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my name Dr Metropolis and I'm going to show you how to get out of
the city
over the many years of my vagrancy I've gained many techniques
the first thing we have to do
is stay calm
now when you're stuck in a city there are three vital things that you need
food, sex,
and shelter so i've just eaten breakfast
and it's daytime now so i don't need shelter yet
so basically i just need sex and seeing as there aren't actually any sheep
around here cows...
any other animals that i can perform my *** on
nor is my sister here so i can't perform any incenstual acts
i'm pretty much just going to have to jack myself off
ok first of all we've got to find a place to have a ***
now it's got to be descreet and sheltered from the general public
in the city there's alot more general public walking around
driving around so you can't just openly have a *** in the
middle of a paddock like you can do on your farm
with your horse and get him to suck you off
now i've found a bush over here and i think that looks like a pretty good
spot so let's go
[gasp] oh yeah
and megan fox and that horse
and *** I just *** on my hand
this is not good I've got about 5 minutes before this is gonna
cake on normally in a farm situation i'd just get
a cow to lick it off but in this situation there aren't any cows
around here so i'm just gonna have to wipe it off on an
unsuspecting passer by I think i've spotted one
there's a guy in a red shirt up there and
ok I think i'm gonna have to do this
ok I just had to run two blocks finally got rid of that guy off my back
pretty hot and sweaty now so i'm gonna have to go take a bath
hey do you know where a fountain is? there's a fountain there!
oh awesome thanks, cheers ok we've found a fountain
these are the city's natural baths my primary concern now
I've got wet hair I'm naked
I'm a prime target for homosexuals
I basically just need to dry myself off as quickly as possible
and get my clothes back on I'm just going to have to do that
by wiping myself on the lawn ok
now I can get my clothes back on I'm starting to get pretty hungry
the best place to find fresh food is closest to restaurants and fast food outlets
it's unfortunate that i've already had a bath because here are the cities natural bubble
baths
just found a rubbish bin located next to a fast food joint
perfect place to find food alright this is perfect
that guy there just dropped off a half eaten burger
into the bin are you guys serious?
perfect this is just what I need
now this food here is very nutritious
it's extremely high in preservatives and monosodium glutemate
stuff that nutritionists say are the best things you can eat
good ok i figured i needed some money to get out
of the city asking a few people
they said that k'rd was the best place but i needed a sign so i could sell myself
right now this looks like a pretty good spot 15? 15 bucks?
sweet mean
just sucked a *** got myself 15 bucks
and i think that's enough for a train out of the city
on my walk down here from k'rd i noticed a bridge
um its the perfect shelter to go to sleep
yep, this is the perfect spot here for me to stay the night
sheltered from rain and wind and believe it or not
there's actually a bum's home up here don't really want to have turf wars with this
bum so I'm just gonna move along down the other
end I've bathed naked
I've eaten food out of a rubbish bin and I've even sucked a dude off for cash
to get a train out of the city so right now I'm pretty tired
and I'm gonna head off to sleep and out of the city in the morning
I've just arrived here at the central hub for Auckland transport
can't wait to get home really get reunited with my horse Jasmine
and my sheep Dolly
train to papakura got my 15 dollars last night
and now I can head out of the city