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Narrator: OCCASIONALLY, THE ARRIVAL OF SPRING IN KENTUCKY
COMES A LOT LATER THAN MOST FOLKS WANT.
[ COW MOOS ]
AND ONE MAN MAY HAVE THE CURE.
UH-HUH.
...YOU LOOK LIKE A BADGER.
EVERY YEAR, I ONLY GET MY HAIR CUT ONCE.
AND THAT'S IN THE SPRING...
'CAUSE MY HEAD GETS HOT.
EVERYBODY KNOWS SPRING AIN'T GONNA COME
TILL COOMER CUTS HIS HAIR.
OLD COOMER IS THE GROUNDHOG OF ADAIR COUNTY.
Jimmy: WHEN HE GETS HIS HAIR CUT,
YOU CAN GET READY TO PUT YOUR GARDEN OUT
AND PLANT YOUR TATERS 'CAUSE IT'S SPRINGTIME. [ LAUGHS ]
SEEN TRAVIS LATELY, MIKE?
NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM FOR A WHILE.
I WAS WONDERING IF HE GOT HIS HAIR CUT YET.
HEY, CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS [BLEEP]
WE DON'T GET A LOT OF BIG NEWS DOWN HERE.
I WISH COOMER'D HURRY UP AND GET THAT HAIR CUT.
IT'S COLD OUT HERE.
HE MAY HAVE AN OLD POSSUM LAID UP IN THAT HAIR STACK.
[ LAUGHS ]
WHEN YOU GONNA CUT THAT HAIR?
WHEN I GET READY TO CUT MY HAIR IS MY DAMN BUSINESS
AND AIN'T NOBODY ELSE'S. [BLEEP]
-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS
[ LAUGHS ]
[ ROOSTER CROWS ]
Narrator: IN KENTUCKY, WHEN THE WEATHER IS UNPREDICTABLE,
DRILLING CONTRACTS ARE IN SHORT SUPPLY.
SO THE PAGES HAVE DECIDED TO GET CREATIVE
AND SEEK OUT A CLIENT WHO LIVES WAY, WAY OFF THE BEATEN TRACK.
Ken: DRIVE RIGHT OUT OF THE RIVER?
YEAH, JUST HEAD RIGHT ON OUT OF THE DAGGONE RIVER HERE.
OUT THERE WENT A SNAKE.
BIGGER THAN [BLEEP] RIGHT THERE WENT IN THIS COLD WATER.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
TODAY, ME AND KEN'S GOING AFTER A REAL IMPORTANT DEAL
DEEP IN THE WOODS.
YOU SURE WE'RE NOT LOST?
WE HAVE TO HAVE THIS LEASE.
RIGHT ACROSS THE ROAD THERE WAS A WELL
THAT MADE 400 BARREL A DAY FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS OR OVER.
THIS LEASE COULD GET US $5 MILLION EASY.
SO WE GOT TO PLAY OUR CARDS RIGHT.
THE OWNER'S A LITTLE TOUGH TO WORK WITH.
[ CHAIN SAW REVVING ]
WELL, THERE'S REALLY NO OTHER WAY TO SAY IT.
HE'S JUST AN ONERY [BLEEP]
Bear Man: PEOPLE CALL ME BEAR MAN.
I MAKE BEARS WITH A CHAINSAW, AND I'M DAMN GOOD AT IT.
I STARTED CARVING WHEN I WAS A KID.
Coomer: BEAR MAN'S SO MEAN,
HE EATS DREAMS FOR BREAKFAST AND HOPES FOR DINNER.
THEN...
HE HAS PIE FOR DESSERT.
HE'S SO TOUGH, HE COULD KILL TWO STONES WITH ONE BIRD.
[ CHAIN SAW REVVING ]
[ CHAIN SAW REVVING ]
Jimmy: NOBODY'S EVEN SEEN BEAR MAN IN YEARS.
A MAN'S GOT TO BE CRAZY TO GO UP TO THAT OLD BOY'S HOUSE.
Ken: HE'S GOT A CHAIN SAW,
SO LET'S TRY TO BE A LITTLE NICER THAN NORMAL.
Dan: WELL, NOW, I MEAN, I'M ALWAYS NICE.
WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WELL, GO ON.
Dan: YOU JUST WATCH WHAT WE DO HERE.
I AIN'T SCARED OF NOTHING...
EXCEPT GIRL SCOUTS.
I DON'T WANT ANY COOKIES.
HEY, HOW YOU DOING, BEAR MAN?
[ CHAIN SAW WHIRRING ]
HEY, I COME TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT MAYBE DRILLING A WELL THERE.
I THINK MAYBE WE MIGHT COULD GET A BIG ONE.
WE'LL BE WILLING TO START RIGHT AWAY
TO DRILL YOU A WELL AND...
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
ARE YOU SURE?
[ WHIRRING CONTINUES ]
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT TELLING ME?
WELL, ME AND BEAR MAN MIGHT HAVE A LITTLE HISTORY.
WE WENT TO MIDDLE SCHOOL TOGETHER,
AND ONE TIME HE FELL ASLEEP IN MATH CLASS
JUST RIGHT BEFORE THE YEARBOOK PHOTO.
SO I DID WHAT ANY YOUNG MAN WOULD HAVE DONE.
I TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT.
GOOD JOB, MAN.
WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING? [BLEEP]
THAT'S THE WAY IT WAS DONE.
HELL, I DIDN'T EVEN THINK HE'D REMEMBER ME.
[ CHAIN SAW WHIRRING ]
I DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT FORGIVE AND FORGET.
SEE, PAGE, WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...
JUST LIKE THAT KISSING DISEASE.
KEEP THAT IN MIND, KIDS.
Narrator: WITH NEGOTIATIONS QUICKLY HEADING SOUTH FOR THE PAGES,
JIMMY RELIFORD HEADS NORTH
ON HIS WAY TO MEET A LOCAL CELEBRITY.
Jimmy: MAD DOG, WE'RE MEETING AN IMPORTANT CLIENT HERE,
AND I NEED YOU ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR TODAY.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT WOMEN JUST CAN'T RESIST MAD DOG.
HE'S GOT A STRANGE PULL OVER THE LADY KIND.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT YOU, MAD DOG.
IT'S A BLESSING AND A CURSE, JIMMY. IT SURE IS.
I'M LIKE CATNIP FOR GIRLS -- WOMAN-NIP.
PEOPLE IN THESE PARTS CALL MAD DOG A HOME WRECKER,
'CAUSE HE DROVE A TRUCK THROUGH SOMEONE'S HOUSE ON ACCIDENT.
GIRLS ALWAYS TELL ME I'M DRESSED LIKE I'M ASKING FOR IT.
BUT NOW YOU GOT TO CONTROL YOURSELF.
WE'RE MEETING AN IMPORTANT CLIENT HERE,
AND I CAN'T HAVE ANY OF YOUR SHENANIGANS.
WHO'S THE CLIENT?
I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.
[ LAUGHS ]
MY NAME IS MALLORY ERVIN.
AND I WAS MISS KENTUCKY IN 2009.
[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING ]
MY WHOLE LIFE, I'VE PLAYED TO WIN.
[ GUNSHOT ]
IF I WANT IT, I'M GONNA GET IT.
[ TINK! ]
CROWN -- CHECK.
HAIR -- CHECK.
CUTE BOYFRIEND?
STILL WORKING ON THAT ONE.
OH, MY GOD. DOES MY BUTT LOOK FAT?
AND MY VERY OWN OIL WELL -- WELL, THAT'S NEXT ON THE LIST.
[ TINK! ]
Narrator: MISS KENTUCKY'S 6,000-ACRE PLOT
ALREADY HAS THREE HIGHLY PRODUCING OIL WELLS.
DRILLERS BELIEVE A STRIKE HERE COULD BE WORTH 6 MILLION BUCKS.
PULL!
[BLEEP] DANG!
Mallory: WE'VE BEEN DRILLING FOR OIL ON OUR LAND
FOR SEVERAL GENERATIONS, AND THIS IS MY OPPORTUNITY.
[ GUNSHOT ]
SO I CALLED UP ANOTHER LOCAL CELEBRITY TO HELP ME OUT,
JIMMY RELIFORD.
PULL!
[ GUNSHOT ]
HEY, GUYS!
HEY. HOW YOU DOING THERE? YOU DOING ALL RIGHT?
THERE'S THINGS I ALWAYS LOVE TO AVOID
WHEN IT COMES TO THE LADIES.
BULLETS IS ONE OF THEM.
SO, I'M LOOKING TO DRILL FOR OIL ON MY FAMILY'S LAND.
I THINK WE GOT A REAL GOOD SHOT.
OH, WE'RE THE RIGHT DRILLERS, MA'AM.
[ CHUCKLES ]
DAMN, BOY!
NO FUNNY BUSINESS, MAD DOG.
JUST MONEY BUSINESS.
BUT IT'S UNDER ONE CONDITION.
OKAY.
ONLY IF YOU LET ME DRILL WITH YOU.
WE GOT A SAYING DOWN HERE IN KENTUCKY.
IF SHE'S GOT A GUN, THE ANSWER IS YES.
WHY, OF COURSE YOU CAN WORK ON OUR DRILL SITE.
YEAH, YEAH.
HAPPY TO HAVE YOU ON THE DRILL SITE.
WE HAVE HELMETS.
ALL RIGHT. [ LAUGHS ]
OH, THAT MAD DOG IS SURE CUTE.
I THINK I MAY HAVE JUST FOUND SOMETHING ELSE I WANT.
[ CHUCKLES ]
FOCUS, MAD DOG!
DATING CLIENTS GOES AGAINST THE DRILLERS' CODE.
THAT'S RIGHT UP THERE WITH DON'T EVER TALK ABOUT THE CODE.
OH [BLEEP]
Ken: WELL, THAT WENT REALLY WELL.
YOUR PERSEVERING ATTITUDE.
WELL, STICK IT UP YOUR BUTT.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. LET ME TRY IT.
WELL, THAT'S A JOKE.
[ CHAIN SAW REVVING ]
Ken: I FIGURED THESE TWO NEEDED A MEDIATOR,
'CAUSE SOMETIMES IF TWO [BLEEP] TRY TO COMMUNICATE,
ALL THEY DO IS BLOW GAS.
WHAT?
WATCH THIS, POPS. I'LL SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.
[ CHAIN SAW WHIRRING ]
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR JUST A MINUTE?
[ CHAIN SAW SHUTS OFF ]
LISTEN, I KNOW DAN'S HARD TO GET ALONG WITH SOMETIMES,
BUT TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK IT'D TAKE
FOR US TO COME UP HERE AND DRILL YOU A WELL.
LOOKS LIKE THE PAGES FINALLY GOT SOMEBODY IN CHARGE
THAT ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
AND IT AIN'T YOU, DAN. [ CHUCKLES ]
YOU CAN THANK ME LATER,
BUT I MADE A DEAL WITH HIM UNDER TWO CONDITIONS.
WHAT?
ME AND HIM'S GONNA DISCUSS AND LET HIM KIND OF PICK THE SPOT.
WELL, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
HE KNOWS NOTHING IN THE WORLD ABOUT THE OIL BUSINESS.
LISTEN, IT DON'T MATTER.
NOW, THE SECOND CONDITION YOU'RE REALLY GONNA LOVE.
WHAT'S THAT?
AS FAR AS ANY COMMUNICATION BETWEEN HIM AND YOU,
WE'RE NOT GONNA DO THAT.
I'M GONNA DO THE TALKING WITH HIM.
WELL, NOW, I DON'T LIKE THAT IDEA.
ACTUALLY, WHAT HE REALLY SAID
IS YOU CAN'T TALK TO HIM AT ALL.
AND IF YOU DO, HE'S GONNA CUT YOUR NUTS OFF WITH A CHAIN SAW.
AND HE CAN HANDLE A CHAIN SAW.
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
DAN BETTER JUST PLAY HIS CARDS RIGHT, THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY,
'CAUSE I AIN'T IN THE BEST MOOD ANYWAY.
NO.
I HAVE A FEELING DAD'S GONNA HAVE A HARD TIME
SITTING IN THE BACK SEAT ON THIS ONE.
[ SCOFFS ]
BACK SEATS ARE FOR BABY MAKING.
AND I SURE DON'T WANT ANY MORE BABIES.
WELL, BEAR MAN, WE'RE GETTING STARTED, AIN'T WE?
HERE COMES THE RIG.
TODAY'S THE FIRST DAY OF DRILLING
OVER ON MY BEAR MAN LEASE.
YOUR LEASE?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TO ME.
OH.
WILL YOU STOP?
OH, THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
HEY, LARRY, CAN YOU LEVEL THE TRUCK UP A LITTLE?
THIS LOCATION IS MUDDIER THAN HELL.
WE GOT TO LEVEL OUT OUR EQUIPMENT,
AND GUESS WHO'S GONNA DO IT.
[ GRUNTS ]
CAREFUL, DAN. WATCH YOUR BACK THERE.
TURN IT.
AND WHERE'S MY BELOVED SON WHILE I'M DOING ALL THIS WORK?
Dan: WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON?
I'M WORKING, TOO. IT'S CALLED CLIENT RELATIONS.
THAT AIN'T NOTHING BUT BULL [BLEEP]
UH-HUH.
COME ON, KEN!
GET OVER HERE IF YOU DON'T CARE AND HELP US OUT, MAN.
HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU?
HE CAN BE A REAL ORNERY OLD [BLEEP]
I THINK I JUST MAY HAVE CREATED A MONSTER WITH THIS DEAL.
YOU READY TO FIRE THIS THING UP AND GET STARTED?
LET'S DO IT.
Bear Man: [ LAUGHS ]
THAT'S WHERE WE'RE GONNA BE.
I'VE DONE ALL THAT WORK, AND I STILL GET NO RESPECT.
THIS CRAP IS DRIVING ME NUTS.
LOOK LIKE KEN'S GOT HIS DADDY'S BIG-BOY PANTS ON TODAY.
PRETTY SMALL IN THE CROTCH, AIN'T THEY?
[ CHUCKLES ]
THIS IS THE MORNING OF THE MISS KENTUCKY DRILL.
WE HAVE THE RIG SET UP,
BUT WE'RE WAITING FOR OUR CLIENT TO GET HERE.
THERE SHE IS NOW.
Freddy: WHO'S THAT?
BELIEVE IT'S MISS KENTUCKY COMING IN, FREDDY.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT. LET HER COME.
HOW YOU DOING?!
ARE YOU READY TO WORK?
IS THIS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO WEAR?
WELL, YEAH, YOU LOOK FINE. YOU'LL PROBABLY GET DIRTY.
YEAH? THAT'S ALL RIGHT. LONG AS YOU THINK I LOOK GOOD.
YEAH, YOU LOOK GOOD.
I'M TRYING TO KEEP COOL.
BUT NOTHING'S HOTTER THAN A LADY IN OVERALLS.
WELL, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T CARE TO GET DIRTY.
WELL, I'M READY. WE GONNA STRIKE SOME OIL?
YEAH, WE GONNA STRIKE OIL.
ALL RIGHT.
CAREFUL THERE, MISS KENTUCKY.
MAD DOG DON'T HAVE ALL HIS SHOTS YET.
YOU'RE SO PRETTY.
WELL, THANK YOU.
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET TO WORK.
Narrator: THE PLAN IS TO DRILL DOWN TO 900 FEET
AND HOPEFULLY STRIKE A $6-MILLION PAY DAY
IN THE STONEY RIVER ROCK FORMATION.
WHERE'D YOU GET THEM WORK BOOTS AT, THE COWBOY STORE?
I TOLD YOU I WAS HERE TO WORK.
YEAH. ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET YOU SOMETHING TO DO.
MAD DOG, ARE YOU DRILLING OR DATING?
LIKE THAT.
'CAUSE I'M STARTING TO THINK
YOU SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT THAT GIRL SOME FLOWERS.
ALL RIGHT, I TRUST YOU, MAD DOG.
[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]
AAH!
AAH! AAH! WAIT!
[ LAUGHS ]
OKAY, OKAY, I GOT IT!
MAD DOG, YOU ARE SO STRONG.
UH-HUH.
IT'S HARD WORK, MAD DOG.
IT'S KIND OF HARD TO DO IT.
UH-HUH.
MAN, SHE'S A LOT PRETTIER THAN MAD DOG'S LAST GIRLFRIEND.
AND SHE AIN'T IN JAIL. [ LAUGHS ]
James: OH, COME ON.
WHAT HE GOT THAT I DON'T GOT?
THIS IS GRAY LIMESTONE.
MAD DOG, YOU'RE LIKE A SCIENTIST.
THAT'S ME.
AH, I DON'T THINK SO.
YEAH. ALL RIGHT!
I SHOULD PUT A STOP TO THIS BEFORE IT GETS OUT OF HAND.
KEEP ON DRILLING.
OR I COULD PUT A STOP TO IT LATER.
OH, MAD DOG. YOU'RE SO SWEET.
Narrator: OVER AT THE BEAR MAN LEASE,
THE DRILL RIG IS DOWN 800 FEET AND MAKING STEADY PROGRESS.
Dan: I'M SICK OF BEING DISRESPECTED BY THAT DAMN BEAR MAN,
SO I'M SITTING THIS ONE OUT.
WELL, THAT'S REAL MATURE.
OH, SHUT YOUR MOUTH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT GUY.
HELL, HE DON'T JUST LOOK CRAZY.
HE IS CRAZY.
WONDER WHAT THE HELL HE THINKS HE'S CARVING OUT NOW.
WHERE IS THAT DARN BEAR MAN?
I'M WATCHING YOU, DAN.
DAMN CRAZY MAN.
HELLFIRE, THAT MAN'S A MANIAC.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
WHO KNOWS WHAT THAT MAN'S GONNA DO NEXT?
HE MAY TAKE A CRAP RIGHT NEXT TO MY CAR.
GONNA HAVE A CHAIN SAW MASSACRE HERE.
[ LAUGHS ]
Dan: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
BEAR MAN IS FOR SURE, NO QUESTION ABOUT IT,
ONE OF THE WORST HEMORRHOIDS I'VE EVER HAD.
Jimmy: EVERYBODY AROUND TOWN IS GETTING ANTSY.
WE NEED COOMER TO CUT HIS HAIR SO SPRING CAN SPRING.
Coomer: WELL, I RECKON IT'S ABOUT TIME.
[ CLIPPERS WHIRRING ]
[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]
FINALLY, THE SUN'S SHINING!
I GUESS YOU COULD SAY SPRING IS IN THE HAIR.
THAT'S THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD.
Narrator: AT THE BEAR MAN LEASE,
THE PAGES ARE DOWN TO 1,400 FEET IN THE MURFREESBORO PAY ZONE,
AND THEY'RE PICKING UP STRONG SIGNS OF OIL.
WE COULD HIT THAT $5-MILLION WELL ANY MINUTE.
BOY, IT'S A DAMN SHAME TO HAVE ONLY ONE MAN BE WORKING.
WALK RIGHT THIS WAY. STRAIGHTEN THAT UP RIGHT THERE.
RIGHT HERE THERE'S A BAD PLACE.
STEP RIGHT OVER THERE.
SHUT UP, KEN!
DAN, YOU BETTER DO WHAT YOU'RE TOLD.
THE SMART ONE'S IN CHARGE NOW.
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]
Dan: IF WE DON'T HIT,
THERE'S NO TELLING WHAT THAT MANIAC BEAR MAN MIGHT DO.
COME ON OUT OF THERE, OIL.
LOOKY THERE!
HEY, THAT'S OIL, MAN.
WHOO!
Jimmy: DAN PAGE IS LUCKY.
BEAR MAN ALMOST GAVE HIM A CHAIN SAW HAIR CUT.
AND THEM WIGS HE WEARS ARE EXPENSIVE.
[ LAUGHS ]
ALL RIGHT!
YOU'VE GOT TO BE...
DON'T MAKE NO DIFFERENCE. WE'RE MAKING MONEY.
Dan: WELL, I SPENT ABOUT $25,000 ON THIS DRILL FROM HELL.
BUT WE DID HIT ABOUT A 10-BARREL-A-DAY WELL.
I GUESS THAT MEANS I'M GOOD AT BEING IN CHARGE.
AIN'T NO END TO THIS [BLEEP]
Narrator: AT THE MISS KENTUCKY DRILL SITE,
THE CREW IS NEARING THE PAY ZONE,
WHICH CAN'T COME SOON ENOUGH FOR OLD MAD DOG.
I HOPE WE HIT THAT OIL SOON.
RESISTING MISS KENTUCKY'S CHARMS IS HARD WORK, MAN.
YEAH?
I CAN'T WAIT. [ LAUGHS ]
LET'S GO!
Jimmy: I COME HERE TO CHECK ON MAD DOG,
MAKE SURE HE'S MAKING PROGRESS AND NOT MAKING GOOGLY EYES.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
SO, I HAVE MY FRIEND JENNIFER HERE FOR MORAL SUPPORT.
[ WOOFS ]
Mallory: IF WE STRIKE OIL,
I REALLY WANT TO BUILD A NEW SCHOOL IN MY HOMETOWN.
I WANT TO START A PROGRAM FOR ADULT ILLITERACY,
AND I WANT TO STOP HOMELESSNESS, CURE HUNGER, STOP CANCER.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ WHIMPERING ]
Y'ALL MAKING ME NERVOUS.
Mad Dog: WHOO!
YEAH!
YES! [ LAUGHS ]
[ LAUGHS ]
YES!
MADE HIS DAY!
[ GASPS ]
AH!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH! MWAH! [ LAUGHS ]
Coomer: IF THINGS DON'T WORK OUT WITH MAD DOG,
THERE'S TRUCKLOADS OF DRILLERS OUT THERE, MISS KENTUCKY...
LIKE JAMES OR FREDDY.
MISS KENTUCKY HAS GOT HERSELF A 36-BARREL-A-DAY WELL.
NOW, THAT'S A PRIZE FIT FOR A BEAUTY QUEEN.
[ LAUGHS ]
I'LL EVEN OPEN THE DOOR FOR YOU.
OH!
WHOEVER THOUGHT OF THE PHRASE "DUMB LUCK"
MUST HAVE HAD MAD DOG IN MIND.
IS THERE A MR. KENTUCKY?
[ LAUGHS ] ALL RIGHT, MAD DOG.
KEN, IS THIS YOUR IDEA?
Ken: BEAR MAN WAS SO TICKLED THAT WE HIT HIM OIL
THAT HE MADE US A THANK-YOU GIFT.
HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU FIGURE THAT THAT LOOKS LIKE ME?
IT'S ALL IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.
WHAT IS THIS DEAL DOWN HERE IN THE CROTCH THERE?
THAT'S YOUR ***.
[ BOING! ]
LITTLE ***.
YOU AIN'T GONNA THANK HIM?
IF IT'D HAD A GREAT OL' BIG 'UN HANGING ON THERE,
I MIGHT HAVE APPRECIATED THAT.