the Fourth Estate!
I'll make you a ward of the state if you're not careful! Go after Elliott all you want but leave Gracie out of it!
Who gives a crap about Gracie, it's not like she's running for reelection.
Not necessarily true.
What? Are you saying that Congresswoman Englewright's gonna run for reelection?
That's off the record and frankly if I see anything printed about it in Politibuzz I will end you!
And that's a stupid *** hat!
[Upbeat Theme Song]
You need unlock the door. I can't get in.
Hold on.
Where's the driver at?
This is a driverless Google car.
Really? I've always wanted to ride one of these things.
Car! Can you rive me to Staten Square Google?
What - what are you doing?
We're in an Uber cab, right? This is an Uber cab?
No, why? Did you order an Uber cab?
No.
Ok, look - with Gracie not up for reelection, someone really needs to step up.
I'm thinking maybe someone handsome... someone politically connected...somebody savvy...
...maybe somebody who has a driverless Google Car.
I'll do it! But I'm gonna have to get one of these Google car things. How much do these cost?
I'm talking about me.
Oh right yeah. I'm sorry.
I have to get my driver's license renewed anyway so it would be kind of a hassle to get the Google car thing...who are you?
Oh, sorry...
[Changed Voice] Joe America! Pleasure to meet you!
Nice to me you Mister...America?
Yeah, it's a pleasure...don't take this wrong way...
I've worked in the district for six years I've never heard of a Joe America.
You kinda need name recognition if you're gonna be running for Congress...
Alright, look - my name is Mustafa Al Armageddon...
I filed paperwork to change my name to Joe America...
I feel it will resonate better with the voters in the 14th district.
Yeah, I'd say that's a fair shot, yeah... I think Mustafa is not really going to be the most relatable name...
Yeah, hold on - Mustafa Al Armageddon - you're already in the state assembly, aren't you? You're an assemblyman.
You're further west than us, though. You're not in our district.
Okay, technically, no - I'm not in your district...
...yet...but I'm working on it.
Like, you're moving to the district?
I just got on the redistricting committee...
I'm thinking maybe I'll do a little bit of creative geography and get myself in there.
I'll show you, I'll show you...I have a binder...
This is Leaky, Virginia.
This is where I live here.
Oh, that's nice! They've got that corn dog museum.
Yeah! Yeah! Air-conditioned and everything!
Joe: You know the old district used to be, you know...
Elliott: Yeah, it's kinda shaped like a box.
Joe: Yeah!
Elliott: It's like a rectangle...
Joe: Yeah! Polygons!
Joe: This...is what I have mind...
Elliott: A doughnut?
Joe: Yeah - I did the lines...it's like a frosting...
Elliott: Yeah it's clearly a doughnut. You've nailed that.
Joe: I traced it. It's still a little sticky.
Elliott: Right, but you see Fudd County here?
That's completely not in the... who's representing Fudd County?
Fudd County is the shoe! They are the dirt!
The particulate material on the bottom of the shoe of dirt! They are below dirt!
Elliott: Right...may I ask...
Elliott:...it is an excellent doughnut... Joe: It was.
Elliott: This is blatant Gerrymandering. Joe: Thank you.
Elliott: It wasn't a compliment. Do you not feel bad about manipulating
democracy to serve your whims...
Joe: You're talking to someone who changed his name to Joe America.
Yeah, that's a good point. Listen - this has been all ominous and fun and everything, but
...are you gonna kill me or can i just jump out of the car? I don't know what we're doing here...
Hahaha Elliott, please...I have no intention of killing you...
[LAUGHTER]
Joe: Not yet.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
Ok, so you get me Gracie's endorsement and you can be my personal campaign manager.
We win and you can be the Chief of the Staff!
We win two times...one one two...
...you can be...Vice Congressman!
Elliott: That's not a thing.
Joe: I think it's a thing. Google! Vice Congressman! Search it!
Ask Geeves!
It's gonna ask it.
Elliott: Before I talk to Gracie I'm gonna have to discuss things with my astrologer...and my girlfriend...
...she's not really my girlfriend...she might be my girlfriend we've been sleeping together...
...so I called my parents and I refer to her as my girlfriend in that capacity...
Joe: You go. Yeah. Maybe you go. Yeah. You go. You go. Google!
Elliott: Right now? It's raining. I don't have an umbrella...
Joe: Arab time. Tysons Two. Let's go!
Elliott: Wait - can you drop me off?
Joe: You just go - look, you have a street-
Elliott: I don't have my wallet with me.
Elliott: Can you make a phone call first?
Joe: You just go!
Elliott: I don't know where I'm at!
Joe: Google! Come on! Come on!
Joe: I'll see you at Gracie's farewell party you get me that endorsement!
Elliott: Right, but before you go...
Joe: Look, there's blue sky... there's air...it's all the same...
Joe: Come on! Let's go!
Elliott: I don't know where I am! I think I heard a gunshot noise!
Elliott: Hold on! Hold on! Don't go yet!
Elliott: Can I come back in?
Joe: Yeah, it's a window. Yeah. He's good.
Joe: He must have gone to college.
Joe: Well, that was fun, right? He was pretty nice. What do you think, Google?
[WOLVES HOWLING]
[BEEP BEEP BEEP]
Joe: Where I come from, you hear that...whoa!
[LAUGHTER]