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Um... Hello. Everybody on the internet.
I have a special surprise for you today.
Um... I call it my Devil Calculator.
And... Sorry if that offends anyone religious.
But this calculator IS possessed by the Devil.
Um, I broke it, originally, in Grade Nine.
Um, by kicking repeatedly against a wall.
Because it was one of those crappy merchandise, um, calculators.
That they, like, give away for free at events.
That like, folds open and props itself up.
And then you type on it and, mm...
It can't really do anything useful.
And then by highschool you need a graphing calculator.
So naturally we were just kicking it around.
And suddenly it, uh, started playing this freaky song.
I kid you not. Like, we kicked it into a wall
And it played this eerie little tune.
And then for a long time, if you like... squished it, it would maybe play the eerie tune.
And then the wires started to come out because of how poorly we treated it.
And so now you actually have to, like, mash the wires together.
To get it to play, like, the really weird song.
So, um, I'mm gonna try and get it to play for you.
It's, uh, pretty finicky, and it doesn't like being recorded.
... because it's possessed. [laughs]
So, uh, let's see if I can make this work for us.
[awkward silence]
Okay.
Um, you have touch this wire, there,
I'll get the wire to show against, like, my beautiful white skin.
This wire... will attach to this metal post.
[Eerie music]
And, uhhhh... That's the creepy song!
WHAT IS IT DOING ON A CALCULATOR!?
I don't know!
Anyways, uh... [laughs]
That's for all you guys who I've told the story of the Devil Calculator, but you've never heard it!
And now you've heard it.
So... Hope that this isn't like the ring and you all die in seven days.
And, uh... Devil Calculator.
Tell your friends.