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Why does my girlfriend act like my mother? I hate it.
There are studies that say we are attracted to people like our opposite sex parent.
I thought opposites attracted.
We’re attracted to opposites for short term relationships, probably to increase genetic
diversity. But for long term partners, we look for someone like the opposite sex parent
that raised us because that is our example of what a mate should be like.
I’m afraid that sounds like Freud. And I really don’t want to have sex with my mother,
or even someone like her.
Sometimes we seek out people who follow behavior patterns we are used to, even if we want to
escape them. For example, many people who grew up in alcoholic homes end up dating or
marrying alcoholics because that is the pattern that feels right.
Only because it is familiar. It’s the same reason girls who were abused end up with a
new abuser unless she gets a whole lot of counseling.
And no amount of self esteem lectures will fix it, only in depth counseling to fix the
odd pattern that she’s trying to fill. We’re instinctively attracted to what we grew up
with.
At least you’re saying I’m not subconsciously trying to have sex with my mother.
No, but you want to be with someone who treats you like her.
She nagged me, she lectured me and she didn’t show me proper respect.
She raised you, she loved you, and you associate those behaviors with that unconditional love.
Oh, there were plenty of conditions.
And what conditions does your current girlfriend put on it? Giving her things or giving in
to her?
It’s a really long list.
Something attracted you to her, or you wouldn’t be with her.
I don’t want to pay for counseling.
It’s cheaper in the long run than crying into your beer every weekend and running up
a big bar tab every time you break up with a girl.
This gives new meaning to the excuse it isn’t you, it’s me.